Class Clown (The Thornback Society #4)

13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Ruby’s Truth: Too much sass will give you a cold.

Saturday afternoon found me wrapped in a blanket in Cole’s office with a stack of tissues, slightly mentally compromised by cold meds, texting my friends. I was wearing a pair of flannel pajamas with my hair pulled up into such a messy bun that it resembled tangled yarn plopped on my head.

I needed my besties.

Update: Gina loves Nico. Nico does not love Gina. Gina kissed Nico on the cheek and I got mad because Nico keeps giving me tingles. I told Nico that I know he used to hate me. I’m now sick with a cold, and my stalker is not going anywhere. Which congressman can I write to about these issues?

Meredith: How many shots of cold medicine did you take before sending this?

Aryn: I’m guessing at least three. The bottle lies to be safe, but you can totally take more. Ruby’s a nurse, she knows this.

Lizzie: Stalker???

Hailey: You’re still getting tingles?

Meredith: A congressperson will not care about these issues. I suggest a hit man.

Meredith: Scratch that, my boyfriend says typing that even in text form can get me in trouble. I’d suggest you all date a lawyer.

Lizzie: I repeat – stalker? ?

Aryn: The stalker is a porcupine. We talked about it in that group call a while back.

Lizzie: Shoot. I was hoping it had upgraded to human.

Me: You want me to be stalked?

Lizzie: Don’t *you* want you to be stalked?

Me: (thinking emoji) Actually, yes.

Hailey: Back to the tingles . . .

Aryn: And the kissing.

Meredith: Who is Gina?

Me: Time for a conference call.

It took a few minutes to get all my best friends on the phone, but when we were all there it was worth the hassle.

Meredith kicked things off. “Fair warning, I’m on speaker phone so that Brooks can listen in. His interest was piqued because I was using voice-text and he heard me mention cold medicine, congressmen, and hitmen. But he swears he won’t comment unless it becomes legally required.”

Brooks was Meredith’s incredibly lovely boyfriend, and he had sort of become our resident lawyer once they’d laid down their weapons of war.

“I accept,” I said.

“Start at the top,” Aryn stated. “Gina and Nico. Explain.”

“Alright. You all know how I fell down on a hike and Gina recklessly came to save me but hurt herself instead and Nico had to piggyback her down the mountain,” I began.

Lizzie groaned. “How did I miss this?”

“You’re living in la-la-love-land with Jackson. Do you read your texts?” Meredith asked.

“Brooks, please note her offensive tone,” Lizzie argued. “I read them.”

“Brooks is not mediating our conversation.” Meredith chuckled. “He’s here in case lines get crossed that would put us in prison.”

“Being mean to your best friend is crossing a line,” Lizzie stated.

“Back to Nico and Gina,” Aryn pleaded.

“Alright.” I cleared my throat, which burned, so I had to cough and take a sip of tea. Tea that Nico had prepared. Tingles tea. “Nico carried Gina out to safety. Gina fell a little bit in love.”

“Obviously,” Aryn said.

“Who wouldn’t?” Lizzie agreed.

“It’s a given,” Hailey added .

Meredith, who’d never appreciated a good rescue, remained silent, which made it all the funnier when Brooks piped in with, “Even my heart is going pitter-pat.”

We all laughed, and I coughed a few more times before continuing. “So, now Gina is all over him and a few days ago at the lake she kissed him on the cheek,” I grumped. “It was the worst. I told him it wasn’t okay behavior for coworkers on duty.”

“Valid,” Meredith agreed.

“I was possibly a little annoyed about it, and maybe harder on him that I needed to be,” I admitted.

“Because of the tingles.” Hailey sympathized.

“Exactly.” I sighed. “He accused me of being angry, to which I told him my feelings shouldn’t weigh in, and he told me my feelings matter to him.”

“Alright, that is so sweet.” Lizzie gasped.

“I know. Then I really lost my mind by telling him the only way to fix this mess was by being less attractive either physically or socially, and I’d suggest socially since he was the worst as a teenager. Then, I reminded him about how he’s always hated me. And he said he’d never hated me, but he was shy, and I told him that we could consider the air cleared and be friends.”

They were all thoughtfully silent for a few seconds.

“Okay,” Meredith said. “This is not a big deal. You stated your own personal truth that you two have never gotten along. You gave him solid advice about not fraternizing with coworkers. I think it’s fine. He has nothing to take issue with.”

Aryn laughed. “You basically told him that the situation with Gina bothers you. Translation, you’re jealous.”

“No, no,” Lizzie entered. “My take is that she told him he needed to be careful because . . . yeah, nope, I’m with Aryn.”

I groaned. “What is happening?”

A low male throat clearing announced that Brooks was still there. “Uh, if it helps, there’s a chance he’s as confused as you are. He did a good thing by helping Gina, and in return she’s after him and you’re mad at him.”

“Possibly.” I sighed.

“You’re still finding yourself attracted to him?” Hailey asked.

“It’s sort of worse now that I know he didn’t hate me when we were younger and he’s been so thoughtful a few times.”

“The thoughtful things melt me too.” Lizzie soothed. “You’d have to be a robot to not love that.”

“Or, in a really solid and loving relationship with your own dream guy,” Meredith added, and we all cracked up again as Brooks mumbled, ‘thanks babe’.

“What kind of things are we talking about here?” Aryn asked.

I toyed with the edge of my blanket and cleared my throat. “It’s nothing big, really, just little things. Like, after the day at the reservoir I was sunburned and some lotion showed up on my dresser. Or, that day I fell down on the hike he left me some ibuprofen and a cup of water, and made me some tea to help me warm up. I was at the main lodge during a rain storm one night and he brought me a poncho for the walk back to our cabin. And sitting in front of me is a cup of tea he gave me to help with my cold.”

It had gotten really quiet and I knew they were all melting on the insides as they listened. I listened to the echo of my words and realized that Nico had been looking out for me in subtle little ways for a long time.

“Guys,” I whispered. “I’ve never, ever had a person see my discomfort and do something about it.”

“No wonder you’re smitten with this guy,” Lizzie said. “It’s incredibly sweet.”

“Whoa,” I defended. “Who said smitten?”

“Infatuated?” Lizzie supplied.

“Absolutely not,” I stated.

“You know what this means, Rubes?” Hailey asked softly. “It means he’s been watching, and seeing you.”

“I’m getting butterflies myself right now,” Aryn said. “I’d take those small gestures over something large any day of the week.”

They were right and it was not helping with my growing interest in the man – which was completely against my plans.

“Brooks is taking furious notes right now,” Meredith joked, breaking the warm, crawling feeling that had been wrapping me up. “Small gestures equals happy girlfriend.” We all laughed.

“What are you going to do?” Aryn asked.

“Well, I think he must have spoken to Gina because she’s been mopey and kept her distance, so that problem is solved,” I replied. “As for my personal issues with a chemical reaction inside my brain, I mostly plan to pretend I’m fine until I’m actually fine.”

Meredith hummed. “Denial. My favorite.”

“Ah, the makings of a great romance,” Lizzie cracked.

“Are you still hoping to match him up with Kristy?” Meredith asked.

I wanted to say yes, definitely, but I hesitated and they all understood it. Thoughtful silence ruled for a moment until Hailey intervened.

“We support you Ruby, genuinely. Whatever that looks like, and however you feel.”

Tears, hot and unexpected, flew to my eyes and I dabbed at them, unable to speak. Meredith jumped in to change the subject.

“Now, what about your stalker?” she asked.

“Stalker?” Brooks hollered into the phone. “Why didn’t we lead with that?”

“Again, it’s a porcupine,” Aryn stated.

“Brooks was out of the room when that was discussed. He had to get a notebook,” Meredith teased.

“A porcupine?” Brooks mumbled. I could picture him shaking his head, and scratching at his dark beard. It cheered me up entirely. “Alright . . ..”

“Quinn is relentless,” I replied. “Cole says he spoke with the forest rangers, but so far, since he isn’t aggressive and only follows me, they aren’t exactly hustling to relocate him.”

A throat cleared. “Um, am I to understand that you’ve named him?” Brooks asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “He’s a porcupine hit man biding his time before he quills me and calls you all for ransom money. He needed a name.”

“We aren’t supposed to talk about hitmen,” Meredith reminded.

“Even if it’s an animal?” I asked.

“Great.” Brooks clapped his hands together. “And that’s my cue to head out. You ladies enjoy the rest of your conversation. Rubes, always a pleasure. I’ll leave you with a reminder that congressmen do not need letters about wayward porcupines.”

“Maybe a congressmen would love a letter like that,” Meredith argued on a laugh. “Might make his day.”

“I stand corrected, as usual. Good night, ladies.” Brooks laughed too and left the room .

“I’m searching online while we talk, and it says porcupines are attracted to salty things, and especially like human sweat,” Lizzie said. “They’re into things like ax handles or boat oars, items that people have left sweat marks on.”

I squeaked. “Oh my gosh, I sweat so much. It wants to take me back to its lair as a salt lick.”

“Did you also know that they can scream?” Lizzie continued.

“Fantastic. Now I have to worry about it screaming outside my window at night. I can’t live like that.” I half cried, half giggled. “This is the most ridiculous thing ever.”

“I’ll bet Nico would take care of it for you,” Aryn joked.

I slumped. “Nico refuses to give up any military strategy secrets, and Cole finds it hilarious. I wouldn’t be surprised if they try to help it stow away in my car at the end of camp.”

“Tell him you’re scared. I’ll bet an ex-Marine would really go for the damsel in distress thing,” Lizzie said.

“I’ve never been, nor will I ever be, a damsel in distress,” I responded.

“That’s right.” Hailey joined in. “Don’t change yourself to trap this guy. Trap him with the real Ruby.”

They all cheered, with one of them doing a very impressive whistle.

“You guys are no help.” I moaned.

“Ah, Rubes, we just want you to be happy. You’re having a lot of adventures this summer, and we’re jealously living through you. Have fun with it.” Aryn soothed.

“And maybe lay off the cough syrup,” Meredith added.

After another half hour of them catching me up on their lives, we said our goodbyes. My nose was running, my eyes burned, and my throat ached as I gathered myself up and began the trek back to Funky Bunks.

Night had fallen by the time I stepped outside, but it was still light enough to see Quinn rise from his resting position and begin to waddle after me.

“Are you hoping to lick the sweat off my cold, dead arms or something?” I called to him.

A booming laugh sounded ahead of me and I spun to see Cole coming up the path from our cabin. “Please tell me I heard that wrong. ”

I grinned, coughed, sniffled, and stopped walking when we had closed the distance. “Did you know porcupines like human sweat? I think that’s why he’s following me.”

Cole’s grin flashed and he patted my shoulder. “Hey, don’t sell yourself short, you have a lot of winning attributes that would make you attractive to the native rodent population.” He looked closer at me and stepped away. “You’re sick.”

“Yep. Great detective work.” I took out a tissue and blew my nose.

“I’m sleeping at the lodge until you’re better. I can’t afford to get sick. Too much to do.”

“No, you will not leave me alone in that cabin with Nico.” I shook my head firmly. “Either you stay, or you both go.” His jaw set. “Seriously, Cole. I don’t blame you for wanting to stay healthy. I’ll sequester myself behind my curtain and wipe down everything, but you can’t abandon me.”

“Do you have masks in the health center?”

“Yes. I’ll happily wear one.”

“Fine, wait here. I’ll go grab them, and the paperwork I was going to the lodge for.” He turned and began walking, but tossed over his shoulder. “Do not go in the cabin until you’re masked.”

He’d said nothing about sitting on the cabin steps while I waited, and my head felt a little swirly, so I shuffled my way down the gravel path, and plopped down on the wooden steps. I was honestly a little warm in the blanket, but then a chill swept through me and I groaned. Heat and chills together were not a good sign. This wasn’t going to be a quick sickness. I bent forward and leaned my head on my knees.

The back door cracked open and light spilled out onto the steps and pathway in front of me.

“Ruby?” Nico asked. I made a noise of agreement. “Why are you sitting on the stairs? It’s cold out and you’re sick.”

“Cole says I have to stay outside until he brings me a mask. He doesn’t want to get sick too.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’ve been sick all day and he didn’t complain.” His footsteps sounded on the wood next to me as he descended to stand on the path facing me. “Do you think it’s more than a simple head cold?”

“Yeah. Cough, sore throat, stuffy nose, headache, chills. Think I might be getting a fever.”

“Do you need medicine? ”

I looked up and grinned. “Oh, I think I’ve had enough.” I put my face back down. “I just want to get in bed, but my dictator brother gave me orders, which I will obey.”

“Well, he didn’t give me orders. Come on.”

He stepped forward and gently wrapped a hand around my arm, over the blanket. With a slight tug he had me standing and directed me to turn. His hand moved to my back, nudging me up the stairs and through the door. I coughed and he rubbed a light circle against my shoulder before dropping his hand.

“What’s the worst part?” he asked.

“Knowing that a porcupine might be the only man who ever truly stays by my side,” I responded, feeling tears well up, as I reached my sheet curtain and pulled it aside. “Please tell Cole it’s your fault I’m in here unmasked.”

His answer was too quiet to understand, and I fell onto my bed, rolled to my side, and promptly fell asleep.