Clusterpuck (Vegas Crush #9)

34. I’m in Love with My Wife!

34 /

i’m in love with my wife!

Tripp

Young Axl and I are in the gym together. It’s a weekly thing we do now, and I usually enjoy his incessant chatter. Who knows when that started, but whatever. Today it’s annoying.

“You okay, man?” he asks when I sort of snap at him about shutting the fuck up.

“Yeah, your mouth just never stops running.”

“Sorry.”

I stop my bicep curls and sigh. “No, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I’m just dealing with a personal issue.”

“Do you want to talk about it? I mean, shit, you’ve been listening to me all season.”

“Nah, I’m good.” But the more I think about it, the more I realize I do want to talk—just not to a rookie youngster from the taxi squad.

As we finish up our set, I tell the kid I’ll see him later and head out, wandering around the facility, looking for the team captain. Eventually, I find him in the Crush Foundation office. He’s talking to the people that, I assume, will be his staff once he officially comes off the ice and into this new role. Something about continuing the Boys and Girls Club programming, but also looking at the league’s commitment to supporting cancer causes.

I lurk awkwardly until he finally dismisses the team and asks what’s up.

“Can we grab a bite to eat or something?”

He stares at me, eyes narrowed, like he’s trying to read my mind. “Yeah, okay.”

We head to the arena pub, ordering before talking. I can tell he’s waiting for me to do the talking.

“I’ve never been that good at making connections,” I say, finally. “The few times I have haven’t worked out so well. And I know I’m not an easy guy to get to know. Always been that way.”

“Listen, mate, just spit it out. Whatever you need to talk about. Just say it.”

“I’m in love with my wife!” I blurt out the words far too loudly for a restaurant conversation.

Evan’s eyes go wide and then he laughs. “Um, good?” He chuckles again and then adds, “But I didn’t know you were married.”

“I wasn’t.” I take a shaky breath. “Ah, fuck. This is such a long fucking story.”

“We haven’t even gotten our meal.”

I tell him my story. I tell him all about Lila. About how I was always this older brother to her, but then, when she turned sixteen, I just saw her differently. And I felt sick about it, felt like a pervert. So, I tried to stay away. But she had a thing for me, too. And fast forward six years and she’s a grown woman and she wants me, and I don’t say no.

“So, you were snowed in, and she made the moves, and you feel like you were weak when you gave into this desire you’ve harbored for all these years?”

“It’s not right, man. I’m thirteen years older than she is.”

“But you didn’t act on it when she was underage.”

“No. I would never.”

“And so, what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I got her pregnant.”

I tell him about Max, Lila’s inheritance of the team. I tell him about how we grew up in resolutely Catholic families. I tell him about my weird proposal, about our great first night together and everything that followed.

“She doesn’t love me,” I admit. “She didn’t want any of this. Hell, I didn’t want it either. But I do now. I’m an idiot and I fell in love with her. I might have always been in love with her. And I want to be a husband and a father. I want us to be a family.”

“And you’re sure she doesn’t feel the same?”

“She was so upset when we went to the first appointment. Really overwhelmed, I guess. The baby is due right around the time she’s supposed to move to Ohio for her graduate program. Oh, and the other night in Anaheim? She just showed up after. We had a weird conversation, and I almost told her how I feel about her but it just felt like she would tell me to fuck off. We argued some more, and then, like a fucking asshole, I walked out of the restaurant and left her sitting there all alone. A little later she showed up to my room, fucked me on the couch, and then told she’d start the annulment paperwork in the morning before walking out the door.”

“Whoa.” Evan puts his hands up to his head and makes like an explosion.

Tell me about it, Captain.

The waitress brings our food, and I can see Evan’s wheels spinning.

“My mind is blown. I mean, I’ve seen some crazy love stories unfold around here, but this one might take the cake.”

“That is in no way helpful. What do I do?”

“Well, I suppose I can’t really answer that for you, now can I? What are you willing to do for love?”

The bite I’ve taken gives me a moment to think. “You know, when I came here, I really just wanted one more good season. I’ve known Max most of my life, and he offered me one last chance at glory. I had no plan after that, no horizon. I didn’t care about settling down. Definitely didn’t want kids. It felt like those things were all out of reach for me and I was okay with it. I really was.”

“But then you got your socks knocked off.”

“They got knocked off a long time ago. It’s embarrassing, really. She’s so young.”

“She is,” Evan agrees, “but I think you know that your feelings for her probably evolved over time. And you kept it to yourself; you didn’t act on anything you were feeling.”

“Until one dark and snowy night,” I say with a dark chuckle. “She was, er , very persistent.”

“And ovulating,” Evan points out.

I shoot him a look as he laughs. “Do you think she might love you as well?”

“No. I think she’s attracted to me, but as a person? I think she hates me. And who wouldn’t? I’ve ruined her life.”

“Well, last I checked, it takes two to tangle, mate. She’s probably not sitting around thinking that you’ve ruined her life, only that she wouldn’t have chosen to have a child right now when her career and education are her priority. And I doubt she’d have married you if she really hated you.”

“You think?”

“She’s not an idiot, Tripp. She’s a smart, educated young woman. She wouldn’t have stood there and exchanged vows if she didn’t at least hope that things would work out. Why do you think she hates you, beyond the situation of an unexpected pregnancy?”

“Look, I know I’m a pain in the ass. I know I don’t say the right thing, like, ever. I’m not woke or modern or whatever young women want these days.”

“I can say with some certainty that I’ve learned that people screw things up royally when they don’t have some kind of communication happening. You might be right; she might not want a baby right now. She might feel trapped by this arrangement and scared about the future. She might not like you very much outside of the bedroom. But she also might care about you. She might want you to step up and be a good partner. She might just need you to tell her that you care, that you’ll be there. That you’ll support her and be a father for your kid.”

I can only stare at him.

“Tell her how you feel.”

I know what I need to do.