Cocky Secrets (Cocker Brothers #29)

15. Sage

FIFTEEN

Sage

I t’s been seven days since Atlas turned me down and subsequently did exactly what I predicted he would — tell all The Ciphers in our generation that I had asked him to help me secretly meet up with Bear. Luke, Sofia Sol, Celia, Sean. Told even Shay and Mylar. He can’t keep a secret. I can. Nobody knows yet that Shay and Mylar aren’t going to become true Ciphers. I haven’t told a soul that they plan to travel the world.

I’m going crazy in this place.

Usually I spend my time with everyone. If they’re in the living room, I’m in the living room. If they’re outside training, I’m outside cheering them on. If they’re in the sitting room, I’m in my corner happily painting away. Always near to them, is where my place has been for my whole life.

But now, being with them feels like hanging out with my jailers.

In the solitude and comfort of my bedroom I flip through a magazine, the pages crinkling under my fingers. I can’t focus on the words. My mind keeps drifting back to thoughts of Bear, the way his touch echoes in my being and how his presence made everything feel right. I glance at the clock, wondering what he’s doing. Why didn’t I get his phone number? I could have snuck a call to him from our land line, where none would have been able to see who I called, or that a call was made at all. Unless they list outgoing calls on the phone bill, a detail I’m ignorant of. Still, I’d try.

I hear the familiar creak of floorboards, signaling my mother’s approach. She enters the room with a soft sigh, her expression a mix of concern and understanding. I know she’s aware of my feelings for Bear, and it makes my heart race, a mix of hope and frustration bubbling inside me. Will she help me?

“Sage,” she begins, her voice gentle, “I know you want to see Bear.”

I nod, unable to speak.

“You haven’t been eating with us. Have you been eating at all?”

Nodding, “It’s just…” I finally manage to say, my voice barely above a whisper, “How am I ever supposed to date anyone ?” It’s a tactic for arguing my point, when in fact I want to see nobody besides him.

Mom sits down with me, her hand resting on my knee. “If Bear weren’t a cop, things would be different,” she replies, eyes softening. “But you know how the club is. They live for their missions. Think of all the people they’ve saved.”

“I know, Mom. I’m not trying to be selfish, even though I know now that it is. I’m just…not a Cipher and I want to know where my place is in all of this. Where do I have a life, or do I just live in complement to theirs? Be here as a cheerleader. That’s all.”

“You never complained about it before.”

“I hadn’t met someone who makes me feel the way that Bear makes me feel, before.”

“It won’t work, Sage.”

“If you just came in to tell me that, you wasted your time.”

Mom blinks at me. “That’s not a nice tone of voice.”

I sigh, “I’m sorry, Mom, but I need solutions. Not more telling me about the problem. What if…” I move to sitting on my calves, feet tucked. “What if Bear was the kind who looked away, like our doctor? We told him what The Ciphers do and he still comes and cares for us when there are bullet and knife wounds, no questions asked! What if Bear could be like that!”

“The chances are slim, Sage. And a doctor isn’t attached to the law in the way a police officer is. They vowed to uphold it.”

“I know,” I slump.

“Do you think he’s a good cop?”

“Viola said he was.”

“Do you trust Vi?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then he might not be a look-the-other-way type. And what would happen then, if you told him what The Ciphers do, asking him to look the other way, and he decided not to? Do you want to put the entire club, and all of its members, your family, in jeopardy? I can only imagine the investigations that could possibly ensue. Not to mention the inability to accept new missions. Where would that leave the future innocents that need their help?”

Staring at Mom I take all of this in, knowing there is only one way for me to be with Bear, so I vow, “I’ll never tell him.”

“Sage…”

“If I find a way for us to be together, I’ll never tell him what The Ciphers do. Right now, he believes they just ride bikes and go to bars, and that’s all he ever needs to believe.”

Mom exhales through her nose, watching me. “I’m not sure you’ll have the chance…”

The sound of a large vehicle approaching jolts Mom and I from the bed. We rush to the glass, and I press my forehead against the cool surface to get a better view. My heart leaps as I recognize the truck. It’s Bear.

I can hardly breathe as I watch him step out, his tall frame silhouetted against the fading sunlight. I haven’t seen him in a week, and the ache of his absence has settled deep in my bones. As he walks toward our front door, a flutter of hope dances in my chest. Maybe today is the day things will change.

But just as he approaches the base of our stairs, I hear the unmistakable sound of voices—rough and low, filled with authority. My stomach drops. The Ciphers. Though we can’t see them from here, because of the awning, they’re on the front porch, and I know instantly they won’t allow him in.

“It’s him!” I tell Mom, and dash out of my bedroom, with her right behind me.

Tonk Sr. and Scythe are blocking the front door. “Sorry Sage. No.”

I let out an exasperated cry and race into the sitting room, peeking through the tattered curtains. Sure enough, a barricade of club members stand on the porch, blocking the door, arms crossed. Dad, Jett, Sofia Sol, Celia, Sean, Luke and Atlas. I can see Bear’s frustration building; his brow furrows as he talks to them, gesturing toward the house. I wish I could hear what he’s saying.

A lump forms in my throat as I watch the scene unfold. He looks so determined, but The Ciphers are immovable, their loyalty to their decision unwavering. I want to scream, to burst through the window and tell them to let him in, but I know it wouldn’t change anything.

“Mom,” I whisper with longing.

“I’m so sorry, Sage,” she whispers back, watching them with me.

Bear’s shoulders slump slightly, and I feel my heart shatter at the sight. I wish I could reach him, to let him know I’m here, that I want to see him just as much as he wants to see me.

After a moment, one of the club members shakes his head, and I can see Bear’s expression change — disappointment etched across his features. It has a look of permanence to it! He turns away from the door, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he turns back for his truck.

A wave of desperation crashes into me. I can’t let him leave without trying to reach him. “Mom, don’t try and stop me!” I dart toward the back door, hoping to catch him before he drives away. Through the kitchen I run, and past Melody, Denita, Shay and Mylar, who are watching TV in the connected living room and clearly don’t know what’s going on.

Denita calls after me, “What caught you on fire, Sage?”

Her husband, Scythe, and the others must not have told them to watch the back door, because nobody stops me when I fling it open, cool evening breeze rushing past me as I sprint outside and race around the house. “Bear!” I call out, my voice barely carrying over the distance. “Bear! BEAR!”

As I turn the corner, The Ciphers shift their stances in surprise. Dad shouts, “Sage, back inside! Tonk! Scythe! Open the door!” The front door opens on command and they join the others.

Bear stops at his truck, turning on his heel, and his eyes light up as they meet mine. “Sage!”

I rush to him, “Bear!” heart pounding in my chest as I glance up at The Ciphers. My generation of them is watching me with, what, Sympathy? Pity? But I don’t care. All that matters is Bear. “What are you doing here?” I ask, breathless.

“I came to take you out,” he replies, a relieved-to-see-me smile breaking through the tension. “It’s been too long. I was waiting to hear from you and when nothing happened, I thought I’d come here. Tell them I’d like to take you somewhere nice. Ask permission if I needed to.”

I shake my head, frustration boiling over. “They won’t let you in. This is ridiculous! I miss you, Bear. I need to see you.”

He steps closer, amber eyes searching me. “I miss you, too.”

“You’re… you’re everything.”

Bear’s expression softens, but the weight of our circumstances looms over us. “I wish it could be different. I really do.”

“Dad!” I cry out, turning to my father, whose approval is the only one I’d need for this to work. “Dad, just let him take me out. Just this once.”

With his best friend, and club President, Jett, statue-like by his side, Dad growls, “No.”

Bear asks, “What if I could prove to you all I’m a good cop? Not like those one who took the blood money.”

Sofia Sol glances to the club elders. “Honey Badger,” she whispers.

“I said no.”

“But what if they just went on a date?” she tries.

Celia pitches in. “One date.”

Luna Cocker walks up the driveway, informs the other Ciphers, “Someone left the gate open. He didn’t break it.”

Bear offers, “I’m not going to vandalize your home to see your daughter. Wouldn’t exactly paint me in the best light.”

Luna frowns, “What’s this I heard about one date?”

Jett answers his wife, “Soph and Celia are wondering if we can let them have one date.”

“No.” Luna motions between Bear and I. “Can’t you see how they feel about each other? One date wouldn’t be just one date.”

Tears prickle at the corners of my eyes, frustration and longing battling within me. “So what do we do? Just wait until you all decide it’s okay for us to be together? I can’t live like this!”

He steps closer, his voice low and soothing. “We’ll find a way, Sage. I promise. Just… give it time. I’ll prove to them I’m serious about you.”

I nod, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “But I don’t know how that will change anything. And I don’t want to wait.”

He brushes a thumb across my cheek, and for a moment, everything else fades away. “Just hold on. We’ll figure this out.”

As he climbs into his truck, The Ciphers watch us closely, and I feel that invisible wall creeping back in. Bear turns to me, eyes filled with determination. “I’ll see you soon,” he promises, and with that, he revs the engine, the sound echoing in my heart as he rides away, leaving me standing there, torn between hope and despair.