Come As You Are (Twisted Bard)

11. Olivia

Olivia

Life continued as before at Illyria over the next week with a few changes that were impossible for me not to notice.

The most obvious was Mal who seemed to have undergone a makeover. No longer skulking around the club like a character from a gothic horror movie, his new look seemed like he’d raided George Michael or Freddy Mercury’s closets. His hair, which had started out with a new, hipper style, was now bleached and blond, and his shirts’ buttons seemed to have an appalling tendency to unfasten themselves to mid-chest, while his pants were getting tighter each day. He was, however, making an effort to be more personable with fewer icy stares and more smiles.

I have to admit, it freaked me out a bit. It was like a vampire had decided it wanted to be my best friend, and I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the whole thing. The staff seemed to be enjoying the change—as were the customers—so I didn’t say anything about it.

The other change was the relationship between Sebastian and Vee. I knew that Sebastian had taken Vee in and given him a place to stay, but it was very clear they were more than just housemates. Sebastian watched Vee whenever the latter was performing, and I’d seen him tense more than once when a customer got overly friendly. I’d also caught them a few times in the break room. They weren’t doing anything inappropriate, but the sexual tension in the room was palpable.

We had no rules against staff dating each other or the customers. As long as it was consensual and didn’t interfere with their work while at the club, neither Antonio nor I had given it much thought. We trusted our people to be adults, and Antonio believed it was inevitable that some of the staff would hook up with each other given the pheromones that saturated the club, the flirting, and the alcohol. He said he’d rather know about the relationships than be blindsided if things blew up between the people.

So, it wasn’t the relationship between them that disquieted me. It was watching Sebastian take care of Vee and the gentle way in which he touched the younger man. I’d seen a fleeting glance of it that day in my office when we both comforted Vee, and a part of me was happy to see that the care and concern Sebastian had shown then was continuing. Their physicality with each other, the ease with which Vee rocked into Bast’s body, and Sebastian wrapped his arms around Vee or offered a quick kiss, both warmed me and made me wish for someone with whom I could share similar moments.

There was also a part of me that acknowledged I was a bit jealous. I’d known Sebastian had a thing for me since he was hired, but he’d always been more interested in hookups than relationships. Even though I was willing to admit I was attracted to him, casual wasn’t something I could do, and to watch this playboy become a tender and conscientious lover was as thrilling as it was disconcerting. I might have been more confused by this development—and my reaction to it—than Mal’s transformation.

Unfortunately, other things at Illyria remained the same. Our alcohol inventory continued to disappear despite adding a keypad lock and limiting who could access the storeroom, and our bottom line continued to hover just above the break-even point. I was no further along in figuring out what was going on, and was growing increasingly concerned that it was someone close to me, someone who was going to break my heart when I discovered who it was.

Mal, Sebastian, Toby, Festus, Maria, Andrew. Their names scrolled through my mind several times a day, and I couldn’t believe a single one of them would jeopardize Illyria’s future or hurt me. They’d been Antonio’s friends, and they were the only family I had left. I desperately wanted it to be someone else, but the longer this went on, the more I had to admit that only someone who knew intimately how Illyria ran could be doing this.

As we neared time to open, I emerged from my office and descended to the club to check in with Sebastian. He’d passed the first round of pageant auditions at the Grotto, but I hadn’t had an opportunity to speak to him about his observations.

Vee was the only person hanging out at the bar. Already dressed for performing in his shorts and cowboy boots and hat, he was teasing Sebastian by leaning against the bar rail, ass out provocatively. His skin gleamed from the oil and glitter he used when he danced, and he sipped from a bottle of water. I watched his throat work as he swallowed, and felt that telltale tension grow between my legs.

I’d thought Vee was beautiful from the day he walked into Illyria, but he was even more so now that he had a safe place to live and someone to take care of him. More than the ease with which Vee carried himself was the way in which he met everyone’s eyes when he spoke, confidence etched into every line of his body and tone in his voice. Nowhere was that more apparent than when he was talking to Sebastian.

It surprised me that the smiles, the light in their eyes, and the touches that passed between them were mutual, but Sebastian was every bit as smitten with Vee as Vee was with him. The affection that emanated from Sebastian had turned his once arrogant features into something softer and infinitely more attractive.

Their tenderness, their beauty, their absolute ease in their masculinity grounded me in a way I’d rarely felt. I loved to watch them move, longed to see them dance again, and, I realized, was finding more and more reasons to watch them and talk to them with each passing day. They possessed a groundedness that came from living within a body that aligned to their sense of self that I had never experienced for myself. Even now, there were aspects of my physicality that disrupted my ability to feel truly at home in my body, but around them, I found a comfort in my form that was new and welcome. I longed for someone with whom I could share that. Not an anonymous “someone,” I corrected myself. Them .

Yes, I’d been attracted to Vee since he walked in the door, but his presence had changed something in Sebastian that now drew me to him as well. I admitted to myself that I was enamored with them, but not just because of their physical beauty. The flame that had sparked to life as I watched them dance had been nurtured by the moment of connection in my office, and was now fanned as I watched these two men grow closer every day. I simply felt incomplete when I wasn’t near them, and longed for their presence.

As I leaned against the bar—far enough away to not interfere with their banter, but close enough to feel the pull they exerted on me—I wondered if I had kept myself too distant from my employees. It was a stray thought, but one that gained traction as I stood at Illyria’s heart. Antonio’s death had unmoored me so completely, I’d withdrawn as a way to cope with the changes that were pressed upon me before the wake we’d held within these walls was over. In an instant, I’d gone from being his little sister and assistant manager to the owner, and though Antonio had taught me all he knew about running the club, I was completely lost. I made my future completely dependent upon continuing my brother’s legacy, to weighing my own success against the solvency and popularity of the club.

I realized I’d neglected almost everything else, closed myself off from friends, from potential lovers, and kept myself at a distance from my employees. I had ceded so much of the club’s business to Mal, trusting Antonio’s relationship with the man, and never thinking to build my own. As I glanced around the club, I realized the same was true for every person who had been here when Antonio died.

It was Vee’s laughter that brought me out of my thought spiral, in much the same way, I realized, his arrival at Illyria had brought me out of my self-imposed mourning.

I turned to find him staring at me intently.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“About what?” I asked and immediately regretted it as his broad smile dimmed.

“Vee’s got a new idea for an event at the club,” Sebastian growled at me, and I repressed a smile at his prickly protectiveness on Vee’s behalf.

I was about to ask for more details when Mal and Festus emerged from the hallway that led to the storeroom. Resurrected from my internal recriminations about how I’d neglected my employees, I still felt cautious.

“Not here,” I said, my brain frantically thinking of somewhere we wouldn’t be overheard. “My place.” The words tumbled out of my mouth before I consciously knew I’d said them, and only the matching expressions of shock on Sebastian’s and Vee’s faces told me I had, indeed, invited them to my home. “You both work a full shift tonight?” I asked, and they nodded, still mute with surprise. Of course, they did. It was Saturday, one of the busiest nights of the week. Everyone worked on Saturday unless they worked the drag brunch the next day. “Then tomorrow afternoon.”

“Okay,” Sebastian managed.

With my heart hammering, I asked them to write down their phone numbers so I could text them my address, and then turned and hurried back up to my office. As soon as my door was shut, I rested my back against it and slid to the floor. What the fuck had I done?

I remained in my office for the rest of the night continuing to pore over the books on my computer. The deeper down the rabbit hole I fell, the clearer it became. Either I was completely inept, or someone was changing my numbers after I input them. For a long moment, I stared at the filing cabinet where I kept the club’s receipts before turning them over to the accountant each quarter. The only people who had access to the financial spreadsheets were me, Mal, and our accountant.

Like almost everyone else at Illyria, Ray had been with the club since Antonio opened it. Had I been foolish to believe that those loyal to Antonio would also be loyal to me? Had I misplaced my trust? Or had Antonio been just as blind as me?

While I tried to formulate a plan, I got up from my desk and wandered to the window. Vee was on his platform, body writhing to the beat I could feel pulsing through the floor. He smiled every time he gazed across the club, and even though I knew what had brought that expression to his face, I looked at Sebastian anyway. My lead bartender mixed drinks and flirted with the customers the same as before, but the interest in his eyes, the hunger, was all for Vee.

Again, I was struck by how beautiful Sebastian looked as he gazed across the dance floor, and I wished I could see them dance together again. Lost in the memory of that night, I missed the exact moment the energy in the club shifted, but shift it did. The change in Sebastian’s expression alerted me first as his features hardened and his gaze became piercing as it focused across the club where I knew Vee was dancing.

When I switched my attention back to Vee, I saw a customer had grabbed him and was trying to drag him off the platform.

Things happened so quickly, they almost didn’t compute. Festus waded through the crowd, while Sebastian climbed over the bar top and stormed across the dance floor. They reached the customer at the same moment he pulled Vee off balance. Even behind the soundproof glass, I heard Vee’s scream of pain and fear as he fell to the floor on top of the asshole who’d grabbed him. Without further hesitation, I was out of my office and running down the stairs, concern for Vee pumping adrenaline into my blood.

By the time I reached them, Festus had pulled the customer away, and Sebastian sat on the floor with Vee’s head cradled in his lap. I knelt beside him, trying to see if Vee needed an ambulance or other medical assistance. His face was pale, but he was conscious and alert, and already telling Sebastian he was fine.

“Can we move him?” I asked.

“I think so,” Sebastian said. “He didn’t hit his head, and it doesn’t seem like anything’s broken.” He touched Vee’s cheek. “What do you think? Can you stand?”

Vee nodded, and we each took an arm to help him to his feet. As soon as he stood, he cried out in pain, and his right leg nearly buckled. Without waiting, Sebastian leaned down and picked Vee up in his arms.

“My office,” I said and lead the way as the crowd clapped and cheered.

I heard Vee say he felt ridiculous as Sebastian carried him up the stairs, but Bast was undeterred and bore him like a bride across the threshold of my office. Sebastian laid him on the couch like it was their wedding bed, then crouched down beside him. Below us, the crowd milled for a bit, but then the lights pulsed and the music came back to full volume. Another dancer took Vee’s place on the platform, and little by little, everyone went back to what they were doing before.

Sebastian lifted Vee’s right leg and extended his foot onto the coffee table. Vee winced as his heel came down on the solid surface, and I took his hand as I sat next to him.

“Do you think it’s broken?” I asked.

Vee shook his head. “I didn’t feel anything crunch, so I think it’s just sprained, but we’re going to have to take off the boot to find out.”

“Gently,” I said as Sebastian immediately moved his hands into place.

“I know,” he snapped, but then blew out a hard breath. “Sorry. I’m—”

“—worried,” I finished for him. “I am too.” I stared at Sebastian, willing him to read between the lines of what I was saying. It took him a moment, but then he nodded. “You good?” I asked Vee.

He gripped my hand tighter. “Yeah. I dislocated a shoulder once falling off a horse, and my dad reset it. Pretty sure nothing’s gonna hurt that bad.” Nodding at Sebastian, he set his lips tight.

Sebastian took great care to work the boot off Vee’s foot with as little movement as he could. It still hurt, as Vee’s sharp intakes of breath attested, but once it was gone and Sebastian had removed his sock, Vee wiggled his toes and moved his foot from side to side. Though he winced and sucked in an occasional deep breath, there was already some swelling and a bit of bruising, but it looked like nothing was broken.

Mal appeared in the doorway and asked how Vee was doing.

“So far so good,” he answered, and Mal nodded.

“We’ve gotten the name and driver’s license from the guy who touched you, and are holding him if you want to press charges.”

“I’ll back you up if you do,” Sebastian said. “I saw the whole thing.” He hadn’t let go of Vee’s foot, and as he spoke, Bast gently caressed Vee’s toes.

“I don’t think so,” Vee said. “I know he wasn’t supposed to touch me, but, I mean, he was probably drinking, and I’m up there in next to nothing—”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “You’re at work. We have a very clear policy about contact between our customers and employees, and besides, what he did was assault.”

Vee seemed to take that into consideration, but shook his head. “It’s fine. Just put him on the no-fly list.”

I cut Mal off as he started to say something more on the matter and told Vee he needed to get his foot looked at by a doctor the next day.

“It’s worker’s comp,” Mal said. “You were injured on the job. It needs to be documented.”

“And if I don’t have a doctor?” Vee asked. “Or insurance.”

“I’ll take you,” I said, surprising both myself and Sebastian.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Vee said.

“You don’t have to,” I told him. “It’s the least I can do.”

Mal nodded. “And this way, we know that you’ve had it checked out.”

“That’s not why I offered.” I looked at Mal. “Is there anything else you need me for?” When he shook his head, I told him to go back downstairs and let the guy go with a warning he was no longer welcome at Illyria. After Mal retreated, I looked back at Vee. “I meant what I said. I’ll take you to get checked out tomorrow at a worker’s comp clinic. Mal is correct, you should have it looked at in case there’s anything seriously wrong, but that’s not why I offered to do it.”

“I know. I get that.”

Vee’s blue eyes turned toward my own, and the air grew thin in my office as my proximity to both Vee and Sebastian fully registered in my senses. They both smelled of sweat, but more than that was something I couldn’t name that was deeper, richer, and hit me in my lower belly. I wanted to stretch out my hand and touch Vee’s cheek, to draw Sebastian closer to us until we were all breathing each others’ air, and I could taste the two of them in the back of my throat.

Abruptly, I stood and crossed to my desk. Leaning my ass against it, I faced them and crossed my arms. Sebastian still cradled Vee’s foot, supporting it with his knee, while his fingertips traced designs on Vee’s leg. Concern was etched on his face, clear and resounding.

“How’s the ankle feeling?” he asked.

Vee’s gaze finally left my face, and he glanced down at his foot as he wiggled it a bit, then turned it side to side. “It’s pretty sore, but I still think it’s only a sprain.”

“Can you stand?”

“I should probably try.”

Sebastian was unbelievably gentle as he placed Vee’s foot on the floor, then stood to help him stand. As soon as Vee’s foot touched the floor, he cried out in pain, and Sebastian’s arms were there to catch him from falling. My own arms ached to hold Vee as well, for Sebastian and me to cradle him like we’d done before, for a way to share this burden with them, but I stayed where I was.

I was too unsure how to proceed, or even if I should, nor did I know what to do with what I was feeling for these two men. When my phone rang with a call from Toby asking if Sebastian could return to the bar since they were swamped, the tension in my chest lessened as if I could breathe again.

The clock on the wall read only a little after half past ten. Since Sebastian had the following day off, he was closing tonight and wouldn’t be home until at least three. That was a long time to make Vee wait for a ride. Sebastian seemed to realize the same thing as he told Vee he needed to get back to the bar. He pulled out his phone and told Vee he’d call for a Lyft to take him home.

“Nonsense,” I said. “I’ll take him. As long as you can help me get him down the stairs.”

In the end, Sebastian carried Vee down the stairs and out the back door to where my car was parked, and I drove him back to Sebastian’s.

Of course, when we arrived, and I saw that Sebastian lived in a two-story Victorian with a steep flight of stairs to the front door, I realized Vee was going to have to climb those since I couldn’t carry him the way Bast had.

Vee slung an arm around my shoulder, and moving slowly, we started our climb, pausing every couple of steps to catch our breath. By the time we made it into the apartment, and I was able to ease Vee onto the couch in the front room, we were both sweaty and breathing hard.

Vee leaned his head back on the cushions and sighed. “That feels better.”

I gathered up a couple of pillows and put them under his ankle. “Do you have any ibuprofen?” I asked. It was too much to hope there was an ACE bandage in the place.

“Maybe? If there is, it’s in the bathroom cabinet.”

Heading down the short hallway to the bathroom, I tried not to snoop, but I was intensely curious about Sebastian’s home. I’d never seen the interior of any of my employee’s dwellings, and had lived in Antonio’s Twin Peaks house since I’d left home. I didn’t think it was terribly ostentatious except for its stratospheric San Francisco price tag, but it wasn’t as compact a space as this one which had been carved out of the lower level of what had once been a single-family home.

I did note that the space was remarkably clean, but then that shouldn’t have surprised me as Sebastian kept the bar organized and insisted on it being spotless.

I found the ibuprofen and brought the bottle back to the living room. Vee had turned on the television and was scrolling through a list of movies and shows, while I went to the kitchen for water so he could swallow the tablets. The kitchen, too, was remarkably clean, and economically outfitted with a minimal number of plates, bowls, cups, and glasses—all from IKEA—but when I looked in the refrigerator for something Vee could eat to buffer the effect of the pills, I found very little that wasn’t expired or inedible. I poured a glass of water, rustled up a few crackers, and returned to the living room.

“Thanks,” Vee said as I put everything on the coffee table.

“Do you want something to eat?” I asked. “I was going to order an ACE bandage and some other things to help, so I might as well order us some food.”

Vee looked confused for a moment. “You don’t have to do all that.”

I opened my mouth to tell him of course I did, but realized… No, I didn’t have to. I wanted to. I’d hated seeing what that customer did, and it scared me that Vee might have gotten seriously injured. When Sebastian had leapt over the bar and come to Vee’s aid, I cheered inside. Now, I wanted to take care of Vee, make sure he was safe, and I was willing to stay here until Sebastian returned in order to make sure of it.

“It’s not a problem,” I said, and pulled out my phone as I sat down on the other end of the couch. “I want to make sure you’re okay. Now tell me what you’d like to eat, because there’s nothing in that kitchen.”

Laughing, Vee agreed with me, and I loved the way his smile lit up his entire face. “I’d kill for some Chinese dumplings,” he said.

“Done.” I opened up the delivery app and started scrolling for a Chinese restaurant, the thought of orange beef and potstickers making my mouth water. After placing the food order, I opened up Instacart and chose an ACE bandage, heating pad, and ice pack. I couldn’t think of anything else that would help Vee feel comfortable, but I did add some staples I noticed were not in evidence during my cursory look in the kitchen. I paid for the order and closed the app. “Food and stuff for your foot will be here within the hour,” I said.

“Thank you, Olivia, you didn’t have to do all this.”

I shrugged, overcome with an unexpected awkwardness at the novelty of Vee calling me by my name. Struggling to come up with something to talk about, I remembered our conversation from earlier. “What about that idea you had for the club?” I asked. “I wanted to wait until there weren’t a lot of ears around, but no one else is here, so…”

“Oh, yeah.” Again, Vee’s face lit up, and I was struck by how beautiful he was, how absolutely mesmerizing. “I was thinking we could do a prom. We can give it a bit of exclusivity by selling tickets, both regular and VIP, offer some special drinks for the night, have food, maybe even a live band. We could even choose a theme or a decade to make it more fun.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” I said, thoughts about how to implement it already starting to turn over in my head. “We could bring in a chef to do a pop-up menu, have a photo booth, and I love the idea of choosing a decade like the 70s as a theme so people have to come in costume.”

Vee and I tossed some ideas around until the food arrived, then I went to the kitchen and brought us plates and forks.

“Do you want to change?” Vee asked before I settled back on the couch to eat.

The question caught me off guard and I looked down at myself. I was dressed in my usual work attire: a black knit dress, stockings, and heels with a Cleopatra collar necklace, gold bangles, and a couple of statement rings.

“I thought you might be more comfortable in sweats,” Vee explained.

“Oh.” I sat on the couch. “I’m fine.”

“Okay. If you want to borrow something, just let me know.” Vee was still wearing his cutoff shorts, though Sebastian had gotten his backpack for him from the staff room, and Vee had dug out a sweatshirt to cover up his chest and arms before we got in my car.

We tucked into our food, but my mind was still on Vee’s question. The truth was, I rarely dressed informally because I didn’t feel right in casual clothing. Sweats were the worst. There was something about them that triggered my dysphoria. Maybe it was the androgyny of them or the way they reminded me of PE in school, I don’t know, but I liked to keep my appearance as feminine as possible.

I knew I didn’t owe Vee an explanation, but I gave him one anyway. He listened carefully, asked a couple of questions about what my transition had been like and how I felt about my body now, then thanked me and settled back to eat. I studied him as he lifted a dumpling to his mouth, wondering why it didn’t bother me that he’d asked some quite personal questions.

Over the years, I’d gotten some doozies ranging from the unfortunately too frequent inquiries about what was between my legs—to which I often responded “gonads”—to questions about whether I still had to shave, if I’d had “the” surgery, if I was going to have “the” surgery, and tell me my breasts had to be implants because men weren’t capable of having breasts. People were sometimes very free with their opinions about whether they would or wouldn’t have surgery or take hormones, and it confused me why they seemed to think it was necessary for me to know that. If I had the privilege of not needing HRT, I’d be thrilled, but I was far happier living in a body that felt correct for me.

“Did I overstep?” Vee asked. “If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.”

“The opposite, actually,” I said. “And I’m just puzzled why. I don’t talk about it with a lot of people, but your questions didn’t bother me at all.” I shrugged, and would have said more, but a knock at the door signaled the arrival of the Instacart delivery.

Vee laughed at the number of bags I received, and told me I hadn’t needed to do all that, but I told him it was fine.

“You barely have anything in the kitchen,” I said as I sorted through everything until I found the ACE bandage and heating pad. “All right. Let’s get your ankle wrapped up.”

I shifted Vee’s foot to my lap, conscious of its weight and warmth as well as the solid muscle beneath my hands as I wound the bandage up his lower leg. I took as long as I dared, lingering over the way the elasticized fabric overlapped and making sure it was tight enough to give Vee added stability but not so restrictive that it would cut off his circulation. When I was done, I put a hand on his toes to make sure they were still warm.

Vee laughed and wiggled them against my palm, then winced as the movement aggravated his ankle, but he didn’t take his foot away from my touch. Instead, he leaned his head back against the couch and sighed, so I kept my contact light and continued to gently stroke the top of his foot and toes. The television droned in the background, but I wasn’t paying any attention to it as I studied Vee’s face. He’d closed his eyes, and though I missed being able to see their remarkably bright color, I enjoyed the chance to study him up close.

I knew little about Vee except what I’d heard from Andrew and around the club. Originally from Idaho, grew up on a small ranch. It wasn’t much, but I could also read between the lines; not that it took a genius to figure out you didn’t end up sleeping in the storeroom of a club if you had any kind of family to support you. So many of the people who came to work at Illyria had followed similar trajectories. If I hadn’t had Antonio, I would have been in a similar place. And I knew enough about Sebastian’s story to recognize why he’d been so quick to take Vee in as well. Antonio had never filled me in on the details of how or where he’d met the man, but it was his faith in Sebastian that had brought him around and blended him into Illyria’s family.

As I sat with Vee, I realized it wasn’t just compassion for another castoff that made me increasingly aware of my own body as I kept contact with his. I’d felt the attraction to Vee before, felt the way in which his presence made me feel more comfortable inside my skin. And not just with him. This happened when I was around both him and Sebastian. I knew what it meant, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I was sure, if Antonio were around, he’d tell me to stop worrying about it and let things take their natural course: if we were all attracted to each other—which I believed we were—then what would be the harm? And while that might have been true while I was the assistant manager, was the same true now that I was the owner?

I’d felt my brother’s absence so many times in the past two years, but never more acutely than I did at this moment. Illyria’s issues were one thing—there was a definite answer to what was happening—but matters of the heart were something else. I didn’t have much experience in this area. Even Vee, for as young as he was, seemed to have more of an understanding of how to navigate romantic relationships than I did.

As my thoughts wandered, my gaze drifted toward the television, attracted by the movement and light without my conscious awareness of what I was seeing. When I returned my gaze to Vee, his eyes were open, and he was watching my fingers stroke over the exposed skin on his foot. He shifted his weight on the sofa cushion, then grimaced as he withdrew his foot from my lap and tried to stand.

“Hey!” I got up. “Let me help you. What do you need? I’ll get it for you.”

Vee’s face flamed red. “I have to piss,” he said.

“Ah. Okay. I can help you down the hall.”

I held out my hand. Vee stared at me, chewing on his lips as he seemed to consider his options, then finally put his hand in mine and let me help him to his feet.

Vee leaned on me as we made our slow, unsteady way toward the bathroom. I knew he was trying not to put all his weight on me, but he also couldn’t put any on his injured foot, so he was hopping on one leg which meant every movement forward jarred his ankle. As hard as he was trying, each step was accompanied by a pained huff of air until I finally slung his arm around my shoulder and put mine around his waist.

“I won’t break,” I said and pulled him into my side. “I may not have worked cattle, but I had an older brother, and we used to wrestle with each other all the time.”

With a grateful sigh, Vee relaxed against me, and we managed to get him down the hall without any further trouble.

“I can take it from here,” Vee said with a smile when we reached the door.

I let him go and retreated to the living room until I heard the bathroom door open again.

Vee had changed out of his cutoffs and into a pair of sweats, which made me mourn the loss of his uncovered legs, though I couldn’t blame him. I don’t care how comfortable work clothing might be, there was something to be said for getting out of it at the end of the day. I might not want to wear sweats, but when I got home, I immediately changed into leggings and a baggy sweater. If the weather was hot, I chose a tank top and a long, flowy skirt. Though I will say, if I looked as good in sweats as Vee, I’d consider wearing them at home.

I joined him at the bathroom door and helped him back toward the couch.

“You don’t have to stay with me,” Vee said as we took one slow step after another. “I’m old enough to stay by myself.”

“I know, but I promised Sebastian I would.”

Vee paused and shifted slightly so he could see my face. “Do you like him?” he asked.

The question surprised me, and I let go of him to step back, realizing as soon as I did that Vee wasn’t steady enough—nor had I given him warning enough—to stand on his own. I reached for him at the same moment he stumbled, and we crashed together against the wall. Vee grunted as I fell against his chest, and his arms came around me to keep me from knocking the both of us to the ground. We steadied each other, but then I ended up staring into Vee’s eyes and couldn’t bring myself to move away.

“It was a simple question,” Vee said softly.

His breath was sweet and smelled faintly of cinnamon, and I realized he must have brushed his teeth.

“Not so simple,” I said and willed myself to step out of Vee’s arms, but my body and brain had chosen this moment to go on strike.

“Why?” Vee asked. Again, his soft breath caressed my face as he spoke.

“Because…” I shook my head. All the arguments I’d been making suddenly seemed irrelevant. Except one. “I’m his boss.”

“But if he likes you, and you like him, why wouldn’t that be okay?”

“And what about you?” The words were out before I knew I was saying them, and as much as I might wish to pull the vibrations of their syllables out of the air, what was done was done.

“What about me?” Vee asked, a tease in his voice.

I shook my head again, and this time I did push away from him. “I think it’s time for me to go. Let’s get you back to the couch.”

Vee didn’t say anything until he was sitting again with his foot propped up. I got him the heating pad and asked if there was anything else he needed before I left.

“Olivia, I’m sorry if I was out of line. I was just—”

“The thing you have to realize,” I said, interrupting him. “Is that this is complicated for me for so many reasons. I’m happy for you and Sebastian. You’ve brought something out in him in only a few days that is…beautiful to see, but I’m not…” I let my words trail off unsure what I’d been intending to say. “I’m going to go. I’ll let you know when I’ll be by to take you to the doctor.”

And with that, I got myself out of Sebastian and Vee’s apartment. I should have gone back to the club, but the thought of seeing Sebastian while my mind was in such a tangle made my heart race. I couldn’t do it. Instead, I headed home, crawled into the comfiest clothes I owned and poured myself a glass of wine. Then I sat down on my own couch and stared out my window at the city.

The irony of it didn’t escape me, and I could almost hear Antonio asking me when I was going to stop watching the world from behind glass and get myself out there to live in it.