Cosy Nights & Snowball Fights (Little Duck Pond Cafe #36)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

After spotting me at the hospital and coming to the cottage, Jo had been close to tears as I ushered her into the living room, telling me how sorry she was that she’d allowed so many months to pass since last Christmas without contacting me.

‘If it’s any consolation, Laurel, I really hated myself for my stupid overreaction.’ She shook her head in despair. ‘We were always so close and... well, huggy ... and when I left for uni and realised I missed you, I dreamed up this whole romantic scenario of how we’d be best friends who turned into lovers.’ She laughed, her face pink with embarrassment even now, just talking about it. ‘The thing is, afterwards I realised I probably only felt like that because I was hating uni... hating being away from home. Being without my family and my best friend, I thought about you a lot, and in my loneliness, I guess I convinced myself I was in love with you and that maybe there was a chance you returned my feelings.’ She smiled sheepishly. ‘We always said “Love you” to each other. I guess I took it too literally. So I talked it over with Kashvi and she said I had to tell you how I was feeling... that it was best to be open and honest.

‘Kashvi tried to persuade me not to get my hopes up... that you were engaged to Gavin. But we’d both had doubts about your relationship. We’d been worried for a while that he wasn’t really right for you and that it probably wouldn’t last. So even Kashvi admitted there might be a tiny chance you felt the same.’ She laughed bitterly. ‘Well, of course, in my pumped-up state – drinking vodka after vodka for Dutch courage – that was all I needed to hear. There was a chance! So I had to go for it and I thought maybe I’d get my happy ending, walking into the sunset with you.’ She swallowed hard. ‘When it all went wrong, I ordered you out of the house because I felt so embarrassed and ashamed – and devastated that my hopes had been crushed– and afterwards, I convinced myself that you must hate me because of the way I behaved towards you that night.’

I shook my head sadly. ‘Never. You were my best friend, Jo. The best friend I’ve ever had. I could never, ever hate you.’

‘I know but I let . . . that . . . come between us in the most appalling way.’

We’d hugged then and cried. There was no need for more explanations or apologies. We’d both had a hand in the sad ending of our friendship.

It had been so hard living in the wake of Gavin and Jackie’s double betrayal without my best friend around to comfort me. But now that Jo had been brave enough to reach out to me, after phoning mum for my address and telling her she wanted to put things right between us, there was a chance we could start to repair the damage.

We might never be ‘best friends’ in the way we were as children and teenagers, but just having Jo back in my life would be so good.

Did she feel the same way, though? I was on my way to Guildford to meet her.

I guessed I was about to find out...

*****

As soon as I walked through the door of the café and saw Jo, rising from a table in the window to greet me with a big smile on her face, I relaxed. Things were going to be okay.

We hugged and sat down, and Jo said she’d ordered me a latte – was that still my favourite? – and I said it was.

‘It’s so good to see you, Laurel. I wasn’t certain you’d come today... and it would have been my own fault if you hadn’t.’ She grasped my hand. ‘I promise I won’t let anything come between us again.’

‘Hey, it’s fine.’ I squeezed her hand. ‘I’m just as much to blame for letting all my stupid fears and insecurities get in the way of contacting you.’

‘I don’t blame you, though.’ She smiled wistfully. ‘I should have been there for you when you and Gavin split up.’

I shrugged lightly. I still hadn’t told her about Gavin and Jackie. ‘That’s all in the past now. How about we concentrate on the future instead?’

She nodded. ‘I’d like that.’

The cafe door opened. Jo looked up and smiled, beckoning the young woman who appeared over to our table, and I realised it was the nurse I’d seen Jo with at the hospital.

‘Laurel, this is Fiona.’ Her face lit up as she reached for Fiona’s hand and pulled her down onto the chair beside her. ‘My girlfriend.’

Fiona smiled shyly at me. ‘It’s great to meet you at last, Laurel.’

‘Oh!’ I smiled from one to the other. ‘Lovely to meet you, too, Fiona.’ We shook hands, but I had a feeling if there hadn’t been a table between us, we would probably have hugged.

‘I’ve been telling Jo for ages that she should get back in touch... that there’s no way you’d hold a grudge against her if you were a true friend. But I think she was scared you’d reject her like she rejected you.’ She looked questioningly at Jo, who nodded.

‘Terrified is more like it,’ Jo murmured with feeling. ‘I thought I’d lost your friendship forever, Laurel, and the best thing I could do for you was to stay away.’

‘I’m equally to blame. I even ran away from you once, here in Guildford, because I thought you’d still be angry with me.’

‘Did you?’ Jo glanced at me in surprise, and I explained I’d been in this very coffee shop when she’d walked by that morning.

‘I was utterly crushed when I lost you as a friend that day, and when I saw you, all those horrible feelings came rushing right back. I guess it was a “flight or fight” situation, and to my regret, I chose to flee.’

Jo smiled. ‘Never mind. We’re concentrating on the future now, remember?’

Fiona got up. ‘Right, I’m going to leave you both to have a good old catch-up.’

‘Oh, won’t you stay and have a coffee?’ I asked.

‘Next time, yeah?’

‘Definitely. It was so nice meeting you.’

‘You, too.’

Fiona leaned down to kiss Jo. ‘Bye, love. See you later.’ She gave me a little wave and a smile and left.

‘I asked her to drop in. I wanted you to meet her,’ explained Jo. ‘Fiona’s a very special person. She’d have to be, to put up with me!’

‘Rubbish. I really like her, Jo. And you look so happy.’

She smiled. ‘I am. And I’m even happier now that you and I are friends again.’ Her eyes glistened with tears. ‘I’m so sorry. For everything.’

‘Me, too, Jo. Me, too.’

Jo dashed away a tear. ‘Right. That’s the last apology, okay? No more.’

I laughed. ‘No more.’

We chatted about everything that had happened over the past year and she told me all about meeting Fiona when she came to work at the hospital back in the summer, after she’d graduated.

‘I heard that you and Gavin were over,’ she said. ‘But at that stage, things were still too raw after what had happened between us, and I thought that hearing from me would be the last thing you’d need.’

I shook my head. ‘Maybe at first. But no, I’d have loved to see you. I’ve really missed talking things over with you.’

She sighed. ‘By the time I’d calmed down enough to want to reach out to you, you’d already moved away.’

‘I had to escape. After what happened.’ I then told her the whole sordid story of what had really happened – with Gavin and Jackie – and she was understandably horrified.

‘Oh, Laurel,’ she breathed, squeezing my hand tightly.

‘It was... ugh, I still can’t think about it without feeling sick. Jackie had relapsed and was drinking again, and when she called round at the house it was actually to give me a Christmas present she’d bought for me. I wasn’t there but Gavin was, in a similarly “relaxed” state after drinking all afternoon with a mate.’ I snorted. ‘He was always flattered by the attention of women and prone to give in to it. So I guess Jackie in her drunken state might have seemed up for it, so they ended up...’ I shuddered, not wanting to think about it. ‘Gavin always claimed to hate her for the way she wrecked my childhood, but I guess that didn’t stop him from fancying a bit of the old leg-over when it seemed to be on offer!’

‘Drink is no excuse whatsoever,’ said Jo firmly. ‘They both behaved despicably.’

I nodded. ‘Jackie had the cheek to come and see me at the café, wanting to apologise. She said she’d been frantic when I disappeared. She did look genuinely sorry. But I just sent her packing.’

‘Good for you.’

‘She’s such a sad sort of person, really. She needs help. Badly.’ I gazed mournfully at Jo.

‘So... are you tempted to get back in touch?’

I shrugged. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. I suppose there’s still some sort of a bond there, even after everything that’s happened.’

‘Well, she gave birth to you. And she did try to look after you when you were little.’

‘Not hard enough.’

‘True. But alcohol addiction is a terrible thing. It’s an illness, really.’

‘I know. Maybe... maybe I will go and see her. To talk about everything.’

She gave me a warning look. ‘Just as long as you don’t expect too much from her.’

I smiled sadly. ‘Jo, I gave up expecting anything from Jackie a long, long time ago.’

‘Another coffee?’ she asked.

I stared at my empty cup in astonishment. ‘You know, I have no recollection whatsoever of drinking that. But I suppose I must have.’

‘You did.’ She laughed and stood up. ‘Another latte?’

‘Thanks, Jo. I’ll get them.’

‘No, they’re on me. You can buy me one next time.’

Smiling, she went to the counter and I sat back and gazed around me. And that was when I noticed someone very familiar sitting at a table over in the far corner.

Josh.

I’d been so focused on Jo, I hadn’t even noticed who else was in the café.

He was sitting on his own, tackling a big plate of pasta, obviously on his lunch break. He caught my eye and we exchanged a smile.

‘Who’s that?’ asked Jo, placing a latte in front of me and sitting back down.

‘Oh, just someone I know.’

Her eyebrows rose. ‘Someone you know quite well by the looks of things.’

‘What do you mean?’

She smiled. ‘You’re my oldest friend, Laurel. And I know that pretending-to-be-casual look of yours very well.’

I shrugged, my lips twitching. ‘Okay. We might have had a close encounter.’

‘You’ve snogged him?’

‘Jo!’ I hissed. ‘I’d forgotten just how embarrassing you could be.’ I glanced anxiously at Josh but he was concentrating on his lunch.

‘Sorry.’ She grinned. ‘I don’t think he heard. So when did this happen?’

‘A week or so ago. And we didn’t kiss. Not quite.’

‘Oh, so are you seeing him again?’

I frowned. ‘We’re friends. That’s all.’

She burst out laughing. ‘Are you sure?’

‘No. I think I’d like it to be more but I made the mistake of saying I was only looking for friendship after a bad break-up.’

‘And he took you at your word?’ She was trying not to smile. ‘Poor you. But what a gentleman!’

I grinned sheepishly. ‘Josh is lovely. Laid-back, funny, generous, kind...’

‘And hot . Don’t forget hot!’

I twisted my lips ruefully. ‘Yes. And I spoiled it all with my stupid rules for keeping myself safe.’

‘Well, you know the thing about rules?’

‘Do I? What?’

‘Rules are meant to be broken. And anyway, he’s looked over a few times so he must fancy you.’

‘Honestly, Jo. How old are you? Twelve?’

I met her eye and we both started to laugh.

Jo glanced at her watch. ‘Oops. Sorry, I need to go. I’m due on shift soon. But I suggest you finish your coffee and then have a word with the lovely Josh before you leave. Why don’t you ask him out?’ She stood up and I gazed at her, aghast. ‘Go on. You know you want to. I’ll phone you later and you can tell me what he said.’

Smiling, I shook my head at her and watched her go, thinking how easily we’d slipped right back into our usual affectionate banter. It was almost as if the past nine months of estrangement hadn’t even happened and for that, I was so very grateful.

Under cover of checking my phone, I sneaked a look over at Josh.

Quickly taking a large mouthful of coffee, I gathered my things together and prepared to get up and approach him. But something was stopping me. And that something was stirring up my insides and keeping my bum firmly welded to the seat.

I knew what it was, of course.

Fear.

Images of Gavin in bed with Jackie had slipped into my head, wiping out that little burst of courage. Sitting there, I hated myself for being so pathetically weak.

Even now, almost a year after it happened, the pair of them still had that power over me! Would I ever be free of the memory and find myself strong enough to trust again? Because right at that moment, all I felt was uncertainty over Josh. Even if he came over and told me he really liked me, there would still be a part of me that wondered if he was just amusing himself, flirting with me. Getting involved with someone you really liked was so dangerous. You had to be prepared to give your heart and risk it being broken all over again, and that was such a scary prospect...

Should I be brave and go over there? Maybe join him for a chat?

Getting up, I took a deep breath and grabbed my bag and my coat. Then I walked purposefully over to Josh’s table.

He looked up. ‘Hey, how are you?’

‘I’m fine, thanks.’

‘Great.’ He smiled at me – that gorgeous, knee-weakening smile that made his eyes crinkle at the corners – and my heart flipped over.

‘I need to dash right now,’ I said in a rush, losing my nerve completely. ‘But hopefully see you in the café some time?’

With an apologetic little wave, I headed for the door.