Cosy Nights & Snowball Fights (Little Duck Pond Cafe #36)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

It was three days since Jo had come to my door. I’d invited her in and we’d talked, and we’d both been in tears, wondering why we’d left it so long to try and sort things out between us.

Feeling wrung-out emotionally, we’d parted but arranged to meet up for a coffee later in the week to talk some more. We’d hugged tightly when she left, and even though I still didn’t know if our friendship would recover, I was feeling positive.

And now I was in the car and heading for Guildford and the café where we’d arranged to meet...

*****

After the shock of seeing Gavin with Jackie in our bed, I’d blundered out of the house in shock, not knowing what I was going to do. The only thing that made sense was getting to my best friend’s house as soon as I could. Jo was so wise. Maybe she’d be able to make sense of the frightening chaos that was currently whirling around inside my head...

Now, I couldn’t recall the drive to Jo’s house, where she lived with her parents. I’m just amazed I got there in one piece. Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have been driving at all, the state I was in.

I do remember that when I got to her house and she opened the door, Jo was slurring her words and it was obvious she’d been drinking. Her mum and dad were out for the day, delivering Christmas presents to relatives.

‘So you’ve got the place to yourself,’ I said, feeling relieved. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my composure when I related to her what had happened with Gavin and Jackie, so it was good that her mum and dad weren’t around.

Jo told me she’d gone for a drink with Kashvi, one of our mutual friends, and one drink had led to another and another. Jo hardly ever drank more than a few glasses of wine, so it was hardly surprising that she was stumbling around now and giggling. She certainly wasn’t in a fit state to hear my tale of woe, I realised, and my heart sank. She seemed to have something she wanted to tell me, though, because she poured me a glass of white and told me I should sit down.

‘But you know I don’t drink, Jo.’ Confused, I held up the glass.

She burst out laughing. ‘Oops. Of course you don’t. How could I have forgotten?’

‘Er, because you’re completely rat-arsed?’ I ventured with a grin, sitting down on the sofa because she seemed very insistent that I do so.

What on earth was she working up to tell me?

She came and sat next to me. So close that when she wobbled and I reached out to steady her, she fell against me, and then she lay there with her head in my lap, giggling up at me.

‘Jo! What the hell?’ I laughed. ‘I’ve never seen you this drunk. What’s going on?’

‘You mean you really can’t guess?’ With an effort, she levered herself up and attempted to draw her eyes level with mine. ‘I’m in love. That’s what’s going on.’

‘Really?’ I stared at her in surprise. It must be a guy she met at uni. Funny she’d never mentioned this person in phone calls or texts. But maybe she’d wanted to wait until we were face to face to reveal this great romantic secret! ‘So come on, then. Who is he?’

Her expression changed. ‘He? Who is he ?’ she snapped.

‘Sorry?’ I was genuinely lost. ‘I thought you said –’

She smiled and wagged a finger at me. ‘I know what you’re doing, Laurel. You’re pretending you don’t know, just to wind me up. Well, it won’t work because I can see right through you. I know you know .’

‘You know I know what ?’ I demanded, feeling a little exasperated. I’d driven over here desperate for some words of comfort, but my best friend was talking in riddles!

‘That I’m in love with you, of course! Have been for ages and always will be.’ She said it in a breathless rush, then she collapsed back against the sofa cushions and beamed at me. ‘I’ve been wanting to tell you for ages. I missed you so much when I went away to uni and that’s when I realised I’d fallen in love with you. I’ve been wanting to tell you for ages but I didn’t know how. So I phoned Kashvi last week and I told her instead.’

I felt faint with bewilderment.

So that was why she’d got so drunk? She’d been stoking up her courage in the pub with Kashvi, preparing to confess her feelings to me?

‘Wow,’ I murmured, struggling with the whole idea. ‘What did Kashvi say?’

‘She said I needed to tell you straight away. So that’s what I’ve done.’

I stared at her, dumbfounded. I’d thought I knew Jo inside out but I’d never suspected this for a single moment. I’d known her relationships with guys had tended to be brief disasters and that she’d sworn off men a while ago. But I’d never for one moment guessed she was struggling with her sexuality – mainly because she’d never told me. Had she been afraid to tell me? Ashamed, maybe? Or had she been worried I wouldn’t be her friend anymore if I knew this about her? Which was, of course, ridiculous.

The problem was the way she was looking at me – with starry-eyed hope – it seemed I might have somehow given her a reason to think I might return her feelings. But how had I done that?

We were always openly demonstrative in greeting each other, but I’d just assumed Jo was touchy-feely with her friends like I was. Yes, I always kissed and hugged her when I hadn’t seen her for a while. That was my way of displaying my huge affection for my best friend, nothing more.

But to Jo, it had seemingly been more complicated than that. I supposed we humans were capable of convincing ourselves of anything. We’d twist the words and actions of others to suit our own agendas. Is that what had happened for Jo?

She was in love with me?

She was smiling dreamily at me now, with such love in her eyes. Although I did think the drink was probably partly to blame. But was she really expecting me to say I felt exactly the same, because I definitely didn’t! I loved Jo. Of course I did. But in love ? Never.

I swallowed hard and took her hand, hating with all my heart the idea that I was going to have to destroy all her hopes. I actually felt sick with fear.

What the hell was this going to do to our friendship?

‘Jo, I’m flattered. I really am.’ I spoke softly, apologetically. ‘I had no idea you were feeling this way. But... well, I suppose I like men. You know I do. I mean, I love women and in so many ways I believe we’re the superior sex. We’ve talked about that often enough.’ I smiled and squeezed her hand, hoping for a reaction, but there was nothing. As I’d been speaking, her smile had vanished and she was now stony-faced. ‘As I said, I have so much love and respect for women, but more than that just isn’t possible for me.’ I smiled sadly, pleading silently for her to understand and not let it affect the precious bond between us.

But she snatched her hand from mine, looking truculent. She tried to stand up but fell back against the cushions. ‘I told Kashvi it was a bad idea to tell you. I knew you’d do this to me,’ she muttered fiercely. ‘I can’t believe you’d rather be with that scumbag Gavin who by the way flirts with other women behind your back !’ She glared at me and I felt a chill inside. ‘He’s even tried it on with me! But oh no, you’d rather be with that waste of space than with someone who actually really cares about you.’

‘Like you,’ I said softly. ‘I know, Jo. And in a different life, I’d probably be over the moon at what you’ve just confessed to me.’

She was staring down at the floor now, avoiding my eye. But I persisted, desperate to make her see that our friendship could survive this.

‘I do love you, Jo. You know that. We’ve spent almost all our lives looking out for each other and I value your friendship above anything else right now. In fact, that’s why I came over here today. Because I really needed my best friend. I really needed you, Jo. Because Gavin... he –’

She made an angry noise in her throat. Looking up, fury in her eyes, she yelled, ‘For God’s sake, Laurel, stop patronising me! And don’t start talking about how we can still be friends because we can’t! Do you know how bloody humiliating all this is for me? Confessing everything to you and then just having it thrown back in my face?’ Her mouth was trembling. ‘Can you just go, please?’

I didn’t move. But this time, with an effort of will, she managed to stand up. ‘Go, Laurel! Now!’ She pointed at the door.

My insides twisted with fear. ‘Jo, no. Please don’t do this.’

‘ Now! ’

‘But can’t we talk about it some more? I really can’t cope with losing you. Not after we’ve been friends for so long.’

‘No? Well, that’s tough, isn’t it? Because we can never be friends now. Not after this. So just get out!’

Still, I hesitated.

‘ Get out !’ she screamed in my ear, and I hurried away from her house for the last time.