Counterpoint (Hystoria #3)

19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

I never thought of myself as indecisive until Si spat the word at me. But now? Right now, I feel like I am. As if once Si summoned up the word, it befell me, clutching its claws into my mind and blocking my ability to make up my mind. It’s maddening. Everything about him is.

Yet here I am, right where he’s asked to meet me. Windmeadow’s one and only winter highlight besides the Main Street decorations. And since not having a plan the last time worked out okay, I didn’t make one for our conversation either. I’ll just see what happens. Of course, that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that my brain can’t settle on whether I want to forgive Si and leave our argument behind us or… well, I guess the alternative would be to actually not see him again. I grimace. Even thinking that feels wrong.

Wait. Is that what Layla meant?

It’s pretty crowded. Which, in Windmeadow terms, means that about ten people are trying to stay upright on the ice, either gliding over it with ease or clutching the railing or onto another person. I lean against the barricade and watch them struggle because I’m petty like that.

There is a group of teenagers in the corner. One of them is a small girl with copper red pigtails and a thick, green winter coat who is letting the boys pull her around on the ice, squealing with glee. The smile on her face could light up a room as the boys take turns pulling her. She doesn’t seem that steady on her feet, but one of them always makes sure to skate behind her, quickly grabbing her elbow when she loses her balance. It’s sweet.

“They remind me of us,” a deep voice suddenly says close to my ear, and I startle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you.”

I whirl around and come face to face with… Si’s broad chest. I tilt my head way back to look at his guilt-stricken face.

“Jesus Christ, clear your throat next time or something.” I clutch my chest. I’m surprised I didn’t hear him approach. “But yes. They remind me of us, too. You guys always kept an eye out for us girls.”

“We did,” he repeats with a smile and steps closer. Our jackets are almost touching, and my eyes are drawn to his chest as I think about what to say. Before I decide, he takes a step back again. I sigh, not sure if I’m thankful for being able to think again without his intoxicating scent in my nose or angry that he’s brought more distance between us.

“Thank you for coming, Harper.” A small, happy smile tugs at his lips .

I nod, unsure what to say to that. ‘Thanks for the invitation’ sounds off. “Are we getting on the ice?” I ask instead, and he freezes right in front of my eyes. I thought I’d be super nervous meeting him again. Turns out, there’s something about him that puts me right at ease, pushing the nervousness into a distant corner of my mind.

“Erm… No thanks?” he stammers and shakes his head.

“Oh, come on.” I grab his arm and pull him towards the skate rental booth right by the entrance. “I won’t be able to catch you if you fall, but I make a good cushion.” I grin at him cheekily.

“That’s so big of you.” He rolls his eyes. “Be real. You’d let me fall and laugh.”

“Hell, yes, I would. And so would you, so don’t act all innocent.” I poke his chest to accentuate my point.

“True,” he admits and chuckles and steps in front of me, telling the girl working the rental our shoe sizes. I wonder how he even knows mine; it’s not exactly a topic that comes up in conversation.

We walk over to a bank to change into them. I’m surprised they even have rentals that fit his gigantic feet. When I try to knot the ties, though, my fingers tremble so much in the cold evening air that I can’t keep a good hold on them. Without a word, Si gets on his knee in front of me and takes them out of my fingers, tying them securely for me. I blush as I watch him.

“Are they good? Not too tight?” My breath hitches when he looks up at me, our faces suddenly way too close.

“Perfect,” I say softly and smile at him. Our breaths are turning white, mixing between our faces. So damn close. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Harp.” He gets up on wobbly legs and holds out his hand. “Let’s go.” I take his hand and let him pull me to a stand. It’s warm and big, enveloping mine completely. He hisses when my icy fingers touch the back of his hand.

Suddenly, he stops, and I worry I did something wrong. But he turns around and grabs my other hand as well, warming both of them between his hands. He even brings them up and blows his warm breath over them, making me blush. I gulp. Just like my frozen hands, I can feel my heart, which I really wanted to keep frozen, thaw. Slowly but steadily.

Once he’s happy with how warm my hands feel, he continues our path, pulling me to the rink and shooting insecure glances back at me as though he’s scared I might run away, even though he’s holding onto my hand tightly.

I’m not a great ice skater, but I can manage to stay upright, unlike him. As soon as we’re on the ice, he’s clutching onto the railing like it’s a lifeline, and he’s a drowning man caught in a current. A smile spreads across my face, my fingers itching to take out my phone and snap a picture. Big bad boy Simon, looking like a comic book character as his legs slither under his body involuntarily. But that would be mean. So, I only take a mental picture of the scene.

Now, it’s my turn to extend my hand. He reaches for it, but instead of holding onto it, he uses it to pull me closer to him until he can throw both of his arms around my shoulders.

“If I’m going down, I’m taking you with me,” he threatens with a grin, and I shake my head, smiling.

Slowly but surely, I start skating. He’s holding onto me for dear life, and I almost fall a few times. We regain our balance at the last moment, though .

“Listen, you have to at least try, or we’re both going to fall on our butts,” I whine after another near-ground experience.

“But it’s more fun this way,” he whines back teasingly, and I reach behind me to poke his side. He fucking giggles .

“I’ll give you fun.” My grin is full of mischief as I reach back both of my hands with outstretched fingers. He lets go of me, but he can’t escape. I turn around and attack his ribs, trying to tickle him. He evades me, at least as well as he can, without falling onto the ice. I definitely have the advantage here.

At least, I think I do. Suddenly, in one swift move, he turns around to fight back. Just as he reaches me, though, he loses his balance.

“Fuck,” I shriek, laughing and close my eyes in anticipation of the impact. Less than a second later, I’m on the ground. A warm ground that… moves? Huh?

When I open my eyes again, I’m lying on Si. His hand is cupping the back of my head, and his chest is trembling under me. Oh shit, is he hurt?

Oh no, he’s laughing.

And suddenly, I’m laughing too. What the hell are we doing here? Playing lovey-dovey couple instead of talking through things like the adults we are. And lovey-dovey is definitely not the word to describe us so far.

I look at him. His arm wanders down to lay heavily on the small of my back, keeping me right on top of him.

“I like you here,” he admits quietly, his other arm reaching up to brush a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“In Windmeadow?” I wonder, raising my eyebrow .

“With me,” he says so softly I can barely hear it. The emotion in those two words makes my heartbeat speed up, and my stomach do a backflip. “On top of me. Both are great,” he continues, and I slap his chest, causing him to chuckle, but I can’t get the smile off my face.

“I think I’m starting to like it too,” I confess and hide my face in his chest.

“Get a room!” Phoebe’s voice echoes over the rink, and I grin, raising my middle finger in her general direction.

“She has a point, you know?” he whispers, his hand playing with the hair strand he was trying to place behind my ear, twirling it between his fingers.

“Yeah?” I fold my hands on top of his sternum and rest my chin on them. “We started this with fucking, and look where it got us. I don’t think it’s wise to do the exact same thing again.” I take a second to think. Being this cryptic is easy but not helpful at all. “If we do this, I want to do this properly. Dating. Getting to know you. Building trust. There’re tons of issues both of us need to work through if we want to give ‘us’ a real chance.” He nods in agreement. “Once we’re there, you can hate fuck me as much as you want to.”

He gets up effortlessly, taking me with him until he can set me on my feet with ease.

“I think I would like that,” he says, his face close to mine. My heart melts into a puddle the way he bites his lip as though he’s trying to suppress a smile. He’s not successful. His eyes betray it all.

“Firstly, though.” I take his hand and pull us to the barricade. I feel a bit ridiculous, pulling this giant of a man after me. “You’re on strike two,” I remind him once we reach it, and he can lean on it for balance. “One more, and you’re out. I mean it, Si.” I catch his gaze. His face turns solemn as he’s grasping the gravity of what I’m telling him. “I just got out of a relationship where I was the literal punching bag; I’m not about to turn into a verbal one. Pick up a sport, hobby, whatever to let out your frustrations. But not me. Never me again. Can you promise me that?”

“I promise.” He holds up his pinky finger, and I link it with mine. “Now, let’s do some rounds so I can woo you.”

“With your delectable skating skills? Or grunty one-word answers?” I raise my eyebrow at him teasingly.

“With my charm and quick wit.” He winks confidently. Therapy really must be doing wonders for him. He’s so much more carefree than he was three weeks ago. It makes me optimistic for how mine is going to go. Obviously, I know progress will not happen overnight, but I hope it will help me find some of my carefreeness again.

“You can certainly try your best to win me over.” I offer him my hand again, and we slowly skate along the rink, the barricade in reach at all times. I’m not risking any broken bones or fractures here; we’re not teenagers anymore, after all.

I wave at Phoebe as we skate past where she’s sitting on a bank, observing the scurry of people. Knowing her, I’m sure she’s just here to enjoy watching people falling on their butts like we used to do together back in high school.

I hear her cheering and whistling whenever Si and I get close, laughing whenever we fall on our butt despite all precautions. After an hour, my butt is sore, and my stomach hurts from laughing so much.

“Come on,” he finally says as we skate towards the exit. “Let’s get some hot chocolate and marshmallows. Then I’ll kiss you goodnight and have you back home by midnight. Does that sound alright, Cinderella?”

I nod fervently excitement bubbling in my stomach as a smile threatens to split my face in half. “That sounds great.”

Which is an understatement. It’s the perfect date, really. Perfect for me.

The longer the evening goes on, the more convinced I am that I made the right choice by giving him one last chance. We take two hours to drink our hot chocolates. After an hour, they’ve almost turned into milkshakes in the cold winter air, because we forget about them while talking, but we don’t care. We talk. And we laugh. And we look at each other dreamily, still in disbelief that this is really, finally happening.

He's charming. Attentive. He really listens to me when I talk and asks questions that keep me talking for hours. After my catastrophe of an ex boyfriend, I'm not used to that kind of attention and patience anymore, but with him, it feels so natural. We talk about life and he tells me all about how Jake managed to embarrass himself on tours and shows. I'm delighted to hear that my dear brother has managed to lock himself out of his hotel room drunk and in his underwear not once, but twice already!

Time passes in the blink of an eye and disappointment settles in my stomach when it's time to go. As promised, Si is bringing me home.

“Why are we stopping here?” I ask him when he comes to a halt down the street instead of Grandma’s driveway.

“I want to walk you to your door,” he admits shyly, and I beam at him, heat creeping up my cheeks. The smile remains on my face as I get out of his car. It’s not like Lola. Lola has an antique charm, like stains on the seats from when I spilt a pumpkin spice latte on the backseat two years ago that I never quite managed to get out of the upholstery and the smell of my small cinnamon air refresher. Meanwhile, his smells completely new, like plastic and production hall. Definitely not a Lamborghini, though. I wonder if he bought it or if he’s renting it.

When we’re ten steps away from the car, it starts to snow. Little flakes are descending from the sky in a dancing flurry, settling in my hair and wool scarf. I smile at the sky and open my mouth, trying to catch one of them with my tongue, to Si’s amusement.

He continues to pull me along, making sure I don’t trip with my eyes still facing the sky, stopping right in front of the door. My eyes wander from the sky to him, finding his intent gaze fixed on me, jumping between my eyes and my lips.

“I would really like to kiss you goodnight,” he says breathily, his eyes settling on my lips.

“That’s good because I’d really like you to kiss me goodnight,” I whisper back, my lips stretching into a smile. I bite my lip to keep my face from breaking into two with how wide it is getting.

“That’s good,” he whispers and leans down. His hand cups my cheek, burning hot against my cold skin, his thumb gently caressing my temple. Slowly, he inches closer, his eyes not leaving mine until his warm lips find mine.

The kiss is unlike any other we had. The way he kissed me in the elevator was a spark that made fireworks ignite inside me. This one is like lighting a candle, with a gentle warmth spreading inside me before it envelops me, building a bubble of hot air around us.

My hands wander up his arms until my hands lock behind his neck, holding onto him like a rope, keeping a hot air balloon on the ground .

I’m out of breath and dizzy when he lets me go, remaining only millimeters away from my face. I can feel the breeze of his eyelashes fluttering against my skin as he opens his eyes.

“Will you unblock me? Or do I need to continue writing letters? Because I totally will.” I look at him, taking in the teasing smile playing on his lips, searching his eyes for… something, finding only sincerity in them. And suddenly, the decision seems not hard at all.

I wrestle my phone out of my pocket and type on the screen with cold fingers. One second later, our chat is open again. I hold my phone up for him to see.

“Thank you.” I see a flash of his white teeth as he pulls his lip between them. “I’ll message you. Good night, Harper,” he whispers into the night. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams, Si,” I whisper right back. He presses his lips against mine in a short kiss before he takes a step back. Just before he turns around, I catch another glimpse of the sweet smile playing on his lips.

I watch him as he makes the walk back to his car, my cheeks still red and my lips tingling from his kiss. And in that moment, something inside me settles, and I just know.

I’ve made the right decision.