Counterpoint (Hystoria #3)

18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

“Why aren’t you asleep, Hon?” Grandma pops her head around the doorframe to the living room and looks at me, concerned. It’s only midnight, but it’s way past our usual bedtime.

“Too many thoughts; I can’t sleep,” I admit and scoot aside to make some space for her on the couch.

“Is this about that Simon boy?” I chuckle at her use of ‘boy.’ To her, we will probably never grow up. Just like Jake and I won’t.

“Yes, it is.” I pull my knees to my chest and sink my chin on them. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know the full story, and I don’t know if I want to know it,” she says quietly as she sits down next to me. “And I know you don't want my unsolicited advice. But I can tell you what I’m observing.”

“And that is?”

“A woman who bounced back spectacularly after a bad relationship ended horribly.” She rubs my shoulder lovingly, and I raise my head to look at her. “And if that guy helped you with that? I don’t think he can be that bad.”

“He did something really awful, though.” I grimace and lean against her.

“Oh, Hon, don’t we all at some point?” she asks and chuckles, rubbing soothing circles on my shoulder. “No matter if intentionally or not. But what defines us is how we handle it.”

I let her words sink in. She’s right. It would be a lie to say I’ve never made mistakes. I remember how hurt Jake was when he visited me in the hospital, how much it pained him that I didn’t ask him for help way earlier. I guess it’s not completely comparable to what Simon did, yet the result was the same. Pain.

Jake also didn’t trust me right after that stunt. He’d come over to my place every single day to check on me. He made sure I ate and got some fresh air and sun. Looking back, it also took me a long time to regain his trust.

Yet, his behavior never quite went back to how it was before. Even during his album release party, he made it a point to see that I ate. Once he knew about what Tom did to me, he fell right back into this pattern, not leaving me alone for long and making sure I wouldn’t fall into a depressed hole.

It annoyed me, but I really should be more thankful now that I think about it.

And thinking back about my fight with Si, I know that he's not the only one to blame for the way it escalated. Even though I've apologized to him for calling him pathetic, I feel bad. It was a low blow, one he didn't deserve after admitting his fears to me.

“That’s too wise for this time of night,” I tell her quietly but with a smile on my face.

She pats my shoulder. “I think now is the best time for it. Or would you rather have a spiked hot chocolate before I bestow wisdom?”

“Preferably yes.” I chuckle. “But I think that’s enough wisdom for today. Thank you, Grandma.”

“You’re welcome, Hon. Go to sleep soon, or I’ll worry.” She pats my shoulder one last time before getting up from the couch.

“Will do,” I promise her. “Sleep well.”

She smiles at me and gets up, leaving me alone with my thoughts. At least they distract me from the eerie silence of the night.

“So, how do you like the apartment?” Grandma asks me as we step out of the building.

The settlement money from my former employer hit my bank account a few days ago, and I lost no time contacting a local realtor. Living together with Grandma is great, but both of us are just not used to living with other people full-time anymore. It’s not like we’re constantly fighting or anything, but I think the situation exhausts both of us. Not that she’d ever admit it. I know she would never make me feel like I’m not welcome at her home, but I need to do this for me.

Sure, I could wait until the result of Tom’s lawsuit has been made. Maybe he’ll agree to my terms, and I’ll have some more money to put into a house or at least a downpayment. So far, they haven’t replied to my demands, though, according to Sabrina.

“I liked the apartment,” I tell her and lock my arm with hers. “You know me, I’m a huge fan of the big windows and a lot of daylight, and I really like the way it’s cut. I’m not so sure about the location, though.”

Windmeadow only has two restaurants, and the apartment is located right above one of them. Which sounds convenient, but I know my Windmeadow people. In the summer, they like to hang out on terraces and have drinks until the early morning, no matter which weekday. And knowing drunk people, I’m sure they won’t hold quiet conversations. Knowing them, there will be singing, maybe some dancing and definitely a lot of loud talking. I’m not so sure I want to deal with that.

“Understandable,” Grandma grimaces. “I guess it’s going to get loud in a restaurant.”

“Exactly. And this might be the city snob in me speaking, but their food isn’t good enough to cancel that out,” I let her know in a loud whisper, making her chuckle. “It’s fine, though. I’m sure there are other apartments available.”

“I heard Barbara’s son is leaving the country,” Grandma contemplates as we round the corner. It’s a nice day, and since the apartment isn’t far from her place, we walked there. “Finally. That poor guy needs to escape his mother’s clutches. Did you know that she still packs him lunch?”

“Isn’t he, like, thirty?” I ask her, confused.

“Thirty-two,” she corrects me. I whistle. “There’s a rumor that she has access to one of those door camera thingies at his place, and he still has a curfew. ”

“No way!” I exclaim, and Grandma quickly covers my mouth.

“Shush, we don’t want the whole town to hear you!” she chastises me, but it only makes me laugh. “Anyways. He has a cute house on the outskirts of town. It’s small, but it has its charm.” Her cheek twitches, telling me she’s trying to contain a smile.

“So by ‘charm’ you mean it’s a fixer-upper?” I take a moment to contemplate it. The settlement money could be enough to buy a cheap property and renovate a house. Although it would require a lot of DIY effort and penny-pinching, it’s absolutely a possibility. I don’t think I could afford additional furniture, though, and it would mean I’d have to live with Grandma until the renovations are complete. Which is not a hard no for me, but I’ll have to think about it and weigh my options.

“It might need some renovations,” she shrugs. “I’m sure that Simon boy would help you out if you resolve your issues.”

“I’m not going to forgive him just so he can help me renovate,” I say, feigning outrage at her suggestion.

“I’m just saying…” She shrugs again, and I burst into giggles. “You’re meeting him this afternoon, right?”

“Yes, thanks for reminding me,” I thank her sarcastically. I’d just gotten distracted enough that my thoughts finally didn’t revolve around meeting Si.

“And do you know what your answer is going to be?”

I laid awake half of the night thinking about him. I spent hours thinking about what my answer would be and what a potential relationship could look like. What I want it to look like. And if I’m even ready for a new relationship after how my last one ended.

Jake got me a contact with a virtual therapist, and I’ve already had a session with her. I’m not sure how I like her yet, but I guess that’s something that I need a few more sessions to work out. I asked her if jumping into this hook-up situation with Si was some kind of trauma response, but she only played the question right back at me and asked why I thought that.

Maybe downplaying what happened between us and reducing it to a trauma response was a way to guard my heart. Maybe he implied that he wanted more, but I was so occupied with processing all those sudden changes in my life that I didn’t realise it.

Fact is, I have a lot to work through, and it’s going to take a lot of effort. The only conclusion I came to after hours and hours of thinking is that the biggest question is if I trust Simon to work through those issues with me.

“I don’t think I have one yet,” I tell Grandma as we turn into her street. “We’ll see how it goes.”