Crave (Beneath The Secrets #3)

81. Alexei

CHAPTER 81

ALEXEI

Song- Sleep Token, Alkaline

I'd do anything to swap places with her.

Squeezing her frail hand tighter, I try to let her know that I’m with her. That I’m never leaving her side again.

More fucking tears roll down my cheeks, I don’t bother wiping them. I don’t care.

This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Worse than the beatings my father gave me as a kid.

Watching helplessly as the woman I love lies there in a hospital bed.

I don’t know whether the anger is worse than the heartache. How did we all miss this?

I should have done more. I shouldn’t have left her.

The doctors told me her body was shutting down from exhaustion. She hasn’t been eating, or keeping food down for weeks. Weeks?

I wish I could understand why she does this. She’s perfect as she is. She says it’s about control, a way to cope with life.

I left and she nearly kills herself. The doctors warned me if she doesn’t get help, her body will eventually give up on her.

I’ll lose her. Then we will all be without her light in our lives.

My tears turn into full sobs and I don’t know how to make it stop.

I don’t even hear Nikolai come through the door, but I sit back when I feel his heavy palm on my shoulder.

“Alexei.”

I look up at him, not removing my fingers laced through Lara’s.

“I-is she okay?”

I sniffle and shake my head.

“Her body started to shut down, Nikolai. Overworking to compensate for her lack of food. She was starving herself to death. So no. She’s not okay.”

Pain flashes across his face as he looks at his sister.

“Fuck. We’ve been so busy trying to find you, we thought she was coping. Considering.”

That’s it.

I fly up out of my chair and get in his face.

“Fuck looking for me. I’m not more important than her.” I point to Lara.

“She is everything to me. It would have been pointless even getting me out of that jail if she didn’t survive. I’d die without her. Don’t you get it? There is no me without her. I’m so in love with that woman.”

I’m almost out of breath by the time I finish letting it all out.

He tilts his head and looks back and forth between us.

“What kind of love?” he asks quietly.

“Like you and Mila. Sofia and Jax. The love of a lifetime.”

He shakes his head almost in disbelief.

“What?” I press.

“She never said. You never said? How long? I-I, she’s my sister? You protect her, you love her, no doubt. But a relationship? Really?”

I step forward getting in his face. He thinks I’m not good enough? That makes two of us. But I am never letting her go.

“What? The man who has dedicated his life to her safety. That would die for her? That will love her with everything he has for eternity?”

Nikolai steps back.

I turn and look at Lara and a fresh wave of sadness washes over me.

“Fuck.” I pull at my hair, already feeling guilty for my outburst at my best friend.

Mikhail.

Oh my god. In all of this, visions of the plane going down plague me. When she wakes up, this could break her.

“None of this matters. I just need her back, Niki.”

He offers me a sad smile, and wraps a strong arm around my shoulders.

“She’s going to pull through and she’s going to be so happy when she sees you here. You just gotta be strong for her, okay?”

“You aren’t mad?”

He chuckles and stands back.

“We all knew how much you both loved each other this entire time. I just never thought you’d get your head out your ass and realize it.”

I blow out a shaky breath.

“You’ll look after each other. I know that. I trust you with her.”

I take my seat next to Lara, placing my hand over hers again.

Niki lets out a sigh. “And are you okay? After your adventure?”

I shrug. I’m alive. This heartbreak is worse.

“I always wondered what jail was like. Don’t recommend it. We gotta stay out of those places.”

He chuckles and for the first time in a while, I smile too.

No matter what, this grump has always been family to me.

“What did she make you do?”

I clench my jaw. I’ll always hate myself for this one kill. Butcher was a good guy, well, to me anyway.

“Kill an old guy. I swear when I see her again, I’ll end her myself. Leaving me in there to rot. I’m lucky Drago saw sense, thanks to Mikhail.”

We both stiffen at his name.

My head hangs over her limp fingers. “Fuck. Niki. How do we tell her?”

He steps closer, resting his hand on the edge of the bed.

“First we let her come back to us. We help her heal. And we do everything we can to track him down. Dead or alive, we bring our brother home. I’ll let you decide when the time is right, she hates being left out of the loop. So the sooner the better.”

I nod in agreement. I can never lie to Lara.

“We just have to wait for her to be ready to come back to us.”

And then I’ll do everything I can to help her. I don’t care what. Or how long it takes.

I just need my pchelka happy and healthy. That’s all I ask for in life.