Cruel Alpha Daddy (Silver Meadows Wolves #4)

Chapter 5 - Rider

I stride out of the tent, trying to stay in control. For most of my life, I was fueled by anger and always acted out of instinct. It got me into trouble so many times.

When I left Fiona and found Sawpit Pack, I thought it was the perfect place for me. I deserve punishment for all the hurt I’ve done, and Jethro convinced all of us that living rough, staying wild, was the only existence we were worthy of. I let my dark side take me over and embraced a life of violence and crime.

It felt so good to finally give in to it. It made me wonder why I fought it for so long.

As I walk quickly away from the tent to the main camp, my stomach lurches in my guts, and I feel a sharp ache in my chest.

Bad memories are never too far away. They are always right there, waiting to reach up and strangle the hope from my heart.

My feelings changed almost overnight, and for one reason.

Kyle.

From the first moment he entered the pack, I could tell there was something different about him. He seemed to have an innate strength, a shred of goodness that no amount of darkness could destroy. I was drawn to it.

I thought maybe if I could be like him, then I’d be worthy of a real family… of love.

I pause at the edge of the trees, watching the camp. Women are sitting by the fires while children run and play between the tents. Towards the back of the camp, I can see men cutting up a carcass for a feast. I’m relieved that they managed to hunt something. Food has been a little scarce lately, which always increases tension in the pack.

When Kyle died, my world fell apart in a way it never had before. The loneliness and rage in me completely consumed my soul. This seemed the eternal proof that there was no hope in this world, and the right thing to do was shut down my heart so I could never connect with anyone ever again.

In the aftermath of Kyle’s death, I was grateful I left Fiona the way I did. I knew I’d done the right thing for both of us.

Jethro’s words were always persuasive, but when I sunk into a well of horrific loss and hopelessness, they began to sound like perfect wisdom. I did terrible things by his command, and perfect savagery became my nature.

Then I found out Kyle was still alive.

Even though I was angry and hurt, I was also relieved. I couldn’t wish him any harm. Those were confusing days for me. Finally, I decided I still wanted to be like Kyle. If he could save himself, so could I… and maybe save the rest of Sawpit Pack as well.

It gave me purpose. I am still grateful for that. Looking out over the pack now, I know I still want this for all of them.

They deserve safety and comfort. I have to do better for them.

“Hey, Rider!”

A groan slips out through my lips, but I suppress it as I turn towards the voice. Tobias and a few of his goons are advancing towards me, all of them still looking pumped from the hunt.

“Yes, Tobias?”

“We aren’t done talking,” Tobias says, stopping in front of me and folding his arms across his massive chest.

I stare at him with a dull, bored expression. He doesn’t scare me.

“I’m done talking to you,” I answer flatly.

His eyebrows shoot up, and his eyes widen. I hold back a grin.

Tough guys are so fucking easy to trigger.

“I want to talk about the girl,” he growls.

“What about her?” I narrow my eyes and harden my voice, glaring at him.

“We wanted to send a signal to Bailey’s pack. Seeing you back out has made me question your motives… and your strength. Some of us don’t like the way this pack is headed.”

“Are you calling me weak?” I ask, almost whispering.

Tobias grins, and I know that’s exactly what he’s saying. “It’s been a long time since we had any real fun,” Tobias says. “You stopped us from hitting gas stations and stuff—there’s been no violence or mayhem. We miss it. This pack has always been about taking what we need and fucking over everyone we can.”

I keep my eyes locked on Tobias’s and take a small step forward.

“Let me make one thing perfectly clear,” I whisper. “That bitch you brought back is a beauty. From the moment I saw her, I knew I wanted her to be mine. I don’t give a literal fuck what you do, but keep your paws off my luna. Do you understand?”

I’ve deliberately ignored everything he said. The majority of the pack wants to get out of a life of crime, and this is not the time to call a meeting to clear it up.

Fiona is the only thing that matters to me, and I want Tobias to understand she’s mine .

Tobias frowns and shakes his head. “You never cared about having a woman before. Like, ever. It seems strange you’d decide to do it today. Are you scared Bailey’s going to come after you if we drop her corpse in his territory?”

I don’t hesitate. My fist flies out, and I smash him in the jaw so hard, he stumbles back. While he’s staggering, I spin and kick him in the guts, using all the strength in my body. Tobias is thrown off his feet to land on the ground with enough force that his bones crack. The heel of my boot is on his throat before he can react.

“Bailey better fucking come for her!” I yell. “Because she’s mine! I claimed her, and she’s my property now. I’ll fight anyone that tries to get in my way, and I’ll fucking kill you if you even look at her sideways. Got it?”

Tobias glares at me, and I slowly lean forward, crushing his throat with my heel. His buddies don’t even twitch—none of them want to take me on. They remember how I fought in all of Jethro’s little games. I flogged Tobias more than once.

“Okay,” Tobias croaks. “I got it.”

I jam my heel down just a little more, letting him know I could break his neck if I wanted to. Then I step back and let him up.

“If you think I did this to avoid trouble with Bailey, then fine, fucking believe it,” I say, my voice harsh. “But the truth is, she is the tastiest little piece I’ve ever seen, and the only she-wolf I’ve ever wanted to own.”

Well, that’s the truth at least.

Tobias nods, rubbing his throat as he shuffles away with his cronies. I head to the main cookfire and grab a plate of potatoes and roast meat to take back to Fiona.

It’s more important than ever to keep her inside my tent. Making her my property keeps her safe, but it could also make her a target if Tobias decides to go after me.

I slip through the tent flap, looking around for Fiona. She’s turned on one of the lamps and is sitting on a pile of cushions near the table. She still looks sad, but at least she’s stopped crying.

“I brought you some food,” I say, walking over and putting it on the table. I deliberately stay out of her space, sitting on the floor at the opposite end of the low bench. We don’t have real chairs, only a few fold-up ones, and my bed is just a camp bed. I usually end up sleeping on the floor.

We move around so much, having actual furniture is a burden.

I used to enjoy living like this, but now I can’t help wondering what it would be like to have a house, a real home that’s all mine. In the past, the idea felt like confinement, but under the right circumstances, it could be a comfort.

And safety, security, and hope.

“Are you okay?” I ask Fiona, knowing she isn’t, but I have to break the silence somehow.

She turns her head and glares at me. Her eyes are such a deep blue, they look black in the low light. Her face is fierce and determined.

This is not the sweet girl I left in Delta all those years ago.

“Do you think I’m alright?” she snaps. “I got kidnapped, nearly violated, then forced into marriage. How is any of this okay?”

I swallow hard. “Look, I did what I had to do. Even though I’m trying to make changes, this pack is still unstable. Claiming you as my own was the only way to keep them off you.”

“You have to let me go,” she whispers, her face softening a little. “Please, you don’t understand.”

“I can’t,” I mutter. “The rest of the pack will shred me.”

That, and I can’t bear to lose you. Not again.

“Just pretend I escaped,” she says.

“I’d look fucking incompetent!” I answer, my voice rising. “You just don’t get it.”

“No, you don’t get it!” she yells, standing up. “I have to get back!”

“Why?” I shout, standing to face up with her. “What is so fucking important?”

She hesitates for a moment, and I see something flicker in her eyes. “My life!” she says, lowering her voice. “I have a good life in Silver Meadows. One I built for myself after you left me!”

I can see the hurt on her face, and it forces me to take a step back. All the wonderful nights we shared together are coming back to me. The feeling of her in my arms made me indescribably happy.

That’s why I had to leave. Everyone I love leaves me, one way or the other. I couldn’t stand to get hurt like that again. And she deserves so much better than me.

“This is fucked,” I mutter, shaking my head and staring at the ground. “This is all so fucked up. I didn’t want to do this, Fiona. Now we’re stuck together, and there’s no way out.”

“I’m not surprised this feels like a burden to you,” she hisses at me. “After the way you left. Why didn’t you just let them have me if that’s how you feel?”

I look up at her, my eyes burning, but I refuse to let my emotions show. “I don’t want you to get hurt,” I say. “That is the truth.”

“It’s a bit late for that, Rider,” she snaps, turning away from me.

I back away slowly, going through the tent flaps to stand outside. It’s almost full-on night, with only a faint blush of twilight around the edges of the sky. I stare up at the stars, clenching my fists as the pain inside me forces my heart to constrict in my chest.

What am I going to do?

I want her back, I know that much. I’m dying to feel her in my arms again. I’m still afraid of love, of loss, and that I can never be the kind of man she deserves.

But I want to try. I can’t stand to lose her again. So I at least have to try, or I’ll never forgive myself.