Cruel Alpha Daddy (Silver Meadows Wolves #4)

Chapter 9 - Rider

All the way back to the village, my mind is churning. The more I think about it, the more obvious it becomes that she’s lying to me.

She’s so desperate to get back, she keeps putting herself in danger. It doesn’t make sense.

I hold on to her hand the whole way, completely aware that I’m holding her too tightly, but I can’t loosen my grip. I’m afraid of what might happen to her if the gang comes back, but now I’m also scared that her heart belongs to someone else, despite what she told me.

I deserve this. I let her go and treated her terribly. Of course she found someone else.

It takes a long time to hike back to the cabin because I’m not taking the risk of her running off in her wolf form. I believe I’ve given Tobias enough incentive to stay away from her, but I also know that sometimes, for very bad people, this kind of thing only makes them worse.

If he was a dog, I’d put him down.

Part of me knows that’s exactly what I should do. I can’t kill the last shred of compassion in me, though. Everyone deserves a chance to be saved, and Tobias is just like the rest of us—abandoned, used, and forgotten. He’s never had anyone to care for him, and had no chance to learn compassion on his own.

It was still his own choice to turn into a violent monster.

This thought sends a flash of pain through me. No one knows more about being a violent monster than I do. If I can change, then so can he. I can’t just murder him in cold blood without giving him that chance.

By the time we reach the valley, I’m so tired, I could drop where I stand. I’ve spent most of the day running, and I’ve got no reserves left. Still, I’m very careful to keep a tight hold on Fiona, even as exhaustion creeps up on me.

When we enter the town, it’s still and quiet. It looks like everyone has moved into the buildings and is sleeping soundly. I see Ryan standing outside the main hall, keeping watch, and give him a nod. He waves back, indicating that all is well.

Even though I was angry with my brothers for letting her escape, I didn’t waste much time yelling at them. Fiona is so determined to leave, no one could have stopped her. Punishing my friends won’t fix the situation.

Back in my cabin, I find the others have left some food and bottled water for us. I sit down at the table, bringing Fiona with me, and I reluctantly let go of her hand as she takes a seat.

“Are you going to hold my hand forever?” she asks, her eyes glinting angrily.

“If I have to,” I snap, glaring back at her.

There is a terrible rage in me, a burning hot fury I haven’t felt for a long time. I know I should be directing it at Tobias, but I can’t help being angry with Fiona as well. I try to focus on my food, but images of what Tobias and the others would have done to her keep running through my mind. Each one brings a new stab of fear that only fuels my rage.

I look up at Fiona. She looks so soft and fragile in the low light. I only lit one lamp on the way in, and most of her face is hidden by shadows. The golden glow of her hair shimmers against the dark, and I can see the deep blue of her eyes, like endless oceans.

She looks up at me, and I want to let go of my anger, but along with the images of her being hurt, I also have thoughts of her in the arms of another man.

Laughing and happy as he holds her and kisses her…

No, no… I can’t bear it!

“Are you done?” I ask abruptly, standing up. She jumps a little.

“I guess so.”

“Come with me.”

Her eyes turn hard, but she gets up and lets me lead her to the bedroom. I take the chain off the door and see her look of surprise, but it quickly turns to anger when she realizes what I’m going to do with it.

“You can’t chain me to the bed!”

“Watch me.”

“This is barbaric! Rider, stop!”

“No!” I pull on her arm, making her stumble against the bed. I attach the chain around her wrist and secure it with a small lock, then wrap the end of the chain around the bedpost. It’s a very old wrought-iron, four-poster bed, extremely heavy and solid as a rock.

“Rider,” she gasps, crying. “Please, don’t.”

“Get on the bed.”

“What?”

“Lie down right fucking now!”

Trembling, she does. The chain is too short for her to move much, so she curls up close to the bedpost.

I get into bed with her, spooning her gently and wrapping my arms around her. “I won’t be able to fall asleep unless I know you’re safe,” I say, stroking her hair. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She cries, small sobs slipping out from between her lips as she tries to hide her sorrow from me. I’m tired and too confused to think much about it, so I let myself drift off to sleep.

When I wake in the morning, Fiona is still in my arms, her eyelids flickering a little as she dreams. I slip out quietly to find some breakfast. Outside, the village is bustling. Seeing my pack hurrying around, cheerfully cleaning up the town to make it a home, warms my heart.

“Tucker!” I call, seeing my pack brother by the main hall. “What’s the word?”

He hurries over to me, beaming. “It’s the best night’s sleep anyone had in weeks,” he says. “Today, we’re working on repairing the buildings, and the women have started cleaning. If you head into the main hall, there’s breakfast for everyone.”

“Good. Keep me updated, will you?”

“I will. How’s our luna?”

My breath catches in my throat, making my palms feel sweaty. There’s no way to sugar-coat this.

“Not well.”

Tucker frowns a little. “Sorry to hear that. We are all hoping for her to join us soon. We need a strong pair to lead us into our new future.”

“I agree,” I answer with conviction. “Just give me regular reports on the improvements. I’ll talk to Fiona.”

“No problem,” Tucker says, heading off.

In the main hall, they are serving bacon and eggs, fresh bread rolls, coffee, and tea. I get a thermos of coffee and a couple of plates of food, then go back to the cabin.

When I arrive, Fiona is awake but won’t speak to me. To my dismay, she barely picks at her food. I spend the entire day with her, and my anger slowly bleeds away, leaving only deep concern.

I can’t stand to see her like this.

Days pass, and she still won’t talk to me. I stop sleeping in the same bed with her, bringing in a camp bed for myself, but it doesn’t help. Fiona refuses to eat, barely drinks any water, and won’t speak a word.

By the fourth day, I realize that her happiness and health are worth more to me than anything else. I know I can’t just let her go, but I can’t leave her like this, either.

The next morning, I wake before dawn. The village is quiet, and I’m sure everyone else is still asleep. When I look over at Fiona, she’s watching me, but aside from opening her eyes, she hasn’t moved.

With a deep, rattling sigh, I go over to the bed, pulling out my key. Her eyes go wide with shock as I unlock the chain on her wrist.

“Will you come with me?” I ask. “Come out for a run, please?”

Fiona sits up, looking at me with suspicion. “Is this like a prison yard exercise?” she asks. “Are you going to chain me up again the second we get back?”

I shake my head. “Just come out with me and watch the sunrise. I want to talk to you.”

She nods and follows me outside. We shift and run into the woods. Fiona stays by my flank. I was ready for her to bolt away from me—and I truly don’t know if I would chase her or let her go.

She follows me into the next valley, where there’s a gentle waterfall and a small, deep pool beneath it. I plunge into the water, letting the icy rush awaken me. I shift back into my human shape, rinsing the dirt off my skin and out of my hair.

Fiona is doing the same, and even though I turn away from her to be polite, I keep my senses on high alert in case she tries to run. Tobias and his guys haven’t returned yet, but they will. I’m still not sure what I’ll do with them, but the only thing that matters is keeping Fiona safe.

I sit on the bank, and when Fiona is done bathing, she joins me. I stare at the bright line heralding the sun as it glows against the far-off mountain tops.

“I want to explain myself,” I begin, my throat so tight with emotion, I can barely get the words out. “I want you to know why I left you.”

She doesn’t speak, and when I look up, her eyes are fixed on mine, shimmering with emotion. I sigh, closing my eyes briefly.

This is one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to endure.

“When you asked me to come back to Silver Meadows with you, I got scared. Terrified, actually.”

“Scared of being with me?” she asks, surprised. “But we were so good together.”

I shake my head. “No. I mean, yes, I was scared of being with you. But it wasn’t just that. I could see it all so clearly. A normal little house, on a suburban street filled with other pretty houses. A silly job, a routine… just like a regular person.”

She laughs softly. “Is that a bad thing?”

I turn and look into her eyes, trying to impress on her how serious this is. “It looks like a prison to me, Fiona,” my voice cracks as I open my heart to her. I can hardly breathe, but I keep going.

“I’ve been on the run, moving around for as long as I can remember. I was born in jail. I don’t even remember my mother. I was sent out to a home with my twin brother.”

“Jesus!” she curses. “I had no idea.”

“It’s not a fun topic,” I mutter. “So, it’s not like I’d just bring it up.”

“I understand that. But it would have helped me to know this, Rider.”

Another sigh eases out of me. “Well, I’m not done. I was in a home with my brother Pete for a couple of years. Then he got adopted, but I didn’t. We vowed to find each other… but we never did.”

“Oh, Rider,” she whispers. The rising sun has brought enough light to the sky that her hair is alight with flickering gold. Her eyes look warm and gentle.

“I just started running away. All the time. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. They kept finding me and putting me in homes, but it didn’t matter. I could get out of any jam, and I was happier on the streets. I was free.”

I look back at the horizon, watching the light creep towards us. The sun is about to burst across the mountaintops and bathe us in its incandescent light.

I want to open my soul to her in exactly the same way—banish every shadow.

“When I met you in Delta, I felt something I’d never felt before. At first, I just let myself fall. It felt so good, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t even think about it. I knew it was temporary, and that might be the only reason I was able to let myself feel anything.”

When I look up at her again, I can see the intensity in her eyes.

She wants to know. All this time, she’s been wondering why I did it. Desperate to find out.

“When you asked me to come back to Silver Meadows, I could see that little life unfolding before me, and it looked like hell. Like a trap. It scared the fuck out of me. And as for you…”

“What? What about me, Rider?”

“It can’t be real,” I answer, the words coming out of me in a painful rush. “And even if the love between us is real, you’ll leave me. Everyone always leaves me. The only way to stay safe is to love nothing and no one.”

My voice has risen, and I don’t even care. Peter and Kyle are both on my mind now, open wounds on my heart.

Whenever I let myself care for someone, they went away. That is the only truth I know.

“Rider,” she says softly. As she reaches over to take my hand, the sun finally breaks across the horizon, bathing the mountains in gold. Fiona glows in the light, radiating beauty and love.

Yes, it is love in her eyes. Even though I don’t deserve it.

I squeeze her hand, feeling horribly exposed, but somewhere deep inside, a sharp pain has eased. Opening myself up to her has healed some of the oldest wounds in my soul. For the first time in my life, I might actually be running in the right direction.