Cruel Alpha Daddy (Silver Meadows Wolves #4)

Chapter 10 - Fiona

I can’t believe I never knew this.

My eyes are locked on Rider as he watches the sunrise. The golden light tracing across his face illuminates his scars, not just the physical ones. The breaking dawn seems to coincide perfectly with the opening of his heart.

I squeeze his hand gently. He squeezes back but doesn’t look at me. He can’t seem to look away from the sun, and I understand. He’s just revealed himself to me completely, and he’s in pain.

I knew there had to be darkness in his past. It was obvious. Nobody becomes a homeless drifter because their life is going great.

I just never imagined it could be this bad.

Questions are crowding into my mind, but I don’t know if I should ask them. It seems nosy to try, and it could be painful for him to reveal even more.

But if I don’t ask, it seems as if I don’t want to know.

“Do you… ever hear from your mom?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I could find out her name if I really wanted to. But I don’t. She gave us up. And obviously, she was a bad person, or she never would have ended up in prison.”

“Do you know why she was there?”

“No.”

“Nothing on your father?”

“No.”

Even though Rider’s face still looks fairly relaxed, I’m starting to feel like I’m grilling him, and I don’t like it.

“If you want to talk about it, I’m always here to listen.” The second the words leave my mouth, I feel terrible, because I’ve been trying to run away from him relentlessly.

Well. He did fucking kidnap me.

“Thanks,” he mutters.

I stroke his hand with my thumb, not wanting to let go of him but knowing that there is still a lot between us that has to be discussed. Even though I’ve been trying to escape, I know that part of me still wants him, and I will miss him every single day of my life if I have to leave.

Some of my old dreams flit through my mind. Right before Aunt Mabel died, I was thinking about finding a house for us, and I fantasized about our wedding all the time. The only future I could see was with Rider.

And I sure as hell didn’t picture myself barefoot and bloodied, wearing a homespun wool dress.

A sigh of pain eases out of me, and thoughts of Caleb are heavy in my mind. I miss him fiercely. I’m constantly being torn apart inside as I imagine him asking where I am. Lucy and the pack will care for him, so that’s not even an issue, but I haven’t been parted from my little boy since the day he was born.

Rider turns to look at me, and his big green eyes send a bolt of pain straight through me.

They are Caleb’s eyes. Every time I looked at my son, I saw Rider.

Conflict rages within me. Rider deserves to know he has a son. At the same time, he lives a lawless, violent life, and he isn’t a stable influence. Even though everything he’s told me explains a lot, and I have a lot of sympathy for him, none of it convinces me he will stay with me or with Caleb.

The pain of Rider walking out on me is as real as it was the day it happened, and I suddenly pull my hand away. The hurt inside me twists into anger.

“So, if you’re so scared of people leaving you, why did you leave me?” I blurt.

Rider jumps a little at my harsh words. He shakes his head. “I told you. The little picket-fence life literally scared the shit out of me. I can’t stay still like that.”

“You stayed still pretty well for a month or so in Delta. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? It was as if this is your entire gig—running around, finding vulnerable women, and making them fall for you so they will take care of you.”

“No, Fiona. I swear, I had never done that before.”

“Well, that’s how it felt. After you walked out, I started thinking about how many times you had done this. Life as a drifter must be easy when you can find lonely women to keep you in nice hotels.”

“Fiona, no, please—”

“No, you listen! You walked out on me when I needed you most. I have the utmost sympathy for you, and I understand you a lot more now, but you need to realize what you did to me. I never stopped hurting over it, Rider! I felt so used!”

Tears are bubbling up again now, and Rider turns to me, wiping them off my cheeks.

“I am truly, deeply sorry, Fiona,” he says. “I thought I was protecting you. Yes, I was afraid, and running for my own selfish reasons, but I also felt you could do much better and I should get out of the way.”

I turn my head, trying to suppress my tears. I believe him, but I don’t want to. The guilt of not telling him about Caleb is starting to weigh heavily on me, and the more Rider reveals about himself, the worse it feels.

“We should probably address this kidnapping thing, too,” I say.

Rider sighs. “I didn’t kidnap you.”

“Technically, no. But you married me, and you’re keeping me prisoner.”

He groans, putting his face in his hand. “Look. They were going to tear you apart, right there in front of me. The only way to protect you was to claim you. Now I’m stuck between a big sharp rock and a nasty hard place because if I let you go, I’ll keep the peace with Bailey but get set on by Tobias. If I don’t let you go, I might be able to negotiate with Tobias, but I’ll lose my alliance with Silver Meadows.”

“I see,” I say with a sigh. “I can’t really see an easy way out, either. What are you going to do about Tobias?”

“Well, I beat the living shit out of him for a start. I realized that I have a few of the older, original pack members behind me, which I didn’t expect. I’ve done a lot to change this place, and some of them actually appreciate it.”

I remember the women in the group, and their children. I can’t even imagine how they survived before Rider became their alpha.

Goddammit. Now I’m feeling some responsibility here, too. I’m the luna now. I could help Rider make this a respectful pack.

“Let’s get back,” Rider says, standing up. “Please, Fiona, eat something today. I’m trying, as hard as I can. I hope you understand that.”

“I do,” I answer, nodding. “I really do.”

We shift and run back through the woods. Having him by my side feels right. There is no other word for it.

He is my mate, and I can’t keep running from him.

It breaks my heart, but I have to stop trying to run away. If Rider knew why I was so determined to get back, he would probably let me go, but there’s no way to explain things to him. Not if I want to keep Caleb out of it.

So, what are you going to do? You can’t keep this secret for the rest of your life. At some point, you’ll have to choose. Return home to Caleb, or stay with Rider and never tell him.

The village comes into view, and I push the feelings away. All I can do is take it a day at a time and make the best decision I can in the moment. I can’t stay away from Caleb for much longer, but I feel too much for Rider to run again.

After we get dressed, Rider takes me to the main hall for breakfast. The atmosphere is relaxed and cheerful, and most of the pack hurries over to greet me.

“It’s good to see you, Luna,” a tall, older man says, taking my hand. “I’m Donny. This is my wife, Lilah, and my son, Todd.”

“Nice to meet you,” I say shyly. I give his hand a brief shake before turning to Lilah.

“We revere you, Luna,” she almost whispers. “We have waited a long time to see our pack made strong by the power of a she-wolf.”

There is a dark urgency in her eyes, and I’m almost overwhelmed by emotion. These women just want to protect their children, and this is the first taste of a normal life any of them have ever had.

I can’t abandon them.

Rider has walked away to talk to some of his pack brothers, and more of the women step forward to greet me. I can’t remember a single name in the huge circle of people around me, but the look of desperate hope on every face is identical.

Eventually, they take me to a table, and Rider comes to sit with me. I meet more members of the pack and his closest friends, Ryan, Tucker, and Luke. As Rider interacts with the pack, I see warmth in his eyes. He genuinely cares for these people and wants to make their lives better. The easy way he talks and the gentle, boyish smile remind me of the man I fell in love with.

But he is wild, too. That untamed nature lives within him still. He could run at any moment, just like he did before. If it destroyed me, what would it do to Caleb?

“Are you okay?” Rider asks, taking my hand and giving it a little squeeze.

“It’s overwhelming.”

“I’m sorry about that. But it’s been so long since these people had any hope or comfort. They look up to you. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, but the pack is depending on you now.”

My son is depending on me, too!

I keep my mouth shut and my eyes down. I’ve never felt so conflicted in my whole life.

Rider deserves to know!

I let go of Rider’s hand and focus on my food, trying to settle my thoughts. I’m seriously considering telling Rider everything when there is a slight commotion by the door.

A momentary silence falls as everyone looks up, then quickly returns to their breakfast. Tobias and his goons have entered the hall, emanating menace as they walk up to the main table to get some food.

Tobias looks like he went through a meat grinder. Shifters heal fast, so his injuries had to be pretty bad if they still haven’t cleared up. His friends form a little circle around him. All of them glare around the room, daring anyone to try and kick them out.

Rider doesn’t react, but he watches their every move. I try to keep my eyes down but can’t help glancing up at Tobias every few seconds.

Then, he catches my eye. He grins and makes a little kissy motion with his lips. I look away quickly and stare hard at the tabletop. He scares me, and it looks like I have good reason to be frightened.