Crying in the Rain (Hiding Behind The Couch Character and Festive Episodes)

20 Heart-to-Heart

Kris

A s K ris closed the front door, the conversation in the kitchen stopped. He unhooked Casper’s lead and let the dog go ahead of him while he took off his coat.

“Hiya, hun. Good walk?” Shauna called breezily.

“A wet one,” he replied, matching her tone. He’d caught the tail end of what she’d said, which more or less matched what he’d told Ade and hopefully had waylaid his fears that Kris was being unfaithful. Or maybe those fears were all in his own mind.

“Oh my god, dog, look at my floor!” Shaunna dashed past Kris and up the stairs.

“I’ll mop it in a minute,” he said, following the trail of muddy paw prints all along the hall and across the kitchen, to where Casper was rubbing himself dry on Ade’s legs.

“What a soggy doggy…whoa!” Laughing, Ade clung to the edge of the table, in minor danger of being knocked off his seat. “I miss this.”

“I told you, you can have him,” Kris said and got the mop out, but Casper was re-muddying the floor quicker than he could clean it, so he set the mop aside and went to take the towel Shaunna had brought down to dry the dog. She snatched it out of his reach and shooed him away. Now he didn’t know what to do. Ade seemed calm, and Shaunna was no different than usual, yet Kris felt like a stranger in his own kitchen.

“I’ll make a nightcap,” he suggested and managed to take one step towards the kettle before Ade hooked his belt loop and used it to pull him closer, lips pursed in invitation. Kris accepted, the raindrops trickling down his nose onto Ade’s upturned face so that he shivered and smiled into their kiss.

“I have a better idea,” Ade murmured.

“What’s that?”

A towel came down over both of their heads, plunging them into semi-darkness. The dog flopped noisily into his bed; Shaunna’s footsteps retreated; the stairs creaked.

“Going for a bath,” she called. The bathroom door closed loudly a moment later.

“Did we chase her away again?” Ade whispered.

“I think so,” Kris whispered back. “Want me to stop?”

“Nuh-uh.” Ade reached a hand up inside the towel and pulled Kris’s head down until their lips were pressed hard together, sliding against each other. The contrast of cool damp and soft warm was exquisite.

Slowly, without breaking contact, Ade rose to his feet and flung the towel aside. It left his hair standing on end, and Kris reached up to smooth it, bringing his palm to a rest on Ade’s cheek. Ade’s muscles tensed beneath his fingers, and he tried to move his hand away, but Ade grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“It’s OK,” he murmured. “Carry on.”

Taking him at his word, Kris combed his fingers through Ade’s hair as the kiss continued, the soft bristles of Ade’s stubble creating a wonderful tingling burn on Kris’s chin. They pulled back, nibbled lips with lips, clashed teeth, their laughter soon lost to the reconnection, tongue against tongue, slowing, slowing, a sigh, content, but needing more.

“Can we go to bed soon?” Ade asked.

Kris raised his eyebrows. “I guess you’re not talking about sleep?”

“Well, we can do that too, but it isn’t foremost in my mind. Would you rather wait?”

Kris was as aroused as Ade was, but as second dates went, today had to be the worst.

“Are we ready for that? Are you sure— ”

“I want you,” Ade breathed, lifting his lips to meet Kris’s again. “I don’t want to wait.”

“OK,” Kris agreed, still reluctant, but Ade seemed certain, and it wasn’t as if Kris didn’t want it too. Right now, he wanted it more than anything.

“I’m almost tempted to call Fergus and gloat,” Ade said, taking Kris’s hand and leading him from the kitchen. Kris couldn’t tell if he was joking or not so said nothing. “Almost,” Ade added, turning back with a grin that faded instantly when he saw Kris’s face. “I’m not actually going to call him.”

“I know.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just…” Kris glanced around, giving himself thinking time, and spotted Ade’s bag at the bottom of the stairs. “Are you taking this up with you?”

“There’s nothing I need until morning. Is it in the way?”

“No…”

Ade started up the stairs but came back down when Kris didn’t move. “What’s the matter?”

Kris attempted to speak twice before it came out, all in one stream. “Have you got condoms with you?” He wasn’t sure they’d need them—they hadn’t discussed such things yet—but it was the first thing that came to him.

Ade backtracked and picked up his bag. Kris smiled wanly.

“Come on,” Ade said, getting behind him and pushing him up the stairs. “You must be gagging for it.”

“Hey! It’s not been that long.”

“How long?”

“Er…” Kris really didn’t want to answer that question. It could, potentially, make a liar out of him.

“A year?” Ade guessed. Kris shook his head. “More or less?”

“Less.”

“Six months.”

“Less.”

“Three months. ”

“Less.”

“Two?”

“Still less.” Kris reached the top of the stairs and floundered again.

“With Shaunna?”

Kris nodded swiftly.

“Do we need to discuss this?” Ade nudged him forward.

“I guess.” Kris opened his bedroom door and made a grand gesture with his arm to welcome Ade, officially, because it was different than the previous night. This marked the beginning of their relationship for real.

Ade sat on the end of the bed and patted the space next to him. Kris sat too. Ade took his hand and looked him in the eye.

“One question, and I want the truth. OK?”

“OK.”

“Is it over with you and Shaunna?”

“Haven’t we already—”

“Hold on, hear me out. You’ve both told me it’s over, and I believe you mean it. You’re telling me what you think is the truth. You said you’re monogamous…”

“Yes.”

“Yet you slept together in the last month.”

“We did, but it was only one time, spur of the moment. There was a reunion, we’d had too much to drink, and we were both feeling…you know.” Kris shrugged. “Horny and lonely.”

“Did you use a condom?”

“Yes, for contraception. It’s not like either of us has slept with anyone else. Not since Jack.”

“It’s just that ‘we had too much to drink’ and happening to have condoms lying around, which, incidentally, come in packs of at least three, doesn’t sound very spur of the moment.”

“OK. I see where you’re coming from,” Kris said diplomatically. He could explain, if Ade gave him a chance .

“No, you don’t, because…” In a blink, Ade went from accusing to contrite. He let go of Kris’s hand and ducked his head. “I’m sorry. It’s absolutely none of my business.”

“Yeah, it is.” Kris took back Ade’s hand. “You need to know you can trust me, I get that, and I should’ve explained instead of going on about condoms. Believe it or not, I was trying to pluck up the courage for this conversation. Well, not this one exactly, but we should talk about how fast we want to take things, what we like and don’t like…”

“Consent,” Ade said.

“Yeah.”

“OK. We should definitely do that. I forget sometimes how these things are supposed to work. Can I ask, though…and this isn’t an accusation…”

“Go on.”

“The other two condoms?”

“There’s a box of about a hundred in Shaunna’s room, but I didn’t want to ask her. Not because there’s anything between us, or there is, as you’ve seen, but I promise it’s just friendship. We always use condoms—I mean used to use . They’re what’s left over, probably expired by now.” The more Kris said, the bigger the hole he was digging. Ade gave him a reassuring smile.

“You don’t have to explain. I’m just being silly. If you’re saying it won’t happen again…”

“That depends,” Kris teased, attempting to change the dynamic.

“Does it now?” Ade challenged flirtatiously. “On what, exactly?”

Kris turned and pushed Ade backwards onto the bed. “On whether you’re planning to interrogate me all night.” He paused to check Ade was OK, which his smile suggested he was, and then gently pinned him down by his arms.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to shut me…mmm…”

Kris kissed him, slowly and deeply, savouring the smell of Ade’s cologne mixed with the sweet-tea scent of his breath. He was nervous and hoping his uncertainty didn’t show in his actions, because he wanted this. He wanted to make love to this beautiful man, but he wasn’t used to taking the lead. He trailed his lips away from Ade’s, over the crest of his chin, and stopped, his attention drawn and held by the bruising. It was healing, yellow, red, purple, still horrific.

“Don’t look,” Ade said.

“I can’t help it. I wish I could kiss them all away.”

“You’re welcome to try.”

Kris glanced up to see if Ade meant it and received another smile of reassurance. He pressed his mouth to Ade’s Adam’s apple, keeping his lips soft as he carefully kissed each and every bruise.

“I didn’t bring any lube,” Ade murmured, cupping Kris’s buttocks and writhing against him.

“We can use massage oil.”

“Not oil.”

“It’s not actually oil. It’s gel.” Kris unfastened the top button of Ade’s shirt. “May I?”

“You may.”

Kris began working his way down.

“Water-based gel?” Ade asked.

“Yep. It’s very slippery.”

“Slippery is good. What do you like?”

Only two buttons to go, Kris froze. More bruises, some the size of bottle tops clustered along Ade’s ribs, one the size of a fist circling his nipple, and scars.

“Talk to me,” Ade said.

“I…can’t.”

“Tell me how you feel.”

“Sad.”

“About me?”

Kris nodded.

“Don’t be. I need you to overwrite, not highlight. ”

It took some internal arguing to convince himself, but Kris continued, pulling open the final button and peeling Ade’s shirt back, his doubts quickly dissipating at the sight of the trail of dark-red hair running downwards from Ade’s belly button and under the waistband of his pants.

The rest of their clothes came off in something of a frenzy, fears set aside in the bid to feel skin on skin. Ade pushed Kris onto his back, peppering his still-chilly torso with hot kisses, the differences in body temperature elevating every sensation. Kris rolled, taking Ade with him, and was on top once more, but it was becoming too much, and he quickly pulled away.

“Major short fuse,” he admitted. He leaned across and collected the massage gel from the bedside table. “We don’t have to…use condoms.”

“We do,” Ade said resignedly. “I think he was seeing someone else.”

“No, I mean, we can carry on doing what we were doing.”

“Oh, I see.” Ade turned onto his side and kissed Kris’s hip. “What would you like to do?” He took the bottle and tipped some of the gel onto Kris’s palm.

“Make love to you in whatever way you want.”

“I want you inside me.”

That was all Kris needed, a direction to follow.

Ade scooted down the bed, retrieved a condom from his bag and scooted up the bed again. “OK. I’m ready.”

Rubbing his palms together to warm the gel, Kris knelt beside him and smoothed his hands over Ade’s lower body, covering him in a slick, clear film, a sensual exploration, each touch eliciting a shudder.

“And you terrorised me for being ticklish,” Kris teased.

“I’m not ticklish, I’m just…super turned on right now.” Ade sat up, delivering a kiss so messy that they laughed through the fumble of getting the condom out of the packet and on to Kris.

“I’ve never done this before,” Kris admitted. “Not with a guy. ”

“It’s kind of new to me too,” Ade said but once more took the lead by lying on his side and beckoning for Kris to lie behind him. Kris did so, and immediately Ade pulled him closer, aligning their bodies.

“OK?” Kris asked.

“Perfect.” Ade turned his head, holding Kris’s gaze as he guided Kris’s hand downwards. “It feels like we’ve done this before. It’s…familiar. Comfortable.”

“Yeah.”

“How’s your short fuse?”

“Longer than it was.” Kris rocked his hips slightly and grinned. Ade laughed.

They stayed like that for a while, getting used to the probing contact and intimacy. As they began to move together, they watched each other, taking their cues from facial expressions, and they talked, or mostly Ade talked. Whether it was intentionally to reassure Kris, he didn’t know, but it had that effect, easing his anxiety that he might accidentally hurt Ade and giving him the confidence to go a little faster, a little harder.

“Oh God, yes,” Ade cried out, then clamped his hand over his mouth, and they both froze like teenagers sneaking a bit of nookie, but wherever Shaunna was, they couldn’t hear her, so hopefully, she couldn’t hear them either because Kris was close to the point of no return and Ade was already there.

That irrepressible motion took over, accompanied by Ade’s moans, muffled by his hand, while his wide eyes urged Kris on. He wanted to stay there forever, in this crescendo to climax, tingling all over from the pressure, the closeness, the heat of the friction and the desire, all of his nerve endings awakened at once in a perfect moment, a voluntary connection of souls, hearts, bodies. Ade’s muscles tensed, and Kris felt it in every part of him until his awareness was nothing outside of succumbing, first one then the other, to this gift of release and of trust.