Daddy’s Mail Order Mate (Twilight Meadows Wolves #3)

Chapter 7 - Gwen

My hope had been to keep myself to the sidelines as much as possible and just get through this unscathed. But it’s kind of hard to stay out of other people’s notice when one of the Lunas seems to have made it her personal mission to get me involved.

I stare at the back of Paige’s head as she happily strides along with the other Luna at her side, then glance along the gaggle of other women crowding around after them as well like two queens and their retinue. By this point, I’m so anxious being around all these people that I struggle to remember the names of any of them even though I’d been introduced to each one by either Paige or Quinn—the other Luna—personally.

Rowan burbles in the swaddling harness, and I carefully adjust him closer to me with a soothing hand on his back.

I hurry a step or two right up behind Paige and find a moment to lean in near her.

“Is Thorn going to be busy for a while?”

She turns to me with such excitement that I honestly get a bit startled.

“Oh, don’t worry, he’ll be back soon! Our Alphas just like to keep him updated on what’s going on with our packs and get his advice on things when he comes around. It’s really impressive that he’s so smart and dependable like that, you know?”

Quinn rolls her eyes and laughs under her breath before elbowing Paige in the side.

“What?”

“ Relax ,” Quinn urges while chuckling.

The two share a silent meaningful look where Paige practically pouts like a teenager before she smiles back at me.

“Anyways, are you okay? Do you need help with the little one or anything?”

“I’m fine.”

Paige giggles at that, which just puts me more on edge and I give her a cautious look.

“What?”

“Oh, sorry, it’s nothing. You just sound so much like Thorn. Doesn’t she Quinn?”

The other Luna shakes her head in good humor before flashing me a mellow smile.

“Just let us know if you do need anything.”

I nod and start to step back to disengage, but Paige hooks her arm around mine and draws me to walk in step with her.

“You should come sit with us for the bonfire Paige! And it’ll be easier for Thorn to find you and his baby again if you’re with us.”

I begrudgingly keep up with her and try to ignore the feeling of eyes on me. The sensation of being observed in a pack setting is one I did not miss in the slightest. The hair on my neck stands on end and I dread every second, anticipating that each one is just another opportunity for some flaw to be seen and dragged out in the open.

And when I look up, I see a set a piercing blue eyes boring into me.

I don’t know the man, but I know that sort of stare. There’s a cold animal appraisal to it. It’s the eyes of a wolf hiding behind the face of a man. It’s the stare of bestial authority waiting for the chance to snap their teeth around your neck.

He’s in the middle of helping others start to pile the wood up a good twenty feet away from us as we approach, but for some reason I can sense his stare with an uncanny alarm echoing through my bones.

Without thinking, I step a bit closer to Paige.

She glances over to me with a curious expression.

“Are you okay?”

I nod and drop my gaze, stomaching my fear as much as I can.

“Fine.”

Quinn glances deftly between us before she leans in to murmur to the other Luna. I’m close enough to catch her voice.

“I’m still worried about that guy.”

Paige smiles tightly before she whispers back.

“I trust your visions more than anything, but he hasn’t done anything wrong that I’ve been able to find out. Well, nothing wrong since Liam took over the pack. We’re all doing out best to figure out rehabilitating everyone in Portsmill, and… I don’t exactly like him either, but Liam’s pretty set on making sure that people have a chance to reform. There were people who were forced or didn’t know any better, and… I know he feels guilty for the part he had to play in all that and wants to give people the opportunity to change. And James has been getting along reasonably and being a constructive member of the pack. My hands are tied, Quinn.”

I do my best to not make it obvious I’m eavesdropping; I’ve got plenty of practice receding into the background, so it’s not too difficult. But I’m more glad than ever that I’ve resolved to never be a part of another pack again. I never want to have to deal with the politicking and hierarchy of it all ever again.

“Gwen.”

All the anxiety in my body sharpens into one unified frequency that almost feels like calm.

I look up and see Thorn beside me. The look on his face is so focused and quietly intense—he keeps staring at me like that and I don’t know what to do. It sets my heart hammering and I don’t know if it’s in fear or hope.

“Good talk?”

He grunts affirmatively.

“Oh, hey big bro!”

Thorn nods in greeting to his sister; the drastic difference in their demeanor is pretty striking. I figure people probably feel the same about me and Lucas, when they can get us in the same room.

“I’ve been taking the best care of your—of Gwen!”

“I can see that.”

A laugh almost barks out of me at that. God, I really did miss him grumpily grousing at people. And now that he’s a fully grown man, the maturity definitely settled in nicely to make it—

Attractive.

I purse my lips together, clear my throat, and wrench my thoughts back into focus. I cradle my free hand on Rowan’s back and catch Thorn’s attention.

“Want him?”

Thorn nods, and I pull my arm away from Paige to start negotiating the harness off and giving him his baby back. In the midst of the transfer, our gazes meet, and there’s a strangely softened quality to the edges of his eyes that takes my breath away.

“... Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Looking after him.”

“Of course.”

There’s a quiet look from him that I know has a question in it, but it’s not one he wants to ask, nor is it one I want to answer.

So instead, we both just file in and do our best to make our own little quiet unit among the mingling packs. It doesn’t take too long for the revelry to kick off as food and drinks are laid out, music is played, and people chatter away around the beginning blaze of the bonfire. We have the clear excuse to keep ourselves away from the worst of the crowds thanks to Rowan; Thorn is endearingly mindful of everything to do with his son, so of course he doesn’t want him too close to the smoke.

Since we aren’t members of either of the packs proper, it’s not too difficult for us to just be part of the backdrop for most of the party’s participants. And I don’t know if it’s Thorn’s presence, my own resolve, or the bottle of beer I’ve been nursing, but…

As the dusk starts to blur into the dark, I feel more of myself start to untangle. Thorn and I even share a few idle comments about things going on around us, check in on each other, and start to talk about his son’s budding personality and preferences for a bit.

“—and I think he’ll probably continue to do well on his developmental milestones at this rate.”

A chuckle leaves me, and Thorn raises a brow.

“Ah,” I reply with a languid little smile, “Just… This is the most I’ve heard you talk the past few days. It’s sweet how much he softens you.”

I lower my gaze to the beer bottle I’ve been casually nursing for the past while.

“... I don’t need to be around for two weeks to know you’re a good dad. Rowan’s really lucky to have you.”

The silence lingers between us, draped in the chatter of crowds and crackle of the fire.

I hear him draw in a breath, and my heart clenches in my throat as I look back up to him. But just as his lips part to reply, another voice cuts in.

“Hey you two! I hope you two are having fun tonight. People are starting to get ready for going for a run; why don’t you two leave Rowan behind and join everyone? Cynthia isn’t going and will be happy to watch him.”

Both of us look up at her and that delicate suspense I’d been feeling moments ago shatters into terror.

A run meant shifting. My panicked vision snaps to people starting to migrate towards the treeline and start to shed their clothes.

I shake my head and force my chin to stop quivering by locking my face into a grim scowl. Paige gives me a look and steps closer to put a hand on my shoulder.

“I know you haven’t been around a pack in a long time, but I think it could be really healing for you to join everyone. And it’s such a great bonding exercise! I never felt closer to my husband than when we started shifting together.”

“No,” I declare with finality, desperately trying to keep the anguish tamped down out of my voice.

The Luna looks down at me with a softened expression, and I feel a defensive bruising sting through me; I despise being pitied.

“I used to have a lot of baggage about shifting, but Liam’s supported me so much and helped me realize how vital it is to embrace my wolf fully. And there’s nothing that feels quite like the forest floor under your paws and the wind through your fur, surrounded by other wolves…”

Thorn speaks up in a warning tone, which makes me flinch in my own skin.

“Paige…”

“It’s my duty as a Luna to make sure everyone feels included during all this. And I wanna make sure you two have every chance to enjoy yourselves together! I bet it’s been ages since either of you got to just go have fun in your wolf form.”

That snaps a tripwire in me. My body snaps up to stand, and I glare at the ground with a visceral wash of anger running through me. The words spill out before I can even try to hold them back, sharp and acrid with years of repressed emotion.

“I can’t even if I wanted to! I haven’t been able to shift since your brother rejected me, and even before then it was practically impossible for me to—my wolf is dead and rotting in me and I will never get to shift again, so stop twisting the goddamn knife!”

There’s the reflex to throw my bottle on the ground in blind outrage, but practical instinct sharply reminds me that there’s a baby nearby and I just wind up clutching the bottle defensively against myself. And as though acknowledging the wound tears it right open, my body is wracked with an ugly pain that twists through every part of me. I can’t focus my vision on anything, but I don’t need to look to feel the oppressive weight of stares begin to wash over me like a tidal wave.

Then comes the shame. It burns my skin and tears away at my senses. A suffocating gravity stifles me and I can’t—

I can’t breathe.

The taut silence around me just makes me feel more trapped inside of my body.

“I—... I’m so sorr—”

Humiliation manages to win out against my fear, and I don’t give her the chance to salt the wound. My vision swims with unshed tears as I storm off without a word.

Behind me, I hear Rowan start to cry.

“ Shit, ” I wetly choke out under my breath with a fresh wave of guilt. It’s yet another nail in the coffin that I’m not welcome here, that I will never be good enough, that I will always ruin everything I touch.

But that just makes me start to just blindly run away from the bonfire, from the woods, from the wolves who will always judge me as being lesser. My anguish burns like coals in my gut, and I know with a terrible certainty that no matter how desperately I want to run away from it all, I’ll only ever have my two feet to carry me.