Darkness

11. Cain

Eleven

Cain

“You look tired.” Tess leans in for a kiss. Her hands move through my hair. “You’re not sleeping, are you?”

“I sleep with one eye open. I don’t want to spend this time talking about me. How are you?” I ask, pulling her closer to me. The rope around my waist is so tight it’s hurting my stomach now.

“I’m fine. Dad is being an asshole, but nothing new there. The girls all want to go to a party, but I don’t-”

“Tess, you should go. You enjoy the days, have fun. I keep telling you to enjoy your life.” The amount of times I’ve told her to go out and have fun with friends.

“I know, but they keep trying to hook me up with guys. So it’s not so much enjoying the night, it’s more I want to tell them about you, but I can’t.” Her voice is low, and I know she hates that she can’t tell her best friends about me. But there is a reason no one can know about us. Families will always talk. I’m not putting her in danger.

“I can’t promise a timeline, but I’m doing everything I can-

“Cain-” she turns to face me, cupping my face. “I know you are. Even seeing me, you go through so much for five minutes with me. Our time will come. The only thing you need to know is I love you.”

She kisses me, and even though my lips are in so much pain, I don’t care.

This girl is all I fight for down there.

If I have to spend time in the room over and over again, and fight to get time with her. I’m doing it. From the moment I saw her when I was a little boy, she was all I wanted. I know its stupid, but she was this cute little girl who was loved by my parents, and slowly she became my best friend.

“I love you,” I whisper against her lips.

The pull on my stomach pulls me away from her, and now I have to fight again to see Tess, but it’s always worth it.

“Stay safe.” Tessa walks over to Hayden.

She knows the second my rope is pulled, she has to leave. They give her a window of one minute or they will come up, and there is no way that is happening. No one is touching her.

The water moves down my body as I stand in the shower, washing off all of my guilt. Because fuck do I feel like a fucking asshole right now.

I thought demons would kill me, but guilt or what I did might just do the job for me. She came to the office and looked so perfect. Everything about her was pulling me to her. There wasn’t one part of my body which wasn’t craving her. I want to touch every inch of her sexy body, but then it fucking hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel guilty for taking her sunshine away for my own greed. She might not understand it, but the darkness around me will overpower her light, and it will do it without warning.

I can’t do that to her. I can’t break the happy, smiling woman who seems like she finds happiness from everything.

She tasted better than I thought she would. Touching her soft skin was a drug I didn’t know I needed. The soft thunderstorm scent I get from her when I’m around her takes over my body.

Autumn-Rose, what are you doing to me?

Getting out of the shower, I walk over to the bedroom to grab some clothes. Some black sweatpants, a black t-shirt. As I pull the t-shirt over my head, a strong cold breeze slaps my body hard. What the fuck is that?

I take a look around my apartment to make sure no one is around. My alarm would have gone off, plus to get in here, they have to go through the club and my office.

Before I know it, I’m standing by the window, looking into Autumn’s apartment. She’s in her bedroom with a towel wrapped around her body. Do I blame her for wanting to wash me off her?

Shaking my head, I grab my tablets, and take three of them, and sit down to watch my English Rose.

Fucking hell, I’m calling her mine. I have no right to call her that. “Have faith,” a whisper hits me from behind. I’m going crazy. “ Trust your gut.” Leaning forward, I press my palms into my eyes. “Fucking hell!” I shout to myself.

I hear the elevator doors open, all I fucking need right now is Lincoln coming into my quiet space. Pressing my palms a little harder before I listen to what he has to say.

“What the hell did you do? Is she crying?” Lincoln asks, and it gets my attention. Looking over at her bedroom, I see she’s wiping the tears away. Fuck, what did I expect? She shouldn’t care. Does she look like a woman who has flings? No. No she doesn’t. She looks like the type of girl who likes flowers, chocolates, romantic shit like that.

Not the person who I am, not anymore.

“Cain-”

“You shouldn’t have let her up!” I snap, needing to put the blame on someone other than me.

“Why? I didn’t think you’d fucking make her cry.” Lincoln fills a glass for the both of us with some whiskey. “I have no idea what the fuck is going on in your head, but the woman crying over there is all you can think about. There’s a reason for it.”

I don’t know what to say to him, because he’s right. She is all I can think about. But I also think about the targets on my back. Can I put her in that danger? I’m protecting my family. How am I meant to protect her without telling her about The Pit. Fuck, just the thought of her knowing about it hits me hard. She might hate me when she finds out. Then there are the scars. It isn’t like there are only one or two. Fuck no.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” Lincoln asks, making me snicker. He has to be fucking joking.

“Because of me-”

“If you’re talking about Tess, stop. You were in The Pit. You couldn’t protect her and you need to get that through your head. How do you protect someone when you’re in a prison of hell?” Lincoln taps his glass on mine, and I drink it in one go.

I watch Autumn-Rose moving around her apartment, making sure the door is locked, her alarm is on, and she grabs the baseball bat before going back to her bedroom. Who are you scared of?

“I know you don’t talk about what’s happening in your head and keep as much as you can locked up. But there is nothing wrong with moving on.” He pats my leg then hands me my cell, which has been going off with messages.

Grandad

Come see me.

He’s Mom’s dad, and also one of my other grandad’s good friends. Someone, since I met him coming out of The Pit, I’ve only seen a handful of times.

Cain

I’ll be over in the morning.

“What does he want?” Lincoln asks.

Mom

Can we have lunch?

“I’m going to say it has to do with mom wanting lunch.” I turn my cell to show Lincoln the message.

A message I get from her a lot more than I’d like to admit, and I’ve canceled a lot, too.

“There is a way you can have lunch with her without worrying about pictures, you know.” Lincoln leans back, and takes the cell off me, and replies to my mom. Which will be the same message he normally sends her.

Cain

This is Lincoln. He is walking around the club at the moment.

But he will call you about lunch.

Which means it gives me time to work out how I won’t be going.

“And how is that?” I ask him.

“Here, you have a dining table at the back. Tell her not to go by the window. No one will see her here.”

Can I risk it? Or the bigger question is, do I want to risk it?

But I know it would make her happy, and it might even get her off my back for a few months. If she listens ad doesn’t go by the windows, then I’ll bring her over for lunch.

Lincoln grabs the bottle and fills his glass back up, and I turn to him for a second, watching him looking into Autumn’s apartment. He always says I keep things locked up, but the man never talks about what happened to him down there either. I know he came after me, and I saw some parts of it, but what it does to a person mentally, only they will know.

“You good?” I ask him, watch Autumn sitting on the end of the bed looking up to my window, and even from here I can see how much she’s hurting right now.

“Yeah.” I don’t believe him at all, but knowing how I am, I say nothing. “Cain, there is nothing wrong with moving on.”

“Faith.” The word whispers from behind me.

“You hear that?” I ask him, wanting to make sure I’m not going fucking crazy.

“Hear what?” Well, Lincoln’s answer confirms it. My head is more fucked up than I thought if I’m the only one hearing voices. “Right, I’m off for the night. I’ve left someone in charge, but knowing you, you’ll be in the office to oversee everything anyway.”

I don’t reply because whenever he’s not here; I am there. One of the reasons I wanted Logan to learn the business was because I thought I could keep it in the family, but he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I know Hayden, Mason and Miles would do it in a heartbeat, but they need to focus on the other family business as that will be their life. There is one other person I can bring in to help with things, but I will have to ask Uncle David if he would be good with it. She won’t be taking part in the other family business, and I know this place will be safe for her.

Lileah, Declan’s twin sister. She’s still in high school, and she has some medical problems, so having her look after the books and things would help Lincoln and I with not having to be here so much. It’s a conversation I can have with him when she’s almost finished high school.

“See you in the morning,” I shout over to him as the elevator doors open, while still looking at Autumn-Rose.

Cain

Would you like lunch at my place?

There will be some rules but if you’re okay with them, then come to the office around 1pm.

There are a lot of things I’ve not spoken to mom about. Things I’ve kept my mouth shut about, and maybe one day those things will come out, but I need to have a better relationship with her. I came back into her life, so I need to start building a full relationship with her.

Mom

Yes. Can I bring Logan?

I knew that was going to be coming from her, she always wants fucking Logan around.

Cain

If it makes you happy.

It’s the only answer I ever give her, because I know he will be here for two reasons. One, he never wants mom to be upset, and two, it’s a reason for him to finally see where I live. I have a fucked up feeling his two brothers will be coming with him. Great.

Standing up, I walk closer to the window. She looks up to the window one last time before turning off her bedroom light. Never did I think I would be the reason a woman would go to sleep broken.

***

Walking into Grandad’s place, I hear him in the garden talking to someone. “Cain.” He smiles, and the woman gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves, but not before giving my ass a slap as she walks past me. “Come on, would you like some coffee?” He points to the pot on the garden table.

“No, I’m good.” Pulling out the chair in front of me, I sit down. “Before you start, if this is about mom and having lunch or dinner with her. She is coming over for lunch today.” He sits back in his chair and gives me a little nod, like he already knew this. I bet mom called him up to tell him.

“She told me-” there is a pause before he continues to talk. “So are the three boys.”

“Great,” I whisper.

That’s all I need is the three of them in my place.

“Are you planning on pushing us all away?” I look away from him and turn to everyone else sitting in the garden. There is no simple answer for him, because I don’t even know what to say. “Cain, let us be your family.”

“I have. I came back, didn’t I?” The words come across harsh, but it’s not how I wanted them to sound. “I could have stayed away, but I was fulfilling grandad’s wishes. One wish at a time. I’ve told mom and you about me, and I’m working out things with Uncle David.” The fucked up thing here is, no one understands the shit I went through. Everyone lost something that night, but I lost everything. Mainly the one man who risked his life for mine, the man I would in a heartbeat have taken his place when he went down.

“You did come back, but-”

“Grand-dad, I came back a man who did a lot of messed up shit to survive. I was a boy who should never have had to live the life I did. All because one person didn’t have faith in the family.” If he wants to hear it, then he can hear it. “One person killed my dad, made me go to hell at the age of eight. He had me kill a man at the age of ten, all because they didn’t have faith. So, if you think I’m going to forget all of that, I’m not. You think I’m going to forget all the shit that happened to

me in all those years. I’ll never forget. I’ll never forget Grandad’s words, I’ll never forget the look on all the men and women faces who died down there. The pain in my head will never let me forget the room I was thrown into. I’m here. Be happy with it.”

His eyes lock with mine. Fuck knows what he’s looking for but you learn to have a good poker face, you had to. You can be scared to death about what will happen, but you can never show it. Never.

“How many targets do you have on your back?” Now there’s the question I was wondering when he would ask.

“Too many. Someone is taking pictures. At the moment, I’m not doing anything as they are pictures of just me and no one else. If it escalates and someone else is in the pictures, then I’ll have to do something when I figure out what they want.” Grand-dad won’t be telling anyone this information, but it’s good to get it off my chest, though.

“Is it the reason you’re keeping your mother so far from you?”

“Yes, I can’t tell her the truth because it might put her in danger, so I’m doing the best I can here.”

I pull out my cell from my pocket as it vibrates, but I cancel the call.

“I’ll talk to her. If things get too much, do you have a plan?”

“If it’s what I think he wants, I have a plan. But I won’t go down without a fight. Took me a long time to take over The Pit. I’m not giving it to anyone.” I stand up, straightening out my jacket. “Now you know why I’m not talking to mom so much. Can I leave?” I ask, looking around the building, making sure everything feels right. I don’t like being out in the open, even if it is at my Grand-dad’s house.

“It would be nice to have a big family meal one day.” Grand-dad gets up and walks with me to the front door.

“Maybe one day. Uncle David keeps asking too.” Uncle David has been asking for a family meal for so long it’s annoying.

Looking at my watch, I see mom will be over in about two hours, which gives me some time to go over to the flower shop on the way home. I woke up this morning feeling worse than when I went to bed.

Lincoln’s words played on my mind, about moving on. Maybe I’m using the families looking into me as an excuse to not move on from Tess. Or it could be my past and demons shouldn’t be allowed to get close to my English Rose. The second my eyes opened this morning, there was only one word being whispered around me. Autumn-Rose.

I don’t understand the pull she has on me. I have no idea why I feel like I need to be close to her. One thing I do know is that I can, and will, protect her if I need to. I was in The Pit and couldn't protect Tess, but I’m here now. I have power. Nothing is ever going to hurt her. I realize I did that very thing last night and I want to put that right.

Getting in the car, I send Lincoln a quick message letting him know I’m still out and to keep an eye out for mom when she gets there. The annoying thing about lunch is that all three of the boys are going to be there with her. It’s the last thing I want, but here I am trying to make mom happy. That’s all I want for her.

I park on the other side of the road from, Sweet Rose Flower shop, and watch her smiling as she puts together some flowers. That’s the light I’m going to take away from her if I continue seeing her, but maybe she’s the one who won’t even care about everything I’ve been through. Maybe by some miracle she might bring me something I’m missing in my life. Peace

Taking a deep breath in, I get out of the car, walking over to the shop, not caring if someone sees me, because right now it only looks like I’m getting some flowers from a shop.

I stop by the door, making her stop mid step, her eyes lock with mine. Oh, I’ve had those types of eyes stare at me before. Daggers are shooting from them. Fuck, I grew up with stares which could kill.

“Can-”

“You can leave.” She cuts me off and walks to the counter joining Katy, who is smiling at me. She didn’t tell her about what I did. Fuck, I messed up that badly. She never told her friend about how fucked up I am.

“I only want to-”

“Kick me out like I’m nothing again? I want you to leave.” She looks at me for a second before walking off into the back room.

Katy stands in front of me, and I wait for her to push me or slap me. I mean, I wouldn’t blame her, but she smiles again.

“I have no idea what you did, but because I believe everyone deserves a second chance, all I’m going to say is she’s looking for her Prince, so be her Prince.” I have to bite my inner cheek at Katy’s words.

Her Prince. I’m so far from a Prince I wouldn’t even know where to begin. She hands me a piece of paper and I look at it.

“It’s my number. You know if you want to get her some flowers.” She waves her hand to a few different types, which I’m going to say are the ones Autumn-Rose likes. But for me there is only one flower which I’d ever give her.

Putting Katy’s number in my pocket, I leave. I will be using it a little later once I figure out what I’m going to do with Autumn. I also need to figure out what I’m going to tell her about my life.

Seeing Lincoln’s name appear on my screen, I hit answer. “Did you see her?” he asks before I can even say hello.

“Is that why you called?” I ask him. Fucker.

“I had to cancel your mom. You need to get to The Pit-”

“What?” Something fucked up must have happened if I have to go straight there and not even get a chance to call my mom myself to let her know.

“Someone’s been killed.” There is silence between us, this isn’t something new. It happens more than I’d like to admit. They’re always trying to be top dog down there.

“Newbie?” I ask.

“Yes, he didn’t remember the rules. I thought you’d want to give him a reminder. Just don’t kill him.” I hear the humor in his tone, and I wish I could promise I wouldn’t kill him, but maybe taking out my frustration on someone this afternoon might help me.

“I’ll go straight over now. I’ll call you once I’m out. I might even go to the room for a bit.” It’s what started the headaches, and the last place I should be going, but it’s also the room I spent most of my time in. It became a fucked up version of my safe place.

That’s how fucked up my head is. The room which made my life hell is also the place I felt most safe.

“You don’t call me by the morning, I’m coming down, I know where you’ll be.” Lincoln hangs up before I can tell him I’ll be fine, but we both know I won’t be coming back in the best mood.

I might not want to go to The Pit, but it gets me out of having lunch with Logan and his brothers.

I’d rather be in The Pit, than with them three.

The Pit might be hell, but it was home for so long, and I hate it.