Darkness

22. Autumn-Rose

Twenty-Two

Autumn-Rose

God, today has been a day. It’s the night of the charity event, and still no word from Cain. I even went to the club to ask Lincoln where he was, and all I got was, ‘he needs time’. I call bullshit on that.

So what’s a girl do when her, I’m calling it, boyfriend disappears without one word or cell call. I got myself a cheese pizza, and a tub of ice cream, and watched some reality TV, and cry at other people’s messed up life, instead of mine.

I smell the roses which I got from the shop for myself, because the crazy messed up thing is I miss my daily rose from Cain. God, I miss that man.

Taylor Swift plays in my ear, nothing like some Taylor to heal a breaking heart. Walking up the stairs to my apartment, I smile at the couple exiting their apartment all dressed up and ready for a night out.

Reaching my floor, I stop a few steps away from the top, when I see the man I thought had walked away from me. He as handsome as ever. Shit I think he looks ten times hotter with a few days growth on him.

“Can we talk?” he asks, as he takes a few steps closer to me, and takes the pizza box from me. “I’m sorry.”

“How is your head?” I ask him, still not moving from where I am, because a part of me doesn’t want to move. He looks so handsome, but the other part is scared about what he has to say to me.

“Manageable. Who got you the flowers?” he asks, as he looks at the roses in my other hand. I finally take the last few steps up to my apartment.

“I got them myself, I missed my daily rose delivery at work.” I hand them over to him, and he takes them so I can open the front door to my apartment. “You know your print is on the system, you didn’t have to wait outside.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d let me in.” I walk in, and he follows. Placing everything on the kitchen counter, and the first place I go is to the fridge to get the wine bottle. I have a feeling this conversation is going to need a glass or two. There is only one reason he is here, and that’s to tell me where the hell he’s been.

“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask, I might sound like a high school girl at the moment, but I don’t care. If he is, I want to know straight, I don’t need him to sugar coat it in any way. Rip it off like a plaster.

“No, but you might walk away after we talk.” Cain removes his suit jacket and looks at the time. I know the charity event is tonight, but that’s not for a few more hours. I made sure I finished work with enough time, in case Cain came back. Katy is closing up for me, so I know we have about four hours before we have to leave, if we’re still going.

“What do we need to talk about?” I ask, taking a sip, a big sip of my wine.

“Tess, the scars.” Oh shit, he wasn’t joking about the need to talk part. A big talk, three words which have made my entire body tense up, and I finish the whole glass of wine.

Do I want to know about Tess, or the scars? Do I want this conversation?

I move to the couch, but grab the wine bottle on my way, and wait for Cain to start. Because if he is waiting for me to ask him a question, he’ll be waiting all night.

Cain’s hands move into his pockets, and he looks around the apartment, he’s looking anywhere but at me, and he takes a deep breath.

“I still remember the first time I saw Tess, a little girl with pigtails, and the cutest smile in the world. I told my mom that I was going to marry her. But then the universe threw me into hell.” He fell in love with Tess when they were kids, it’s a long time to love someone. Someone he wanted to marry, the love of his life, the woman he thought about every single day. She was taken away from him, and now I’m here, but am I just second best for him? Will he ever love me? He loved Tess, said the words to her, but Cain has never said those three words to me, and I have to question whether he ever will say them. Can I live like that without him telling me he loves me?

I watch him rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, as he walks around the living room, before finally sitting down.

“To tell you the entire story I have to tell you the family business.”

“The clinic?” I ask, not sure what that has to do with it.

“The business behind the clinic. My grandad started the clinic to hide the money we were getting from the actual business.” Cain walks to the kitchen and grabs the bottle of whiskey, which he’s made sure is always stocked at my place. “The Crawford family are hitmen, cleaners. If you want a job done, you come to us. Along the way, however, you get enemies.” He stops when he sees me shift in my seat and he fills his glass. Hitmen, a family who go out killing people, or clean up whatever cleaners do, this is a whole new world to me. And I’m not sure how I feel about it.

I should walk away from him. I should tell him to leave, but yet I can’t.

“My mom had a man who became obsessed with her, did everything he could to split my parents. In the end he got dirt on dad, enough dirt to put him in prison for life. My dad was ready to do it if it meant my mom was safe from him. My grandad and my uncle told me, . they had a plan. They knew what to do. All you have to do is have faith, my dad kept telling mom, have faith in me, it will all work out. Then the bastard went to my mom and told her if she left with him, my dad would only suffer a year in prison, and without talking to anyone, she did. She didn’t have faith in my dad. All she fucking needed was some faith.” A thunderous tone escapes him. The hurt, the hate, the betrayal, everything he is keeping inside him, is coming out. “My dad left prison after a year, took me and the family to get my mom. I was eight years old when I saw my dad get shot between the eyes by the bastard who took mom.” He shakes his head, but I see the grip around the glass tighten. He blames his mom for his dad’s death.

“Cain-”

“My dad died, because mom didn’t have faith in the family, in my dad. That same day I lost my dad, I also lost my life. Grandad told me families who wanted my dad dead would come for me. The bastard who killed my dad would tell everyone who I was, and that I was alone. We had everything, but at the same time, no one, fucking no one could have protected me from the people wanting to kill me. So, he told me I had to go underground, hide my identity from people. To a place where no one knows your name. The Pit.” Cain takes another sip of his whiskey giving me time to register everything he has told me.

His family are killers, fucking killers. Can I be around a family who kill people? Okay, they might deserve to die for whatever reason, but it should be left to the police.

But then again, when do the police ever do anything? They never helped me when I needed it.

His family has enemies. Do I want to be looking over my shoulder again? I’ve lived that hell, you never sleep, you can never enjoy your day. But then I was sort of alone. Now I have Cain with me, and I trust him with my life.

His dad was murdered in front of him, how can anyone ever recover from something like that. Seeing the man you look up to being shot.

How much worse can this story get? That’s enough to make sure he would never be the same again.

Cain finally walks over to me, and sits on the coffee table, and places the whiskey glass next to him, and moves his fingers over his knuckles.

“You don’t go by names in there, they give you a number-” my sight moves to the numbers tattooed on his fingers, then to the other hand. “-my numbers, grandads number. He said I couldn’t go down there alone, it was no place for a kid. He wasn’t fucking joking.”

“They burned them into…they,” I choke on the words, and he looks over at me, the first time he has since he started this story.

“Yes, the numbers on my chest, the burns, the hole marks, the whip marks, the…fuck you’ve seen it. It’s all from there. You fight to live another day, you have to fight, you don’t get a choice. They used to put me in a room,” he closes his eyes and I see his body tense up. “A white room, lights flashing non stop, music banging, sensory overload, I was in there for days, before they let me out. Then they would throw me into a fight.”

Oh my god, he is this way because of everything that happened to him, because he saw his dad murdered, lived in hell, fought for everything he has. When I first met him I said there was this darkness, coldness around him, of courses he’s like that, it’s because that’s where he’s come from.

“There are only two ways out, in a body bag, or you fight to control it. The Pit is mine, I fought to have it, I fought to take over, and I won’t let anyone take it from me. Not after what I lived through.” I sit up, putting my wineglass to the side, and place my hands on his. “I know I’m a monster, and-”

“No.” I almost snap at him. “Is that what you think? I don’t. I don’t think you’re a monster. You’re a man who’s had to fight to be the man he is. A man who has a family, and wants them to be a part of his life, but has only known one life. To me he is the best man I’ve ever met.”

“Stop. Being with me, showing the world you’re with me, will put you in danger, and I can’t lose you because of me. You left England because you hated looking over your shoulder, you’ll be doing it again when I’m not around you, you will be waiting for someone to hurt you, just to hurt me.”

“I don’t care,” I tell him.

“I do.” He gets up and walks away from me. “I lost Tess because I was in The Pit and couldn’t protect her, she didn’t have faith in me, I can’t lose you,” he shouts at me, and I stand up and look at this man who has fought through hell, and is now too scared to let anyone close to him.

I quickly walk over to him not giving him the chance to say anything. I kiss him, and I feel his arms around me. Finally pulling away from him, my hands moving through his hair.

“I have faith in you, all the faith I can give you, because I love you, Cain Crawford. With every single fiber in my body, I love you and everything that comes with you-”

“Autu-”

“No, Cain. You’re scared for me, fuck I can’t lie and say I’m not scared, because I am. But I know no matter what you say, you love me. You love me enough to keep me safe, and I have faith in you to keep me safe. Don’t push me away because you’re scared.”

“I can’t put you in danger. You can’t live in fear again-”

“Well, I’m not leaving you, Mr. Crawford. You shouldn’t have let me fall in love with you, so you have two choices. One, break my heart and worry about me from afar, or two have faith in me and what we could be.”

My fingers move through his hair at the bottom of his hairline waiting for him to say something, anything but not to push me away.

He kisses me, his hands move to my ass to pick me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, then he walks towards my bedroom.

“Things will change,” Cain tells me as he kisses my neck, and all I can do is moan in agreement with him. “Tomorrow your apartment will be empty, and you’ll move into my place.” A moan of agreement escapes me as he kisses the soft spot on my neck, the best spot to kiss me.

“Wait what?” I moan as he continues to kiss me.

“You live with me now, in my apartment above the club.” He kisses down my body, lifting my dress up at the same time. Making me sit up a little so he can remove my dress. I lie there naked as Cain stands up tall and starts removing his clothes. “You can’t walk away now, you’re all mine.”

“Yes.” God, how much do I want to be all his. I want him to be all mine.

“Turn over,” he demands when he stands naked in front of me, a view I don’t think I will ever get bored with. Sexy, and all mine.

Turning over for him, I feel his hands on the back of my thighs, my nipples softly touching my bedsheet. One hand leaves my thigh, my body breaks out in goosebumps when I feel his finger gently move against the skin of my spine. Slowly, tortuously, gently. Making me moan at his touch. God, the man is teasing me.

“You, be good, and enjoy,” Cain whispers, but the words make my whole body feel alive. “You think you’re ready for some sexual pain?” The question brings a smile to my lips, because with him I’m ready for anything.

“Are you going to show me the sixth floor?” I ask, and he continues to slide his fingers over my back, which is getting me excited just from him touching me more.

“I’ll think about it after tonight.” He kisses the middle of my back, and I moan. “I can’t wait to hear all the moans escape you.” He continues to tease and torture me, making me wait for him to touch me there, touch me where I’m itching for him to touch me.

My skin is so sensitive, even the softest touch is sending pulses straight to my pussy, which only makes me moan and jolt my body closer to him. He laughs.

“Please, touch me,” I beg.

Smack, I feel his hand slap my ass hard, then he softly rubs it before slapping it again. My pussy clenching and unclenching as the need pours through my body.

I’m soaked and ready for him. I can feel my juices drip down my legs. How am I so turned on, without him even touching me there, yet.

Smack, his hand slaps harder down on my ass cheek this time, pleasure and pain mixed in one, and I want more of it.

“Cain,” I gasp when his hand slaps once again. “Please, touch me.” My hand grips the bedsheet, as I jolt a few more times, wanting him to touch me.

I feel his hand move down my stomach, touching me as he gets closer to my pussy. His finger touches my clit. “Oh, God.”

“So wet for me,” Cain kisses my ass cheek where he’s been slapping me, and his touch is soothing.

Cain’s finger slowly, softly caresses me, moving up and down my clit, pushing them deep inside me. “Oh, God.” I moan as he continues to kiss my ass cheek.

“You think I can find it?” he asks and I don't need to ask what he needs to find, because I know he can find it, and with one touch I'm coming hard. “There it is.” My back arches as I moan loudly in my bedroom. Cain presses his hand hard on my clit as his finger strokes my g-spot, and I feel my pussy tightening around his fingers.

“Fuck!” I scream. God, this man is…Fuck.

Smack, he slaps my right ass cheek, followed by a caress to ease the burning pain, Cain continues to do this a few more times, as he’s stroking my g-spot.

Both hands grip the sheets hard as I come screaming out his name. But he doesn’t stop, and continues to stroke my g-spot, slap my ass, giving me pleasure repeatedly.

Cain is taking me to the edge of pain and pleasure, dancing together, making my body wriggle for more pleasure and pain from him.

My pussy clenching and unclenching, he reaches up, tangling his fingers into my hair, and pulling so my head lifts off the bed. My body is tightening, as another orgasm hits me hard, again. The pleasure rips through my body in waves which are never ending because Cain continues to stroke the perfect spot.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Cain,” I moan as he removes his fingers, and releases my hair from his grip. I’m already missing his fingers inside me. I moan and look over my shoulder at my sexy man. He smiles and gives me a wink, when I feel the head of his hard dick pressed against me.

Cain leans down and plants a small kiss on my spine. “Not finished yet, my English Rose.”

I feel his fingers press hard against my clit, which makes me jolt, when I feel Cain thrust inside me, both of his hands holding my hips tight and hard. Each thrust is harder than the last.

“Fuck, yes.” I scream as he slaps my ass one more time.

“I love how wet you are for me.” I hear Cain groan as he thrusts hard into me. My back is arching, wanting to feel more, not wanting him to stop. He pulls out of me, then slowly re-entering me, then pulls out of me. “Not going to last much longer, let me-”

“I’m on the pill!” I shout at him, not wanting him to stop. I love feeling him bare inside me, and Cain doesn’t ask again, as he thrusts inside me again, making sure every inch of him is inside.

Grabbing my hips hard, he thrusts into me hard, fast, making sure each thrust is harder than the last.

“Yes, don’t stop.” His hand smacks my ass, one cheek then the other. My pussy tightening around him, ready to come again.

One more thrust, my body gets hit by lightning as the shock runs through me. My orgasm hits me, his finger moves over my clit hard and fast, my grip on the sheets tighten, his other hand holds me in place. He knows what's happening, as my body spasms and I squirt over him. Fucking hell, how does he do this to me?

“My Rose!” Cain moans as I feel him come inside me, my body still on the ride of its life. “Fuck.” I hear him again, as his thrusts slow down, he kisses the middle of my back, as I fall completely on the bed, and he lies on top of me.

Turning my face to the side, and he kisses my neck and cheek a few times.

“I love you,” I turn on my back, and wrap my legs around his waist. Cain kisses me, I don’t know when he will say it to me, because of everything that’s happened to him, so I will wait patiently for him to say it to me.

“Get in the shower, I have a surprise before the event.” He kisses me and sits up. “Or we can leave the surprise and go again.” He moves his hands up and down my thigh.

“Now I would normally say please, but after four orgasms I'm not sure I can even walk, never mind go for round two.” Cain laughs and gets off the bed. “Plus, you need a shower too, we can have some fun there.” I watch his sexy naked ass walking to the bathroom, I admire the back tattoo. His whole back is a scene. There’s a man with his back showing his big black wings, and he is walking through a dead street with gray clouds shooting lightning bolts at the top of his back. It’s a dark tattoo, but it’s something which means a lot to him if he’s covered his whole back with it. One day he might explain it to me.

“Come on, sure I can make you squirt in the shower, too.” Cain shouts from the bathroom, and I slowly get out of bed, and go have some amazing shower sex, with a sexy as hell man.

I stand in front of the dress Cain brought for me to wear tonight. The man really knows what I like. It’s stunning. A sleeveless deep V neck, backless dress, in a stunning champagne color with beautiful red rose detail.

“Are you ready?” I hear Cain on the cell behind me. He said he has something for me, but was waiting for something. I’m not sure what though? Turning around to face him, I can’t help but smile.

“Wow.” I look at him all dressed and ready for the event. A black three-piece suit, with an off-white shirt. I enjoy looking at him when he wears a suit. He is one sexy man in a suit which fits him like a glove. “You look sexy. Can I wear the dress now?” I ask him. He said I couldn’t until whatever it is he wanted to show me, but I’ve been waiting a while, and the charity gala will start soon.

“Come with me.” He takes my hand whilst he is still on the cell to someone, I walk out to the kitchen, and sit on the bar stool. “Ready?” Not sure if he’s asking me or whoever is on the cell, but I nod anyway. Cain opens up the laptop, leans down and gives me a kiss, then taps it so it opens the screen.

“Autumn-Rose.” I quickly move back from looking at the screen screen and look at Cain instead

“Cain, I can’t.” I try to hold back the tears, and my heart beats quicker, scared he can find me.

Cain walks closer to me, cups my face. “Do you trust me?” All I can do is nod, because the words are stuck in my throat. “I won’t let anything happen to you, that bastard will never hurt you again, and I promise you this is safe. Lincoln is there, and when the time is right Lincoln will take the laptop, and it will be like he was never there. If that fucker can break into my system, fuck I want to meet him. No one has ever broken my system, and I sure as hell won't let him.” Cain wipes the tears away from my cheeks, gives me a kiss and smiles. “I told you, I’ll give you the world if you want it.” He slowly pulls me closer to the bar stool, and my body shakes as I sit back down. I smile at my parents as the tears escape again.

“You look beautiful, Sweetpea.” My dad is the first to talk.

“Autumn-Rose, you look good.” Mom joins in.

I sit there in silence, while Cain talks to Lincoln on the cell. I have no idea what to say, I never thought I could have this moment, and now it’s here, I have nothing to say.

“It’s so good to see, how did you let Mr. Upgrade in the house?” I ask, because I’ve seen Lincoln, and my parents aren’t going to be letting him in without a million questions.

“Oh, your father tried to beat him with a bat,” mum tells me, and I laugh. That’s something dad would do. “He asked for one minute, and he told us it was about you.” Mum looks away from the screen, looking at Lincoln, I think, who is still on the cell to Cain as I hear him talking. “So you have a new man?” Mum asks.

“Yes, and-” I stop for a moment, because I know the moment they see him, they will think he’s not right for me. I mean the man shouts out bad vibes. “-he makes me smile, he did this, I got to see you.” I wipe the tears away, and so does my mum.

“Once he is off the cell do we get to see him?” Dad asks, and I reply with. I will ask him, I’m not sure how Cain will feel about meeting my parents, this should be interesting. “How is the shop?” Now we know we don’t have to worry about our conversation; we're talking more freely.

“Busy, I have a few ideas for the window display. I’m booked up with weddings throughout the summer. You tell me everything you’ve been doing,” I ask. Mum gets off screen, and my dad tells me about his football team, and how they are going to give him an early death with how they play, which makes me laugh.

“Man Utd, still not winning?” I joke with him. Dad and I would spend the weekend watching the games together. It was our thing. But once I moved here, I stopped watching because all I did was cry and remember our time together.

“Not sure what the hell they are doing at the moment.” Dad looks over and smiles.

“Autumn, look at how nice the blanket looks. Do you think I could send this over to you?” Mum asks, and I look over at Cain.

“They can send you anything they want, one box, or five. Anything,” Cain tells me, and my mom smiles.

“I don’t know what winter is like there, but I hope you can use this. Is there anything you want? I can pop to the store quickly before he goes.” Mom gets a pen and paper and I shake my head as Cain walks over to the fridge.

“Cain, when is Lincoln coming back?” I ask, because there are a few things I would love from back home.

“He was leaving tonight, but he can come in the morning if your mom wants to go shopping.” He laughs, it must be something Lincoln has said to him. “I’m sure you’ll find something or someone to have fun with for one night.” I let them both get back to their conversation and I continue to talk to my parents.

“I can go once we are off the cell, tell me everything.” Mum asks, and I can’t stop smiling.

“We have a charity event to go to after, let me show you the dress Cain got me.” I quickly go to my bedroom, and grab the dress. “It’s stunning, Cain really knows what I like.” I hold up the dress for them to see, lifting it a little higher so mum can see the rose detail at the bottom.

“Oh honey, will you be able to send us a picture of you wearing it? I know it might not happen, but I would love a picture of you and Cain together.” I look up at Cain and he tells me he can send one to Lincoln.

“I will. You can even see Cain’s business from my apartment. Hold on, I'll show you.” I put the dress down on the couch, and pick up the laptop and walk to the window. “As always, the line is around the corner.” I show them, and I can’t stop smiling, as I look over at Cain.

The man is ready to give me everything, but there was only one thing I wanted, and he’s given it to me. The chance to talk to my parents face to face.

Walking back over to the kitchen counter and placing the laptop as I sit down. “So, tell me everything. I want to know what everyone is doing.”

“Oh, where to start?” My dad jokes, and my smile gets bigger when Cain places a cup of tea in front of me. But the question is, did he make it the way I like it?

“Anywhere, I want to know it all.”

I lean back and listen to the stories my dad and mum tell me. I still can’t get over the fact I’m talking to them without having to look at a watch. Over three minutes, and it’s not bullet points, it’s long stories, and it’s seeing them laughing.

I wipe the tears away, because I’ve been laughing so much from the stories they’ve told me. God I wish I could do this every week.

Cain leans on the counter next to me. “Sorry, five more minutes,” he whispers, and my smile goes as I look at my parents.

“Sweetpea, we’ve had an hour, and we got to see you. After years we got to see you. I’m happy. Cain?” My dad questions, and I look up at him, wondering what he will do. Is he going to show himself or stay standing while he talks to them?

He pulls a stool next to me. “Mr. and Mrs. White, so nice to meet you.” Cain places his hand on my lower back and pulls me closer to him.

“Thank you,” my parents say in sync.

“Anything to make her happy. Lincoln will leave midday tomorrow, whatever you want to send her, give to him. I’m going to say tea will be on the top of the list.” His comment makes both my parents laugh, agreeing with him.

“She drinks a lot of tea.” My mum jokes.

“I promise I will get another video call in. Once Lincoln is back, I will talk to him about a few things. I wasn’t sure if you’d be open to the idea of me putting in a security system in your house the first time you met him-”

“If it means we can talk to Autumn-Rose more, you can do whatever you want.” Dad quickly answers, and Cain looks at me.

“Lincoln you there?” Cain asks.

“Yes.”

“The internet they have, the security, can you put my system in there before you get back?” Cain types on his cell at the same time, and I can one hundred percent say it’s a conversation with Lincoln he doesn't want my parents to hear.

“I’ve already got the laptop secure, I’ll work on the system tonight. Send over the information once you have it set. Time?” Lincoln asks, my parents watching Lincoln then looking at the screen at Cain.

Cain looks at me. “Will you be happy with an hour every two weeks? For now.”

“Yes,” my parents and I tell him. I get to see my parents every two weeks for an hour. There is nothing more in the world I could ask for right now. Because there is nothing he could give me that means more to me than seeing my parents.

“Lincoln, have it so it cuts out after an hour, only have it move around in the UK and Canada.”

“I’ll get to work.”

“Mr. Upgrade-” I shout as I see him walking away, but he turns around and lowers himself so he’s on screen. “Thank you.” He gives me a wink and walks away.

“Cain, thank you. I’m sure Autumn-Rose will tell us all about you when you’re not around.” My mum laughs, and so do I. She’s not wrong, I finally get to talk to my mum about a boyfriend.

“Lincoln will talk you through all the details, what time, login, and day to talk to Autumn-Rose,” Cain adds, then messages Lincoln something.

Cain stays quiet, which I thought he would. He isn’t the easiest man to get talking, and I’ll explain everything to my parents when he’s not here. I don’t need them telling him how sorry they are, because he is the last person who wants to hear things like that.

“Mum, I’ll send you a picture once I’m ready. Can’t wait to see you next week. I love you.” I move closer to the screen, and plant a kiss on my hand and blow it to them. “I love you dad, I’ll keep an eye on the score this week.”

“I love you too, sweetpea.”

“I love you.”

The screen goes black, but I keep my eyes on the screen for a little longer, pressing my lips together not to cry, but it’s not so easy as the tears fight their way to the surface.

I feel Cain’s hand rubbing my back. “Time to get ready, I need to show off my English Rose.” He leans in closer and kisses the side of my neck. “I promise to give you the world, and protect you from it.”

“And I promise to always stand next to you, no matter what.” I get off the stool and wrap my arms around him. “Thank you.” I feel Cain’s arms wrap around me, and I hold him there for a moment.

I’ve found the man who’s going to make me smile every day, no matter what it takes. A man who will love me more than anyone will ever love me.

I have faith in him, no matter what life throws at me. I’m his.