Darn Knit All (All Access #3)

Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

MAI

Theo

I miss the taste of your cunt on my tongue

Mai

Theo!

Theo

I’m dying to taste you

Mai

One week to go...

Theo

Can’t fucking wait

I ached in both body and soul. I’d worked my way through missing Theo by throwing myself into the work required to pull together my first fashion show, but today the ache wouldn’t end.

Erike paused at my table, frowning as he checked my work.

His studio was a dream come true, and being tutored by a master, it fulfilled my greatest wish.

“This is good,” he said, lifting the garment up to the light. “What is this technique?”

“ Sashiko, it means ‘little stabs.’” I touched a finger to the heavy stitching.

Developed during the Edo period, sashiko had been used for centuries to make fabrics stronger and warmer to combat the brutal winters.

“My obaasan taught me the art of sashiko . She used to sit me on her lap and let me play with replicating her work in the offcuts as she explained the differences in each pattern.”

“The patterns are important?”

I nodded. “The reason we use geometric patterns is because they’re evenly distributed.” I tugged at the jacket in his hands, demonstrating the lack of give. “It reinforces the material, making the fabric stronger.”

“It’s rather striking.”

A little fusion of annoyance bubbled up in me as I tried to explain its purpose. “It can be beautiful, yes. But more importantly, it’s functional. The needle is going through the fabric and leaving the thread behind as a way to strengthen it, protecting the wearer.”

Erike hummed under his breath. “And you hand stitched this?”

I nodded.

“It’s a good piece. But there is a sadness to your work.” He placed the jacket back on the table, raising his eyebrows. “You miss your partner.”

I sighed, crossing my arms and leaning a hip against the workbench. “Is it that obvious?”

His lips pursed. “You have the opportunity to be great, Mai. You could fly around the world, host shows in all the major cities. I can see your potential.” He tutted. “But you are letting your heart lead you down a road which would jeopardize all this.” He shook his head. “What a tragedy that would be.”

He tapped his knuckles against the bench then moved on to the next table, examining another of his apprentices.

I bit my lip, not sure how to respond. Erike wanted the best for me—for my designs to be seen by millions, for my pieces to be featured in magazines, for my name to become one which people recognized.

These were dreams that all designers had. And yet, my designs had begun to reflect the hollow ache that had carved its way inside me.

I missed Theo. I missed his smile, his laugh, the way he made me feel like anything was possible when we worked together.

But I had to admit that this separation had also been good for me. It had forced me to reevaluate our relationship—and my dependence on him.

I missed Theo, but each day I survived, I began to realize that I didn’t need him. I didn’t need anyone. Sure, it was nice to have them around, and as much as going through panic attacks and living with a horrid anxiety devil sucked, there was power in knowing I could deal with these emotions myself. I didn’t need someone to hold my hand constantly. I could hold my own damn hand—and damn if I wasn’t proud of myself for that.

I stared down at the designs on the table before me, my mind a whirl of conflicting emotions. Erike was right; this opportunity was everything I had ever dreamt of—to train under his expert guidance, to have my designs recognized and celebrated worldwide—and yet, a crucial piece of me was missing.

I ran my fingers over the intricate stitching and elegant lines, thinking of how much better the designs would be if Theo was here helping me. His creative vision, his infectious enthusiasm, the way we pushed each other to be our very best.

I didn’t want fame. I wanted Theo.

My phone buzzed and I glanced down, my heart leaping into my throat as I saw my girl’s group chat was frantically pushing notifications.

Frowning, I opened the messages.

Annie

Mai, I don’t want to alarm you, but someone leaked about you and Theo to the press. It’s bad. Like, really bad

Frankie

They’re ripping him apart in the media and your show hasn’t even aired. NO ONE EVEN KNOWS HIM!

Flo

What’s happened?

Annie

Someone leaked that Mai and Theo were faking their relationship. They’re saying she should have her prize withdrawn

Flo

Who would even know about her winning?

Annie

I don’t know, but I’m about to fucking find out

Frankie

Annie, calm down

Annie

I will fucking not. This is my favorite brother-in-law, and one of my best friends. You better bet your ass I’m throwing down for them

Flo

You only have one brother-in-law

Annie

Beside the point

Flo

Mai? You there? Do you need us to fly to Italy?

Frankie

I’m googling flights

Annie

I’m calling a Linc. Let me know when the flights are booked

I closed the chat and navigated to a news app, scanning the damaging article.

“Oh God.”

It laid it all out. There were times and dates, examples of Theo’s past “transgressions.” They painted him as a cheater, and me as a naive little girl at best, and a cunning fraudster at worst.

The worst part was, they weren’t too far off the truth for that second one.

How could this have happened? Theo and I had been so careful to keep up our fa?ade. Everyone had believed we were the real deal. And now it was all crashing down around us.

Erike cleared his throat, drawing my attention. “Is everything alright, Mai?” His brow furrowed with concern as he and the other intern stared at me.

I swallowed hard, debating how much to tell him. “It’s... there’s some bad press. About me and Theo. Someone is saying our relationship was fake, that we deceived everyone.”

Erike’s eyes widened slightly. “I see.”

Did he? Cause I didn’t.

He gestured at my phone. “Perhaps you should call him. No doubt the network will be in touch shortly.”

“Of course.” I stepped away from my table. “Excuse me.”

Power walking out into the late afternoon sunlight, I took a deep breath of the warm air, trying to find my center.

I found a quiet spot in a nearby courtyard and, with shaking hands, dialed Theo’s number. It rang once, twice, three times before he finally picked up.

“Mai.” He sounded exhausted.

“Theo, have you seen the news? How did this happen?”

“Fuck, Mai. I’m sorry.” He sighed heavily. “I’m pretty sure it was Jude. He confronted me in the bathroom during the finale and threatened to expose us. I guess he made good on that threat.”

My blood ran cold.

“What are you talking about?”

Theo didn’t answer.

I pulled the phone away from my ear, checking the connection. “Hello?”

“I’m here. I just…. He tried to blackmail me into throwing the competition.”

“He did what ?” I began to pace, trying to comprehend the shit show Theo had just admitted to. “How?”

“He said he’d leak those texts. That he knew people who could ruin us. Ruin you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Is that why you were so off in the final round? Wait.” I stilled. “Were you going to do it?”

“Yeah,” Theo admitted.

“Why?”

“I wanted to protect you. The idea of you being hurt—of you being exposed to hate—it makes me fucking livid.”

I could hear the rage simmering in his tone.

I stared off into the distance, my gaze unfocussed. “But then you pulled it together and helped me. Why?”

“Watching you in action, seeing how passionately dedicated you are, how fucking hard you work, how hard you were fighting despite your fear—you deserved to win.” He cleared his throat. “There was no way I was going to destroy your chance at the prize.”

I shook my head, trying to clear it. “You never said anything.”

“I was going to tell you later that night but we….” he trailed off meaningfully.

A blush touched my cheeks. “We distracted each other.”

“That’s one way to put it.” He swore softly. “I’m sorry, Mai. When we didn’t win and then I didn’t hear anything from Jude, I assumed he’d leave it alone. I should have told you.”

“Yeah, you should have.”

We were quiet for a beat.

“What are we going to do?” I asked, hearing the tremble in my voice. “The network, the media, everyone will be demanding answers.”

“I don’t know. Deny it? We’re a couple, right? Does it really matter about timing?”

“We are but….” I bit my lip, mind racing. “Theo, I don’t want to lie anymore.”

“What are you saying?” His tone sounded guarded.

I took a deep breath. “I’m saying, I think we need to come clean. Admit the truth and let the network decide what they want to do.”

Relief made my knees weak, and I took two steps across the small courtyard to sink onto an old bench.

“But your prize, your reputation—Mai, this could ruin everything you’ve worked for.”

My resolved strengthened. “We need to do what’s right.”

“Give me twenty-four hours, please. Let me fix this.”

I brushed hair away from my face and tilted my head back, staring up at the autumn sun.

“How?”

“Trust me. Please.”

“Twenty-four hours,” I agreed reluctantly. “But, Theo, if this gets any worse?—”

“It won’t,” he promised. “I’ll handle it. Just focus on your internship and leave the rest to me.”

We said our goodbyes and I hung up, staring at my phone screen. The unanswered texts and notifications seemed to mock me. How had everything unraveled so quickly?

“Because you lied.” I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Theo and I may have gotten together, but we’d started out as a lie, and I couldn’t deny that fact. I needed to own it.

But first, I needed to trust him.

Sighing, I squared my shoulders and marched back into the studio, determined to throw myself into my work.

Erike glanced up. “Are you done with your personal issue?”

I nodded.

“Good.” Erike gestured at my table. “Shall we get back to it then? I have some thoughts on your color story.”

Grateful for the distraction, I lost myself in the work, trying to ignore the niggle in my heart that said Theo needed me.