Defining Us (Rocky Waters)

Chapter 12

12

GRAYSON

A fter cooking me dinner and spending the night in my bed—who knew I could be a cuddler—Ainsley insists she has to go home. Despite my persistence to try and make her stay, she wins the fight. We go a few days without seeing each other, and damn if I’m not going out of my mind because no matter how hard I try, I can’t get her off of my mind. I keep flashing back to her on the island, seeing how hungry she was for me, how she came so quickly, like she was ready and waiting for me. The stupid smile that creeps over my face won’t leave. I feel like it’s pretty much permanently plastered there now because she’s permanently plastered in my life. In about a week. How the hell did she do that?

As if she knows I’m thinking about her, my phone buzzes with a text.

Hey, so I’m kind of stuck at the moment and I need a huge favor. I didn’t know who else to ask.

Curious, I immediately text her back.

Anything, darling.

I see the bubbles start, indicating she’s replying, but then they stop. They start again but quickly vanish. I keep my phone out of my pocket, anxiously awaiting her message.

After five minutes, she still hasn’t texted back. I’m about to text her again, but before I can hit send, my phone is ringing. When the first few beats of the chorus of Lee Bryce’s “Love Like Crazy” start playing, I’m startled. Then that damn smile is back on my face; she must have programmed the ringtone in for herself. The irony of the name of the song isn’t lost on me. Nothing is truer in my life right now than “loving like crazy.”

“Hey,” I answer, but she quickly cuts me off.

“Are you busy?” She seems frazzled and out of breath.

“I’m meeting a client in about ten minutes. What’s up?” Seven p.m. is later than I liked to schedule clients, but this particular client needed the extra time this week so I made it work.

“Oh okay.” I hear her voice drop off, a bit disappointed.

“What do you need?”

She hesitates for a bit, which is unlike her. Then she sighs and takes a deep breath.

“Darling, is everything okay?” My heartbeat starts to quicken, but I’m unsure as to why. Something just seems off with her. Even though I haven’t known her long, I feel like what I do know about her isn’t jiving with how she’s acting right now.

“I need a ride home,” she finally articulates.

I can’t quite make out what I hear in her voice. Desperation? Regret? Guilt?

“Where are you?” I ask, trying to get more information out of her.

“At the bar,” she whispers.

Ah. Tipsy Ainsley, so we meet again.

“Are you alone?” She mutters something, which I don’t catch. Before I can ask what she said, the phone sounds like it’s been dropped. I hear a muffled “Oh shit” as she struggles to pick it back up. Making a rash decision I hope I don’t regret later, I type out a text to another trainer at the gym asking him to cover my client. I know it’s a shitty move, but I don’t have the best feeling about the whole Ainsley situation. I hope that my client will understand.

When I hear her breathing in the phone, I ask her, “Which bar are you at?” I hurry to the front desk of the gym, clock myself out, and toss a “Thanks” to my buddy who has agreed to take my client. By the time I’m outside, she’s finally talking again.

“Um, I don’t know the name. It’s down the street from the post office.”

“Okay, I will be there in less than ten. Stay there and wait for me.” Not sure why I add the last part; it’s clear she’s not going anywhere if she called me in the first place.

Before I hang up, I hear her mutter, “I’m sorry.” The line goes dead. I’m not sure if that was for me or someone else, but I pick up my pace getting to my car.

When I pull up to the bar less than six minutes later, the parking lot is crowded. I finally find a spot at the very back of the lot. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I’m jogging towards the front entrance. Once I get inside, I realize it’s going to be a little harder to find Ainsley because there are people packed in everywhere. Trying to waste as little time as possible, I fish my phone out of my pocket and shoot her a text asking where she is. “Bathroom” comes her reply a minute later.

I look around the place. It’s been a long while since I’ve been here, and I don’t remember the layout well at all. I head for the back because that’s usually where the bathrooms are located. People dancing jostle me every which way, and I have to push a few people out of my way who just literally stop walking in front of me. I get a nasty look from one guy, but I don’t let it stop me from walking toward where I think Ainsley might be.

I finally find the bathroom in the back left corner. The hallway is dimly lit, but at least there aren’t many people waiting; it’s a narrow space. Not knowing whether I should go in, even though it seems like it’s a one-person stall, I send her a text instead that I’m outside the door. It goes unanswered for about three minutes. In those three minutes, I put my hand on the door about ten times, but each time I hesitate and don’t push the door open. As I’m about to barge in, the doorknob turns, and the door opens slightly. I push my way inside, not knowing what to expect from Ainsley.

The room is dark, the only light coming from a dim, lone lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. Ainsley has backed herself to the side of the toilet, head hanging down, her hair shielding her eyes from me. My heart stops for a beat and my breath catches in my throat. I hardly know this girl, yet my heart aches for her, and I don’t even know what’s wrong with her.

I clear my throat and slowly start walking toward her. “Ainsley,” I start in a whisper. “Are you okay?”

She makes no notion to move, no reaction to me whatsoever.

I feel out of my element here, not being able to see her face and not knowing why she’s locked herself away in the bathroom at the bar.

She finally picks her gaze up from the floor, and I see that her eyes are wet, like she’s been crying. My feet clear the few feet of space between us in a second, and I’m wrapping my arms around her. I go to speak, but she cuts me off.

“I had a really shitty day at work, and I came for one beer. Then that one beer turned into two. Then I decided that a nice cosmo would be a good idea. Don’t ask me why I thought that because I don’t even know. But as I downed it, I remembered why I was drinking in the first place, and I kinda spilled my guts to the bartender, and he poured me a shot of something.” She shudders before she continues. “It didn’t feel good going down, but it felt worse on the way back up. Although it wouldn’t have been so bad if I had stopped after that shot. But that’s not how I operate. And then…”

I interrupt her, grabbing her face in my hands and pushing it back slightly so I can look into it. “Ainsley, love, are you going to be sick again?”

She stares at me for a minute, her brows crinkled as my words register then slowly shakes her head no.

“Okay, then let’s finish this story on the way home. ”

Her face goes blank, almost as if what I just said was harsh. And maybe it was harsh, but I don’t want to be in the bathroom anymore. I need to get out of there; I need to get her out of the bar. She rests her head back on my chest and inhales. “I’m sorry, Grayson. I didn’t have anyone else to call.”

Ah, shit. Damage control time. I rest my chin on the top of her head. “I’m not mad. I’m glad you called me to help. But I just want to get you out of here. That okay?” Reluctantly, she nods her head yes in agreement. “Do you have a tab you need to pay or any items at the bar?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers. When she finally pulls out of my arms, she looks on the verge of tears again.

“That’s okay. I’ll figure it out.” I turn to the paper towel dispenser and pull one out. I tenderly wipe away her tears. When I’m done, she gives me a weak smile. I grab her hand in mine and head out of the bathroom.

When we get back out to the open area, I push our way to the bar and flag down the bartender. He comes over, takes one glance at Ainsley, and reaches for something under the bar. He pulls out her purse and hands it over to me. I hand it over to Ainsley and get my credit card out of my back pocket and give it to the bartender. He rings her up and passes me the slip to sign. After signing it, he mouths, “Take care of her” to me before going over to a new customer. I pull out a twenty and put it in the tip jar. When I look over to Ainsley, a look of horror washes over her face. Not knowing what the look means, but hope it has to do with my actions and not the fact that she’s going to be sick again, I gently push her in front of me and guide her to the door.

Once outside, she grasps tightly onto my hand, not so much to steady herself, but as an anchor to me.

Confirming my initial thoughts, she says, “I’ll pay you back. Just let me know what I owe.”

“Not necessary,” I tell her.

She wants to say something but thinks better of it. Instead, she mumbles, “Thanks. ”

At the car, I make sure she’s okay for me to drive before I even get in the car. “I’m fine. The burger helped settle my stomach.”

“You can finish your story now,” I suggest as I pull the car out of the parking lot.

She’s quiet and fidgety. “I’m sorry.” Her tone is full of regret, and it has to be the fifth time she’s said that since we got off the phone.

I look over to her. “For what exactly?” I keep my tone light and judgment-free.

“For starters, for drinking. I know how you feel about it…” she trails off.

“Whoa, nuh uh. You don’t apologize for drinking.”

She whips her head around to me, and I glance quickly over at her. Confusion is written all over her face. “But you said…”

“I make the conscious choice not to drink. That’s my choice. But I have never told anyone else they couldn’t drink nor begrudged them when they do. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”

“Oh,” she whispers, then goes quiet. “I thought you would have been all mad at me for drinking, especially to the point where I got sick on the bar.”

Did she just say on the bar? Despite my own hesitations about drinking, I meant what I said to her. My friends and family all drink. It only ever bothers me if they decide to get in a car and drive after drinking. I feel bad for the girl. I mean, who gets sick on the bar? And if that’s the case, how is she even this composed?

I realize I haven’t said anything in a few minutes. Hesitantly, I ask, “Did you say you got sick on the bar?” She nods. “Man, that must have sucked.” I don’t mean for it to come out sounding judgmental, and when she snorts, I realize she doesn’t take it that way.

“You have no idea. I swear, one minute I was talking to the bartender, and the next, vomit was spewing out of my mouth. It came out of nowhere, almost like the time I had…” She cuts herself off and takes a breath. Okay, odd. “The one saving grace was that the bar wasn’t as crowded as it was when we left. And I’m pretty sure the bartender thought I was flirting with him. Well, up until that point at least.”

Now it’s my turn to whip my head around. She was flirting with him?

“Wow, jealous much, Grayson?” Yes, yes I am. “Relax, I wasn’t flirting with him. I swear.” She giggles. I guess I should be happy she finds this amusing now. She continues. “Even if I was flirting, as soon as I spewed vomit in his direction, he was turned off.”

Well, she has a point there. And when she goes all quiet, I realize that she’s still upset about the whole situation. I don’t know if I’ve helped make it any better or if I’ve just made it worse.

“If I say thank you one more time, can we pretend none of this happened? Please?”

Here’s my chance to redeem myself in her eyes if there’s been any wrongdoing on my part. Casually I say, “Consider it forgotten.” Just like that, it’s done.

“Grayson?” she asks hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“Can I stay over your house tonight? I don’t want to be alone after everything that happened. I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom.” This girl’s got more guts than I do, a quality that I admire in her. I’m highly certain that I’d been begging to go anywhere. Alone.

Raising my eyebrows, even though she’s turned toward the window, I drawl, “If that’s what you really want. If I were you, I would sleep in the bed upstairs; the sheets are comfier.” I await her reaction. If she truly thinks I would allow her to sleep anywhere but my bed, she’s got another thing coming.

She’s quiet the rest of the ride home. When I pull into the garage, she hops out and heads inside before me. When I reach the kitchen, she’s got the coffeemaker turned on and is reaching up for mugs. I can’t help but notice how comfortable she is in my kitchen, despite just offering to sleep in the guest bedroom.

“You want a cup?” she calls over her shoulder, turning to look at me.

“Please. ”

After the coffee has brewed, she carries both mugs over to the table where I’m sitting. She places one in front of me and one in front of the chair across from me then slouches down into the chair. She sighs, then lays her head on the table. She mumbles something incoherent.

“Try that again, please.”

She doesn’t sit up, but she moves her mouth so that I can at least understand her. “You must think I’m crazy.”

Aside for Bella, she’s probably the craziest person I’ve ever met, and that’s saying something for the short amount of time I’ve known her. But there’s something about her brand of crazy that totally rocks my world. I didn’t even know what was wrong with her when I dropped everything to be at her beck and call. And truthfully, I don’t regret it. I’m glad I was the one she called, even if the situation was a lot out of the norm for me.

“Hey,” I call out to her, reaching my hand to tip up her chin to me. She pulls her face up, but her eyes stay downcast. “Ainsley, look at me,” I command. And then add, “Please.”

Ever so slowly, she brings her emerald eyes up to mine. And I can see the regret swimming in them. At least they aren’t wet with tears anymore.

I tread lightly with my words. “I’ve pretty much thought you were crazy since the moment you threw yourself at me. So you had a little too much to drink tonight; it’s not the end of the world. And I’m glad that you called me to rescue you.”

Her eyes soften and the corners of her lips hint up into a smile. “Thank you for coming to my rescue. You didn’t even know what I needed, and you dropped everything you were doing. For me.” She adds that last part as an afterthought. Like no one does things for her. Then her face changes to an expression of concern. “Oh no. Weren’t you supposed to be meeting a client? I’m so sorry. I could have waited until you were done.”

I shrug. “It’s all good. As I said, I’m glad you called me.”

She tentatively slides her hand across the table and when her fingers reach mine, she wraps them tightly around mine .

“Do you want to talk about your shitty day?” I ask, suddenly remembering it was the reason why she was drinking tonight.

She shakes her head. “Don’t even want to think about it anymore. Thank goodness it’s over and done with.” Her fingers tickle my palm as she rubs them up and down it. The simple gesture makes my heart beat faster and makes my dick pay attention. It will have to admit defeat when I let it know that he won’t be seeing any action tonight.

“Did you eat dinner?” Ainsley asks, breaking the silence after a few minutes. “I’m kinda starving. The burger really wasn’t enough of a dinner, especially since it ended up all over the bar.” She chuckles and then goes silent. “I really am a mess some days, and you didn’t even see the worst of it,” she adds quietly.

“We all are, darling,” I retort.

She laughs at that. “I’d like to see Grayson Abbott’s mess.”

There are so many comebacks to that, but instead I go with, “So dinner?”

“Please,” she pleads. “Something quick and light.”

“Cinnamon sugar toast? Peanut butter and jelly?”

“Yeah, okay,” is her reply.

“Which one, darling? There were two choices there.”

“Oh right.” She thinks for a minute, a slight wrinkle appearing between her eyes as she furrows them together. “Toast?” she asks rather than says.

“Coming right up.”

I push up out of my seat to go make dinner.

I hear her mumble something under her breath, but this time, I catch every single word. “Some days, I wish I could keep you.” All I can do is smile at the sentiment. My thoughts exactly.

After dinner, Ainsley takes a shower. I cuddle up on the couch and choose a movie for us to watch. When she comes back down, her hair is still damp, curling more than usual. She’s wearing my Eagles PJ pants and a loose-fitting tank. Again, my dick takes notice. Maybe her idea of sleeping in the guest bedroom isn’t so bad after all. And then I laugh at the insanity of that. No way this girl ain’t sleeping in my bed.

As if I need more proof of that, she grabs the blanket off the couch and cozies herself up to me, tucking us both in the blanket. I’m lying on my side, my head propped up on my elbow, and my legs spread out on the couch. She lays down next to me, getting as close as she possibly can, and practically burrows her head in my chest. “Comfortable?” I ask, because I sure as hell am.

“Very,” she answers.

My fingers gravitate toward her hair and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve got a strand of her hair wrapped around my fingers. She doesn’t even flinch, and if I’m not mistaken, the tiny moans that escape her lips are not from the movie we are watching.

I bring my lips down to her ear. “Still want to sleep in the guest bedroom?” I rasp.

Her eyes close and her breathing quickens. “Nope,” she mutters, popping the p. She brings her face around to meet mine, and when she parts her lips slightly, I move in for a kiss.

I can taste the mint toothpaste as my tongue explores her mouth. She gently tugs my bottom lip into hers, then releases it with a pop. Her tongue massages the underside of mine and when I pull mine back slightly, a tiny moan escapes her lips. My finger is still twirling her hair so I gently let it go and push her shoulders down on the couch, never letting my tongue leave her mouth. She adjusts her back and shoulders on the couch but keeps her mouth trained on mine. She wraps her arms around my back and pulls me in closer to her. I’m supporting myself on both forearms but when hers travel lower down my back to my ass, I almost slip. Thinking it’s quite funny, she begins to laugh against my mouth.

I pull my mouth off of hers and push myself back up to sitting, breaking out of her grasp. Her laugh quickly fades, and she tries to pull me back to her, but I don’t give in to her. “Grayson, I’m sorry.”

Before she can continue speaking, I hop off the couch, click off the TV, and scoop her off the couch into my arms. The confusion on her face quickly fades as she realizes what I’m doing, and then you guessed it, she fucking squeals. And I had every intention of being good tonight. Oh, Ainsley Bradford, what are you doing to me?

A fter the night with the bar scene, I'm not ready for Ainsley to leave my house. And if I'm truthful with myself, that would be I'm not ready for her to ever leave my house. Okay, maybe I’m really the crazy one.

This time around, she doesn’t put up any fight. We settle into a routine that consists of work, making meals, eating, having sex, and cuddling, not necessarily in that order. I love how we work so well together in the kitchen and I have to say, she's an excellent cook. It’s been a long while since I've had someone to cook for, let alone cook with.

One Friday a few weeks later, we decide to have a cook-off. It comes on the heels of a competition that we had in the bedroom Thursday night. Not bragging, but it feels good to be the victor. I invite Bella, Kylie, Natalie and Caleb for dinner.

“So remind me again of the rules,” Ainsley questions as we drive home from the grocery store.

“Whoever's meal gets the most likes wins. Simple, right?”

“And what does the winner get?”

“What do you think?”

She contemplates her answer for a bit. “Not going to lie. These last few weeks have been amazing, and I could totally just go for more of this.”

The simplicity of her answer floors me. I’ve learned this week that she's low maintenance and the little things in life make her day. Like notes in her lunch. Or the chocolate cupcakes I made with extra chocolate chips.

“Can we agree that this request is a given?” I ask, somewhat hopeful.

“Yes,” she chirps out. “So what do you suggest? ”

Without missing a beat, I tell her, “Two days on the boat. If I win, we go fishing. If you win, you choose what we do.”

“YES! Like two days as in tomorrow right?” she asks, using that voice that tells me I better say yes to that.

“Oh crap. I forgot I have to work the afternoon shift tomorrow.” I steal a glance in her direction to watch the excitement fall off her face.

“Next weekend?” she asks, a little less hopeful this time.

“Just kidding. We can leave tomorrow.”

She slaps my arm. “I hate you.”

“I know, darling. Enough that you want to go home?”

“NO!” she states emphatically.

She mumbles something under her breath. I don't ask her to repeat it because I'm highly certain I know what she said.

When we get home, I let her unload the groceries. She leaves almost everything we need on the counters. “What time did you tell everyone?”

“Seven. That give you enough time to get your chili ready and cooked?”

“Plenty,” she says and then adds, “and make a batch of brownies too. I’m going to try black bean ones, that okay?”

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

Natalie and Caleb are the first to arrive. Natalie practically accosts Ainsley when she sees her, throwing her arms around her. Ainsley squeals. I’m grateful she never does that in the bedroom because I'd be in some serious trouble. Well, even more so than I already am.

I laugh as I watch them interact and revel in the fact that they get along so well.

“Hey man, how's it going?” Caleb asks me with a pat on the back.

“Great,” I reply, stirring the chili.

“She seems happy.” He motions over to Ainsley.

“That she is.” I steal a glance in her direction. She's got her hair swept off her neck, but she left one strand out so she can twirl it. And me too. She's wearing her skinny jeans and a new top that apparently still had tags on it from when she bought it. I learned she doesn't like socks, even in the winter, and she brought her slippers from her apartment so she doesn't have to walk around barefoot all the time.

“Grayson! You are going on the boat tomorrow and you didn't invite us? Did you get the heater fixed?” Natalie asks in what is not an indoor voice.

“No. It was a more complicated fix than what I initially thought, and the damn part won't be in until later next week, but yes, Ainsley and I are going on the boat tomorrow. And no, you are not coming.”

She pouts. “Aren't you going to be cold?”She looks to Ainsley and then to me. A smirk creeps across her face. “Never mind. I get it.”

“Get what?” Bella asks, walking into the kitchen.

“How Gray and Ainsley are going to keep warm on the boat,” Natalie answers, walking over to give her and Kylie a hug.

“Oh yeah. They won't have a problem with that," Bella states. “You know he broke his own rules with this one, right?”

Natalie's eyes bug out of her head.“Shut the front door!” She swings around to stare down Ainsley. “And you didn't text me, girl?”

“Why is this such a big deal to everyone?” I ask, but it's purely rhetorical. Everyone thinks it's a big deal I don't sleep around, even some of the girls. It just proves my point of why I like to get to know someone before I sleep with her.

Ainsley comes up behind me and lays her head on my back. I turn around so I can face her. “I’m not sorry you broke your own rules. With the right person, rules are meant to be broken.” She palms my dick. She goes up on her tippy-toes but still has to pull my face to hers a bit so she can whisper in my ear, “Ever have sex by the firepit? ‘Cause that would be so hot tonight after everyone leaves.” She plants a kiss on my cheek and sidles away. And I'm suddenly regretting inviting our friends over tonight .

I adjust myself as I watch everyone interact. I again relish the fact that Ainsley fits right in with the people I care about most in this world.

I hear Natalie yell again, even though I have no clue who she’s yelling at. “What do you mean she's coming to the wedding?”

“Caleb, calm your woman down,” I say to him with a laugh. Then I add, “Dinner's ready.” Where do you think Bella learned to be so good at changing the subject?

Ainsley comes to stand next to me. “Okay, there are two types of chili. Grayson made one and I made the other one. And no, you do not get to know which one is which,” she adds before anyone can ask. “You need to take a small portion of each and whichever one you like better, wins.”

“What does the winner get?” Bella asks with a gleam in her eyes.

“Grayson wins a fishing trip on the boat for the weekend and I get to pick what we do, which won't involve fishing.”

She doles out the bowls, and we all take the meal out to the deck.

I try hers first. Damn, it's delicious. It’s got just the right amount of heat. There’s agreement all around that both are really good. We let everyone finish both before declaring the winner.

As we go around the table, it’s obvious Ainsley’s is the crowd favorite. She does a victory lap around the table and it’s when she starts swaying her hips I realize that I have fallen in love with her. In a matter of weeks.

Deal with it. I am.

“You have until tomorrow morning to decide where you want to go,” I tell her, pulling her onto my lap as she dances by me.

“Okay, I’ll let you know,” is what she states aloud, but she whispers this in my ear, “I don’t really care where we go; just get me out on the water and make me come. I’ll be a happy girl.”

See what I mean?

In. Love .

“Where have you been all my life?” I ask her in a more serious tone.

As if anticipating the question, she looks deep into my eyes and exclaims, “Just waiting until you were ready for me.”

The words almost slip out of my mouth. It takes all of my self-control to keep them in my head. I start to twirl her hair in my fingers, and she lays her head against my chest. I sense that she can feel my erratic heartbeat, but she kisses her palm and places it over my heart.

I make Bella and Kylie clean up the entire kitchen while Caleb and I build a fire. Ainsley and Natalie are off somewhere in the house.

I get the supplies we need to build the fire.

“So you want to admit how you feel about her, bro?” Caleb asks me as we build the fire.

“What are you talking about?” I ask him incredulously but not bothering to look at him.

“Dude, I see the way you look at her. Do I need to spell it out for you?”

“You think I don’t know?” I reply, my gaze finding his.

He lowers his voice. “I guess I’m just checking to see how you are doing with it.”

“Shockingly, better than I’ve been in a while,” I tell him honestly. His eyebrows raise, like he doesn’t believe me. “Trust me, I get where your concern is coming from. You know me. I don’t fall for girls in this way. But maybe that’s because no one has ever been this girl. She gets me, she challenges me, she wants me. We’re connected in every way, which is rare, especially for me. I can’t explain it, but I don’t know that it needs to be explained nor that I want it explained. I’m taking it one day at a time, and those days just happen to be fabulous.”

“If you’re good, I’m good. And you know Nat’s judgment is impeccable.” He laughs, implying the way Natalie chose him.

“The fact that Natalie seems to love her makes whatever this is that much easier to accept. ”

In a minute, all the girls join us. Bella has a pitcher of sangria, Ainsley has the brownies, and Natalie has the makings for s’mores. Caleb and I drag out the chairs from the shed, but I make sure that Ainsley takes a seat on my lap once she’s passed out the brownies. Bella passes the sangria out. Everyone but Kylie and I take some.

“These brownies are better than your last batch,” Kylie tells Ainsley after shoving the entire thing in her mouth.

“Thanks.” Ainsley beams with pride. “These are made with black beans, but you would never know it.”

“I never would have guessed that,” Kylie says. “Do you do cupcakes? We need some for our shower.”

I can tell she’s half-joking, but Ainsley gets all excited. “Yes, how many do you need? And when? I would love to make them.”

Kylie’s about to tell her she’s kidding, but Bella pipes in with, “OMG. Yes. Gray can help you if you need help. His cupcakes are pretty incredible.”

“Agreed,” Ainsley states with a smile.

“Okay seriously. How are you two this close in like what? Twenty days?” Natalie is practically teeming with jealously. Secretly, I love it.

“Twenty-two, but who’s counting?” Ainsley giggles.

“Oh, let’s play I’ve Never,” Natalie suggests.

Caleb is about to stop her, but I encourage it. “I just need coffee. Kylie, you want coffee?” She nods.

“I’ll help you,” Ainsley offers.

We go inside and while we wait for the coffee to brew, she looks nervous. “Hey, what is it?”

“You aren’t worried you might find out something about me you don’t like?” she answers in a voice just above a whisper.

“Nah, should I be?” I’m not really serious but her expression gets even more worrisome. “We could skip it.”

“No, it’s okay. Besides, I’m kinda curious to learn stuff about you that you haven’t shared yet.”

“Okay.” The coffee finishes, and we head back outside to our friends .

“Anyone not know how to play?” Natalie asks. Everyone implies they know the rules. “I’ll start, with an easy one. “Never have I been in love.”

Everyone but Ainsley drinks. Natalie looks over at her. “I have a feeling that will change real soon,” she enlightens her and then winks. Ainsley takes it in stride and just smiles. “Okay, Caleb, you’re up.”

“Never have I smoked.”

He brings his cup up to this mouth as Natalie shouts, “Smoked in general? Like anything?”

He nods. “Never have I smoked anything.” He drinks, as does Ainsley, Natalie, and Bella.

I look over at Ainsley questioningly. “I stole one of my brother’s cigarettes when I was like fifteen. I took one puff and practically coughed up a lung. Decided that smoking wasn’t worth it.”

Bella’s up next. Of course hers is sexual. “Never have I had a threesome.” She’s the only one to drink. Big shocker there.

While Kylie may be comfortable in her skin about her sexuality and others, she plays it safe tonight. “Never have I kissed a person of the same sex.” Obviously she and Bella drink, but Natalie’s the wild card.

Caleb’s mouth opens in shock. “Why am I just finding out about this now?” he declares, more turned on than pissed. “This will be discussed later tonight.”

I’m up next. Not wanting to call Ainsley out, but wanting to call her out at the same time, I offer, “Never have I had sex in a pantry.” Before she drinks, she glares at me. She eventually takes a sip of her drink, her cheeks flushing from either my question or the alcohol.

When I finish my sip, the other four are staring at us. Bella is the only one who can speak through her shock. “In this pantry?” she squeaks.

Ainsley nods her head, then holds up three fingers. Natalie looks like she’s about to lose her shit. “OMG!” she screeches. “Girl, we are SO going out for girls’ night one day this week. You have a lot of explaining to do.” Ainsley merely smiles.

“Okay, my turn. Never have I kissed a person I just met.”

Ainsley’s the only one to drink on this one. “Seriously? Not even you, Bella?” Bella shakes her head.

“Grayson has some tough standards to live up to,” she says with a shrug.

“Wow. I’m impressed, but truthfully, Grayson is the only guy I’ve kissed when I didn’t know him.”

“Well, that makes me feel much better,” I tell her, pushing her hair out of her face. And then I add my own confession. “Well, technically, I did kiss you back and I didn’t know you.”

“And then you chased her down for another kiss,” Bella adds. “Drink, Gray.” And so I do.

The game continues. Some of the girls’ questions get a little out of hand, but it’s all in good fun. As the girls’ get drunker, Ainsley admits to sleeping with guys she didn’t know—thankfully we had discussed that before—and also saying “I love you” to someone because it’s what he wanted to hear, not because she loved him.

She doesn’t learn much more about me because the questions are more relevant to the girls. Until what ends up being the last question.

Natalie and Bella are beyond wasted, and Ainsley’s definitely tipsy. Slurring her words, Natalie asks the question. “Never have I gotten a girl pregnant.” Her stare is focused on Caleb, almost as if she’s goading him. Even in her wasted state, Bella’s eyes fly to mine. Ainsley misses that, but she doesn’t miss the fact that I’m the only one who drinks.

“Well that’s…interesting,” she declares. “Care to share that story, Gray?”

I notice everyone looks away from us or down at the ground, even though Bella, Kylie and Natalie are the only ones who knew that. I also notice the fact that she’s called me Gray.

Taking a deep breath, I’m about to start, but Ainsley cuts me off. “Actually, I don’t want to know right now.” She’s pissed. Her eyes are darting back and forth and she’s huffing. She pushes herself up off my lap and stumbles as she tries to walk away. She waves off my help and heads back inside.

Caleb announces that he’s going to take Natalie home. Before leaving, she wraps me in a hug. “Gray, she’ll come around. Don’t screw this up.” Even in her drunken state I know she’s serious and this will be the one thing she remembers from the night.

“I have no intentions of screwing it up,” I assure her.

“I’m pretty sure that girl loves you,” she states, her voice softer now.

“Yeah, I know.” I sigh. “I’ll make it right.” Feeling a little frustrated, I run my fingers through my hair.

She smiles up at me and then removes herself from my arms. Caleb shakes my hand, they say goodbye to Bella and Kylie and then leave.

I sit back down in my chair. “You want us to stay?” Kylie asks in concern.

“No, it was going to come up at some point. Just figured I would have more time and that I would be the one to bring it up.” I hug Kylie. “Get my sister home safe.”

“Always,” she replies, squeezing me a little tighter.

I hug Bella, but her eyes are starting to close. “You need help walking her to the car?”

“Nah, I got it. Go get your girl.” Kylie hugs Bella into her side, and Bella slumps into her. Even though she’s pretty light, she’s deadweight when she’s drunk. Somehow Kylie manages just fine to get her to the back door and through the house, I imagine.

I take a few minutes to collect myself, and my thoughts, before I plan to head inside. I watch the flames dance around in the fire a bit, finishing up my coffee. Before I have a chance to make it outside, Ainsley comes back out with a blanket and a cup of coffee.

She’s exchanged her jeans for a pair of PJ bottoms and the shirt for a hoodie. She’s piled her hair on the top of her head in a messy bun. Her face is devoid of most emotion, except what appears to be sadness. She halts in front of my chair and looks down at me. “Can I sit on your lap?” she asks in a small voice.

“Of course.” I pull her down onto my lap and pull her close to me. She lays her head down on my chest and in that moment, I realize I can tell her anything, that she deserves to know all my truths.

I’m about to start when I hear her ask, “How old is your kid?”

“Huh?” I ask, confused.

“Your kid. How old?”

It takes me a minute to realize she’s missing so much of the story. I also don’t miss the fact she doesn’t seem angry I haven’t told her any of this yet. “I don’t have a child,” I start. She lifts her head off my chest, her eyes questioning. “She had a miscarriage at eight weeks. But let me start at the beginning.”

I take a deep breath and start. “Molly and I were together for three years. She’s the one I was in love with. She’s the reason I started the rule about not sleeping with people I don’t know. Not that I slept with people I didn’t know before her; it just became part of my history after what we went through. I was twenty-two and she was twenty-one. I had just finished college, and she had one more year of school. We stopped using condoms early on in our relationship because we both knew we were in love, and she was on the pill. She failed to mention that when she was ill for about a month, she stopped taking the pill because it was making her feel worse. When she got better, she had forgotten to fill her prescription, but we weren’t that sexually active anyway because she was still getting over the illness.” I take a minute to catch my breath. Ainsley’s still got her head on my chest, but she brings her legs up and curls them under her. I grab the blanket and wrap it around her so she stops shivering.

“Fast forward about two months when she shocks me with the news she was pregnant. Besides for shock, I was pissed because I felt like we had both agreed to stop using condoms because she was on the pill. I blamed her. I was pissed because this totally could have been avoided. Did I love having sex with condoms? No, but I would have started using them again to prevent this from happening.”

Instinctively, I take a strand of Ainsley’s hair out of the bun and begin twirling it around my fingers.

During my brief pause, Ainsley asks, “Did you consider abortion?”

I shake my head. “No, neither one of us wanted that, even though we knew it was going to be hard to raise a kid. And we vetoed adoption as well. My parents were supportive to an extent, although hers were against us having the baby. I always looked at it as a blessing in disguise that she miscarried. It kind of solved our ‘problem’ so to speak without us having to make the decision.

“After we lost the baby, she fell into a depressed state. She dropped out of school and stopped going out. Heck, she barely got dressed. I tried to help her out, but she eventually shut me out too. She ultimately got better, and we started talking again. I thought we may have been able to overcome everything, but then my parents died and I couldn’t focus on her at all. My focus shifted to Bella. And well, she didn’t take that too well. She couldn’t handle that I couldn’t put her first anymore, even if it was only temporary.”

“How awful of her,” Ainsley pipes in. “You were dealing with the death of your parents and having to take care of your sister.”

“She didn’t see it that way, but it was another blessing in disguise. I didn’t realize she was so mentally unstable, but it never would have worked out for us.”

I finish the story there.

“Did she get the help she needed?” Ainsley asks, her concern for this stranger evident in the tone of voice she uses.

“Honestly, not enough. She spent some time in a mental hospital, but she checked herself out. I was glad when she decided to move out of state. When she ran into Bella, she accused her of taking me away from her. Bella didn’t let on that it bothered her, but inwardly, I know it took its toll on her. Fortunately, Kylie was there to support her. Natalie, too. ”

“Thank you for sharing this. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

“This isn’t an excuse, but I would have told you on my time. It’s a lot to burden a person with in the first few weeks of knowing someone.”

“I get it. And neither one of us knows where this is heading anyway.”

I shudder at the thought of this not going in the direction that I see it going, but realistically, she’s completely right. It’s been just over three weeks, and I’m sure there’s more of Ainsley that she hasn’t shared with me.

“Are kids something you see in your future?” she asks quietly.

I’ve given this question a lot of thought, especially given everything that happened with Molly. “Yes,” I answer truthfully. “Because once I got over the initial shock, there was a small part of me that was excited to welcome a child into this world. The timing was just shitty then, and well, so was my choice of partner, as it turns out. I feel like I matured a bit since then, especially with the death of my parents on the heels of that tragedy, and well, I’ve gotten smarter about protection. I haven’t had sex without a condom since the time Molly got pregnant.”

I realize it’s a lot for Ainsley to absorb, especially this late at night and with her still being inebriated. “What about you?”

“Yes. Despite my rocky relationship with my mom, I’ve always wanted to be a mother.”

At least we are on the same page there, I think to myself, and then criticize myself for going down that path right now. I’ll just file it away for future reference.

I watch as the fire starts to dwindle and debate whether to add more kindling and logs. It’s then I notice that Ainsley is asleep in my arms, her breathing slow and even. Making a snap decision, I carefully maneuver myself out of my chair, holding her steady against my chest. I shift her so that her legs are dangling from my arms, her head still tucked into my chest. She doesn’t stir, even as I climb the stairs to my bedroom. I lay her down and pull the covers up around her. Her eyes flutter open and she whispers my name before she closes them again, turns over, and falls back into a deep sleep.

I go back outside and douse the fire in water before returning inside. In my room, I change my clothes and crawl into bed next to Ainsley. As I drift off to sleep, I hope she’s the only girl I have to tell that story to.