Delivery to the Farmhouse (Havenwood Cowboys Romance #4)

Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

I t felt like everything was coming to an end. I couldn’t explain why or how, but it was like I was on a runaway train and the track was ending, leading into a perilous cliff from which there would be no return.

I was being stupid, I told myself as I rearranged boxes enough to place my guitar case on them. Clicking open the silver buckles, I tipped the lip up and gazed at the acoustic guitar Dad had given me years ago.

It had belonged to him when he was a teenager. He was the reason I had learned chords or picked it up in the first place.

Lifting the guitar by its fretboard, I took it to the couch and allowed my fingers to strum across its strings. The following sound was so discordant, I winced.

“Let’s get you tuned up,” I said, pulling the little tuner out of the case and attaching it to the head joint.

Slowly, one string and one adjustment at a time, I plucked and tuned, plucked and tuned, until the strings sounded far more harmonized together. Then, I let my emotions take over, pouring myself into the few songs I knew.

The chords to Echosmith’s “Bright” chimed through, and I sang the soft lyrics, tapping my thumb against the guitar every few beats to add some percussion along with it. The singing, the playing, was what my heart needed. It brought back memories of standing with Colton and singing with him.

Mom texted a few minutes into the second song, so I stopped long enough to let her know I was back home and that all was well.

I wanted to talk to her, to tell her more about what was going on. To get some release with so many emotions building inside of me. But the thought of telling my mother that I’d shared a bed with Colton last night would be misconstrued in so many ways.

She was friends with too many people in town, and unfortunately, she talked to them about her problems. Just like I did with mine. But her friends didn’t know how to keep that information to themselves, either.

No, I needed someone else to talk to.

I thought about calling Chelsea, but my relationship with my sister had been strained ever since she kissed Bryce while I’d been the one on a date with him. Besides, she’d probably tell Mom everything, too.

I liked Jo, but I didn’t know her well enough to know if she was someone I could trust.

My eyes caught sight of the suitcase I had yet to fully unpack, and a feeling swelled in my chest. Belle had been genuine. She’d been kind to lend me her luggage—and as far as I knew, word hadn’t spread around town about the mud incident with Colton, which meant Belle knew how to keep things to herself.

Could I blame her? I remembered how things had spread about her after she’d been in that terrible accident nearly five years ago and her fiancé had died. People had speculated and said all kinds of awful things about Belle after that.

Taking a chance, I sent her the next text.

Me: I’m back and I’d love to return your suitcase to you.

Belle: Great! How does tomorrow sound? I’d love to hear all about your trip!

That was a relief. I was being invited to stay longer than a quick trip. I should have known she’d do that. Belle was the kind of person who really cared about people.

Me: I’ll drop by tomorrow after work?

Belle: Great! See you then.

The next morning, I combed my hair, threw on some mascara, and got dressed. Then I made it to the site, and even though the sound of a jackhammer jiggered through the ground, my nerves may as well have been doing the same to me as well because there was Colton.

Colton Holden, tall, lanky and muscular, wearing a tank top that was the culprit of the glorious farmer tan I’d seen plastered across his chest. He stood beside Bryce, arms folded, mouth downturned.

It made me wonder if the brothers had discussed the farm or not yet.

The sound of a saw ripped through the air. Jo roved around the side of the finished townhouses, walking with Dan and Drake. The three of them waved, and I waved back as they stepped inside the unit she and I had been painting.

Colton patted Bryce on the shoulder and then stalked toward me. Nerves flurried in my stomach. I headed in his direction, wondering where to start this morning.

I wasn’t sure what the crew was working on today, not now that a week had passed.

“Good morning,” Colton said.

“You checking up on things?” I asked .

“Yeah,” he said, tucking a finger into his belt loop and looking right at me. “You.”

I couldn’t help my smile. “I meant the site.”

“I could say something cheesy, like you’re the only sight I see. But that’s a little over the top.”

“I don’t mind,” I said. “I could say you’re a little over the top.”

His eyes narrowed. “I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to flatter me.”

“Just calling it like I see it,” I said, loving how easy this man was to mess with.

“What if I said I missed you?”

My heart skipped a beat. “You did?”

“Yeah. We ate breakfast together all through our trip. I had to eat on my own this morning.” He pouted his bottom lip like he was put out.

“Sounds like we need a breakfast date,” I said.

“Just as long as it doesn’t end there.” He tipped his hat toward me and leaned in closer. “Because if I had my way, we’d spend all day together again.”

This was heartening. I’d been feeling off since he left last night.

Maybe it didn’t matter that Jensen was back. Maybe things could stay the way they’d been.

Bryce called from behind him. “Hey, Colt. This is what I was talking about.”

I peered behind him to see his older brother resting one hand on his hip and gesturing toward the electrical box.

“Still having troubles with wiring the electricity?” I asked.

“Might need your assistance,” Colton said.

I laughed and shoved him away. “You don’t want me anywhere near open wires.”

Laughing, Colton pressed a kiss to my cheek and stalked toward Bryce. Another shrill, high-pitched sawing sound screeched over the site. I covered my ears until it stopped and then looked around for Jesse .

Colton wasn’t going to give me any jobs. I’d have to ask the foreman. He probably had more of an idea of what needed to be done.

I found Jesse near the perimeter fence surrounding the project. He frowned at the pair of garbage dumpsters positioned there.

“Hey, Jesse,” I said.

“Natalie!” The foreman’s face lit up. “You’re back. Did you guys have a nice time?”

“We did,” I said. “Just wondering where you want me.”

“Sure thing. Got a new guy coming out this morning, and I thought I’d meet him here and get him going, too, if you don’t mind waiting.”

“No,” I said. “I don’t mind.”

“Looks like he’s coming now.” Jesse pointed toward the car making its way around the curve in the road and pulling to a stop.

“You’re kidding,” I said.

I knew that car. He couldn’t be serious.

“You hired Jensen Cummings?”

“Is that a problem? He said he’s back in town. He’s looking for work, and with you slacking on the job here, thought I’d get some more help.”

He smiled, but I didn’t respond to his little jab.

“I quit,” I said as Jensen stepped out of the driver’s seat.

Jesse whipped his head toward me. “What?”

All the frustration that Colton had helped whisk away last night crashed in on me with such force it stole the air from my lungs. What was Jensen doing here?

Couldn’t he take a hint?

“You heard me,” I told him. “As long as he’s working here, I won’t be.”

“Isn’t that a little juvenile?” Jesse said, but I didn’t respond because my evil ex made his approach.

He lifted a hand, but before he could say anything, I beat him to it .

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

Jensen flashed me the smile, the one that used to kink my stomach into knots. The one that used to blur my vision and make me feel like no one else in the world existed. I had some serious PTSD. Or make that PRFD.

Post Relationship Flutter Disorder.

Stop it right now, heart. This man crushed you. We will not entertain ANY ideas of giving him another chance.

I was with Colton. He had been gentlemanly and sweet. He’d been exactly what I needed—I didn’t want to throw that away like Jensen did to me.

So why did my heart respond to Jensen the way it used to?

Not cool, heart. Not cool.

“Reporting for duty,” Jensen said. He even lifted his hand up in a rigid mock of a salute, tapping it against his brow. Like I was his commanding officer.

Why was he directing that to me? Jesse was the one in charge, not me.

That didn’t matter. I’d command him, all right. I’d order his stupid, lying, betraying and not-cute-in-any-way butt off the premises.

“Hey, there, Cummings,” Jesse said, his gaze darting between the two of us.

“I’m out of here.”

“Hang on,” Jesse said. “You need to let the Holdens know.”

“I’ll tell them. Do they know he’s here?”

“Is there some reason I can’t work on the crew?” Jensen asked.

“No,” Jesse said while at the same time, I said, “Yes. All the reasons.”

Jensen’s mouth set into a line. “Come on. I know I messed up, but they need my help.”

“No.”

“Nat.”

“Don’t.” I leveled a glare at him. “I worked here first. You don’t get to come take over. You can go. Find a job somewhere else.”

I’d probably lose all credibility with the rest of the members of the crew because Colton wouldn’t fire me. Bryce might, but Colton wouldn’t. But I didn’t want to take advantage of them, either.

“This is ridiculous,” Jesse muttered, but I ignored him and stalked toward the opening in the fence.

The sound of boots crunching on gravel let me know Jensen was following me.

“Please, Nat. Just hear me out.”

I whirled around. “Don’t call me that.”

“It’s your name.”

My eyes closed. “My name is Natalie. Only people I’m close to get to call me anything else.”

“We were close,” he said.

“ Were ,” I said with emphasis. “You no longer have that status. Now, we’re acquaintances. Distant acquaintances.”

His expression turned pleading.

“Take your puppy dog eyes somewhere else,” I said.

“I’m sorry about what happened. But things didn’t pan out in Mississippi, and I need the job. Please, Natalie. I know construction. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean you have to leave.”

I closed my eyes and said a prayer. Well, more like I cursed him inwardly and then prayed for forgiveness immediately after.

Because the only thing I wished on this man was for him to fall off the face of the earth. Definitely not the most Christian thing to think at a time like this.

I wanted nothing more to do with him. Ever.

“No,” I said.

He gestured toward the townhouses behind him. Jesse had taken the hint and left the two of us alone.

“But—”

“That’s my answer to whatever you think you’re up to. No. I’m with Colton Holden now. I’m happy with him. So whatever you think will happen between us, talking or whatever, it won’t.”

He lifted his hands. “I’m just here to help. I need the job.” He turned toward the site and then back to me again. “If you happen to change your mind, well, that’s not my fault. I’d like to tell you what happened.”

He was unbelievable.

“I know what happened. You left. You didn’t tell me what you were up to—you never told me a thing and then you broke things off with me when I thought…”

My voice caught. What was I doing? I was the one who’d said we wouldn’t talk.

I wasn’t saying anything else.

Jensen took a step toward me. “You thought what?”

I closed my eyes, warding off the tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. If anyone was to comfort me, I wanted it to be Colton.

I shook my head.

Jensen gave me a nod. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

And this time as he walked toward Drake, Dan, Jo, and Jesse standing near the saw, I could have sworn his shoulders shook.

He was doing this. He was taking the job when he knew what it meant for me?

I couldn’t do this. It was like a huge sign was flashing right in front of me telling me TIME TO GO.

You’ve been waiting for a sign all this time? This is it.

It wasn’t just the job site I didn’t want to share with him. If Jensen was back in town, then I didn’t want to be.

I wasn’t sure what to do about Colton. He’d been so sweet since we’d gotten back from our trip, but that trip had only lit a fire in me, making me itch for more.

I’d felt mildly restless since we got home, but Jensen showing up again threw everything into a tailspin. It suddenly felt like my whole life was out of place. I was restless, and I couldn’t explain why.

Much as I hated to admit it, Colton was part of the problem, too. Things were moving too fast with him. Not that I didn’t want them to—and that was the dilemma:

I DID.

I wanted things with Colton that my mind told my heart I shouldn’t want.

I liked him too much.

For anyone else, I was sure that wouldn’t have been a difficulty. And the pre-Jensen me would probably have dived right into everything Colton offered head-first.

Colton was amazing. Funny, cute, irresistible, and when he kissed me, I didn’t want to stop. In fact, he was almost too amazing.

That was what had my back up. With something as incredible as he was, it would be hard to let go. He was roots when I wanted wings.

My Anywhere But Here binder had so many places left to explore. If I was going to spend money on living expenses, it was going to be on hotels, Airbnbs and on seeing places. That had always been the plan!

It was sweet for Colton to have gone with me the last time, but what did that mean about me? I’d wanted to venture off on my own at some point in my life. It was the whole reason I hadn’t gone to live in Saint Anthony to be near my parents again.

I wanted an adventure. To experience life the way other people did. I felt like I needed to find myself. To prove who Natalie Evangeline Brown really was.

I’d always had this dream. If I didn’t do something about it now, I’d always wonder if I could.

Within minutes, I was back in my car. But I didn’t go home. I took the road toward Burley. It was to pick up some milk and a few grocery items, but deep down, it was also an excuse to get away, even fractionally .

When I pulled into town, I stopped at the closest store and waited in the parking lot long enough to let Colton know what I’d done.

Colton: You should have come talk to me.

Me: Did you know Bryce hired him?

Colton: No, but I can do something about it.

Me: Don’t. It’s fine.

Colton: It’s not. You shouldn’t feel so threatened that you can’t come to work. There’s got to be some kind of discrimination law for something like that. I’ll look into it.

Me: It’s fine. I’ll find something else.

Somewhere else. Somewhere Jensen would never come.

I knew it was stupid to let a man have this much influence over me, but it wasn’t just Jensen. It was like he was giving me the excuse I needed to do what I’d always wanted to do.

Colton: I’ve got to thin tonight. Want to join me?

Me: Thin?

Colton: Beets. You thin them to make sure the root tubers are all the right size. Also makes it so they don’t have to compete so much for water and other nutrients.

He was so nerdy. It was cute.

Me: I’d love to. I…

I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I wanted to talk to him, even though I did.

My desire to leave wasn’t fair to him. I’d told him that from the start, but he hadn’t listened. But I had to be honest. And this wanderlust coursing through me wouldn’t leave me alone.

I hated to be the one to break his heart.

Remembering my plans with Belle, I texted her to raincheck on our plans.

Belle: Everything okay?

Me: I’m not sure. I’ve got a few things to work out with Colton, so do you mind if I bring the suitcase later?

Belle: No problem!

She handled that just as I thought she would, and I was glad. I wasn’t sure I could handle any more drama right now.

Part of me thought maybe Colton might want to come with me, but he’d said it just now. He was thinning. He needed to be here to take care of his crops.

He couldn’t pack it all up and leave with me. Not again.

He wanted to cut ties with sharing farm operations with Bryce, and if I asked that of him, it would only make him give up what he wanted. That wasn’t fair, either.

It was time to tell him the truth.

Breaking hearts wasn’t on his track record? It wasn’t on mine, either. Not before now.