Dirty Secrets (The Heights #1)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

RAVEN

Twenty-one years old

B eing in love with your best friends and having to watch them climb all over other women was the worst. Especially, when I knew they’d never love me back.

Reid, I understood. He had a weird sense of loyalty to my dead brother since they’d been best friends, but Logan and Zavier? They stuck their dicks in everything, so it was a little hard not to be offended that they only saw me as one of the boys.

To make matters worse, I’d snuck off from them at the racetrack in Ashburn Valley almost half an hour ago, and they hadn’t even noticed.

Reid was too busy talking cars with his friends, and Logan had been dry humping some skank against his car all evening.

Zavier must have noticed though because he appeared beside me in the shadows, his voice curious. “Why are you hiding over here?”

“I’m not hiding,” I answered bluntly, making him snort.

“You’re literally in the dark away from everyone. What’s wrong?”

I peered up at him, concern in his eyes. The lights from the bathroom close by weren’t that bright here, but it was enough to see.

“I don’t know why I bother coming here. You guys abandon me the second we drive through the gate. None of you even noticed I wasn’t there. I don’t want to watch you all rub up against random girls while I occupy myself,” I scowled, swatting at him when he reached for me.

He ignored it though, tucking me under his arm to keep me close.

“You wandered off a little over thirty minutes ago. I saw you. I thought you wanted some space, so I kept an eye on you from a distance. I will warn you, Logan’s invited what’s-her-name back to the house.”

“Of course he fucking did,” I groaned, relaxing against him. “Why can’t he go back to her place?”

“I don’t know, he hasn’t taken time to breathe for me to ask,” he said dryly.

I couldn’t blame the girl one bit for wanting Logan. He was hot, and from the sounds I’d heard coming out of his bedroom when he had company, he was also really good in bed.

Not that I even knew what bad sex felt like since the guys chased off any man who ever stepped foot near me.

I was going to die a virgin.

To make matters worse, I’d struggled to sleep alone ever since Josh had been murdered, which meant I heavily relied on the guys for company. Most nights, one of them slept beside me, but some nights, they were all too busy getting laid or weren't home.

Those nights alone were the worst, but I didn’t want to complain. I wasn’t their girlfriend.

I had to learn to be on my own eventually.

Living in Hawthorne Heights made things harder too. It was full of crime, and I constantly woke to the sounds of gunfire or sirens. It was normal, and most of it didn’t bother any of us, but that didn’t mean our house wouldn’t be a target to random attacks.

Half of our windows were boarded up, thanks to asshole kids, and the kitchen and living room still had bullet holes all over the walls from the day my brother died.

We couldn’t afford to fix anything. It was hard enough to pay the mortgage and keep the lights on.

The house wasn’t ours, it belonged to my father, but he was long gone. I’d spent more years being raised by my brother and the guys than I had been by the man who’d helped create me.

I didn’t remember my mother. She’d run off when I was younger, thanks to my father being an abusive drunk, and for all I knew, she was dead.

Hopefully, Dad was too.

I had no idea how Josh had gotten the information to pay the bills once Dad had abandoned us, but he’d managed to keep the water and electricity running, so I hadn’t questioned it.

When Josh died, Reid took it over without hesitation.

The guys were on welfare, but I didn’t earn anything since I technically still lived at home, meaning I’d spent a lot of time over the years doing random jobs or stealing.

The guys usually had it handled though, so it was a fight to get them to accept my help.

Which was another thing I hated, much like the guys’ friends sending food home for our freezer all the time.

The only thing stopping me from saying no was that we really didn’t have a choice.

“Do you want to go home?” Zavier asked, and I couldn’t help but lean into him a little more.

I was being weird, the scent of his cologne was making me feel all warm and girly.

Seriously, the man was hot as hell, and he was way out of my league.

He had that shaggy black hair that was messy but in a hot way, his striking blue eyes peeking out from behind the pieces of hair in his face. He wasn’t bulky, none of the guys were, thanks to our lack of regular meals, but he was toned with those veiny forearms that made girls lose their minds.

He was the tallest of the guys at six feet, making my five feet, six inches seem so much shorter than it was. He was also twenty-four.

Reid was twenty-two and only a little shorter than Zavier at five feet, nine inches. His dark blond hair always looked like he’d been running his hands through it repetitively, and his amber eyes were like whiskey mixed with honey.

They were way too pretty to be a guy’s, it should’ve been illegal.

Logan was twenty-one like me and claimed he was the same height as Reid, but he was an inch shorter. He’d always kept his dark brown hair short, his matching dark brown eyes always full of mischief.

All three of them were doing terrible things to my hormones, especially when the fuckers smiled at me. A smile shouldn’t turn me to goo.

“The guys both have races tonight, so we can’t take one of their cars,” I sighed, shivering as his fingers trailed up and down my side. It felt nice, and I was breaking my own damn heart by allowing myself to enjoy it.

He moved back and tugged his hoodie off, offering it to me. “You’re shivering. Are you getting sick? It’s not cold.”

“I have a jacket in Reid’s car,” I said dryly, not wanting to tell him it was just my body reacting to his touch, but he just waved the hoodie at me some more. “Ugh, fine. So, how do you expect to get home without a car?”

“C’mon,” he grinned, encouraging me to put the warm hoodie on before he started walking towards everyone, giving me no choice but to follow and see what he was up to.

I was happy to wear the guys’ clothes, they always smelled good and were super comfortable.

Reid’s eyes ran over me like a hawk as we approached, glancing around as if I was being followed by a creeper. He was the most protective, and as much as I loved him, it was suffocating sometimes.

It had only gotten worse in the past six months.

Logan was more relaxed, enjoying getting into trouble with me ever since we were kids, and Zavier was the one that always made me question if he was actually flirting with me or not. He didn’t have some kind of childhood obligation to look after me, or any loyalty to my brother.

That made me question everything he said or did, the stupid voice inside my head hoping he’d make a move one day.

Some nights we’d snuggle and watch a movie, but Reid and Logan did that with me a lot too.

No wonder my hormones were all fucked up, they were confused by all the hot dudes I kept surrounding myself with.

“You okay?” Reid asked as he continued to study me, drawing other people’s attention.

Even Logan managed to pull away from his hookup long enough to check on me.

“I’m fine.”

Zavier dropped an arm lazily around my shoulders, jumping to my rescue as always.

“She’s tired and wants to go home. Who’s giving me their keys so I can take her?”

“Beckett’s about to leave,” Riley Donovan piped up from beside Reid, her baseball bat tightly in her grip as always, and her wavy, blonde hair poking out of her hood. She might not have been a member of the local gangs like half her family were, but that didn’t mean the girl wasn’t scrappy.

Especially, if you looked at her girlfriend, Luna Hendricks, the wrong way.

I didn’t mind her older sister, Beckett, despite her being terrifying. She was best friends with Zavier and had been around a lot over the past year.

Logan looked torn, but he sighed, pulling away from the girl like it was the most difficult choice he’d ever made. “I’ll take you guys home.”

The girl openly glared at me as if I was her competition, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Don’t feel threatened by me, he’s only into skanks, you’re safe. I’m not his type.”

Reid snorted, trying not to look amused but failing. “Put your claws away, Rae.”

“If she’s coming back to the house tonight, make sure you shove your cock down her throat to keep her quiet. I don’t want to hear it,” I said bitterly, nudging Zavier with my elbow. “C’mon, let’s go find Beckett. I’d hate to drag Logan away from his prize for the evening.”

“I don’t mind,” Logan insisted, but I ignored him and started walking in the direction of the purple Mustang with Zavier right behind me.

“You could’ve accepted Logan’s offer,” he chuckled, his arm brushing mine as he scanned the crowd around us. I’d gotten lazy with being aware of my surroundings, since the guys always looked out for me, so I forced myself to do the same.

“He’s only offering because he feels like he has to,” I answered.

“Believe it or not, but Logan would rather make sure you get home safely than get his dick wet.”

“Lately, I don’t think that’s the case,” I sighed, leaning into Zavier as he put an arm around my shoulders.

“Trust me. He likes pussy, but he loves you. You’re family and his best friend,” he encouraged, the crowd thinning the closer to Beckett we got. She was leaning against the side of her car as she talked to her brother, Maddox, their eyes both watching their surroundings.

Well, they’d started dating a year ago and he was adopted, so calling him her brother was weird. She was also dating her other brother’s best friend, Jett Emerson, just to keep things interesting.

“Hey, Donovan. Can you give us a ride home when you leave?” Zavier asked as we reached them, her green eyes landing on me with amusement.

Where Riley was blonde, Beckett had black hair, thanks to their different bio dads.

“Sick of watching the live porn show that Logan’s putting on? I don’t blame you,” she joked, assessing me as Maddox gave us an annoyed once-over as he raked a hand through his messy brown hair.

“Why can’t the guys take you? They have two cars here,” he grumbled, his irritated blue eyes flicking to Zavier. “Why the fuck can’t you borrow one and take your girl home?”

“I’m not their girl,” I bit out, and Beckett waved a dismissive hand at me.

“Ignore him, he’s being an asshole because he lost his race against me tonight. I can take you home. Reid and Logan really won’t hand over their keys?”

“They both haven’t finished racing for the night. Logan offered, but his tongue’s too busy searching down some skank's throat,” I deadpanned, making her snicker.

“Sorry, your buddy’s a whore. I’m happy to swing past the Heights, honestly. I suppose Lopez is coming too?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s in the back then. Girls in the front,” she smirked, and as much as Zavier pretended to be offended, he wasn’t. He always let me sit in the front.

We climbed in and Beckett said something to Maddox before he walked off, and I relaxed once we were driving towards the gate.

“How do you get your guys to let you do stuff alone?” I asked once we were on the road, and Beckett laughed.

“They know I’ll stab them if they get in my way. Carry a knife, it makes all the difference.”

“Don’t tell her that,” Zavier groaned, but Beckett smiled a little sadistically at him over her shoulder.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t be into it. I bet you’d love a bit of knife play.”

I scoffed, giving her the side-eye. “We’re just friends, Donovan. Don’t make it weird. Also, I always have a knife on me. Depending on the day, sometimes I have a gun too.”

“Threaten them with the knife, trust me. Maybe if you untwisted those panties and let someone into them, you’d understand the kinky things in life too,” she replied sweetly.

“Donovan,” Zavier warned, but Beckett shrugged.

“What? She’s an adult. You can’t keep her as the Virgin Mary forever. Do you need her for some kind of virgin sacrifice? No? Then let her have some fun.”

“Raven deserves more than a one-night stand. She has terrible taste in men, so if she found a decent one, I’d have no problem with it,” he said in a teasing tone. “You really thought we’d just let your brother fuck her or something?”

Ryder Donovan had been a heat of the moment mistake right here at the track. He was Beckett’s twin, and was currently back in rehab for his second stay, thanks to fucking himself up on party pills and crystal with his new girlfriend, Tempest Hendricks.

He’d only been trying to pick a fight with the guys by getting into my pants that night, I knew that, but I still let him kiss me because all I could fucking think about lately was guys.

I just wanted my virginity gone at this point, I didn’t even care who did it.

“It’s just sex, Zavier. It’s nothing special, so stop acting like it is. You assholes throw that shit around like it’s candy, so why can’t I? I want to lose my virginity, not marry the guy,” I snapped, sick of the same argument, and he winced.

The car was quiet for a second before he responded, guilt in his tone. “I just want you to have the experience without regret or trauma. The last thing I want is for you to lose it to some guy who doesn’t listen if you want him to slow down or stop.”

“I’ve seen all three of you guys fuck, and none of you are slow.”

“Most of those girls have more notches in their bed posts than we do. Your body isn’t used to that kind of intrusion, and you could get hurt,” he said carefully, patting my shoulder. “You can always come to me if you need a background check on a guy. I’ll find out if they’re a prick or not before you sleep with them.”

“You’ll just run to Logan and Reid to rat me out,” I snorted, his hand not leaving my shoulder.

“No, I won’t. Promise.”

Beckett changed the subject to talk about one of her up and coming fights at the Bloody Psychos’ shed, and I zoned out as I stared out the window. It was dark, but I knew when we reached the Heights because the scent of smoke lingered from either a house or car burning.

We arrived at home and Beckett waited for us to get out before letting the entire street know she was leaving when she revved the hell out of her car and took off.

“She’s a bitch,” Zavier muttered, but he was fighting a smile as the neighbors curtains moved.

“You’d nail her if given the chance,” I chuckled, but he shook his head as we started walking towards the front door.

“Beckett? Fuck no. You’ve met her, right? She’s scary. She held me hostage once, remember? I thought I was going to die.”

It had taken me a while to trust her after that first meeting when she’d brought him home after keeping him as a prisoner. I understood why she had, his brother had killed Beckett’s older brother years ago, but Zavier had spent years running from his family.

He’d wanted nothing to do with them, and I couldn’t blame him.

His father had led the Hell’s Demons’ crew, letting his men do whatever they wanted to Zavier as a kid. It was fucking disgusting.

I unlocked the door and let him step inside first to glance around, making sure no one had snuck in while we were gone. We had pretty good locks, but I didn’t trust anything other than our eyes.

We locked the door behind us, and Zavier spoke over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen. “You hungry? We have enough stuff to make nachos.”

“Pretty sure the sour cream is expired,” I called back as I pulled his hoodie over my head, hesitating before lifting it to my face to practically inhale his scent. It smelled like home, even if he hadn’t been around as long as the other two.

He was just Zavier, the teenager who I’d stumbled across and had my first crush on. He sided with me in a lot of arguments at home because of our lack of childhood trauma bond.

The guys always saw me as the little girl they’d been protecting their whole lives, but Zavier was different, which made our friendship different.

“It’s not moldy, it’s fine,” he replied as he must have checked, and I managed to pull his hoodie away from my nose just before he poked his head around the corner. “Do you want to pick a movie?”

“I might just go to bed,” I said with a small shrug, making him frown as he moved towards me.

“It’s only nine. Are you feeling sick?” He pressed the back of his hand to my forehead as his concerned blue eyes assessed me, and I let him fuss because it felt nice. “You’re a little warm. I’ll feed you then we can go to bed, okay? I’ll crash with you tonight.”

“Movie in bed?” I asked quietly, peering up at him as he gave me a panty-dropping smile.

“Deal. Eat first though.”

I nodded, letting him steer me into the kitchen so he could feed me.

We made small talk once the nachos were done as we picked at them straight off the tray, my eyes darting down to his phone as it lit up on the counter.

Logan: Hey, Zena’s down for you to join us tonight, bro. You in?

“I’ll be fine. You can collect your latest dose of chlamydia,” I mumbled as Zavier unlocked the screen to reply, his fingers pausing over the buttons. He glanced at me, studying me for a second before shaking his head.

“I’m not bailing for pussy. I’d prefer to watch movies with you,” he answered, returning his attention to the phone. I could still see the screen as he replied, Logan’s blunt response managing to sting.

Zavier: You’ll have to tag Reid in. I’m crashing with Rae tonight.

Logan: She’s not gonna fuck you, dude. If you want pussy, ditch Rae. She’ll understand. Try anything with her and you’ll lose fucking teeth.

Zavier moved towards the fridge to grab the juice as he replied, but I knew he was trying to hide the messages from me.

He didn’t want to fuck me, right? There was no way Reid would let him live here if he was interested in getting into my pants.

I stood and went to go to bed, but Zavier hooked an arm around my shoulders with a grin. “Let’s get in bed and enjoy the peace before the guys and their company get here.”

He wasn’t wrong, it was going to be ruined the second they got home with the sounds of headboards banging on the walls and unnecessarily loud screams of pleasure.

We got ready for bed, and I practically melted into Zavier as he held an arm out for me to snuggle into him. All of the guys were snuggly, probably for my sake to keep the nightmares away, but I always took advantage of it.

I was a sucker for a snuggle, especially when the guys were only in their boxers and their hot skin pressed against mine.

Maybe the lack of sex was turning me into a creep?

He pulled me closer as the movie started playing, and I fell asleep with his fingers tracing patterns on my back and his legs tangled with mine.

Zavier

Raven passed out fast, but I wasn’t surprised. She looked exhausted, and I was more than happy to let her sleep while I stared at the TV.

I loved doing nothing while just existing with her.

She was in a tank top and shorts, her bare legs against mine as my fingers drew patterns on her back. Temptation crept in as it always did, wishing I could wake her up and ask her for more, but I couldn’t treat her like that, and I never would.

Even if I wanted to, the guys would murder me.

I found myself watching her more than the TV, studying her face in the dim room. I loved her, I always had, but she didn’t see me as more than her friend.

I’d never risk destroying that.

The front door slammed loudly as laughter filled the house, and I mentally cursed the guys for being inconsiderate pricks. No wonder Raven thought sex was so goddamn important, the guys threw it in her face all the time.

She stirred beside me, her voice quiet. “Is that the guys, or are we being raided by the cops?”

“Just the guys. Go back to sleep. I’ll tell them to shut up,” I murmured, untangling myself from her so I could climb out of bed and make my way into the kitchen, where Logan already had some girl’s shirt off.

She wasn’t the one he was making out with at the track.

Reid was grabbing some beer out of the fridge, and I scowled. “One, that’s my beer, and two, can you guys shut the fuck up? You woke Raven.”

The girl giggled, eyeing my abs like I was her next meal. “Who cares? If she doesn’t like it, she can leave. Come join us.”

I glared at Logan who blew out a breath. “She was asleep already? Is she okay?”

“She would be if you stopped using her house like a whore house. Keep it down, and fuck in your bedroom,” I warned, walking back towards the hallway. “And don’t drink my fucking beer!”

The girl scoffed but I didn’t hear what she said as I headed back to bed, finding Raven asleep. I locked the door to keep the other assholes out before carefully climbing over her to get back in bed, drawing her against me again.

She mumbled something in her sleep as she draped a leg over my hip, and I had to bite my tongue to force myself not to get hard over her rubbing on me. It was getting more difficult to control myself around her, and nights like this were the hardest.

Having her curled up against me was the best kind of torture.

I sighed when moans started from somewhere in the house, hoping it didn’t wake Raven.

If she ran off to fuck some random douchebag, I was blaming the guys. I fucked around, but I’d seen what bringing girls back to the house had been doing to Raven’s mindset, so I’d barely been participating lately.

She thought this shit was normal, and that she was weird for not doing it too.

She’d never cared about it until recently, but I saw her taking it all in.

I blew out a breath as she wriggled, my dick definitely standing to attention against her pussy now, and I just had to pray she didn’t wake up and feel it. She’d understand, she knew dicks had a mind of their own, but it would still be awkward as fuck.

It took ages to fall asleep, my dick happily nestled between her legs and her face pressed against my bare chest.

There had better be a place in heaven for me when I died because this was proof that I was a goddamn saint.