Dirty Secrets (The Heights #1)

Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

ZAVIER

T he sun was rising over the Pit, and I glanced over at Reid, who was sitting beside me on the edge of the empty pool. The house party we’d gone to had too many fights break out after a couple of hours, so we’d headed here instead to just hang out.

There had been a handful of people here when we’d arrived at two o’clock in the morning, but they were mostly homeless people trying to sleep, and a couple of kids drinking and tagging the wall further down.

Getting laid had simmered Reid’s mood slightly, making him easier to talk to.

“Maybe you should talk to Logan about it,” I said quietly, making him snort.

“About what?”

“Rae. You want her, and you’d respect her, right? I’d be okay with it if it was you,” I answered, swallowing around the lump that was forming in my throat. It would suck watching them together, but he’d treat her well, and it was obvious no one else was going to be allowed near her.

“Even if Logan would agree, which he won’t, I’d never do that to Josh. He trusted me with her, man. You don’t get it because you never met him. My friendship with Josh was stronger than my friendship with Logan could ever be. I love Logan with my everything, he’s like a brother to me, but Josh was like my platonic soulmate. You know how twins have that weird bond? That was me and Josh.”

“He’d probably like you with his sister, to be honest. You’d never disrespect or hurt her,” I offered, earning an amused look.

“Like I said, you didn’t know him. He’d rather she died a virgin than anyone ever touch her.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to remind him that his friend had been a typical thirteen-year-old boy when he’d died, but I didn’t bother. I couldn’t change his mind.

“Let me date her then.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Give me a good reason,” I scoffed, lighting a cigarette and handing another to him. “I’d never hurt her, push her, or cheat on her. I’ve known her since she was what, fifteen? You guys know you can trust me with her.”

“Josh would’ve hated you. You stalked her and somehow convinced us to like you enough to let you move in. We let you sleep beside her, don’t ruin that,” he said tensely, and I sighed as I shook my head a little.

“I don’t think you’re grasping what’s coming, dude. She’s going to snap, and we’ll all be out on our asses.”

“She can’t kick us out. She can’t afford the place on her own.”

“Well, when she brings home someone who isn’t afraid of you and can help her with the house, don’t say I didn’t warn you. You’ll be wishing you’d just let me fucking love her then,” I said dryly as I stood, dusting my pants off.

Reid was quiet for a second before standing, meeting my eye. “It’s not that I don’t trust you with her, but I can’t watch you two be together. She doesn’t even like you like that.”

I gave him a wry smile. “You know that’s bullshit. She spends half the day staring at my abs.”

“Then put them the fuck away,” he gritted out, blowing out a breath to calm himself. “I can’t have her, but I can’t let her go.”

“That makes you an asshole. I’d hate to see her with you, but I’d be willing to get over it if I had to. I can respect your loyalty to her brother, I really can, but don’t you see how badly you’re hurting her?”

“She can’t miss what she’s never had.”

“She can. Between what she’s seen us do over the years, and the way others talk about sex and love, she’s pining after those feelings. Raven craves affection, you know that. It’s why we’ve been sleeping beside her for all these years. We don’t get that needy with touch and affection because we fuck around and get that intimacy from strangers regularly. She doesn’t. She’s going to end up sneaking around and doing it unsafely if you keep pushing this with her.”

“I’ll kill any man who puts their damn dick near her, you included. Drop it, Lopez,” he growled, but there was a strain in his voice that hadn’t been there before.

Hopefully, it meant he was listening to what I was saying and was thinking about it.

“I wouldn’t just fuck her, Reid. I want to take her out and show her the right way women?—”

“I know, just stop,” he said tiredly, finishing his cigarette and tossing the butt on the ground. “Let’s go home. I don’t want to fight with you, and I know I’m an irrational dick when I haven't slept.”

“How many years since you last slept then?” I joked, and he flipped me the middle finger as we headed towards the hole in the fence.

I drove since he looked ready to fall asleep, and I had to nudge him awake when I parked the Challenger in the driveway behind Logan’s car.

The house was quiet when we walked inside, and then I heard a giggle. Reid glanced at me, already walking in the direction of the hallway. “It’s only six-thirty. Why are they awake?”

I followed, Reid not bothering to knock before opening Logan’s bedroom door, finding Logan and Raven wrestling on the bed, Raven straddling him as she tried to pin him down.

“What are you doing?” Reid asked dryly, both of them jerking their eyes to us.

Raven slowly moved to sit beside him, but Logan grinned. “I’m teaching Rae how to take down guys who try to touch her. We need to work on her upper body strength, I feel like I’m being attacked by a rabbit.”

“Is that right?” Reid asked, suddenly diving at them to tackle Raven himself, her squeal of surprise ringing through the house.

“Get him, Rae!” Logan encouraged as he laughed, attempting to help her take Reid down. It took Logan holding him down so Raven could straddle him to try and keep him down, but she knew if Reid fought her for real that she had no hope.

“You need more practice,” Reid smirked, and she swatted his chest.

“I’m winning!”

“Because I’m letting you.” He flipped them so he had her pinned down, amusement in his tone. “Start working out with me and maybe you’d have a better chance.”

Reid had lost a lot of muscle mass after his car accident, thanks to being off his feet so much while his body healed, so he’d been working hard to get back to where he’d been before the crash.

He’d overdone it a few times though and put himself backwards. His leg had been the worst, and that still ached when it was really cold or he overdid it.

At least he was smiling right now.

Logan dove at him to give Raven a chance, all three of them trying to overpower each other as I watched.

I could’ve jumped in too, but it was nice just standing back and watching them like this. Everyone had been so grumpy lately, so to see them all a little more carefree was refreshing and a bit of a relief.

Raven managed to escape, jumping off the bed and running towards me to try and run from the room, but I snagged her waist and tossed her over my shoulder, swatting her ass with a grin.

“Look what I caught.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I’m on my own side,” I teased, taking pity on her and carrying her from the room as the other two continued to wrestle. “Why are you two awake so early?”

“I got up to pee, and he bombarded me,” she huffed as she stopped fighting me and let her body hang. “Did you two sleep at all?”

“Nope.”

“Did you wash your fucking hands?”

“Yes.” I lowered her a little, and she wrapped her legs around me, giving me a scowl. “Promise?”

“I’m a whore, but I’m not a dirty whore,” I joked. “What did you two do all night?”

“Slept like normal people.” Her arms banded around my neck, and it was a struggle not to just kiss her and see how she’d react.

As if knowing my thoughts, she wriggled to be put down, clearing her throat. “So, you want coffee?”

I almost fell on my ass as someone jumped on my back, Logan’s laughter reaching me. “You didn’t think you were getting out of fighting me, did you, bro?”

“Get off me, wench,” I huffed, making him cackle as I tried bucking him off.

“Yee haw!” Logan shouted, a grumpy looking Reid joining us.

“Dude, too loud. I’m heading to bed for a couple of hours. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day, so I need some sleep.”

Everyone went quiet at that, a cloud of emotion thickening in the room.

The anniversary of Josh’s death was a big deal to these guys, and it honestly explained both Reid and Raven’s moods lately. Logan had been friends with Josh, but they weren't as close as Raven and Reid had been to him.

Usually, Logan and I hung around out of respect, but the other two would end up alone to mourn in private together. This year would be no different, and I hated that I couldn’t take some of their pain away.

Logan jumped off me and helped Raven make coffee while Reid trudged to bed. I sat at the dining table, waiting for the other two to join me.

“You want to come make some cash today?” Logan asked, and I didn’t miss the way Raven glared at him.

“Doing what?” I asked, sipping the coffee Raven had given me.

“Washing cars and mowing lawns. Ashburn and Rawson have people that can afford to pay others to do shit for them,” Logan shrugged, the tension leaving Raven's face immediately once she knew it wasn’t some kind of dodgy bullshit.

“I’m down. Might keep me awake most of the day so I can just go to bed early tonight to avoid fucking up my sleep routine,” I nodded. “You coming, Rae? Or are your cramps too bad?”

“Cramps?” she asked before letting out a laugh. “Oh! Yeah, they’re a little bad today.”

Logan sighed, dropping an arm around her shoulders. “Stay home. We’ve got it.”

“I have to help in some way. My last grocery haul was a bust,” she said dryly, cradling the coffee in her hands as she dropped her eyes to the table. “I need to do something, but I don’t know what.”

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked, her eyes lifting to mine. “I need to pick up some food from Rory’s. Could you get hold of Beckett and see if someone’s able to meet you there to pick it up?”

“I can do that. Maybe I can ask again if any of them are hiring?”

“Good idea,” I smiled, and Logan gave me a scowl. Raven wanted to feel useful, so sending her on an errand was a good idea.

We left a note for Reid so he didn’t freak out when he woke up to find the house empty, and once Raven confirmed Beckett would meet her at her parents’ house, Raven left in the Challenger while Logan and I headed to Rawson Grove in Logan’s car to see what jobs we could do for people, and hopefully bring some money home.

Raven

“I’m surprised you don’t have a guard dog with you,” Beckett grinned as I climbed out of the car in her mom’s driveway and walked towards her. She was leaning against her Mustang, her arms crossed and a flicker of taunting in her eyes.

“Me too. Maybe I should’ve threatened them with a knife like you said earlier, and I could’ve had freedom all this time,” I joked. “I’m not pulling you away from anything important, am I?”

“Nope. Maddox and Jett are visiting Ry this morning, and I’m not needed for Psychos’ business. You’ve given me something to do,” she shrugged, leading me towards the front door. There was banging and clanging once we’d walked in, and Beckett let out a huff. “Be prepared for the school morning panic. It’s hectic at the moment.”

As if on cue, a little boy that didn’t look much older than five, plowed into my legs, blurting out an apology before continuing to run, a teenage-boy appearing in front of us with a pissed off look on his face.

“That way,” Beckett grinned, pointing in the direction the kid had gone.

The guy saluted her and went searching, the chaos only getting worse the further into the house we got.

Five kids were sitting at the dining table eating breakfast, all of them looking to be between five and seven. Two pre-teen girls were arguing with one of Beckett’s dads, and a woman appeared from the hallway with a baby on her hip.

“What the fuck is happening?” I asked quietly, earning a smirk from Beckett.

“Welcome to Donovan Daycare. Well, they’re foster kids. One foster home burned down, and two others had their kids removed due to abusing them. Mom would take in all the kids in the damn world if she could fit them in this house, which is hilarious because she’s not the biggest fan of juggling kids.”

“Why does she do it then?”

“Because she has the funds and room to help them. They’re not always here for long, but they have a safe place to sleep until proper placement can be provided. The world talks a lot of shit about her because of who she is, but they don’t see this side of her.” She walked into the room more, grinning. “Hey, Luke. No help this morning?”

Her father looked up at her, relief on his face. “Can you just get these two girls to put their shoes on? I don’t have time for that kind of meltdown. I’m late getting them to school.”

The little boy who’d run into me before tore past, and I snagged him, hauling him off the ground and making him laugh.

“Is that funny?” I chuckled, tickling his tummy and making him laugh harder, the guy who’d been chasing him giving me a look of appreciation.

“Thank you. He never runs out of energy.” I handed the wriggling kid over to him, and the guy’s eyes ran over me slowly. “You’re hot. I’m Noah.”

Beckett scoffed from across the room, giving him a dirty look. “Don’t even try. That’s a virgin with three guard dogs who will one hundred percent maul you if you touch her.”

“Thanks for that,” I deadpanned, making her shrug.

“Just looking out for you. Besides, he’s underage.”

“I’m legal in this state!” he complained, offering me his hand. “And you are?”

“Unavailable and not interested,” I said dryly, shaking his hand. “But people call me Raven.”

Lukas shot Noah an annoyed look, motioning to the table. “Can you stop flirting with women out of your league and help?”

“This is slave labor. I didn’t sign up for this,” Noah grumbled, giving me one last glance before helping with the kids. The two pre-teen girls started arguing, and Beckett glared at them.

“Last chance. Put your shoes on or I’ll glue crocs to your feet and turn you into social pariahs at school.”

That worked, both of them running past me to find their shoes, making me grin. “You’re good with kids.”

“Once there’s more than two or three, I want to jump off a cliff,” she deadpanned, motioning to the woman with the baby who was now helping Noah. “We’d be fucked right now without Poppy’s help. This is the most we’ve had at one time in ages.”

One of the little girls walked over and put her sticky little hand in mine, drawing my attention.

“I like your hair,” she said brightly, the syrup from her pancakes all over her face.

“Thank you,” I smiled, reaching out to give her brown locks a gentle tug. “Yours is really pretty.” She went to touch her hair and I winced, carefully taking her wrist. “How about we wash your fingers before doing that?”

Beckett chuckled as I picked the kid up and walked towards the sink, rolling her sleeves up as I waited for the water to get warmer. I helped her wash her hands and dry them on a towel, then another kid appeared beside me, asking for help too.

I didn’t mind, these kids probably hadn’t had a lot of help with basic things like this at home, and I knew how it felt to be so small and on your own.

I’d been feeding myself since I was practically in diapers, but at least I had the guys to help me.

Poppy, who I found out was married to Beckett’s older brother, Mikey, was more than happy to hand the baby over to me while she finished getting the kids dressed, and Beckett gave me an amused smirk. “Apparently, you’re good with kids too.”

“I was one of these kids, except I dodged the system,” I answered, rocking the baby as she started to fuss. “I knew you guys helped kids, but I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

“A lot of the time, Mom donates money to charities to assist, but she can’t say no when she finds one that needs more one-on-one help. Luke and Jense get stuck with the kids a lot when everyone else is doing crew stuff or working at the bars, but it’s usually not this many at once, so Poppy stepped in to help this time. Once they’re dropped off at school, it’s a lot easier.”

Lukas and Jensen were the only two of Beckett’s fathers who weren’t members of the Psychos or Devils. From what I’d been told, they’d mostly been stay at home dads Beckett’s whole life.

“You want to feed her?” Lukas offered, making a bottle. “You can hand her here if you don’t.”

“I’m not usually around kids this little. Is there a right way to do it?” I asked with a wince, following him as he crooked his finger at me to follow him into the living room.

Once I was seated in the recliner with a towel over my shoulder and the baby cradled in one arm, he handed me the bottle. “Keep it tilted up to stop her sucking in air. Sometimes they guzzle it too fast and can choke on it, so just sit her up and pat her back. If you don’t want to get thrown up on, maybe don’t be the one to burp her.”

“I don’t mind when it’s a baby throwing up. It’s the adults that throw up on my shoes at parties I don't like,” I said dryly, taking the bottle from him and pressing the nipple to the baby’s lips. She latched on and stared up at me as she drank, my heart melting.

Hopefully one day, I could have kids of my own, but not until I knew I could give them a good life. I never wanted my kids to live in filth, wondering when their next meal would be because I didn’t have any money.

Lukas left me and Beckett in the living room while he finished wrangling the kids with Poppy, and Beckett eyed me almost softly.

“Who knew the damaged Heights girl is a softie under all that resting bitchface?”

I laughed, readjusting the bottle to avoid the air thingy that Lukas had warned me about. “I like kids. It’s the adults I can’t stand.”

“You want your own? Gotta lose your virginity for that,” she teased, her eyes widening when I didn’t say anything. “Raven Pierce. Did you lose your virginity?”

“Keep your voice down. It’s a secret,” I mumbled. “The guys don’t know.”

“Good for you. When you tell them, please tell me to come over and watch the show. Who was it?”

“Just some guy in the Heights. We agreed to be friends with benefits so I can see what I like and learn a few things. I know you love causing trouble, but please don’t even tell Zavier. I want to enjoy this before they ruin it with their macho bullshit.”

“Zav would be a good person to tell first when you’re ready. He’d be more open to the conversation than the other two.”

“You think?”

“Yep. He wants you to be happy, so if you think you have someone good in your life and you’re happy, then he won’t start shit for you. Logan’s protective, but he’s not as controlling as Reid. Those two will take a lot more convincing, so maybe having Zavier already on your side could be a good thing,” she answered, leaning closer and waggling her eyebrows. “So, how was it?”

“It was really good. So good in fact that we did it a second time and now we can’t keep our hands off each other. It’s hard to hide from the guys though,” I murmured, feeling a little weird talking about this with her. She wasn’t usually one for girl talk.

“As long as he makes you come, that’s all that matters,” she said as she checked her phone, texting before looking back at me. “The guy’s nice though? If he’s a prick, feel free to call me. I’ll scare his balls back up inside his body for you.”

“He’s the best. He was really sweet the first time, and he likes teaching me stuff,” I said awkwardly, relieved that I could talk to someone about it. “He’s a bit of a playboy though, and I’m worried with all of his experience that he’ll get bored of me.”

“Are you exclusive?”

“We both agreed not to see other people while we do this.”

“Does he usually lie to get girls in bed?”

Logan could be persuasive, but I didn't think he made up big lies to get them into bed usually. I wasn’t always there when he was trying to get laid though.

“I don’t think so. Girls throw themselves at him because he’s good in bed, he wouldn’t need to lie. He doesn’t do the exclusive thing either, which makes me think he’s being honest,” I answered.

“How long have you known him?”

“He’s always lived in the Heights, so a long time. I really like him.”

“I’m sensing a but,” she stated, tilting her head.

“But Reid tried to kiss me last night, and Zavier makes me want to climb him like a tree all the time.”

“What about Logan?”

I mentally cursed myself, shrugging. “He’s really hot and I kind of want to sit on his face.”

She cracked up laughing, having zero sympathy for me. “Girl, you went from being a virgin to a sex maniac. Maybe your new man would be open to sharing?”

“He’s not. He gets jealous when someone comes near me.”

“Oh, possessive alpha vibes. That doesn’t really sound like just friends with benefits,” she grinned, absently toying with her knife. “Maybe see if he’d be into toys in the bedroom? Get a dildo so you can have the experience. Trust me, it feels good.”

The baby started fussing and Beckett explained how to hold her so I could burp her, and after a good burp and a cuddle, she was asleep.

Beckett’s phone rang, and she quickly told me where the baby’s room was before wandering off, leaving me to wander through the insanely big mansion to find the nursery.

I carefully placed the baby in the crib, stepping back to watch her sleep for a second. These kids were so lucky to have someone offering help. I couldn’t get my own parents to give a fuck about me, but the Donovans were strangers to these kids and still offered them everything they had.

Poppy appeared in the doorway, giving me a soft smile. “Thank you.”

“I don’t mind. She’s adorable,” I replied as I slipped from the room to avoid waking the baby.

Poppy followed me back down to the kitchen, where Beckett was helping Lukas get the kids out the door and into what appeared to be a small bus, then Beckett wandered back into the kitchen to help me fill bags with containers of food from the fridge.

“Okay, so Luke said the three casseroles were made yesterday and to freeze what you won’t eat in the next couple of days. The chicken and veggies were done this morning, so maybe eat that for dinner tonight. There’s a tub of pumpkin soup that’s already frozen, and Mom bought some meat for you guys too. There’s also a bag of vegetables in the cupboard for you so Lopez can make soup.”

“Beckett, that’s too much,” I said weakly as she started pulling packs of meat out of the fridge and into a large bag, but she waved it off.

“She’s hoping it stops you guys from having to steal shit for a couple of weeks. I think there’s some bread and stuff too.”

My pride made me want to decline all of it as we loaded it into the car, the trunk and back seat full of bags that would feed us for weeks, as well as the guys favorite beer and cigarettes, which were completely unnecessary.

I bit my tongue until it was all in the car, blowing out a breath before turning to face Beckett. “Thank you. I hate this, but I appreciate it.”

“We don’t mind helping those who don’t expect us to. You deserve the help, and we know how much of a difference it can make,” she smiled, wagging her finger at me. “Make sure to eat all those veggies so you don’t pass out from all the hot sex you’re having.”

“Shut up,” I laughed, climbing behind the wheel. “Thanks for letting me be a girl. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to other than the guys, and sex isn’t something they’d let me talk about without murdering someone.”

“I don’t mind being your girl bestie, but if you show up crying about a broken heart, I’m not dealing with it. I encourage mayhem, pissing off guys, and breaking the law. Don’t come to me for comfort unless it’s to help you gut someone who wrongs you,” she said seriously, growling as her phone rang. “Jesus, everyone fucking needs me all of a sudden. I’ll see you later.”

She stalked inside, already biting someone’s head off on the phone, and I drove off in the direction of the Heights, not wanting the food to go bad by sitting in the car for too long.