Don’t Be in Love

42

Don’t Read the Article — Adelaide

The frigid, solid grass was crunching beneath my heels, trying to trap me in the soil as we ran further into the maze of snow-dusted hedges, trees, and stone walls.

I would complain about it aloud again if it weren’t for Dorian’s threat to carry me himself if I didn’t keep up. Clutching onto his hand to not fall behind was painful enough.

“You’re positive that’s what the article said?” I asked.

“I think I know how to read, Adelaide,” he argued.

“But how would they know it’s me in the photo?”

“I don’t know! I heard one person mention it at the bar, I saw the article over their shoulder, and the next minute, I realized every photographer in the room was walking toward me and then searching for you. I didn’t exactly take the time to do an in-depth read. I’ll make sure to ask next time,” he breathed. “Let’s stop here.”

We squeezed between a wide marble statue and what must’ve been the row of hedges closest to the street. Car lights popped through the branches every few seconds. I couldn’t pop my head over the bushes to find out without a pair of stilts.

Shoulders pressed together, we watched our breath leave our lips as strings of photographers jogged by.

“Whose jacket is that?” he asked in a hush tone.

“You think this is the time to be having a conversation?” I whispered, pulling the jacket off in a rush despite the freezing temperature. He gaped as if he had forgotten what I was wearing.

He cleared his throat. “It’s James’s, isn’t it?”

He pulled his jacket off his shoulders and rested it on mine.

“You two are relentless.” I rolled my eyes. “Give me your phone.” He stared at me. “Now.” Begrudgingly, he handed it over. I typed in his name and clicked the first article I found. My stomach plummeted.

“Who Is Dorian Blackwood’s New Love Interest, Adelaide Adorno?”

I skimmed the article, rushing.

… met in late August…together at least once a week … close with Blackwood’s friend James Breyer … raised in Boston by her parents … father Francesco Adorno … absent for the past ten years … her mother, Angela Adorno, was removed from guardianship a few years after … unable to provide confirmation on Blackwood and Adorno’s current relationship status … can confirm that was her in the photo of Christmas Eve, the same night Blackwood was seen with notable ex, Victoria Sutton.

I should be furious. Overwhelmed. Scared that everyone knew. But I couldn’t stop returning to their names. Francesco and Angela.

I was a hollow body trying to register next steps. Make a plan. Crisis management at its finest. But I hadn’t planned for them to be in there too. It felt like there was a hot spotlight pointed at my head and the crowd was booing me off stage as I clutched my blanket and called for Mom and Dad.

“Adelaide …”

I wiped my eyes. “I want to go home.”

My feet ached as I made it to the third floor. I craved a moment to not think about Dorian or James or Victoria. To be alone. To shower and strip off this dress and never look at it again.

But as soon as I opened the front door, Mia was holding Sabrina on the couch. Sabrina who was visibly shaking and wore the gloomy sky on her face in the shape of murky mascara running down her cheeks.

I froze in the doorway.

“Why—why didn’t you tell me?” she croaked.

I forgot.

Amongst everything that happened tonight, I had forgotten about Sabrina.

“I—I didn’t want to hurt you,” I explained. My voice shuddered as I entered the living room and crouched on the rug in front of them. “I had no idea who Dorian was until the day after I met him. You know I would never have gone near him otherwise.”

She began shaking her head. “I must have looked like a fool this entire time to the both of you—in love with this man who had absolutely no interest in me because he was kissing you.” Another wave of tears coming down her cheeks.

I wasn’t sure if the “both of you” was referring to me and Mia or me and Dorian but I still flinched.

“She had no idea, Brina,” Mia reassured.

“I can’t believe you knew too.” She looked at her with horror.

“Mia only knew because she was there when we met,” I urged.

“But you both knew and said nothing . Like … like I was someone you had to keep secrets from because I’m some horribly misunderstanding human. I can’t believe you were seeing him every week and neither of you ever thought to say something.”

“I thought about telling you all the time, but I was so scared of hurting you. The only reason I was seeing him so much was because I was tutoring him,” I explained desperately. “He would have told everyone what happened between us if I didn’t.”

“The last time I checked, Adelaide,” she bit, “no one can make you do anything.”

I shut my mouth. She was right. It was a pathetic excuse I had been leaning on all semester in hopes of protecting her.

She sniffed and pulled away from Mia. “It doesn’t matter, none of it matters.” She bit her quivering lip. “The photos say it all. He’s obviously interested in you, and you obviously care for him. I was so dumb to think I had a chance anyway.” She sniffed again, but tears clumped her eyelashes together. She built up a sad smile. “I wish you had told me. We were supposed to be friends.”

“We are.”

“I … I just need some time. Give me some time.”

I nodded, backing away and hiding with my guilt in my room.

“I saw everything online … I thought I’d call,” Laila hesitated over the phone.

“Oh god, it’s reached the other side of the pond?” I threw my face into my pillow the next night, only popping out of my room throughout the day for food when I heard Sabrina leave, trying to give her space.

“Only because I’m constantly on Adelaide Radar. One of the interns is apparently a huge Dorian Blackwood fan and noticed the last name. She sent it to me as a joke. Little did she know that the girl in the photos was actually my niece.”

“You saw the photo?” I ran my hand over Kurt’s fur as he rubbed up against the side of my bed.

“Photos.”

“Agh.” Kurt jumped and ran out of the room as the mattress squeaked under my weight.

“I can’t believe you’re seeing someone and didn’t say anything! I made you listen to my mother-in-law rant for forty minutes the other day.”

“I love how that’s what stuns you of all things.”

“How are you doing?”

“Not great. I feel like my entire future just went up in flames.”

“Hey, that’s not true. It’s just one article.”

“Hundreds of articles now. They’re all the same story just expanded. Beverly’s never going to hire me, and I’ll make no money, and I’ll have nowhere to live once I graduate.”

“You can always come home.” An awkward silence filled the speaker.

“I … I could never do that to you. You have a fiancé now.”

“And he’d love to meet you. Space in our home will never be a problem. It’s always open.”

I picked at the seam on my duvet, trying to figure out to start this conversation. A thread fell between my fingertips as I responded. “Thank you, by the way, for everything when I was younger. I can’t imagine how much of a burden I was when you were only twenty-five.”

“Adelaide, you were never a burden. Why would you think that?”

“You weren’t really around so we never spoke. I honestly thought I was in the way.”

“That had nothing to do with you. Honestly … I thought I was in your way. I was so scared of messing up that I didn’t know how to be around you. If I was a friend, then I was being irresponsible. If I was strict, then I’d look like I was trying to replace your parents by enforcing some lifestyle on you. I had only just graduated college and could barely figure out how to find a good plumber and do my own taxes, let alone how to care for my niece whose parents failed her. I was at the most confusing time of my life, even if you hadn’t been living with me. I thought giving you space was the right decision. You were already so grown up for fifteen—you didn’t need me.

“But as I’ve watched you grow from afar, I know how much I’ve failed you too. Which is ironic, because my biggest fear was to be as distant as my brother.” She exhaled. “Did you know that I was the one that signed you up for soccer when you were a kid? I took you every weekend to get you out of the house so you weren’t around when they fought. I wanted to sign you up for all these sports and activities, but I was still in school. To this day I feel like I failed you by not doing just that—not acting soon enough. I never wanted you to think I wasn’t here for you. I’m always here for you.”

My throat was tight. “I never realized …”

“It’s my fault for not saying something sooner and reaching out first. This home will always be just as much yours as it is mine. So if you want to come home now, or after graduation, I’ll be here waiting for you.”