The Dragon Queen (Death #4)

15. Calista

Chapter 15

Calista

We set sail from the Southern Isles.

I watched the cliffs fade into nothingness, knowing I would never return. It was the last time I would see the place that Talon called home. He’d raised his sword and avenged those he loved most. He’d fulfilled his purpose—and I hoped that had given him peace.

Wherever he was.

I knew he had been reunited with Vivian…and perhaps that was where he wanted to be most.

I didn’t know what tragedy had befallen Talon, who had been powerful enough to best him, to smash in his armor with no retaliation. But I knew I would never know that answer. There were no witnesses. No evidence.

It would always be a mystery.

I expected Khazmuda to stay in the Southern Isles and start a new life with his newfound kin, but he chose to return with the ships, gliding high in the air and being one with the clouds in the sky.

We’d said very little to each other.

Talon’s coffin was stowed in the bottom of the ship with the other supplies. The dragons donated their scales to make him a brilliantly colored box, all different shades fused together to make a prism of color that was worthy of the man inside.

It meant a lot to me—but also killed me.

My uncle had dinner with me most nights, even though we didn’t share conversation. He tried to be there for me in silence, and while I appreciated it, it felt pointless. Queen Eldinar didn’t come for visits. The rest of the time, I was left in solitude, feeling the ship rock back and forth, sleeping alone in a bed too big for a single person. The return journey seemed to be quicker and smoother than the one there because there was no hope or expectation. The battle had been won, and I’d already lost everything. Whether our ship made it to shore or we sank out in the sea really made no difference to me at this point.

It was nearly two weeks later when we docked in the harbor we had left from. It was near the castle at Shadow Stone, the castle where Talon had taken me after he brought me from the Arid Sands. I stared at the high walls and thought about the moments that had taken place in front of the roaring fire, the way I’d trusted him when I didn’t want to, the way I’d fallen for him and despised him at the same time.

Now, I’d given anything to be his wife.

Without stopping for rest, the elves began their return journey toward the mountains, passing through the quiet villages that had been mostly abandoned after all the able-bodied soldiers had gone to war.

Khazmuda continued to fly above, our protector in the sky.

For the first time in weeks, I spoke to him. Why didn’t you stay?

Because I couldn’t leave you, Pretty.

You know I’ll be safe with the elves.

That is not the reason. We both grieve—and we should do that together. You’re the only one who loved him besides me.

I would never expect him to stay with me. It was time he lived his own life with his kin. But it meant a lot to me that he was there, because he’d become family to me. I love you, Khazmuda.

I love you too, Pretty.

When we reached Riviana Star, a new level of grief struck me. Perhaps I was exhausted from the travel. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that it was truly over, that there was nothing left to do but bury him and move on.

Instead of entering the forest with the rest of the elves, I chose to stay on the perimeter. “I’m going to stay here with Khazmuda for a while.” He couldn’t enter the forest with me because of his size, and being separated during this horrible time simply wasn’t an option. “I think it’s best if we stay together right now.”

Queen Eldinar regarded me before she gave a nod. “I understand. We’ll wait for you to return before we bury him.”

“I know Khazmuda wants to be there.” But I didn’t know how with his enormous size, not unless we cut down trees, which was against their law.

“We will accommodate him,” she said. “After what Talon has done for Riviana Star and the dragons, we will make any sacrifice for him. Return when you’re ready, and we will lay him to rest. Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you.” My eyes sagged from the weight of grief. It’d grown so heavy I wasn’t sure if I could carry it anymore.

She studied me for a while, the sadness in her expression like words on a page. “I’ve dreaded the day when my husband will be no more. I’ve dreaded it so many times I feel like I’ve already lived it. It may not have come to pass yet, but I’ve tortured myself enough to know how you feel.”

Fearing the outcome and experiencing that outcome were very different, but I didn’t have the heart or energy to combat it. “We’ll see each other soon.” I turned away and headed toward the valley, Khazmuda there with my pack on the ground. He looked as forlorn as the morning we’d found Talon, as if the passage of time and solitude had done nothing to alleviate his misery.

Khazmuda would normally provide a log for me to sit on, but he lay there like he didn’t have the heart to move. I found one in the clearing and dragged it close, creating a campfire for us. I would light it once the sun went down and the air turned cold.

The elves disappeared into their forest, and we lay there in the sun, the quiet breeze our only company. Hours passed and we said nothing, both of us bathing in the sun’s rays of misery.

Time seemed both still and quick in my grief. My mind was dead inside, having no thoughts. I was part of the wild around us, still as a tree, my hair swaying in the breeze like branches.

When night came, I lit the fire. Khazmuda didn’t offer his flames.

Weeks had passed and my body had changed from the lack of food, but I simply had no appetite. Khazmuda looked different too, his body smaller because he no longer indulged in bears. He slowly withered away.

Khazmuda stared at the fire across from me, not blinking or moving, still as a statue. He would want me to fuse with you.

I pulled my gaze away from the flames and looked at him.

He would want me to care for you in his place. He would want you to live forever.

“I barely want to live now…let alone forever.”

At least we can get through this together. I can feel your pain and you can feel mine…and remember, we aren’t alone.

I gave a slight nod in agreement.

Will you fuse with me?

I could hear his mind, but I couldn’t feel his emotions with the same intensity I could with Inferno. We’d become two parts of the same being, and I missed that closeness. There was no one else in the world who understood the agony that afflicted me. No one else who could carry it with me but Khazmuda. “Yes.”

I left the log that supported my back and drew close, pained that I would take Talon’s place, even if he wanted me to take it. My hand went to his snout, and I looked into one of his eyes, seeing a sea of sorrow that matched the pain in my broken heart.

His eyes dropped at my touch, the guilt eating at him. I thought we would be together forever.

“I know.”

I don’t know how I’m going to do this.

“Neither do I. But at least we’ll do it together.”

He closed his eyes before he gave a breath that flared his nostrils. Silence passed, the quiet before the chaotic energy, before the storm, before our souls were bound together by the magic in his veins.

But the silence continued…and nothing happened.

I waited, wondering if he wasn’t ready for such an emotional connection with anyone besides Talon.

Then his eyes snapped wide open. It can’t be done.

I pulled my hand away from his snout. “It’s okay, Khazmuda.”

You don’t understand. It’s not possible.

I took a few steps back so both of his eyes could meet mine. “What do you mean?”

It’s not possible, because I’m still fused to him.

I stilled at the statement, feeling a rush of pain and confusion. I tried to gather my bearings and find a suitable response. “But…I don’t understand. How can that be possible if he’s…if he’s not here anymore.”

I do not know. But when I extend my soul and try to find his, I can feel it. Distantly. Faintly. Remotely.

“Does that mean he hasn’t passed on to the afterlife?”

I do not know.

“If that’s the case, why would he stay?”

I do not know that either.

“Can we even choose to stay…?” Did we have a choice before we passed on? To remain as the wind on this earth? To be a spirit that roamed endlessly? Why would he not pass into the afterlife to rejoin his family?

There’s only one person we can ask—Queen Eldinar. No one understands life and death better than she.

“You’re right.”

Go to her—quickly.