The Dragon Queen (Death #4)

25. Talon

Chapter 25

Talon

When I awoke, I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I suspected it’d been days, judging the pounding headache behind my eyes. The sunshine came through the window and warmed the sheets that surrounded me. My stomach immediately gnawed in pain because it’d been empty for so long.

I hadn’t slept in two years—and now my body had decided to catch up.

I moved into the kitchen, but it was empty. I drank three glasses of water because I could feel the dehydration in every part of my body. My skin felt like sandpaper, and my eyes were bloodshot.

When I opened the front door, intending to go out in search for food, I found containers of fruits and vegetables. There was also a potato casserole. I had no idea who’d left it because there wasn’t a note, but I accepted it gratefully and ate everything as I sat at the table.

When all my basic needs had been fulfilled, I felt better—but only for a moment.

Then the pain came in with the tide as I remembered it all. Remembered my imprisonment in the world of eternal darkness, of my final moment with Vivian…and the way she took on the pain so I didn’t have to.

I didn’t deserve her. I never deserved her.

I sat in the chair for a long time, trying to make peace with something that riddled me with so much agony. The despair was too much, and I felt the tears in the corners of my eyes.

I feel your pain. Just want to make sure you’re okay.

I should be happy right now, but I was fucking miserable. I’m okay, Khazmuda.

He didn’t speak again.

I sat there alone for a long time, looking at the sunlight that came through the open windows. Had the sun always been this bright? Or had my eyes become damaged under constant shadow?

A knock sounded on the door, and I both desired and dreaded Calista’s appearance.

But it was Queen Eldinar, in her white gown with flowers in her hair. She opened the door and looked at me across the room. “You slept a long time.”

She must have guards watching the tree house, putting food on the doorstep and waiting for me to take it. “How long?”

“Three days.”

It was no wonder I felt like a dried-out stream on the hottest day of summer.

“May I?” she asked gently.

I nodded.

She shut the door and approached the dining table.

I felt guilty for speaking to anyone besides Calista. I knew how much she must miss me, and it felt deceitful to spend time with anyone else besides her when I’d asked for space and she needed me.

She took a seat beside me, bringing her own radiant light. “Khazmuda told me about the deal Bahamut offered you.”

My eyes flicked away, wishing he hadn’t shared that.

She continued to stare at me. “My opinion of you was very poor when we met, and I’m sorry for that. Most men would have taken that offer without hesitation, but your sense of integrity surpasses them all.”

I didn’t accept her gratitude because I didn’t deserve it. “I made the choice, so I alone must suffer the consequences.”

She watched me with eyes as gentle as the surface of the ocean at dawn. “Even so.”

“I don’t deserve your praise, Queen Eldinar.” Bitterness burned in my voice. “Because I considered it.”

Her expression didn’t change.

“I seriously considered it.” I didn’t look at her when the self-loathing became too much. “I wanted to spare Khazmuda and Calista all that pain… and I seriously considered it .”

“Only the choice matters, Talon. Not everything that led up to it.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, and I looked out the window.

“You seem determined to hate yourself.”

“Because I deserve to be hated.” I avoided her gaze but felt her stare remain stuck to me.

“You’ve returned to the people you love most, but you choose to spend your time alone. You’ve accomplished everything you dreamed of and lived to tell the tale, but you look out the window…at nothing.”

I turned my gaze back to her. “I just need some time.”

“Why?”

I looked at the hardness in her gaze and knew it matched mine. “If Calista saw her, then that means you saw her too.”

She gave a slight nod. “As beautiful as I pictured.”

“The last conversation I had with her…was difficult. I just need time.”

“You need to let yourself be happy, Talon. That’s the problem. That’s been the problem all along.”

I looked away.

“It’s okay to be happy,” she said. “You’ve defeated the man who betrayed and killed your family. You’ve avenged Vivian and Lena. You’ve found a woman who loves you so much that she traveled to the Realm of Caelum and demanded a god to help you. She traveled to Bahamut’s lands and risked more than her life to free you. You have a dragon who loves you more than my husband loves me. Vivian has forgiven you—and now it’s time you forgive yourself.”

I bowed my head.

“It’s time, Talon.”

I inhaled a breath before I looked at her again. “You promised me—and you broke that promise.”

Her clear eyes remained confident, like she faced an opponent across the battlefield. “I hope you don’t expect an apology because you’ll receive none. You’ve returned to us, and I will never regret that. I forgive myself—and you should learn to do the same.”