Elevator Pitch (Hapless In Love #1)

62. Deja Vu

62

deja vu

Greyson

Manhattan, NY | April 20, 2024

I wake up beside her , and it feels like a normal day. I was on clouds with her yesterday, and I am still reeling. I’m careful not to disturb her when I get up and take Clifford for a quick walk since it’s still early. When I get back, I’m making us breakfast, doing the devoted partner thing without the title and I love it. She’s sleeping in and I let her while I make a nice spread of her favorites. The oven dings, and I’m taking out some blueberry muffins, which I know she’s going to love. I really like taking care of Selah and I’d love to do it for the rest of my life if she’d let me.

I hear the shower turn on, and I’m thinking about telling her today how I feel over breakfast. After yesterday, I can’t be the only one that feels something here. I shoot a text to Alex and Elena in the Fools in NY group chat for support, and they hype me up, assuring me that everything is going to be fine, and I can do this. Okay. I can do this. Three small words that’ll change everything between us once I voice them.

She comes out of the shower in a cute white short set that I can’t wait to peel off. Her curls are full and defined from a fresh twist out. She smiles brightly for me, and that fuels me even more to take this leap. She walks around the kitchen with me, finally accustomed to that ‘bug’ that means she must be waited on hand and foot in my home. She looks and says what she wants while I fill her plate. I sit across from her at the dining table as she eats and moans around her fork and fingers with each bite that features an ingredient that surprises her. I stare admiringly as she indulges in my cooking, a favorite pastime of mine.

She is so beautiful , and I love her fucking so much.

When she finishes her breakfast, I take her plate and set it in the sink. I grab her hand, and she follows me into the bedroom. We sit on the bed facing each other, and I take her hand in mine.

“I wanted to talk to you about something important.”

“Sure. Everything okay?” she says, her brows wrinkling with concern.

“Everything is fine. I promise.”

She squeezes my hand, and that makes me feel even better about what I’m going to do. Like there’s a small chance she may not be upset with me. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

“I’m in love with you, Selah.”

I breathe a sigh of relief when that sentence finally escapes my lips. I open my eyes, and her face doesn’t mirror mine. She doesn’t look relieved. She looks upset. She shakes her head as her eyes well up.

“No, you don’t, Greyson. That’s not possible for me.”

No. No. No.

“It’s possible for me because I am in love with you.”

I step closer, her eyes widen, and she takes a step back. I try again, and she backs away like she fears me. She’s distancing herself already.

Oh my god.

She starts getting dressed, and I feel my heart cracking with each pound in my chest. Every second that passes is more painful than the last. I wish I could take it back. We were so happy five minutes ago.

“I thought we had an understanding, Greyson. We were having fun together. Falling in love wasn’t a part of the plan, and you agreed with me.”

She’s pacing around my bedroom and throwing her toiletries in her overnight bag. “Fuck. I really wish you didn’t say that,” she chokes. “I really like you, but I’m not capable of this shit. I’m not. You are. You’ve been a husband before. You’re meant to love and be loved. I’m not. I’ve never been handled with care. I’m not meant to be a girlfriend. I’m nobody’s wife. I’m nobody’s fiancé. I’m nothing but a fucking flight risk. I stayed so fucking long that I’ll bolt before I get stuck somewhere again. Running makes me feel free,” she cries.

Tears stream down her face, and I want to kiss them away. Tell her how wrong she is, but I know she won’t believe me. She believes these lies about herself instead of the way I see her. I find my voice, and I try with her.

“Yes, I was a husband, and I wasn’t good at it. I’m a better man now because I want to be. I haven’t loved anyone since my divorce. You might not know what love feels like, but I do. I want to love you. I want to give you everything you deserve. You can’t believe any of that about yourself. I don’t handle you with care? You’re going to say that you had no idea I felt more? I love you so fucking much, Selah.”

She stares through me, and her lip trembles. She grabs her bag, and I follow her throughout the halls, asking her to stay and talk to me. This scene is all too familiar that my stomach is turning. I hear her sniffling, and I just want to hold her, but she doesn’t want that. She’s walking around and putting her things in that duffle bag.

“You’re leaving now?”

She’s not coming back.

She doesn’t want me.

I never wanted to go through this shit again, and now look. Same song and dance, new woman, and it’s all my fault. She set her terms and she was clear. I thought I could change her mind. A part of me hoped she loved me too or believed that she might be able to someday.

“I can’t love you. I wish I could, but I just…can’t,” she manages through choked sobs.

“You don’t have to love me back today, but you could love me. Can you please stay so we can talk? I love you so much that I will wait for you. I’ll fucking wait, Selah. For as long as you need me to. I promise I will. There’s no one else in this world for me. It’s you.”

“Please. Please stop saying that,” she begs. “This is why I shouldn’t have roped you into this shit with the fucking list. I should’ve just found someone on the app. That was the plan.”

She throws her strap on her shoulder and opens the door. My feet follow her out because I’m not finished with this conversation.

“Maybe you should’ve. Except you didn’t want anyone on the app, did you? You wanted me . Do you regret me? Us? Answer me, Selah.”

I plead to her back, waiting for her to face me. She turns toward me with red-rimmed eyes, and tears stream down her face. “Don’t ask me that,” she sniffles.

Clifford walks past me and goes to Selah. He knows something is wrong.

Dammit .

This is exactly what I was worried about. She squats down to his level, rubbing his chin and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

She says, “I love you, Clifford. Tell your daddy I’m sorry.”

The doors open, and I whistle for Cliff. He stays put, watching Selah board the elevator. She lets out a wracked sob as the doors close, and he whines for her. A tear wets my shirt as I call for him again.

“Come on, Bud. She had to leave,” I choke .

He stares curiously at me before he walks over with his head hung low. I follow him back into our apartment and shut the door behind us. I sink down to the floor with a defeated sigh as another tear falls. Clifford plops down beside me with a loud exhale.

He loved her, too.

“I know the feeling, Bud. At least we have each other.”

She may not love me, but at least she loves Clifford.