Embers of Torment (Power and Passion #2)

Chapter 20

Della

H alf crawling, half falling off the couch onto the floor, I took a moment to get it together and stood, ignoring the crumpled tissue glued to my kneecap. After twenty-four hours of nonstop crying, I was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted, with my heartache temporarily tucked away.

I glanced at the clock on my bookshelf and wobbled to the bathroom to pee, not bothering to straighten my twisted-up pajama shorts and tank top. Finished, I washed my hands and stared at my image in the mirror. "Holy moly, what a freaking monster." I turned my head from side to side, musing at how hideous I looked. My complexion was a blotchy red-and-purple mess, lined with streaks of mascara, and my face was so swollen my eyes were reduced to horizontal slits. I poked at my bird's nest of pink hair, standing up in multiple directions with an elastic band tangled by my ear.

I grinned at my reflection, curious if it would enhance or detract from the stunning image. "Oh, my. That's better. Della, you are freaking lovely," I gushed before bursting into a round of hysterical laughter. Once my outburst subsided, I wobbled back to the living room and plopped onto the couch, noticing the wads of used tissue stuck to the soles of my feet. Bereft of energy, I toppled to my side with half my body dangling awkwardly off the upholstery.

I didn't care.

I lay there for a long time, staring at the wall until I had to move. My leg had cramped and was hurting, the pain steadily growing worse. I tried to sit, but it was too much effort, and I rolled off the cushions instead. Sprawled on the floor, I reflected on the shit show of my life.

The asshat from my childhood at Bertram Elementary was Jace. How, for God's sake, did he end up thrown back into my life? I tilted my head toward the ceiling and closed my barely open eyes. What did I ever do to deserve this?

Sighing, I shifted my shoulder and straightened my leg. I always tried to be a decent person, so it wasn't divine intervention. There was logic here, somewhere. Adam! He was the key. I wouldn't have met Jace for the second time if it weren't for Adam. But what in the bejesus brought Adam to Morgan Systems from North Carolina? That was an intriguing question, and I'd have to wait until later for the answer.

Rolling onto my side, I grabbed my pink fuzzy slipper and shoved it under my head for a makeshift pillow. In the end, none of it mattered. I wanted nothing to do with Jace. He was blackened toast to me, unpalatable and leaving a bitter taste.

Snickering, I realized I must have lost my mind because I was beginning to find the situation amusing the more my brain cells became functional again. I sure as shit couldn't cry anymore, I didn't have a tear left in me, as attested to by the two empty tissue boxes on the floor.

Wondering what time it was, I reached up and felt around the coffee table for my phone. Locating it, I snatched the device and tapped the screen. I got nothing. Then it dawned on me that I'd shut it off last night because Jace had insisted on blowing it up. I turned it on and immediately dropped it. It was like my cell had a life of its own with its overture of buzzing and dinging. When the noise stopped, I looked at the display, floored by the number of missed calls from Jace, Adam, and Kendra.

Kendra!

Holy shit. I forgot about the barbeque.

Oh, well. It didn't matter. I couldn't have gone anyway. One look at me and everyone would have freaked out, especially my brother. I'd have to make up an excuse later. I had no idea what it would be, and right now, I didn't particularly care.

I closed my eyes, feeling myself drift off to sleep—until a knock sounded on my door.

"Not again," I moaned and rolled over, my face pressed against the bottom of the couch. "Whoever keeps knocking on my door can freaking go away." I tucked my cheek into the footbed of my slipper, ignoring the fuzz tickling my nose. Then I heard a key in my lock and my door opening.

"Shit!" a woman's voice shrieked.

I opened my left eye a crack, seeing Kendra rush toward me. She knelt on the floor.

"Oh, Della," Kendra wailed, her high-pitched tone reverberating in my head.

"Jeez, stop." I threw my hand out to curtail the painful racket. "You don't have to be so freaking loud." I grabbed the couch cushion and pulled myself into a sitting position.

Kendra gasped when she saw my gorgeous appearance in full view. "Oh, honey," she cried. She reached for me, and I pushed her hand away.

"Quit it. You don't have to smother me. I'm peachy."

"No, you're not. You look—"

"Like a beauty contestant."

"Lord, no. You look—"

"Like a monster?"

"Stop it, Della," Kendra snapped. "This isn't funny. You scared the shit out of us, and you look horrendous. My God, your eyes are barely open." Reaching over, she picked a wadded-up tissue from my hair and tossed it on the coffee table. "That's so gross."

I shrugged. "It's my new hairdo. Now spill it. Who is us , and how did you get in here? Wait. How'd you even get into my building?"

"It's a long story."

"Super. Then you can start explaining."

"I rushed over here because you weren't answering your phone or door last night or today. We got concerned, and now I see we had a reason to be."

"Whoa, back up." I shook my head, losing patience with her explanation. "Again, who is we ?"

"Me, Adam, and Jace. I made an excuse so your brother doesn't know what transpired yet."

"You talked to Adam and the asshat?"

"Yes, and I agree Jace is an asshole, but it's complicated. He told Adam and me what happened at the soccer field between you and him yesterday, along with the whole backstory."

"Jeez, it appears nothing's sacred these days. That's all personal stuff."

"It is, but Jace is devastated over the situation and terrified you're not okay."

"Yeah, right. Like he freaking cares," I scoffed, my voice riddled with bitterness. "You still haven't shared how you got in here."

"After you failed to show up for the barbeque and refused to pick up my calls, I contacted Adam to get Jace's phone number and found out Jace had already called him because he was worried. I got a hold of Jace, and he explained everything. He informed me he'd been trying to reach you since last night and had come to your door twice this morning, but you wouldn't answer. We decided it would be less intrusive if I was the one to check on you and told Spencer you were sick as my excuse to come over. When I arrived, Jace met me in the lobby and gave me his key to your apartment."

"No wonder everyone knows what the frig is going on. Remind me never to give a boyfriend a key to my place again." Irritated, I yanked my arm away when Kendra placed her hand on it.

"Come on, Della, don't get upset. We love you and care about you. And don't think for a minute that either Adam or I forgive Jace. Because we don't."

"Good, because neither do I." I slowly stood and sat on the couch, my clothes a twisted mess. My body ached from the unyielding floor.

Kendra joined me, her face blanching at my appearance. "Why don't you take a warm shower and clean yourself up? I bet you'll feel better."

"Why? You don't like how I look?" I snapped. Seeing Kendra's frown, I wished I could take it back. "Crap. I didn't mean that. It's just… Last night was rough. I spent it reliving a merry-go-round of memories I would have rather kept buried. I finally dozed off about the same time I ran out of tissues."

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, me too. I should have listened to my conscience and stayed away from Jace. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Good 'ole me got screwed again, and this time I went out with a freaking bang. Of all the guys on the planet, I fell in love with the asshat that tormented me when I was a kid and did his best to ruin my life. Nothing like personal sabotage."

"Della. You said the L-word." Kendra leaned back and studied my swollen face. It was like she was trying to figure out if I said it in sarcasm. "You said you loved Jace."

"Stupid, huh? I ignored my instincts and followed my heart, getting burnt to a crisp this time. The irony alone is ridiculous. I spent my life hating the boy who bullied and tormented me and wishing for all sorts of despicable things to happen to him. I wanted him to suffer the way I did." I shook my head, snorting with disgust. "And look at me now. Who's the one who got hurt? Freaking dumbass me. I can't win. No matter how hard I try, I just can't."

"Don't say that. You didn't know Jace was your bully."

"Not specifically, but I sensed some weird connection as soon as we met. It was like I knew him but couldn't figure out how. And how many guys are named Jace? I should have put it together."

"Now you're being unfair to yourself." Kendra got up and pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator, handing it to me after retaking her seat on the couch. "You said you couldn't remember your bully's name because everyone called him Junior. Plus, when Jace informed you his cousin lived here, he made it sound like he visited Boston as a kid, not that he used to reside here. Besides, I'm sure he looked different back then."

"He did. Jace was tall and thin, and his parents kept his head shaved. It's funny. When Ree told me her real name was Rielle, I instantly knew she was my old classmate. It only took another second to connect her to Jace, the bully. His surname wasn't the same back then. It was Lyons and must have changed to Welch when his stepfather adopted him."

"So what now?"

"Nothing. Our relationship is terminated, kaput, dead, whatever you want to call it." I curled up on the couch with my head tucked into the corner, too exhausted to do anything else.

"Oh, no, you don't." Kendra stood and grabbed me by the arm. "Go clean up. You'll feel better. You can take another nap afterward."

"Okay, Mom ." After she helped me up, I trudged to the bathroom. Stripping off my pajamas, I set the water temperature and climbed into the shower. When the deluge of liquid warmth hit my shoulders, I felt my body relax. Kendra was right. I needed this.

Finished, I brushed my teeth and slipped into a pair of shorts and another tank top. Feeling almost human again, I rejoined Kendra and curled up on the cushions. Her cell phone dinged seconds later.

"Who is it?" I muttered.

Kendra checked her device. "It's Jace."

"Why?" I turned to see her fingers tapping on her screen. "Oh, hell, no. What are you frigging saying to him?"

"I'm giving him an update."

"Whoa…that's none of his freaking business. He doesn't deserve a scrap of information." I sat up, my irritation skyrocketing. I reached for Kendra's phone only to have her move it out of my grasp.

"Stop it. You detest Jace right now, and I don't blame you. And you want me to hate him, too, but I can't. I talked to him, Della. He was devastated, and I could hear the pain in his voice. People grow up and evolve, and I can't believe he's the same person he was as a boy. You should talk to him and let him explain."

"No freaking way. He isn't worthy of it or me. I can't forgive him for what he did, nor do I need you attempting to change my mind. I can make my own decisions and certainly don't need a babysitter. I'm going to my room to nap, so you have no reason to stay. You can tell Spencer I have the flu or something." Now angry, I grabbed my cell phone and stalked to my room. I flung myself face down onto my bed. I couldn't believe Kendra had defended Jace and was trying to tell me what to do. She had no concept of what he put me through.

You can't bully someone like he did to me, then say you're sorry, and poof—it all goes away.

That wasn't how life worked.

It wasn't how I worked.

Hearing my apartment door close, I rolled onto my back. Then the tears flowed anew.

"Dammit." I crawled off my mattress and snagged a roll of paper towels from underneath my kitchen sink. Marching back to my bed, I ripped several sheets off the roll and tossed the rest on my nightstand. After dabbing my eyes and blowing my nose, I buried my face in my pillow, the fabric soon soaked.

Somewhere along the line, I had to have fallen asleep because I woke up to my cell phone ringing. I ignored it, and the person called again two more times. Minutes passed, and then my device dinged. Someone had sent me a text. I reluctantly checked the screen.

It was Jace. Angry, I opened the message.

Jace: Della. You must hate me, and I don't blame you. I would, too. There were motivating forces behind the cruelty I inflicted upon you when we were kids. I know that doesn't excuse my behavior, nor should it, but I'm hoping you'll give me a chance to explain. One of the reasons I moved back to Boston was to find the girl I had bullied as a child and beg for her forgiveness. Never did I imagine that girl was you. The man I became is far different than the boy I was. That boy disgusts me like I'm sure he sickens you. Please, let me prove that isn't who I am. And know that I am so profoundly sorry for what I did to you. I miss you.

"Holy crap! Just freaking shut up." I threw my phone on the bed and rolled over. At least Jace had some of what he said right. Yes, I hated him. And, yes, the boy he was disgusted me, although my feelings were more extreme than that. But I didn't care about his reasons or that he'd returned to make amends. Neither erased what he did.

Would I let him explain himself? Not anytime soon. Maybe never. My pain ran too deep.

I scooted to the edge of my bed to get up, only to have my phone ring again. Reaching behind me, I grabbed it, intending to turn it off. Then I saw the caller was Adam. Convinced he'd keep calling, I pushed the button and answered.

"Hello?" I put the call on speaker, hoping that whatever Adam had to say would be quick.

"Hey, Della. It's Adam."

"Yeah, I know. What's up?"

"I wanted to check on you. I've called a couple of times, but you didn't answer."

"Because I didn't want to talk to anybody."

"I uhh… I can understand that. I found out what happened at the soccer field. The incident with Jace and all."

"Uh-huh. Is that all you heard?" I had no idea why I asked that question. It was stupid seeing how Kendra had informed me Jace had confessed everything.

"Well, no. Jace explained the situation with you and him knowing each other when you were kids. He told me how he bullied you and how hateful and vile he was back then."

"So are you telling me that as close as you and him are, you knew nothing about his childhood or that he used to live in Boston?"

"I didn't. I swear. Jace never talked about his life before high school except in general terms. I always thought he was born in North Carolina." Adam got quiet, and the lack of conversation became increasingly uncomfortable. Then he made a sound like he was clearing his throat. "Della?"

"What?" I half yelled, losing my patience with him.

"I…uhh. I asked Jace why he never told me about his past. He said he detested the kid he'd been and the things he'd done back then. He said he was ashamed and couldn't bring himself to talk about it."

"That doesn't change what he did."

"No, it doesn't. But the Jace I befriended was a whole different person. It's like he did a complete turnaround, becoming a defender of those who couldn't protect themselves. The guy I know is respectful, kind, and considerate. He's changed, Della. And he's broken up pretty badly right now. I think you should give him a chance to explain."

"What the hell? You sound like Kendra. So I'm supposed to forgive all the shit Jace did to me? Ignore the way he caused me to withdraw from everyone and everything because he'd destroyed my enthusiasm for life and self-esteem, making me feel like I was unacceptable and worthless. Did he tell you I had to switch schools because the bullying had gotten that bad?"

"Jace said you disappeared during fifth grade, and he assumed you enrolled elsewhere because of him. He said he didn't know for sure until you mentioned it at the soccer field."

"Ugh!" I threw my hands in the air. "Assumed? He should know what he caused. Jace had been a year ahead of me but was forced to repeat fourth grade. That's how he ended up in my world. Jace made me his target when the academic year began, and he had a whole army of friends who had no problem mimicking his behavior. My parents had thought everything would die down over the summer. But that isn't what happened. The bullying became worse, both from Jace and his followers. I got cornered and beat up in the bathroom one afternoon. That's when I got sent to a private school."

"Della, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that bad. But, honestly, Jace has changed. The person you describe isn't anything like the guy I know. Talk to him. If you still hate him afterward, that's how it'll be."

"What then? You'll drop me as a friend because I loathe your buddy?"

"No! It's not like that. I don't want to end my friendship with either of you. I'll make it work."

"Thank you." Adam's answer was what I had hoped he'd say but didn't a hundred percent expect. At least I felt relieved I wouldn't lose him. That would be doubly devastating.

Adam sighed, the sound overly loud. It was what he did when he was frustrated. "Well, I should let you go. Theo wanted to go to dinner, but I asked him to wait a few minutes so I could try to call you again. Now he's pacing the kitchen floor because he's hungry."

"Then you better get going. I know how grumpy Theo gets when he's starving."

"Funny, he's just like you," Adam chuckled. "Seriously, though. Are you going to talk to Jace?"

"No, I am not. He doesn't deserve it. And don't ask me again, or I'll have to hurt you."

"All right. I'll drop it, but think about it. You two are my best friends, and I know you care about each other. Well…maybe not now, but you're great together, or were, and can be again. So, please reconsider."

"And this is dropping it? Bye, Adam." I hung up the call and growled. What did Adam and Kendra not get? Jace was a beast to me, repeatedly cruel and demeaning. I couldn't forgive who he was and what he did.

Not now. Not ever.

Jace was dead to me.