Espresso Your Love (The Coffee Loft Series: Fall Collection)

18. Ryan

18

Ryan

It’s been a few days since I last saw Cassie. I’ve been mulling over the conversation my mom and I had while she was here. I needed time to process it for myself and then figure out how to tell her everything. It’s a lot, and I don’t want to scare her off or ruin our chance of moving forward together.

After Cassie left and Sadie had gone to bed, Mom made some tea, and we sat in the living room. I tried to avoid her questioning gaze, but she looked at me with an unwavering stare, her voice soft and steady.

“Ryan, losing your dad was hard on all of us. You and Sadie were still young and needed him in your life. And this job takes pieces of you too. But you’re still here, you’re still breathing, and you have a life to live.

I understand being afraid of losing someone you love again. It can make you step back, pull away. But you can’t let fear stop you from living and loving. You can’t let it make decisions for you.

Your dad knew the risks that came with his job, and every day, he put on that uniform. Do you remember how he lived? He embraced life fully. He never let fear take hold and control him.

I saw the way you looked at that girl today. But keeping her at arm’s length isn’t helping either of you. It is only robbing you of memories, connection, and possibly even love.

Now, I know it’s not easy, but you can’t hide from things that make life worth living. And honey, love is always worth it.”

This morning, when I woke up, I felt ready. Ready to lay it all out there. Mom encouraged me to be honest and speak from the heart. So, I came here to Coffee Loft and waited. Waited until they opened the doors then went to the loft to wait some more. Two cups of coffee later, which is not helping my anxiety right now, I’m still waiting for her to walk through those doors.

I sit here, drumming my fingers on the arm of the couch. Every minute that passes feels like an eternity. I thought Max might like to run around the backyard on his morning off, but now, I wish he was here to help calm my nerves.

“Ryan?”

Her voice breaks through my thoughts, and I look up to see Cassie standing in front of me. Her blonde curls are pulled into a bun atop her head, and she’s bundled in her purple coat and scarf. Her computer bag hangs off her shoulder.

This is it.

“Hey, Cassie.” I manage a smile, but my nerves are causing my leg to bounce uncontrollably and my palms to sweat.

“You’re stealing my usual spot now, huh?” she quips, eyeing the couch where I’m sitting.

“I don’t see your name written here,” I tease back.

“And my coffee mug too? That’s my favorite one.”

“No theft committed.” I lift the mug in question. “I took the liberty of ordering for you.”

She seems taken aback and raises her eyebrow. “Ah, that would explain why Ashley shooed me away so quickly.”

Taking the mug from me, she settles down next to me.

“I was hoping to catch you this morning. I, uh, wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Sure, Ryan. What is it?” Cassie’s gaze holds mine, a calm blue sea that steadies my racing heart.

“I mentioned my father was a police officer, like me.”

She sets her mug down on the table, not saying anything. She looks back at me, nodding for me to continue.

I take a deep breath. “It was just a routine domestic disturbance call. But things quickly spiraled out of control, and when the suspect pulled out a gun on my dad’s partner, without hesitation, my dad stepped in front of him,” my voice trembles slightly at the raw emotions I still feel. “He sacrificed himself to save his partner’s life.”

“I’m so sorry, Ryan.” Cassie rests her hand on mine.

“It was a really tough time for my family. I was still in high school.” I take a gulp. “But my mom always reminded us that he loved what he did and protecting others was his calling.”

“He’s why you became an officer?”

“It was hard losing him, but he inspired me. The sacrifices made by first responders every day. And I wanted to carry on his legacy, to serve and protect.”

She gives my hand a comforting squeeze. “I’m sure your dad would be so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” I squeeze her hand. “So I joined. I started training to become a K9 officer, and I got Max. We worked hard, and we’ve had some tough calls; it’s part of the job. But one in particular was when Max and I were called to a concert to perform routine security checks. Max alerted a suspicious package, which was a bomb.

We called in the bomb squad, but time was running out. We started to evacuate as many people as possible. The bomb squad didn’t get there in time, and the bomb exploded. No one was injured, just property damage, but Max and I barely made it out of there. People were calling us heroes and celebrating us. But the fear of losing Max or not being able to protect those people…it was haunting.”

“Oh, Ryan…” Her voice is shaky. “I can’t imagine how scary that must have been. You and Max…you two really are heroes.”

I shake my head. “It could have easily gone the other way.”

“But it didn’t, and you saved all of those people.”

“When the job opportunity to start fresh in a small town came, I jumped on it. I needed time away from it all and thought a quieter place would bring some peace.”

She chuckles, lightening the mood. “Meadowbrook? Peaceful?”

“I thought it would be calm, but it really is just a different kind of chaos.” I laugh with her. “But I needed that change. And when the incident happened at the Autumn Festival, it just brought everything back. Losing my dad, almost losing Max and all those people. And while it ended up being nothing, the mere thought of losing you…It was all too much.”

My voice trails off as a lump forms in my throat. “My mom made me realize that I was living in fear. I started to build walls around myself and distance myself. Every time I saw you, I wanted to tear down the walls though because, Cassie, I’m falling for you. I’m freefalling from a plane, and while I’ve tried to pull the parachute, it doesn’t last long, and so I fall even faster.”

She’s just staring at me, her eyes wide, but I can't read her expression. Is she surprised? Disgusted? Did I say too much?

“Cassie?” I squeeze her hand.

“I’ve never been kissed.” She covers her mouth with her hand. “I didn’t mean to say that. I mean, it’s true, but I didn’t mean for that to come out right now. I was going to tell you that later.” She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. “Can we pretend the last ten seconds didn’t happen?”

I nod, pressing my lips together.

“I like you, too. And I’ve liked you since the moment I met you.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Maybe,” she replies coyly.

“Well, is it a maybe or a yes?”

“Yes.” A smile spreads across her face.

“Well then, we’re on the same page.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. “I’m not running anymore, walls are staying down.”

“Good.”

She nestles into my side, and I wrap my arm around her shoulder.

“Thank you for listening to me,” I say gratefully, pulling her in closer.

“Thank you for sharing it with me.” She looks up at me with her beautiful blue eyes.

“Thank you for trusting me enough to share it with me. I want to know every detail about you, Cassie Thompson.”

“Be careful what you wish for,” she says.

“Eh, I can handle it.” A smile spreads across my face.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She picks up her coffee mug and leans back on my arm. “Cassandra Mae Thompson, born on March eighth. Little Cassie had an obsession with stuffed animals and space. I wanted to be a veterinarian astronaut when I grew up.”

I chuckle. “Veterinarian astronaut?”

“Yes, I wanted to save the sick space bunnies and interstellar dolphins,” she says matter-of-factly

“That’s quite a career choice. It’s not one you hear every day.”

“I was an ambitious eight-year-old.” She shrugs. “What did you want to be?”

“A race car driver.”

“Have you ever been in a high-speed chase?”

“Actually, yes.”

“Well, there you go. You got to live a part of your childhood dream.”

“I guess I did.”

We sat there for another hour talking about little things and laughing. While I could sit here all day with her snuggled next to me, she has to get to work and I have a date to plan. I haven’t left yet and I’m already planning the next time I get to see her.

She’s like a cup of coffee. At first, you savor the taste, but then it’s impossible to resist. The more time I spend with her, the more time I want to spend with her.

She starts to move away from me so I can get up.

“Cassie?”

“Hmm?”

“Regarding the ten seconds of accidental blurting that didn’t happen earlier…”

She covers her face with her hands. I grab them, lower them, and keep them in my hands.

“I’ll follow your lead. You’re in charge of when, where, and how. As much as I want to kiss you,” her cheeks start to turn pink, “I will wait until you make a move.”

“Thank you, Ryan,” she says softly.

“I will see you tomorrow for our day date?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

I walk down the stairs, and just before I exit the shop, I look up at her. She is already waiting for me. I wave and walk out the door. I have a date to plan.