Everything I Wish For (Lupine Valley #5)

3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Brad

Did I hear that right?

Is Lauren actually asking me to be her pretend boyfriend?

“Just to clarify, you told your mom that I was coming to the wedding, with you, because we’re dating?” The disbelief isn’t allowing me to process anything.

“You know what? Just forget it, I’m sorry I asked. I’ll come clean to my mom, she’ll call your mom, and this whole mess is solely on me.” She gets up abruptly to get another cup of coffee, but I’m guessing she really doesn’t need any more caffeine based on how jittery she already is. She hasn’t stopped wringing her hands since we sat down.

“Oh no, you told this lie, ma’am. We’re in it now.” I follow her into the kitchen.

Being with Lauren is something I’ve wanted for longer than I can remember. But something happened that keeps me from her. Something that eats me alive every time I think I might be able to move on with Lauren.

I open my eyes, it’s cold and dark. The incessant beeping is grating on my nerves and pounding in my head. I try to open my eyes, but it feels like they’re glued shut. It doesn’t take long before I feel like my body is being pulled under, down into a dark abyss.

The moments before everything went black are playing on a loop in my head. Abigail’s screams. The crunching of metal. The spiraling landscape.

One stupid decision.

I made one stupid decision that ended up paralyzing my girlfriend in my senior year of high school, all over a fight about my friendship with Lauren being too much for her. The guilt of knowing that I’ve ruined someone’s life over my feelings for Lauren keeps me from ever acting on how I feel. If Abigail can’t live the life she deserves, why should I?

At least that’s the story that I’ve had in my head since high school. And I’ve never in my life told another person the reason behind the accident besides my parents. I only gave in and told them because I had to as a young, dumb teenager struggling with life and the consequences.

But here she is handing me the opportunity to be with her. To learn to live with my guilt under the guise of a fake relationship. I can admit my own feelings in my own timeline, while indulging in all the fantasies I have about her being mine.

I grip her hips from behind, and lean down to whisper in her ear, she spins at the feel of my hands and puts our lips a mere inch apart.

“You don’t—”

I kiss her on impulse.

My heart stops the moment our lips touch and everything feels right in the world once again. But then I hear her suck in a breath, and just like the last time I lost control and kissed her outside the bathroom at The Bar, I pull back.

“If we’re going to be dating, you probably shouldn’t be surprised when I kiss you,” I whisper, feigning a confidence I don’t feel.

“Okay.” She puffs out a small breath.

“Good. Now get that coffee and come join me for pancakes. Don’t think I didn’t notice you haven’t eaten yet,” I demand as I sit back down.

“You’re really not mad at me for getting us into this mess?” She joins me back at the table.

“No. I’m not mad at you. You’re my best friend, I’d do anything to help you.” Her face falls. And I know it’s because I referenced her being my best friend.

Over the summer, I let my willpower slip one night at The Bar with our friends. I saw her walking, commanding the space with her presence alone, her long legs striding across the space caught my attention as they usually do, and I stalked after her. After watching man after man hit on her all night, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to claim her even though I knew I shouldn’t. I gave in to temptation, pushing her up against the wall and taking her lips with mine. After, I ran far away, and the next day I told her we’re best friends. Now whenever I say she’s my best friend in relation to us being more, I see her face drop. It kills me a little more each time.

I’ve tried so many times to get over my own shit about the accident that led us here, but I can’t. I only picture Abigail’s face, battered and bruised, each time I think about letting myself be happy with Lauren.

She certainly hasn’t hidden her feelings for me. Our friends sure as hell don’t let me miss it. But I pretend to not notice. If I acknowledge it, I would have to admit everything, and run the risk of them disowning me if they knew what I did.

Until this morning, I was complacent keeping her in my life in whatever way I could. But now, I get to see what it’s like to be her boyfriend and I intend to take full advantage.

There is only minimal awkwardness as we finish our breakfast, discussing how this is going to work if I can get the time off work. She has two tickets from her friend bailing last week. Since it’s so close to the date of the flight, she isn’t able to get a refund on the ticket or a credit.

When it became impossible to keep my eyes open I left her house with promises to talk about our new relationship more after I talk to Sheriff Miller about getting the time off.

I crash hard as soon as my head hits the pillow. Usually our sleepy small town doesn’t have much crime, but we have a small population that keeps us busy. And they recently got in a bad batch of drugs. It makes for a lot of calls throughout the night when a new batch comes in, and last night was one of those nights.

I don’t wake up until around dinner time, and it’s already dark outside thanks to early winter sunsets in New Hampshire.

I’m glad that I’m meeting the guys at The Bar tonight for a drink. Maybe they’ll have some advice. They’re always telling me to take my chance with Lauren so I think I know how this is going to go. But first thing first, I have to call Sheriff Miller.

He answers on the first ring.

“Hey, son.”

“Hey, Sheriff, do you have a quick minute?” I ask knowing he’ll always say yes for one of his guys.

“Sure, what’s wrong?” His mind always goes to worst case scenarios when one of us calls him unexpectedly.

“Nothing, nothing. I just wanted to see about getting some time off in a few weeks. My buddy is getting married in Florida, and I just realized I never responded. I know it’s short notice so if you can’t swing it, no problem.” I cross my fingers like a child hoping their parents say “yes.”

I hear shuffling on the other end of the line. “Looks like nobody has any time off until Christmas. Then they’re all out. So you should be good. Just submit the paperwork to me next time you’re in with the exact dates.”

“You got it, Sheriff. Thanks.”

“Yeah, no problem, son. See you Tuesday.”

I shoot off a text to Lauren letting her know that I’ve gotten the time off to go to the wedding. I still have to submit the actual paperwork but if Sheriff Miller says I have the time, I trust him to give the final approval. And I’ll take a bunch of shifts for the guys to make up for leaving them on short notice to fill my spots. Especially for the guys with little kids at Christmas.

Me: Not final yet, but I got the days off for the wedding. See you tomorrow night for dinner, babe.

Lauren: Babe?

Me: We are dating now, remember? Would you prefer something else?

Lauren: I don’t know, it’s just different. Cooking tomorrow? Or takeout?

Me: I’ll grab something on my way over, have to make sure I take care of my girl.

Lauren: I didn’t think this through. rolling eye emoji

No, she didn’t. I’m about to take full advantage of this, kick this guilt I feel once and for all. It’s the perfect opportunity and I’d be stupid not to try.

Get ready for me, babe.

Locking the door behind me I head down the stairs to walk a few doors down to The Bar. I was lucky that my friend Lacey rented her apartment over the salon to me. It’s the perfect location and it was brand new when they moved out into the home that her husband, Colton, built.

Colton, Preston, Porter and Gunnar are sitting at a table when I walk through the doors of The Bar. It’s early enough it isn’t busy yet and Gunnar, the owner, is able to join us for a while. Mostly that’s the reason for our early bird special hangouts. Once eight hits, he’s slammed with the after dinner rush and then everyone is well on their way to blissfully enjoying the night.

“Hey, guys.” I drape my coat over the back of the chair and sit between Colton and Porter. All the guys are dating Lacey’s sisters, Adelaide, Scarlett and Willow. I’m assuming they already know about my current situation. I guarantee the first thing Lauren did was text the girls to come over last night.

“So. Heard Lauren beat you to growing a pair of balls and asked you out.” Porter laughs.

“She didn’t ask me out. She lied to her mom about us dating, and her mom called mine, who called me.”

“Oh, my God. You needed your moms to get involved for you?” Preston asks, making everyone laugh harder.

“You know what? Fuck you all. I’m leaving.” I pretend to get up.

“Oh come on, sit back down. Tell us all your woes.” Colton taps my shoulder, pushing me back down.

“Yeah, I need to know if you agreed to this scheme,” Gunnar adds, still laughing.

“I’d be fucking stupid if I didn’t take this chance. She dropped this opportunity in my lap to win her over without risking our friendship if it all goes to shit. And I’m damn sure going to take it.” I take a sip of my beer that the bartender, Bennett, brought over.

“Hell yeah, man. Get your girl. It’s totally worth it.” Porter holds up his glass to toast me and all the other guys join in.

“I’m sure as hell going to try.” I shouldn’t have said that because they all turn serious and start throwing out their best moves and advice at me. But none of them know the truth, none of them know why I’ve needed to keep my distance and why I’m so scared it will blow up in my face.

I groan, tipping my beer back and sucking the liquid through the bottleneck.

Me: I don’t think you did, but it’s the best decision you’ve ever made.

I respond to Lauren finally, resolute that I’m going to let this guilt go.