Everything I Wish For (Lupine Valley #5)

5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Brad

Using the guise of fake dating, Lauren has given me a shield for my guilt. Something to hide behind while I figure out if the guilt will take me over, or if I can push past it.

But with this being her idea, it gives me free reign to treat her like she’s my girlfriend and explore being together.

I didn’t plan to be as affectionate as I was last night but I couldn’t stop myself. She’s like a magnet, the way she kept scooting her perfect, legging clad ass back into me, the way she finally relaxed and snuggled into my arms, pulling me closer to her.

I almost sold myself out right then and there and told her I’ve been in love with her for years and I would love for this to be real instead of pretend. But I need more time. Time to prove to her that I’m worth the chance. Or that risking our friendship is worth the chance.

The hardest part so far has been the memories of that night that plague me afterward.

My eyes still won’t open. No matter how hard I try to get them to.

“Brad, please, please wake up. I need you to wake up. This can’t be my fault.”

I hear the pleas, and I want to give Lauren what she wants, but I can’t.

Why can’t I wake up? The incessant beeping is matching in time with her sobs.

She needs me to wake up, and I’m always there for her, I can’t fail her again.

As if the accident wasn’t bad enough, I never did make it to pick Lauren up. She called me, feeling unsafe, and I didn’t show up.

Between that and seeing the guys she dates, guys with money, guys who spend hours a day at the gym, guys who wear suits, and take her to galas. I’m not that guy and I feel totally inadequate. I’m a cop. I’ll be late. I’ll work overtime. I wear jeans and a tee, and I have never once been to a gala. I don’t compare at all. And none of those guys have suffered the consequences I have. Am I even worthy?

I don’t think I am, but damn it, I want her.

Me: Tomorrow night, our first official public date. I’ll pick you up at six. Be ready for the PDA.

I send the text before I can talk myself out of it. It’s almost the perfect date she asked me about the other night. It’s winter, cold, and snow is forecasted for tonight instead of the perfect autumn night she wants so I’m going to make it as close as I can get.

Lauren: Okay, I’ll be ready. Are you ready for the gossip? This will really solidify it for our moms.

Me: Been ready, gorgeous. Bring it on.

I ordered everything I’ll need for the date and just hope it comes in today like it’s supposed to. Thank goodness for two day shipping.

I’m on my way to pick Lauren up for our first official date. And the first public date to get the gossip mill rolling. I throw all the stuff we’ll need for our snowy date in the back of my truck. I’m hoping the snow stays light and I won’t get called in to work. That would not be the ideal view into what our relationship could be, even though it is the realistic one.

I park my truck in Lauren’s driveway. Resting my hands on the steering wheel, staring out at her front door.

You can do this, Robertson.

After warring with myself non-stop all day between deserving this, giving what happened a little breath of happiness. Or keeping myself down with the all consuming guilt over the way Abigail’s life turned out. I shouldn’t get to be happy after what I did.

I take a deep breath and open the door to go get my woman. Finally making a decision, at least for tonight.

Taking Lauren Bradshaw on a first date as an actual couple is like a pipe dream I didn’t think would ever come true.

As I approach her front porch, I’m transported to my teenage years when I was a clammy, sweaty mess, going to pick up a girl for our date. Honestly, not much has changed, I’m still a sweaty mess. I rub my palms down the front of my jeans.

Knocking on her door the doubt swirls in my stomach once again. This is stupid. I have picked Lauren up a thousand times to go out somewhere. This should be no different. But it is. It’s our first date, and since I have no intentions of letting her go after this, it’s a real first date in my mind.

She whips the door open, out of breath, and—fuck—with no shirt on. Just the lace bra that doesn’t hide a thing from me.

“I’m so sorry. I had a showing run late, and I apparently didn’t hit send on the text to you, and—” She stops rambling when she notices that I’m staring at her with my jaw on the ground.

She lets go of the door, covers her beautiful cleavage with her arm, and runs off. “Shit! I’m so sorry! Fuck!” She continues muttering profanity as she runs to her room. “I was in the middle of changing!”

“I don’t mind, at all!” I yell after her, some of the nerves easing out of my body.

After a few moments she emerges from her room in jeans that have to be painted on her body. They are so tight. When she bends over to put on her winter boots, a pair of duck hunting boots that I have and she decided she needed a pair too, her ass is on full display and damn if this isn’t the best night I’ve had in a while.

“Okay, I’m ready. I’m really sorry.” She walks over to the couch where I’ve been sitting while I wait for her.

I pull her onto my lap, and wrap my arms around her waist holding her close to me. “Trust me, I absolutely did not mind.” I kiss her cheek, she immediately stiffens in my lap, so I whisper in the shell of her ear, “I told you to get used to this, gorgeous.”

She gulps loudly and hops off my lap.

“Well, boyfriend , let’s go!” She all but runs to her front door, holding it open for me. I pass her laughing at the nerves that seem to be getting the best of her.

Once we’re at the diner she sighs loudly before we get out of the truck. “So, how is this going to be different from any of the other hundred times we’ve been here? We need the gossip mill to run right back to our mothers.”

“Don’t you worry, gorgeous. They’ll know you’re all mine.” I smirk at her before getting out and rounding over to her side to open the door for her.

As we walk to the entrance of the diner, I lace my fingers with hers, kissing her knuckles. When we walk through the door, Darlene’s eyes go right to our hands. She bumps my shoulder with hers on the way by.

“It’s about goddamn time you two,” she yells drawing in the attention of every single person in the diner.

With everyone’s eyes on us, I pull Lauren in to me, and dip her over, kissing her long and hard for all to see. She stiffens in my arms, not prepared for this. The hoots and hollers come from every direction. She relaxes just a minute amount, but I feel it nonetheless.

“Hell yeah, Officer Roberston! Get it!”

Darlene walks by, “Okay, we get it. Come on, follow me.”

She pulls two menus off the stand and walks us to our table in the corner. We get congratulated by everyone on the way there.

“I’ll be back for your orders.” Darlene places the menus on the table and goes off to the kitchen.

“Well that’s one way to make the gossip mill move.” Lauren says, her cheeks still flush from the kiss.

Both of our phones ding at the same time, it’s the large group chat we have with our friends.

Preston: Damn, dude, you trying to set the bar too high for us?

Lacey: That doesn’t look fake to me.

Porter: Fake? What? You two are totally together.

Addy: Ignore him. You two are hot.

Preston included a photo of us from not more than two minutes ago with his message.

“Guess we really made the gossip mill run fast this time.” We both put our phones away, and I reach across the table to hold her hand. “What are you getting?”

“Uh... I think... Maybe—”

“Don’t worry I tend to have that effect on women,” I wink at her.

“What?” She looks at me confused.

“Leave women speechless after I kiss them.” I go back to my menu like I’m completely unphased by anything that just occurred. Except kissing Lauren Bradshaw just tilted my world upside down. My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest. My dick is straining against the zipper of my jeans too, I’m sure giving everyone its own show. I’m just trying to play it cool, like the woman I love who is now officially mine by town gossip standards isn’t messing with everything I’ve ever trained myself to believe.

After a few moments, Lauren gathers her composure enough to pretend to read the menu and make a decision. Darlene takes our order, and thanks us for all the free advertising, apparently our kiss made the town’s social media pages already. I don’t know who started it, but it’s purely for gossip. I’d be willing to bet money on one of the Harper girls. More specifically Porter’s niece, Kayla.

“So what’s next on the agenda for our public tour of love?” Lauren asks me.

“Are you questioning my date planning abilities?” I ask, putting my hand over my heart like I’m offended.

“No. I’m just wondering what public torture awaits.” She pops a fried pickle chip into her mouth.

“Well, I’m not spilling any of my secrets. But I promise you’ll have fun. And I’m a little hurt that you compare kissing me to public torture.” I raise my brows at her statement.

“No! It wasn’t—I mean—you know how I feel about being the center of attention,” she stammers out.

I do in fact know. She hates it. That’s why this corner booth is ours at the diner. And the corner table at The Bar, and the corner table on Gunnar’s patio. She hates feeling like anyone is watching her. And now that our photo has hit the Lupine Valley media, we can enjoy the rest of the night in blissful isolation while our mothers enjoy the very public display of affection, solidifying the fact that we are dating.

Darlene brings our meals, but we haven’t had a chance to eat much of it with everyone coming over to congratulate us on something they seemingly all saw coming since we were teens.

Living in a small town means every person was genuine in their happiness for us. I went to Boston for two years for my degree in criminal justice, with big plans to work on the force in the city. I ended up taking a job with the New Hampshire State Troopers but I got stationed further south for a while. I couldn’t wait to get back to the Lupine Valley force with caring people who all know you, and want the best for you. Sure the job isn’t as exciting, but it’s so much more meaningful.

I let Lauren in the truck with the keys so she can crank the heat and warm up while I wipe the snow that came down off the truck.

When I get back in, she gives me all of one second before asking, “Okay, seriously. Where are we going next? Should we go home? The snow is still coming down pretty good.”

“L, I drive in the snow all the time, I’ve got this. You’re going to love it, and I’m still not telling you. Blindfolding you was on the list, but I figured I should wait until at least date three.” I wink before putting the truck in drive and taking off to Gunnar’s property near the lake.

But I don’t have this. Driving in the snow still gives me anxiety.

Today my eyes finally open, and the snow is the first thing I see out a window. A flashback to the night of the accident flashes in my mind.

Snow in fat, thick, wet flakes slam into my windshield faster than I thought they would. The windshield wipers whip back and forth, a sound that never stopped, even when everything happened. My tires were sliding out from underneath me, and gaining control was becoming impossible. As the steep mountain road came into view I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop it.

Gunnar gives me full access to his property because kids like to party there in the summer and he wants to make sure no one gets hurt. I come out here frequently, and there is one spot that always calls to me. It’s on a part of the lake that is wide open, no trees to obscure the view. There’s a small sandy beach, and you get full views of the mountains in the distance and the sunset. We’ve obviously already missed the sunset but it’s a full moon and I’m hoping the views are just as good.

“Date three? What is date three?” she squeaks out.

“Date three is the sex date. Didn’t you know that?” I saw that in a movie once and it stuck with me.

“What? Brad, no, this is fake dating, I didn’t mean…we don’t have to… I—”

I put her out of her misery and laugh at her. “I’m kidding. I don’t expect anything. I was joking.” My ego takes the hit at her insistence that there is no sex. I don’t spend hours in the gym but I think I do alright for myself. And I make damn sure that the woman I’m with doesn’t go unsatisfied.

“Oh,” she says quietly, but I can see the blush on her cheeks in the light of the moon.

It makes me wonder how gorgeous that flushed look would be on her right after I fuck her under the moonlight. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, trying to adjust myself without her noticing what the idea does to me.

“Ooh, is this Gunnar’s property?” She claps her hands together excitedly as we get close to the dirt road.

“Yup, sure is.”

“What are we doing here? This isn’t public.”

“I didn’t want to be in public after the diner. I wanted a private moment. I’m going to make your dream date a reality. Plus you still need to get used to me touching you.” I throw the truck in park and hop out.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers when she meets me at the bed of the truck. “I’m making this so much harder for you.”

I sling a backpack over my shoulder, and kiss her forehead. “Nothin’ to be sorry about, L. Follow me.”

She follows me to the small beach that’s now covered in snow. Thankfully I had the forethought to come down here this afternoon in the daylight to set up the clear igloo tent I purchased. I strung some battery powered lights inside, and filled it with blankets and pillows. Scarlett let me borrow their pillows that are usually around their firepit, and Mom was all too happy to loan me some of the comfortable, chunky knit blankets she loves to make. Lauren has two on her couch every winter.

“Oh, my God! Brad! You did this for me?” She turns to face me with a bright smile spreading across her beautiful face.

“Sure did. This is the dream date right? Wrong season, but hopefully you’ll like the views.” She runs to me and jumps in my arms, hugging me.

“No one has ever done this for me.” She kisses me, this time her body doesn’t stiffen when our lips meet.

All too soon she pulls back from me, taken aback by her own actions. I choose to ignore it and not put too much thought on something that she clearly wanted to do and thought about after. I know all about that.

I place her down on the ground and take her hand to lead her into the igloo. I unzip the tent, and thankfully, it has heated up a little with the sun today before the snow started. She turns to face the lake once we’re inside and zipped back up.

The lake is calm without the boats moving about, and the reflection of the mountains and full moon are clear in the water. Dotted only by the light snow still falling.

“This is so beautiful.” She pulls out her phone to take a photo. “I want this framed in my living room.”

I stare at her, admiring the view I have, “This is the most gorgeous sight I’ve seen in a while.”

She turns to face me, a smile spread across her face.

“Come on, I have Lorelei Harper’s cookies and some hot chocolate from Darlene.”

“What? How did you get cookies? Those things are like gold.” She licks her lips and comes over to the makeshift pillow fort I’ve made for us.

I join her on the floor to pull out the container of cookies and thermos of hot chocolate that I was handed on the way out in secret.

“I may have had Preston do some begging. And I may have promised Lorelei I would come do a presentation at the senior center with our K9.” I hand her the container of cookies.

“Oh, my God, you know she only wants you to come so the old ladies can ogle you for an hour.”

I shrug, “Whatever it takes for you, L.”

“I like ‘L’ better than ‘babe.’”

I look at her confused. “What?”

“You called me babe for a nickname the other night. I like when you call me L better. You’re the only one that’s ever called me that. It’s special to you.”

She picks up a cookie and breaks off a piece to pop in her mouth. A moan leaves her as soon as the cookie hits her tongue and I find myself adjusting for the second time since we left the diner.

“I don’t know what she puts in these, but that woman better spill the recipe in her will.”

“Good luck. I know the guys have searched the kitchen but the recipe must be in her brain.” I tell her how the guys rummaged through Lorelei’s kitchen in shifts so she didn’t get suspicious. It obviously didn’t fool Lorelei and she caught on pretty quickly.

We lay on the blankets in silence, eating cookies and hot chocolate, watching the snowfall on the lake.

After a while she finally speaks, “So, we leave in a week. Are you ready to be my boyfriend?”

“I’ve been ready.” I pull her close and kiss her again, this time I’m not pulling away until I’m good and ready.

I stretch out in my bed, still relishing the bliss that was our date last night. I insisted on dropping Lauren off and walking her to the door, placing one last kiss on her cheek before making sure she was inside, safe and locked up.

I roll over and reach out to grab my phone off my nightstand and see a text from Momma.

Momma: You better call me right now. Or when you get up, but definitely as soon as you get up!

I don’t think my mother has ever used so many happy face emojis in one text. From the day she discovered them, she uses one in every text, but this message has about fifty.

Me: Can I make coffee first?

As soon as I send that, my phone rings.

“Good morning, Momma.”

“No, you cannot make your coffee first! I’m more important than coffee. I know I raised you better than that.”

“I don’t know about that, Momma. I’m in need of coffee.” I swing my legs over the side of the bed and pad off to the kitchen in search of the coffee I set to automatically brew each morning.

“Bradley, I saw your photo. And I’m so happy for you! You and Lauren are just the perfect match. I always knew you’d get over this mess,” she gushes.

I pour my preferred morning drink into the mug, and add my creamer.

“Momma, I told you we were dating. Did you forget?” Mom forgets everything so I wouldn’t be surprised.

“I did not, Bradley. But seeing the two of you together, knowing that you aren’t shying away from her anymore—oh it just made my day. I’m so happy my heart could burst.” Cue the guilt . “When are you two coming for dinner? I need to see this for myself. Plus I haven’t seen that beauty in far too long.”

“You saw both of us two weeks ago when you invited her over for family dinner.” I roll my eyes at her theatrics.

“That was before she was your girl, baby.”

“Okay, Momma. Let me see the next day she has free and I’ll call you.” I text Lauren right away because I know my momma, and she isn’t letting this go. She’s a southern transplant in the north, and nothing would make her more happy than to fry up some chicken and start planning a wedding that isn’t happening. Yet.

Me: Momma wants dinner.

Lauren: Oh no, I’m so sorry to drag her into this mess. She’s going to be heartbroken when she learns it isn’t real. Or we break up.

Me: You let me worry about that. What day works best for you?

Lauren: Friday? I don’t have any showings after noon that day.

Me: Consider yourself booked.

“Lauren said Friday is best for her. What can we bring?” I ask, knowing her answer will be nothing. She’ll have enough food prepared for the whole damn town.

“Just that beautiful girl and yourself, baby.”

Momma and I talk a little longer before we hang up and I finally get to enjoy my coffee in peace before I start my shift.

Momma seemed like she was happy, but it felt like a test. Those tricky tests she used to give us when we were kids, and she knew we were lying but she wanted us to break and tell her the truth. I’ve never hidden anything from her and I just hope that she believes I didn’t tell her because our moms are best friends and we wanted to keep it quiet for the beginning of our relationship.

I have one week to get Lauren to look at me how I look at her or Momma will call us out faster than a greased pig. I smile at my use of her favorite saying.

Lauren is at an open house all day so I want to run by the florist and grab her favorite bouquet to leave on her kitchen table. We have keys to each other’s houses in cases of emergencies, but I think this is a dating emergency.

I might stop by The Bar for some cheesecake from Mack too.

It never hurts to be prepared.