Everything I Wish For (Lupine Valley #5)

17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Brad

The bed is cold and lonely when I wake up in the hotel room.

“Lauren?” I call out, getting no answer.

I jump out of bed, frantically looking around the room for her. I’m shoving my feet into some flip flops when the door opens.

Lauren walks in with two coffee cups, and red rimmed eyes.

She hands me one of the coffees. “Payback. For the cake.”

I take the cup, and stare after her as she walks past me, wordlessly. She places her coffee on the small desk by the window, and gathers up her things to pack.

“L, are you—are you okay?”

“Of course!” She answers too cheerfully, a tone that doesn’t match her red rimmed, puffy eyes at seven in the morning. Especially because she refuses to make eye contact with me.

“L.” I take a step toward her.

She straightens her spine, and stares out the window for a minute before turning to face me.

“I’m fine. Honestly. Just sad to be leaving my family. I just said goodbye to Mom and Dad when I was getting coffee for us. No big deal at all.” She walks past me again, into the bathroom to gather her things and places them in the suitcase on the bed that I just vacated.

“Okay. If you say so.” I walk to her, placing my arms on her shoulders, nudging her to turn and face me. I know she’s lying.

I’ve never had a reason to not believe her. But last night isn’t sitting well . I know I need to tell her everything, and fast. The minute we set foot in Lupine Valley, I’m spilling everything. I don’t want to ruin the last morning here in Key West. And I don’t want to be that couple on the plane.

I don’t respond. I simply walk into the bathroom and turn on the scalding hot water. Hoping to find clarity.

In the shower, I replay my conversation with Abigail over and over again. I texted her last night when I went to get cake. She called me immediately.

“Brad, I’ve been expecting your call.”

“Layla called you, I assume. She told you about Lauren and me?”

“She did. I’m happy for you, Brad. Really.”

“We aren’t together. Not really. She asked me to be her fake boyfriend to avoid a blind date to Ethan’s wedding.”

“It’s not fake, Brad. It never has been.”

“I can’t be with her. Not after everything that happened.”

“What happened was going to happen no matter what. It was not your fault, or mine. Please stop punishing yourself. I’m happy. You’ve paid your penance to me, not that you ever owed me a thing.”

“Abigail—”

“No. Stop. Go be happy. Leave me in the dust with my perfect life, and perfect husband. I am happy. I’ve been happy. It’s your turn.”

She truly wants me to be happy. But the only way to do that is to be honest with Lauren when we get back to Lupine Valley.

All too soon, we find ourselves seated on a plane back to New Hampshire. Lauren has barely spoken to me, and it’s been nothing, but short answers.

“So, we did it.” I try to break the ice now that we’re alone on the plane.

“Yeah, we did. Thanks again, so much.” This time a small genuine smile graces her lips.

“Certainly wasn’t a hardship to pretend to be with you. The benefits were pretty great. Maybe we could keep it up once we’re back home.” I nudge her with my shoulder and feel her stiffen.

“Uh yeah, you know, I don’t know how great of an idea that would be actually. Maybe we just go back to normal? You know Brad and Lauren—besties for life.” She gulps. “We’ll need to tell people we broke up though, should we stick to we’re just better friends?”

I freeze in my seat. Is she for real? She wants me to just forget this amazing week and go back to the friend zone? After the best week of my life she expects me to just give it all up? What changed from just a couple days ago? She’s been all in until… the wedding.

“Is that what you want?” I respond stoically.

“I mean… I just—I think it’s best, right? This is the end of everything.” She looks at me, hoping to see reassurance on my face.

I don’t answer. I hand her an airpod, and put on Charlie Brown’s Christmas, one of her favorites.

She doesn’t push me for an answer. I think we’re both not ready to really admit everything that’s happened is real. That nothing will be the same when we get back. Before long, she falls asleep on my shoulder and I feel my own eyelids getting heavier.

“Sir, sir?” My eyes open abruptly, “we’re about to start our descent, do you mind stowing your bags fully under the seat and putting your trays back up?” A way too perky flight attendant is standing over me, a large smile and too white teeth with hot pink lipstick on them stares down at me.

“Yeah, sure. Sorry,” I say quickly.

She smiles at me and moves on to the next rows. I nudge Lauren gently to get her to wake up without startling her awake like I was.

“Hey, we’re about to land,” I whisper as I kiss her forehead. She is still sleepy and hasn’t remembered that I’m getting the cold shoulder from her right now.

She sits up and swipes her sleeve across her lips, I look down on my shoulder to see a small wet spot on my tee.

“Oh God, how gross. I’m so sorry.” She looks out the window and continues to swipe at her face.

I chuckle. “Not the first time, gorgeous and probably not the last.”

“It’s still gross.” She hurriedly packs up the stuff she had set out. It looks like maybe she was planning on checking her work emails ahead of our arrival home before I distracted her with a snack and another movie.

I was going to ask her to help me decorate when we got home, but now I’m not sure what’s going on.

I never got a Christmas tree for my own house, between my parents and Lauren’s house, I’m never home. No point.

Plus, I always help Lauren and her parents decorate, and then we switch to my parents house where they always drink too much egg nog and the Bradshaws sleep in the guest room while I walk Lauren home through the snow, all bundled up together.

Fuck. All this trip down memory lane does is remind me that she wants to keep me in the friend zone, that she thinks this is the end without even hearing me out. Did she see Layla this morning?

I look over at her, sitting and staring out the window, a frown seems to be permanently etched on her face now in the reflection.

I place my hand on her thigh and squeeze, a gesture that usually gets her out of her head. Wherever she is right now.

It doesn’t work, but I leave my hand there, the heat from her leg gives me hope that I haven’t lost yet. I just need to keep trying.

The plane slams into the ground for a bumpy landing, and then the pilot’s voice is over the speakers giving us the single digit temperatures for a snowy New England week. Normally I’d be thrilled. Christmas is in about two weeks and this is my favorite time of year. But there is a dark cloud over me right now, muddying my mind and thoughts.

This time when we get off the plane, all the nervous energy is gone and Lauren is walking ahead of me instead of next to me holding my hand. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the feel of her hand in mine.

We walk through the hallway that opens in the arrival lobby of the airport. At this point, I hear two very loud shrieks. One from Lauren, one from Lacey.

They run to each other, embracing. Colton and I mock them and pretend to do the same, garnering quite the looks from others in the airport.

“Oh stop it you two, I’ve been without my bestie for a week!” Lacey loops her arm through Lauren’s and they head down the escalator to baggage claim.

Colton and I hang back, letting some others pass us since we technically blocked the middle of the path.

“So. Am I picking up on some tense energy or am I reading this wrong?” Colton asks.

“Nope.” I pop the P at the end. “Definitely some chilly vibes. This week was perfect. It went off without a hitch. We had so much fun, in and out of the bedroom, and last night, it’s like a light switch went off. I fucked up. She’s been so cold since and we’ve barely talked. I don’t even have my friend anymore.”

“Damn, brother. That sucks. What did you do?”

I step onto the escalator and sigh, “I’ve kept a pretty big secret from her. But I just asked for some more time to do something before I tell her everything.”

“Shit. That sucks. I’m so sorry. I really thought you two would be coming home together. We had bets on whether or not you’d be the one to come home married. Those secrets will kill ya every time, have you told her the truth yet?”

“Don’t I wish. I haven’t told her yet. I need to, when she’s ready to hear it and I find the courage to share it.” We drop the conversation as we slowly approach the girls hunched over Lauren’s phone showing Lacey all the photos from the week.

Probably hundreds of the two of us, cuddled up, hugging, holding hands, looking just the picture-perfect happy couple.

My shoulders slump forward as we wait for our luggage. Lacey even throws me a sorrowful glance over her shoulder. She isn’t buying Lauren’s everything is great and perfect routine any more than I am.

Once we get our luggage Colton and Lacey lead the way to the car.

I bump Lauren’s shoulder with mine. “Hey, wanna grab take out from Mack? I think we have a lot that we need to talk about.”

“Brad. I can’t. I told you. Let’s just leave it be. Please, it’s going to be hard enough.”

She walks away quickly to be with Lacey, knowing that I won’t push in front of everyone.

I’ll give her some time, but not too much. Everything was too perfect, too seamless, for her to not feel the same way I do. And I know she’s lying to me right now.

Being friends will never be enough for either of us anymore. She needs to hear me out.

I’m going to get my girl.