Everything I Wish For (Lupine Valley #5)

18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Lauren

Brad: Movie after I get off shift tonight?

Me: Sorry, hanging with the girls tonight. Maybe another night?

I ask for another night, but the truth is, I’ve been blowing Brad off for the five days since we got home. I watched Christmas Vacation by myself for the first time in who knows how long. I watched all our favorite Christmas movies without him and was left with way too much eggnog.

It’s not for his lack of trying that’s for sure. I’m just not ready to see him yet. I’ve been thinking about whatever this secret is. What happened between him and Abigail that is so bad he’s hidden it from me this long? The worst is it’s all on me. I’ve done this to myself. Everything I ever wanted was right there in my reach and I let some secret and an asshole get in my head too deep to the point I don’t trust relationships to be successful anymore. It’s Brad, the same guy I’ve known forever, how bad could this secret be? I need to just hear him out, but there’s something stopping me, something that doesn’t want to hear the truth.

Brad: Yeah...just let me know when you’re free.

I know I’m hurting him. But I can’t help it. I need to protect myself, and I’m not strong enough to see him yet.

My front door swings open, and a cacophony of voices trails in.

“We’re hereeeeee.” Scarlett’s voice singsongs through my living room.

I step out of the bathroom where I’m finishing my makeup. I wasn’t actually lying to Brad tonight. I do have plans with the girls, but only because I called an emergency girls night.

“I have wine. And cookies from Lorelei,” Addy holds up a bag that I presume carries both.

“And I have the tumblers that make wine at the Christmas tree lighting acceptable, or at least hidden,” Lacey adds, pulling the tumblers out of a bag. They are metal, painted red and green, and large enough to fit almost a whole bottle of wine each.

I would feel bad about pulling the girls away from their families during the Christmas tree lighting, but the guys are holding their annual boys weekend away to finish Christamas shopping. Brad would normally go, but he had to work this weekend since he just took a week off to be with me. Something else that holds guilt over me.

“Listen, I don’t care what you say Scarlett. Christmas karaoke should absolutely not be a thing. Have you heard this town?” Willow walks in behind Scarlett, clearly finishing a passionate conversation about karaoke.

“Oh, my God! That’s exactly what this town needs! Please get Gunnar to do it!” I yell out from the bathroom.

Willow leans on the edge of the doorframe, “You just lost your wine privilege.” She smirks and turns to the kitchen where her other three sisters are pouring said wine into tumblers for our walk downtown.

“Okay, spill it before we leave and have a hundred nosey ears around us. Why did you call this emergency girl’s night?” Lacey shouts to me.

I finish one last swipe of mascara, and toss it into my makeup drawer. I shut off the light and dramatically drag myself into the kitchen.

“Can we skip this part of the night and just give me wine?” I hold up one of the empty tumblers, cradled in both of my hands. I stick my bottom lip out to Addy for added effect.

“Mmm, nope. Sorry girl. I’m the teacher, you should know that lip does nothing for a teacher.” She scrunches her face, but still pours me some wine.

“No cookies either,” Willow says, guarding the tupperware with her life.

“That is a crime. Tell Brad that Willow is committing crimes.” Scarlett reaches for the cookies and attempts to get them out of Willow’s hands.

“No. Definitely not calling Brad.” I pout.

“Ooookay. This is the reason girls. Our time has come! She’s ready to admit she loves him and something happened on that trip. I knew it did. Pay up.” Lacey sticks her hand out, grasping at air like she’s actually waiting for her sisters to drop cash in her palm.

Color me surprised when they each pull out a five dollar bill and slap it into her hand.

“You all actually bet on me? Are you kidding?!”

“Sorry girl. That was easy money. Now spill.” Lacey turns to face me after putting her newly acquired money in her purse.

“I fucked up. I fell so hard in love with him, I can’t come out of it.” My shoulders sag and tears well. Damn it. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

“Oh honey, you’ve loved him for a long time. What was different this time?” Willow asks.

“The sex.” Four audible gasps fill my kitchen. “Oh and we saw Damon, who has now filled my head with reminders of how much relationships don’t work. And the cherry on top? Layla fucking Huxley who dropped the bomb on me that I don’t know everything about Brad and the night of the accident.”

“Hold the fucking phone. Did I hear you right? Sex?” Scarlett says dramatically.

“Yes okay. I was stupid and got caught up and suggested a friends-with-benefits thing for the week, and there was so much good sex, and so much touching, and PDA, and hand holding, and—shit. I got everything I’ve ever wanted from him and more. And he was all mine.”

Addy speaks next, “I can’t believe he stopped talking to you after you had sex for a week! What an ass! I never saw that coming from him.”

“Oh no, that’s not on him. He’s made every attempt to see me since we got back, he even suggested on the plane that we keep what we have real. But I froze. I froze and ruined it because I’m too afraid that things will end like they did with Damon, in a flaming blaze of glory. I’m afraid that he’s hiding something from me about the accident with Abigail and I don’t know what it is, but it’s got to be bad if he won’t talk about it with me.”

“Lauren, I love you. Just so much. But, do you think that maybe Damon is just an asshole and that flaming blaze had nothing to do with relationships or you but more with the asshole who left you?” Lace leans into me, laying her forehead against mine.

“That seems like a way more plausible answer. Seriously we’ve all seen how he looks at you, that man has been head over heels in love with you for years. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it.”

“And as far as the secret, we were there after it happened. He beat himself up but there was nothing that seemed like it was bad.”

I sigh and plop my head onto the counter into my crossed arms.

“Okay, how about some wine, some cookies, and a walk to the town square for the Christmas tree lighting? Clearly we need some cookies to find a solution. Then we are definitely revisiting the Layla Huxley portion of this conversation.” Willow offers a solution to all our problems. I wish Lorelei Harper’s cookies were the answers to all of my problems.

“Fiiineeee,” I whine. “Wine, cookies, and a tree. But I get more cookies because I’m the sad one.”

The girls all exchanged worried glances, and I’m not sure if it’s because they’re worried about me, or worried I might actually eat more than my fair share of cookies.

We bundle up and head out. I lock the door and take my wine back from Lacey. Willow hands me a cookie. And we start walking to the town square.

The tree lighting is usually one of my favorite nights. My parents are usually here, the snow is falling, like some kind of magic bubble exists over Lupine Valley to make sure it’s snowing on tree lighting night, and all my friends are with me. Including Brad. Even if he’s on duty he always sticks close to us.

This year, it’s cold, and windy, and heavy wet snowflakes fall from the sky, soaking us and chilling us down to the bone. That magic bubble has popped.

Town square is still busy with people for the lighting, even with the crappy weather and wet flakes.

“Ladies,” Brad approaches us. “How are you all doing tonight?”

“Oh officer, we are just fine and dandy tonight.” Scarlett takes a sip of her wine.

“Why do you do this to me? You know you aren’t supposed to have alcohol here.”

“Oh officer, whatever do you mean? We’re just enjoying some grape juice, and cookies from my sweet mother.” Addy feigns innocence.

A giggle bubbles up inside me unexpectedly. The first one in almost a week.

Brad sighs. “Listen, give me a cookie—no two cookies—and we can pretend you have grape juice.”

“Hey, officers aren’t supposed to accept bribes.” I pout. Maybe the two glasses of wine I shot back before we left are hitting me a little harder than I thought.

“Okay, three cookies, and someone sends me a proof of life photo from this one after she’s tucked in safe.” He points at me. I’m a lightweight. Another giggle pops up and I slap my hand to my mouth which only makes me giggle harder.

Brad scrubs a hand over his face and I hear him mumble under his breath.

“Scouts honor.” Willow holds up two fingers in salute.

“That’s not—you know what? I’m going to go investigate what those teenagers find so interesting about that trash can. You four—take care of my girl please.”

His girl. Ha. That’s a joke if I ever heard one.

The girls are all giving me a pitying glance.

“Let’s go find this stupid tree,” I mumble stomping off in the direction that the tree usually is every year.

I wake up the next morning, on my couch, with the worst dry mouth I’ve experienced in a long time, and what can only be described as a bowling ball rolling around with my brain.

I squint at the minimum amount of light coming through the window and attempt to sit up without throwing up.

I find a note on my table from the girls.

Bestie,

Here is some tylenol, water, and pop-tarts. Take them, drink it, and eat them. Then watch a movie and text us to let us know you’re alive.

Love,

Your besties

P.S. text Brad, he’s worried about you. Apparently you passed out on your couch with your boots still on wasn’t good enough proof of life. If you don’t he’ll probably show up.

Ugh. That’s the last thing I need. I snap a selfie of my bird’s nest hair and me holding up my middle finger. I shoot that off to a group chat with Lacey and Brad. I caption it proof of life, assholes.

Then I down the tylenol with half the bottle of water, and grab the remotes and my pop-tarts. At least someone had the decency to find my frosted cinnamon sugar pop-tarts instead of those healthy, unfrosted, protein pop-tarts I try to keep up in front, in hopes that one day I won’t bypass them for the sugar filled ones. Luckily, today is not that day either.

I kick off my boots and snuggle into my favorite corner of the couch. I put on Hallmark and accept that I plan to drown myself in sugar, and cheesy romance movies for the day.