EvO (Darverius, House of DaR #16)

Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty-Eight

QWIN

I have roamed around this ship aimlessly, trying to find something, but I’m not sure what it is. The heaviness in my heart stems from the losses and the struggle to discern the right decision. For an instant there, I allowed myself to get lost in EvO . Pushing back all the pain for a few moments of pleasure. I know he wants more from me, but how do I trust something like this? We are not even the same species. What would happen to me if things didn’t work out, and I was stuck on this ship with no way of avoiding him? What if a female of his species came aboard and he found her more to his liking?

My people are going to need every able hand helping to rebuild. How do I turn away from that kind of responsibility? I find myself in a quiet corridor on one of the lower decks that has a small viewing area open to the darkness of space. Without further thought, I sit down on the floor, staring out into the vastness of my surroundings. Willing my mind to stop for a second.

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but I feel EvO’s presence before I see him. The viewer shows me his reflection as he walks towards me. I turn my head instantly, when I notice the frown on his face.

“ My , Qwin , why are you sitting on the floor?”

“ There wasn’t a seat, and I like it here, it’s quiet.”

“ Destroyer , please eliminate this problem.”

I actually scream when I am picked up off the floor by a chair forming directly underneath me. “ Lord have mercy EvO , that just about gave me a heart attack. Shit , give a girl some warning, crap like this is not normal. Chairs don’t just form out of nothing.”

“ I did. I asked the Destroyer to fix this issue. There is no reason for you to ever be seated upon the floor. She has the capacity of recreating most things effortlessly.”

I rub a weary hand across my face and turn, looking back out at the passing stars. “ I don’t know why it shocked me. You would think nothing could shock me at this point.”

I settle in the seat opposite of her and take her small hand in my own as she looks out the viewer. “ Qwin , I think you’re pushing yourself too hard, you are trying to figure out your entire future and it doesn’t work that way.” My words did not achieve what I thought they would.

“ Really EvO ? Because I think if things were turned around. You would be just as concerned as I am right now.”

“ You know that was not how I meant it. None of us know what the next rising is going to bring. No amount of second guessing will ever provide those answers.”

“ Ok , smart guy. What would you do in my place?”

“ Qwin , you are angry and have every right to be. Even though you were taken away from everything you knew and loved. I am not the villain in this situation, Qwin . You are the most important thing in my life. I know that makes no sense to you, but you are my mate. The fact that I cannot take this burden from you tears me apart inside.”

“ Ugh , why do you always have to be nice? Why can’t you scream and shout when I’m being an ass.”

“ Because I know you’re not actually mad at me, it’s the circumstances. I understand your fears and why you are torn more than you realize. Qwin , there does not have to be a ‘one way or another’ for all this to work out.”

“ What do you want from me, EvO ?”

“ It doesn’t matter what I want. I am not the one being wrenched apart.”

“ Aren’t you? I mean what if I decide that I am going to follow my people. Would you give all this up to come with me?”

“ Absolutely .”

“ Have you lost your mind? You have worked your hot ass off to be where you are now.”

“ Yes , I have, but none of this means anything without you.”

“ EvO , you just met me! How in the hell can you say something like that? What if Miss Purple Hottie comes on board and suddenly she looks like the flavor of the month? What happens if my moods become too intense and you decide to end things? “ Then what happens to me?”

I reach over and grab her out of her seat, sitting her on my lap. Fighting my own anger at hearing her concerns. “ Listen and hear my words, Qwin . Apparently we need to clear a few things up. First of all, you-are-my-true-mate ! The one female in all the universe that the Lord of Light said belongs to me. No greater honor is bestowed upon one of my kind.

“ ViN found the same connection with Ember . He is not the only one to discover this with a human female, as there are several of you in my family already. The moment our minds connected with that Memory Fasting it showed me everything I needed to know about you. It gave me an intimate understanding of what makes you, Qwin . Most spend half their relationships simply learning about the other, but we don’t have that burden. You already know who I am, and that’s yours. No other female will ever turn my eye. None will replace you even in death, you-are-it for me Qwin whether you accept that or not. I am nothing without you. I will follow you to the ends of the universe, never doubt my loyalty to you … us.”

EvO’s eyes flash brightly, and I can tell that I have hurt him with my careless words. However , he has not reacted as others, including myself, would have. He found the words to explain what I needed to hear. I lay my head on his stiff shoulder, looking out. “ So , what now?”

“ Tell me what you need and I will make it happen, Qwin .”

His thoughtfulness seems to settle my thoughts enough that I realize my doubts almost made me miss out on a gift that had also been given to me. In the middle of all my uncertainties. I wasn’t really listening to what he was trying to tell me over and over. Not only am I his mate, but he is mine as well. The things I saw showed me that my doubts and fears were simply my mind working against me. I may not understand all of it right now, but I will in time. There are others I can speak to who have experienced something similar, like Ember and the girls EvO spoke of.

“ Do you still have to cover for ViN tonight?”

“ I do, but I will not be needed the entire time. The Destroyer is more than able to handle the majority of things required. I am simply filling a chair in case.”

“ Can I come with you?”

“ Absolutely , I would enjoy your company. The only pressing thing I must do is check on Rafe . He has not answered his comm, this rising.”

We sit there together in silence the rest of the evening, simply staring out into the darkness of space, both of us consumed with our own thoughts, but in a comfortable silence.