Falling for Ezra Thomas (Life With the Thomas Brothers #4)

4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Ezra

“We need to talk.” Beck leans against my door frame and shoots me a glare. The glare.

Yep. This is it. This is the moment I have been waiting for since I kissed Lorelai. My brother, my twin, is about to commit homicide against me and I have no choice but to let him do it. He’s thrown that line at me several times, but never with that awful expression that borders on hatred. I’ve never gotten the narrow-eyed, pinch-lipped, death glare from him before. That’s for other people, not for me.

I sit up in my bed and drop my book on the nightstand. Groaning, I scrub my hands over my face. The scruff reminds me that soon I’ll be shaving every day. I’ll be taking orders and my time will be dictated down to the minute. There’s no time for love. No time for Lorelai, and she deserves more than a guy who might be somewhere across the world in a few months.

“I just left Vivien, who is currently taking care of a nasty bite wound Lorelai got at work.” He steps into the room and shuts the door.

“Oh, that’s awful,” I say, thinking about Lorelai’s job and how it sucks the life out of her…when I’m not. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, I think so, but it was awful enough that she up and quit her job, came home crying, and is now in misery at her apartment.” He flaps his arms around so much he might take flight, but this is serious. I can’t laugh at him right now.

“Beck, that isn’t—”

His glare stops me short. “Yeah, I know the bite wasn’t your fault, but everything else is. They locked themselves in the bathroom, and when I went to tell Viv I was heading out, I overheard Lore telling her she doesn’t even want to come to the engagement party because she’ll feel out of place with all the girlfriends.”

“I get it. I…I get it,” I say, raising a hand to stop him. “This isn’t how I want things to be, either.”

Beck sighs and buries both hands in his hair. “Look, I just want things to settle out. What is happening, Ez? You’re not telling me anything, and I know you told Silas something. He keeps giving me dodgy looks and avoids being in the same room alone with me. And you still haven’t explained why you ran out of here in such a hurry the other night.”

I should have told Beck. He’s my twin, but the truth is, I’m not sure how he’s going to take my news. Silas was surprised enough, but Beck? It will be like telling him it’s the end of the world. Besides, I wanted to tell Lorelai first. Since I’ve already blown that up when getting advice from Silas, there’s no reason to keep it from Beck. Only, I’m still not sure how to say it, how to tell him that I made a decision without getting a shred of advice or input from him or anyone else in the family. I figure there’s probably only one way to say it. Spit it out and get it over with.

I lick my lips and brace for impact. “I joined the Army.”

Beck sighs again. “I get that you might be confused about—what?” He freezes mid-sentence and drops his arms to his sides. “What did you just say?”

“I said, I joined the Army. I leave for basic training in five days.” I clench my jaw, fear gripping me as realization dawns on my twin. “I ran out of here the other night to go tell Lorelai and try to work things out with her, but she was at work. I haven’t had a free minute to go over there again. When she’s off, I’m not. When I’m free, she’s working.”

“You…joined…the Army?” Flashes of betrayal cross Beck’s face while I work to figure out a good excuse for not telling him sooner. For not seeking his opinion. For doing something insane because it felt like a calling, with no idea how to explain that to anyone. Silas understands. He’s done it, but Beck? His change of plans after breaking his wrist was the most unplanned thing he’s ever done.

“I did, and I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t figure out how. So now you see why I can’t get involved with Lorelai, even though I want to.” Kissing Lorelai was never on my to do list, but the second it happened, I knew I could never take it back. I still don’t want to, but I’m not good for her. She’s already stressed to the maximum degree. Anything I do will only add to her burnout. No doubt, a long-distance boyfriend who may or may not end up getting shot at on a regular basis is not going to settle well with her.

Beck pulls out my desk chair and sits, his gaze tacked to the floor. I can only assume he’s processing the information, but we’re interrupted by Silas knocking on the door.

“Hey, food’s here,” he says and cracks the door open just enough to catch my gaze.

“How could you join the Army and not tell anyone? ” Beck has recovered from his stupor, and his shout is enough to alert everyone in the town house that something is wrong. Silas pushes the door open further and peers deeper inside, his gaze bouncing between Beck and me. “We’re your family, Ez. You didn’t think telling us would be a good idea? What were you going to do, go to basic training and never tell anyone you were leaving like he did?” Beck thumbs towards Silas, who scowls but keeps his mouth shut.

“I planned to tell you weeks ago, but things kept coming up. Mom planned the whole Christmas gathering, and every time I tried to bring it up, I just couldn’t. Then we had the New Year’s Party, and there were too many things going on at once. Mom was hurt enough when Silas went to Romania. Can you imagine—”

“What is going on in here?” Rafe pushes in past Silas with a game controller in one hand and a breadstick in the other.

“This doofus joined the Army and didn’t think to tell us until mere days before leaving,” Beck says, fuming. His face is red, and he’s a second away from an epic meltdown.

“Beck, maybe consider this from his point of view,” Silas says, but Beck only shoots him the signature drop dead glare.

“He what?” Rafe stares at me with that same betrayed expression Beck does. If Lev were home, there’s no doubt in my mind he’d be in here giving it to me too.

Beck growls. “Look, it isn’t that you joined the Army that ticks me off. It’s that you didn’t tell anyone, and now you’re waiting until the last minute? That’s going to be what breaks Mom’s heart. Didn’t you think we’d support you?”

“It isn’t that. Have you ever had…How do I say this?” I bite my lip and sigh with deep frustration. I cannot explain this to them, especially with Beck so angry, but I’m out of time.

“A pull to do something you can’t deny, but without a good enough reason to give your family,” Silas says. “You two don’t understand, and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you gotta know it isn’t easy to explain this to people. You get this pull, this idea of something you have to do, and it makes no sense because it all seems so out of left field.”

“Only, it isn’t. It’s your thing. It’s what you’re supposed to do, at least for now,” Rafe says. His gaze focuses on me as if he’s still trying to read me. “I sort of get it. I mean, I’m not giving you an out for not telling us sooner, but, yeah, I…I get it.”

Beck throws his hands in the air and stands, shoving the chair back. He storms from the room and slams the door against the wall. The only time he’s ever gotten this mad was when guys would beat up on me on the ice. He always protected me when we played hockey together. He sees red when he thinks I’m in danger, and…oh. He’s not mad. He’s scared.

I shove from the bed and chase him down the hall.

“Beck! Wait!”

He ignores me and jogs down the stairs, passing the dogs on his way toward the front door. Yanking the keys off the organizer hook causes the whole thing to come down and crash all over the floor, so he kicks it across the room in a fit. He hasn’t behaved like this since that last game, the one that ended his career.

“Beck!”

He finally stops and turns. Heaving breaths rock his shoulders and he clenches his jaw so tightly, he can hardly breathe. Rafe and Silas stare at us from the bottom of the stairs, waiting. Beck inhales long and deep, then says, “You’re going to get killed.” His voice cracks on the last word and his veneer fades. Angry tears fall from his eyes and dot his gray tee shirt, and I realize what a jerk I’ve been.

Rafe and Silas slip into the kitchen and give us a moment to work this out, even though I’m not so sure it can be worked out in the time I have left. Five days. I have to make this right with everyone in five days. I’m a fool, and getting involved with Lorelai on top of all this is the stupidest idea I’ve ever entertained.

“How could you do this?” Beck asks, his voice wavering.

I close my eyes as the sting of tears bites hard. “I didn’t do it to hurt you, Beck. I’m as drawn to this as you were to hockey. It’s something I have to do, and I really hope you can find a way to forgive me for not telling you sooner.”

We’re in a standoff, and neither of us seems to know where to go from here. It’s like looking in a mirror, save the few freckles he has over his nose, and it hits me how interconnected we’ve always been. I mean, on some level I’ve known. We’re twins. We have the bond thing, but this? I thought the emotional turmoil he faced when he lost any chance at a pro hockey career was rough, but it turns out, I’m the one who has brought him to his lowest point.

For our whole lives, we’ve done everything together. But he can’t do this with me.

“Beck?”

He flinches at the sound but maintains eye contact.

“I’m scared, too, but I have to do what I truly believe God has put in my path. I need you for this as much as I’ve always needed you.”

Tears slip free and over his cheeks again and he nods. He clenches his jaw, working to hold it back, but he can’t.

“I love you,” I say.

This hits him hard enough for him to let go. His slow tears break into choking sobs that break my heart. I don’t know what to do, but my feet do. I’m moving across the room and before I know it, I’m hugging my twin. Our whole lives, we’ve had each other’s backs, but he can’t follow me wherever I go, cross checking enemies into the glass when they come after me. He can’t be the enforcer smashing skulls and slinging sticks when things go wrong. I’ll be on my own.

This is why I should have told him sooner. I let some misguided idea that I had to tell Lorelai first dictate when I’d tell the truth. It was an excuse to avoid this, the very thing I knew would happen. Tears and fear. Worry. All because of me.

“You gotta talk to Viv and Lore about this,” he mumbles. It’s enough hugging for him, and he wiggles free. He sniffles and wipes his nose before adjusting his shirt. “Viv might be my fiancée but she’s still your best friend. You’re not strapping me with telling her.”

“Will you at least come with me?” I bite back the sting in my throat and try to mentally prepare for what I’m about to do.

He chuckles, but it’s anything but jovial. “Yeah. Someone has to make sure she doesn’t murder you.”

“Vivien is not going to murder me,” I say and grab my coat.

Beck eyes me and raises an eyebrow. He’s right about one thing. He might be engaged to her, but she’s still my best friend. She and I have been through as much together as Beck and I have, and she’s always had my back just the same. We’re two peas in a pod, always together, and she…oh no. I make eye contact with my twin again and his eyes widen further.

“Oh, man. I’m dead.”

Beck pulls on his coat and grabs his keys. “Rafe, Silas! We’ll be back!”

Our brothers cautiously emerge from the kitchen, Rafe still holding the game controller. “You’re not going to kill him and drop him in a ditch somewhere, are you?”

“Nah, leaving that for Vivien. We’re heading over to their place.” Beck’s side eye tells me two things. One, I’m not getting out of it this time and two, he’s still got my back even if he has entertained the thought of dropping me in a ditch.

“You know you still gotta tell everyone else. Preferably before the party,” Silas adds.

“He’s not gonna be here for the party,” Beck whispers and pulls on his ball cap.

Guilt washes over me, reminding me that this change isn’t just impacting my life. My whole family, all eleven of them and counting, will suffer the impact of this decision. I’ve been selfish, however well-intentioned I’d meant to be.

“I’m sorry.” I heave a sigh and take the keys when he offers them to me.

Beck opens the front door. “It is what it is. We’ll figure it out. We better go before the girls get ready for bed.”