Falling for Ezra Thomas (Life With the Thomas Brothers #4)

5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Lorelai

“I can’t just pack up and go away for a weekend, Viv. It sounds amazing, but it’s not in the cards for me. I need to find another job, and fast.” My sister is crazy if she thinks I can relax this trouble away in a couple of days. It’s more than work that has me twisted up, but she knows that. If anyone knows, it’s Vivien, but she can’t force Ezra to do what he doesn’t want to do. And he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to talk to me, which brings our whole friendship into question.

“You can. I’ll look for jobs while you’re relaxing. It’s three days, Lore. You can take three days to heal and recharge while I compile a neat and orderly list of possible jobs for you.” She brushes her dark hair over her shoulder and heads to my closet. She’s going to make me. We’ve reached the point of no return—packing.

“I don’t know where I’d even go.”

Vivien glances over her shoulder. “You know the Thomases will let you use the cabin for the weekend. I’ll message Beck and confirm. Now, go choose what cozy clothes you want to pack and I’ll get your—”

The doorbell rings, interrupting her.

“I’ll get that. You pack.” She’s put her foot down but I can’t think of a single reason to argue with her. She’s made a good point. Maybe a little time electronics free, locked in a cozy cabin with nothing but a pile of books is what I need to reset. Besides, I can’t do much with a shredded shoulder. It needs a few days to heal before I even consider jumping back into the antics that are veterinary medicine.

While Vivien answers the door, I choose comfortable sweats, a few sweaters, and my favorite pajamas. I spy the stack of books I’ve been meaning to read under piles of medical journals. Swatting the journals to the side, I stack the novels on the bed in order of which I want to read first.

“Uh, Lore? Can you come out here please?” Vivien calls from the living room. Her tone is hesitant, a little off, so I pull my bedroom door open and hurry down the hall. Once in the living room, my gaze immediately lands on the twins. Specifically, on Ezra. His eyes connect with mine and everyone freezes. A surge of emotions rock my entire body until it finally settles on anxiety. My fingers tremble, my chest squeezes, my stomach rumbles, and my whole body breaks into a sweat.

Ezra fidgets with the brim of his hat for a moment before squeezing it in his hands and exhaling. “I um, I have some news and it’s a pretty big deal. Can…can we talk? All of us?”

I finally blink, breaking our staring contest. “I’m packing for a trip and it’s been a long day,” I say. Why? I have no idea. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for since the kiss, and now that it’s right in front of me, I try to push it off.

“You’re going to want to hear this,” Beck says, his voice soft and supportive. Beck has been as angry with Ezra as I have been. For him to encourage this confrontation means something, so I cross my arms and nod toward the sofa.

Vivien and Beck take the two-seater sofa, leaving Ezra and me to dance around one another in the middle of the living room until I groan and flop onto the end of the three-seater. He takes the seat beside me rather than moving to the opposite end, but I highly doubt it’s because he wants to be near me. No, it’s merely closer to all of us, and easier to talk in a more intimate space.

That’s what I tell myself, but the way his gaze hits me again brings a heat to my cheeks. His eyes soften and the corners of his lips raise ever so slightly, almost as if seeing me makes him happy. It used to back when we were friends who hadn’t done something stupid and kissed. A lot.

Silence falls over us for a few breaths before Vivien gets impatient and waves her hand, encouraging Ezra to speak. “What is this about?”

Beck slides his hand under hers and squeezes her fingers. Whatever it is, he’s bracing her for impact. Anxiety settles deeper in my chest and robs my breath. My gaze inadvertently connects with Ezra’s again. He’s already looking at me as if I’m the only one in the room, the one he’s most worried to spill the beans to.

He licks his lips. “I’ve been trying to figure out what to say to you, but nothing I practice comes out right.” He is talking to me, but Vivien is on the edge of her seat. “I joined the Army, and I leave for basic training in five days. I was—”

“You what?” Vivien asks, lurching to her feet. Beck still has ahold of her hand which is probably a good thing. My stare momentarily drifts from their clasped hands to my sister’s eyes. She’s not angry. She’s…relieved? Her entire face softens and her shoulders relax.

“I, um, I joined the Army. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you. Any of you, but I didn’t know how to explain it,” Ezra admits as he looks up at my sister.

“Ez,” she whispers and wiggles free from Beck’s grip. “Did you think we would be mad at you? Or that we wouldn’t support you?”

Ezra swallows. “Truthfully, I assumed some of you would be angry, yes. There are quite a lot of people to tell, and not everyone will take it the same way.”

Boy, isn’t that the truth. With nine siblings, two loving parents, and a few family-like friends, he’ll be explaining until he’s blue in the face. And the reality of it hits me all at once. He’s leaving. The thought of it forces a ball of steel onto my chest. A white-hot ball…with barbs.

“I mean, I’m not thrilled, but I’m proud of you.” Vivien steps forward and Ezra stands to meet her. The way he relaxes in her embrace seems to set the rest of the room at ease too. Beck’s eyes are red rimmed, presumably from holding back tears. This is monumental. It’s as big as Silas leaving for Romania, and it is likely to have the same explosive consequences with a ripple effect the whole town of Coldstone Creek will feel.

Beck runs his hands over his face and mumbles something before standing and joining the hug. Suddenly, I feel more out of place than ever in my own home. Slipping off of the sofa and disappearing into my bedroom to mope is my best bet, but the huddle hug is still happening right in front of me. When it was just Ezra and Vivien, it was bad enough, but now they’ve gone and softened up Beck and it’s plain weird now.

I manage to maneuver off the sofa without disturbing them and make it halfway down the hallway before anyone notices I’m gone. Holding back tears is more work than I can manage right now.

“Lore, wait,” Vivien says. She jogs down the hallway, meeting me in the middle. She seems mighty happy for someone whose best friend is leaving to go who knows where for who knows how long. “Are you okay?”

I shrug. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be okay?” It’s a big lie, but I can’t admit to her that Ezra leaving impacts me more than quitting my job. I have to put on a brave face, support her, pretend I’m completely fine with losing something I never had to begin with.

“Because someone we both care about just joined the Army?” Her voice raises which tells me two things—one, she hoped more would come from this visit from Ezra besides this announcement, and two, she’s faking her happiness for his benefit. She’s not happy, not excited, and not taking it as well as she’s putting on. But it’s what those two do. They fake it for each other, even when it’s hard, and that is why they work as friends. But for me, things are changing way too fast, and it’s scary.

“Are you okay?” I grasp her hand and pull her into my bedroom while the twins talk in the living room. After I shut the door, she releases the tears she held back.

“I am. Mostly. I mean, I’m trying to be strong so he doesn’t feel so awful and Beck can lean on me, but it’s shocking. I don’t want him to go, but it isn’t like he has a choice at this point, right?” She smears her mascara when wiping her tears.

I reach for her and pull her into a hug. It wasn’t long ago that Ezra Thomas was the apple of her eye, then his twin swooped in and stole her heart. That never changed the deep friendship between Vivien and Ezra though, and it breaks my heart for her.

“Are you okay?” she asks, wiggling free. “You don’t seem to care. You’re almost robotic at this point.”

I lower my gaze to the floor. “I care. Of course, I care, but what else is there to say? He’s leaving, and whatever might have been between us doesn’t stand a chance.”

“But Lore—”

“Hey, it’s all right. It’s probably better this way. He apologized and now I know why he fritzed out on me.”

She frowns and crosses her arms. “No, that doesn’t work for me. You know as well as I do that you still need to talk this out with him. At least smooth it over before he leaves.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary. We’re good.” I match her stance, ready to go toe to toe with her to avoid the very thing I was afraid of to begin with. There is no hope for Ezra and me, and that would be okay if not for one massive problem.

I want something with him.

“No, you’re not. I don’t know why you’re acting this way, but this isn’t like you. You don’t shut out people you care about. Beck and I are going to get a late dinner, and when we get back, you two better have worked this out because I can’t stand it any longer.”

I motion over my bed piled high with clothing and other necessities all set out for my trip that she insisted I take. “I have to pack but if he wants to sit around in the living room and wait for you two to return, then he’s welcome to do so.”

“Really mature, Lore.” Vivien’s grumble matches her fiancé’s, but she leaves the room and shuts the door behind her all the same. She says something to Beck and a short conversation ensues, then the front door slams shut and all is quiet.

All right. Maybe I am acting like a child, but my entire life has managed to blow up in one day. One day.

I’ve quit my job with no prospects, I have an injury that hurts like the dickens, and the only guy I’ve had any interest in since graduating high school has just up and joined the Army. I’m not okay, but I don’t know how to fix any of it. Part of it, I can’t fix.

I toss my clothing in the bag and sit on the bed. The pile of books slides into my lap, so I push it aside and pull my legs up to sit cross-legged. Graduating high school early and pushing hard through college and veterinary school kept me too busy to enjoy dating and other things most people got to do. Being driven is my legacy, I guess, but I don’t know anything else. It’s in my blood, my DNA, the whole fiber of my being. And now…I’m stuck. I have nothing to do but pack and go on a trip with some hope that I might figure out my life while hiding away in a cabin.

Alone.

The first tears slide free and land on my jeans, dotting them with little stains. I shudder a breath and wipe my cheeks, prayerfully considering what I should do. What does God want me to do?

“Lore?”

A soft knock jolts me from my prayers. I thought Ezra would have left as well, but his soft whisper at my door sends my heart into overdrive.

“Lore, can you come out? Please?”

Snatching a tissue from my bedside, I frantically wipe my cheeks before heading to the door. I don’t know what I’m going to say or do, but Vivien is probably right. We need to get this over with, smooth things over, especially since he’s leaving. I crack the door and he steps back a little, but doesn’t remove his hand from the door frame.

“Lore? Were you crying?” He brushes his fingers over my cheeks and pushes off the frame. “Come here.”

Somehow, I end up in his arms, and it feels so right my defenses fall without even a second thought. How can something so impossibly wrong feel so right? How can his arms around me feel like home, like the place I’m supposed to be, when I’ve never even considered him as more than a friend for almost a decade?

“I’m so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I’m trying to keep my head above water, and I’m drowning.” He rests his chin on the crown of my head and sighs. “I never, ever meant to hurt you, Lore.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I know.”

“I didn’t expect what happened between us that night, and then I didn’t know what to say after it did. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it or you, okay? It’s pretty much all I’ve thought about.”

I inhale even as he holds me tighter. All I can do is nod and pray that this conversation doesn’t bring me to my knees.