Falling for Ezra Thomas (Life With the Thomas Brothers #4)

21. Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Lorelai

The fact that it’s been a week and I still haven’t asked anyone’s opinion about the job offer I received from Dr. Esposito is pretty telling, at least in my book. I haven’t even written it in a letter to Ezra because I don’t want it to impact his decision in any way. Also because I’m pretty sure I don’t want the job, but I’m not sure what else to do with my life. I’ve considered going back to the cabin to think some more, but I’m too busy with the job at Sweet and Salty and Mrs. Thomas is depending on me with the recent early spring rush.

However, my shift today has been uneventful thanks to a City Council meeting that includes most of the people who frequent the bakery. With Mrs. Thomas at the meeting and Tress catering a luncheon in Filmore Valley, I’m left with Dominic and Miss Rose. After a thorough cleaning of the tables and chairs, sweeping and mopping the floors, wiping down counters, and dusting the decorations and picture frames, I’m officially bored.

And I’m not at all sad about it. This means I have time to sit and read the letter I got from Ezra on my way out this morning. I cozy up in the corner, glance out the window to ensure there aren’t any customers coming, and rip open the now familiar envelope.

Dear Lorelai,

Masterson, Olson, and I have been thinking about the suggestion to apply for Ranger school, and Olson and Masterson are all in. I wanted you to be the first to know that I am, too. I don’t know if I’ll be accepted or pass the training, but after a lot of prayer, I think it’s something I should try.

I realize that might not make everyone happy, but it’s like you said, I need to do what I think has been put in my path by God. I hope you know that it changes nothing between us. I love you, Lore. It feels nice to say that and write it to you and know it doesn’t scare you away.

Is it crazy that we fell so fast? I don’t think it is. I mean, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out more things to tell you that you don’t already know about me, and literally the only thing I can think of is that I like hot dogs. A lot. Like…probably more than anyone should. Maybe you already do know that, but again, it’s all I could think of.

Anyway, I can’t believe I’ll be home in a week, but when I get back, I would like for us to sit down and talk through everything. I want you to be comfortable with our future before anything final happens. It’s only fair, because it’s your life, too. Honestly, Lore, I’d walk away from everything for you. I don’t know when that became my reality, but it’s true. Not to pressure you. I don’t expect you to do the same, and if you decide staying in Coldstone Creek to open your own practice is what you want, I’ll understand. I’ll figure out a way to make it work. Somehow, I’ll make sure we stay together.

You’re the person who made me feel confident in this decision, though, so I have no doubts in my mind that when we meet and talk, things will work out the way they are supposed to. I’m confident God has set this up, and if He did, then nothing can undo it, right?

I swallow hard and my vision blurs. I can’t even finish the letter in this state. It isn’t that he’s decided to apply but that he loves me, that he’s willing to sacrifice this opportunity because he loves me, that’s got me emotional.

Ezra has never been a quitter, never one to not give it his all. We’re alike in that way, so I can’t fault him for doing his best and excelling to the point that others take notice and offer him a position that would put him in even more danger than I had originally prepared for.

But I love him. I love him as more than a friend, even more than a best friend. I love him as someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matter how it happened.

I do, and this time apart has only proven to me that what we started before he left was more than a little thing. It was always bound to be serious. So much so, that he’s considering his future with me, and he genuinely wants my input on one of the biggest decisions of his life.

I sniffle and reach for a napkin just in time to find Miss Rose crossing the room with a plate and a mug. She smiles when she approaches and I’m instantly put at ease.

She hands me a cinnamon roll and pulls out the chair across from me. “Why the long face, sweetheart?”

I sigh and pick at the sweet treat. “I just found out Ezra plans to apply for the Ranger school. I’m happy for him, I promise.”

“Ah, I see. And where does that leave you, love?” She squeezes my hand and offers me the grandmotherly smile she always has. I have no idea how old the woman is, but she’s always been here, always dishing out good advice, always showing love and patience for us. For everyone in Coldstone Creek, actually.

“I’m not sure.”

“You love him, yes?”

I pick a bite off the roll. How do I explain everything I feel? I thought I wanted to be a veterinarian, but now that I’ve worked hard and achieved it, I hate it. I’ve wasted valuable time and resources only to watch what I thought was my dream blow up in my face. Panic seizes me. What if that’s what this is with Ezra? A dream, and once I achieve it, I hurt him?

“Lorelai, do you love him?”

“I do, but what if it’s just like my job? I wanted to be a vet and—”

She shakes her head, silencing me. “Excuses. So many excuses with you. You want this, then you want that. You’re not sure of your path, you can’t decide. Darling, stop trying to forge your path yourself. You’ll hit roadblocks at every corner. When was the last time you asked God to guide you?”

Ouch.

“Not in a while, I suppose. Not since the cabin.” Guilt washes over me as I remember what I said. Ezra and my sister encouraged me to pray, and once again, I’ve let my own thoughts shout over God’s voice for me.

“And when you spent time at the cabin alone, how did you feel?”

I chuckle. “At peace, actually. For the first time in a long time, I could take a breath. Relax and exist in a moment without stressing about what came next. Unfortunately, I can’t just hole up in a cabin in the mountains forever.”

“Sometimes we need a reset. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’d encourage you to prayerfully consider what it means that there will be many times you will be separated from Ezra, and explore how deep your love for him goes. If it’s lasting, find a way to make it work. Love has so many sweet and easy moments, but often it takes work. You have to choose to work through the rough parts, lean on God, and plow through. If you can’t lean on God to help you choose your career path, then how can you do it to work through a marriage that is constantly put to the test?”

“What are you saying? Should I not marry him if he asks? Or sit around and wait for months between seeing him?” My fingers are sticky from macerating a cinnamon roll, but the very thought of not having him in my life for the long term makes a knot of anxiety form in my chest.

“Who says you can’t go with him?”

“Go with him? To where?”

“Wherever he’s stationed once he finishes school. It isn’t as if he’ll be in a war zone twenty-four seven. He’ll have a duty station, and I assume after love comes marriage, and after marriage comes living with one another.”

Well, yes. That seems to be Ezra’s plan considering what he said in the letter and what we discussed over the phone. “We’ve been dating for a little more than ten weeks, and even then it’s only been through letters. I’m so confused by all of this, but yes, I do love him.”

Rose laughs again. “Honey, I could spend all day telling you how it was back in the olden days, but I won’t bore you. Don’t put time restrictions on God’s plan. He made time. Let Him set the schedule. You just tell that boy how much you love him, and he’ll take care of the rest. Let him be a man willing to protect and provide for his future wife. Trust me.”

Rose stands to help a customer entering the shop, leaving me with a lot to think about.

But one thought screams loudly in my mind, drowning out all my insecurities. The thought of not being with Ezra scares me more than moving to be with him, waiting for him when he’s deployed, wherever it might be.

I want him more than I want my own clinic. More than I want to be a doctor. More than anything. And I think that’s my answer.

When he comes home, I’ll tell him that I’m hopelessly in love with him, I want to be his wife, and I’ll go with him wherever he goes. Even if it is far away. Even if it means leaping into faith with my hands over my eyes, blind and clueless.

Trust God…and all that it entails.

I breathe a sigh of relief then remember that I still don’t have a job outside of working at Sweet and Salty, which worries me a lot less now, but I still might need to do something for work even if I do follow Ezra all around the world. While I ponder, I doodle another little bumblebee and it hits me…hard.

I’ve never been more relaxed than I was when I was at the cabin. Reading, doodling bees, enjoying homemaking. I look at my little bee and my thoughts swarm even more until I can’t contain my excitement.

“Oh, my gosh,” I whisper and pull my phone from my pocket. The first person I dial is Emma, Lev’s girlfriend, who is a literature major with dreams of writing her own books one day. As it’s ringing, I add Luna for a three-way call.

“Hello?” Emma says just as Luna chimes in.

“Hey, it’s Lorelai. I’ve got you on a three-way call because I have a crazy idea, and I wonder if you two might want in on it.”

“I’m listening,” Luna says.

“What if we design and write a series of children’s books together? The three of us?” I ask, knowing it’s an insane, off the wall, out of nowhere idea. It’s nothing like veterinary medicine. Except…it sort of will be. “I was thinking about a series about a little girl who wants to grow up to be a veterinarian, and she…”

As I pitch the idea to my friends, my heart lightens. Maybe all I can draw are bumblebees, and maybe I can’t write a book worth a lick, but I’ve got ideas. With Emma and Luna, I’m positive we can do this.

“I’m in,” Emma says. “I love it. It will be absolutely adorable.”

“Me too. And if your bumblebees are any indication, I think you’ll be drawing other animals in no time,” Luna adds.

By the time our conversation ends and the late afternoon guests start lining up at the counter, I have a pretty good idea what I want for my life. I want to be an author and illustrator of children’s books about little girls who have big dreams.

And I want to be Ezra Thomas’ wife.