Falling for Ezra Thomas (Life With the Thomas Brothers #4)

20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Ezra

It took a week for us to earn back our phone privilege, and that’s only because Olson threatened to stuff Buckler in a box and mail him back to his mama if he didn’t shut his yapper. I started the day with a list of people to call, beginning with Lorelai. Anxiety builds in my chest as I dial her number, wondering if she received my letter and how she feels about it.

“Hello?” she answers, and the sweet sound of her voice catches me off guard. My heart swells so much my throat constricts, and I can’t speak. “Hello? Ezra?”

“Hey, Lore,” I whisper, so happy to finally get to speak to her.

“Ez,” she says, her voice wavering. “I’m so glad you got to call. How are you?”

“Tired, mostly, and I miss home. I miss you,” I admit before diving into what I need to discuss with her. I hate that I have to cut the pleasantries, but I only have so much time. “So, did you get my last letter? The one about applying for…” I fade, unsure how to finish the sentence since it’s possible she didn’t get the letter yet.

She inhales and slowly sighs. “I did, and I let everyone know like you asked.”

I can’t swallow or speak so silence fills the line again. After a moment, she says, “Ezra, you need to do what’s right for you in this instance. Everyone agrees and will support you if you decide to apply.”

“And what about you?” I ask. There is no doubt in my mind right now that Lorelai is the deciding factor for me. If I don’t have her support and encouragement, then I don’t want to do it. I’d rather have her than the job—assuming I’d even be chosen and make it through training.

“At first, I admit it scared me. It still sort of does, but yes, I support you too. If it’s what you think you need to do, I’m with you all the way.”

With me…those two words can mean so many things. Is she with me in spirit? In mere agreement? Or with me as in she’ll be by my side through it, no matter where it might take us?

“I mean, you know it means I can be sent anywhere. We might not see each other for months at a time, and it’s not an easy life for—” I cut myself off mid-sentence. It’s not an easy life for…a spouse. I stop so bluntly, I almost choke on my own spit, not because I don’t want to think about marrying Lorelai, but because it’s literally all I’ve thought about since the offer. I don’t want to do this if it means losing her. Missing the opportunity pales in comparison, and after a lengthy discussion with Jacob, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be disappointed or hold it against her if she didn’t want me to do it.

I’m not afraid of any of that.

But I am terrified that I’ve been the only one thinking about it. All joking aside, she was completely right when she said we Thomas boys have a way of deciding what we want and going into full-on go mode to get it. Falling in love shouldn’t be one of the things I rush, but I can’t help it. I love her. I want her. But saying so is more daunting a task than Beck, Lev, and Silas make it seem.

“Ez?” she whispers when I say nothing more. “Are you okay? Do you need to talk it out to help you decide?”

“Yeah,” I croak. “I think so.”

“Okay, so it’s not something you expected when you joined the Army, but it’s a great opportunity. Yes, it’s more likely for you to be in dangerous situations, but honestly, Ez, it’s the Army. You didn’t join to sit behind a desk, right?”

“Well…no,” I admit.

“And even though it’s difficult for them to think about, your parents and brothers do support you. Even Beck, and yes, even Vivien. It’s hard work, but you’re driven and I know you can do it. However, it’s also okay if you think it’s not for you. I don’t want you to worry that you’re making any mistakes. We’re all grateful that you told us first this time, and that’s all anyone wanted from the beginning.”

I sigh and squeeze my eyes shut. “Lore, I…I think the biggest thing holding me back from making a decision is what will happen between us.”

“I told you, I’m with you whatever you decide.”

“Right but there’s a difference between being with me as a friend and with me as…my future.” I clench my jaw and prepare for her response. I know she knows what I mean. She knows me. More than anything, she knows how big this decision is, since she’s going through some of her own turmoil where career decisions are considered.

“Ezra, I mean I’m with you. I’m in this no matter what you do or where you go. I’m thinking about our future, too.”

Her voice still wavers. She’s afraid, but not in a bad way. It’s like me. Worried she’ll say the wrong thing, say too much, admit too much. The overwhelming urge to protect her heart, to make her feel safe and secure, to tell her that I love her takes my whole body. More than anything, I wish she were here for me to hold her.

“Lorelai, I love you. I love you in ways that mean I’m not taking a position if it causes me to lose you, and if I do take it, then it’s because you’ll be with me as my wife. I’m not trying to put pressure on you at all. That’s not what this is. If you’re not ready to look at our future in terms of such a deep commitment, then that’s fine. We go slow. Super slow, and we build something over more time, but you are more important to me and my future than the idea of being a Ranger, okay?”

“Ezra, I don’t want to hold you back from something you want.”

“I want you, and I don’t care if it means I have to wait weeks or months or years. All I want is you and whatever future we decide we want together.”

The silence that falls between us is almost deafening, but her soft breaths grow deeper until she finally blows out a deep breath. “I love you, too. You have me no matter what you choose, and yes I know what that means. I want you for a lifetime, even if it is hard and even if it is with a lot of time spent apart. I want you to decide about the offer on your own, knowing you have me no matter what the decision is.”

And just like that, the weight of the whole world lifts from my shoulders, and I know what I want.

I can’t explain why, but asking Vivien if I can marry her sister feels more intimidating than asking her father…which I have already done and received more than a blessing. I’m not even asking permission from Viv, I’m just discussing it with her before I do something that will alter more lives than just Lorelai’s and mine. After all, this is as fast and spontaneous as Viv and Beck’s engagement, and it’s probably not a good habit to start.

The phone rings for the third time, spiking my nerves. If I don’t get through, it’s wasted time I won’t get back to call someone else.

“Hello?” Vivien finally answers. “Ezra?”

“Yeah, it’s me. How are you Viv?” I breathe a sigh of relief that I finally reached her.

“What’s wrong? Don’t say nothing because you don’t want to upset me. I know you, Ez, and I know something is up. Are you okay?” Vivien still reads me like a book, but I’m afraid this time she’s under the assumption I’m upset, when I’m actually panicking on the inside. And maybe a little on the outside.

“Nothing is wrong, but I do want to ask you something. Well, more like beg a favor?”

Silence fills the void for a moment before she says, “Okay. What’s the favor?”

“I talked to your parents already, but I wanted to talk to you about something too. It’s about Lorelai, and I wanted to know—”

“Yes,” she squeals. “Yes, yes, yes, and what do you need me to do?”

“I haven’t even told you what—”

“I’m not stupid. I know you. I know her. I know everything about you both, and I’m completely on board for this.”

“This what? Are you sure you know what I’m talking about?” I have a good feeling she does, but I need to be super clear before there’s a misunderstanding that could lead to hard feelings or stupid mistakes. After all, there’s a good chance if I pass the Ranger application and training, I might be taking her sister far, far away from her.

“Getting a pet hamster. What do you think, doofus? I mean marrying my sister.”

I can hear her rolling her eyes over the phone, and it makes me chuckle. “Okay, fine, you got me. Are you okay with that?”

“Is my father okay with it?”

“Yeah,” I say and try not to bounce my foot too much to stave off the nervous energy building in my chest.

“Then yes, so am I. What kind of hypocrite would I be if I said no?” she asks.

I sigh. “Listen, you wouldn’t be a hypocrite. Beck and I are different despite being twins, just like you and Lore are different. Just because you two work well and I’m totally supportive of you getting married, does not mean you suddenly have to reciprocate. I want you to say yes because you believe that Lore and I will live a long and happy life together, not because you feel obligated.”

The only thing I hear for a while is Vivien’s soft breathing, so I wait while she works through it all. Eventually, she matches my sigh. “Ez, I support you and my sister because I have thought about it a lot over the last few weeks, even more in the last few days since you wrote about the Ranger application. You complement each other well, and I do think you can have a happy life together. Beck and I worked so fast because we have a lot of history. So do you and Lore, and if you’re willing to put as much energy into a life with her as you do your friendship with me, then I trust you with her heart.”

I inhale and try to steady myself, but that’s hard since I’m one step closer to the ultimate test…asking Lorelai. “Thank you, Viv. I know things have been a little crazy since before Christmas, but I promise you that I’ll do everything I can to be the best husband for her.”

“I know you will. I trust you, Ez, with everything. Also, Beck says congratulations.” She laughs and there’s shuffling in the background for a moment before she says, “And your dog heard your voice and tried to kill me to get to the phone. Say hi to Samson and Judah.”

She must hold the phone to the dogs, because the next thing I hear is sniffing. “Hello, boys,” I say and one of them immediately barks in my ear.

“Oh, sorry. I think that made it worse,” she says. “Beck’s taking them outside.”

I swallow the lump in my throat because there’s so much I’m missing back home. Still, I know that I’m so close to achieving what I set out to do. Soon, I’ll see everyone again.

“I still have a favor to ask. Can you and Beck go ring shopping for me? I can’t really do it from here.”

“That’s a silly question. Of course, I can. I have to go pick up our wedding bands in a few days, so I’ll drag her with me. Surely, I can trick her into telling me what she likes. What’s the budget?”

“Uh…don’t put me into bankruptcy? I don’t know. Beck has access to my bank account to pay bills while I’m gone. Tell him I trust him to be reasonable.”

Vivien cackles and I have to agree with her. What was I thinking? “Scratch that. You check the account and be reasonable. Something special, but not ostentatious. You know Lorelai.”

“Got it. Simple, elegant, don’t break the bank. I’ve got it under control. And Ez?”

“Hmm?” I hum, my mind already lost in the confusion of this process.

“I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’m really glad you’re going to be my brother-in-law.”

“Uh, hate to burst your bubble, but I was already going to be your brother-in-law, Vivasaurus.”

“Oh shush. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m nervous,” I admit.

“Don’t be. I know it’s different going from being friends to being married, but you and Lore have got this. You’re kind of perfect for each other, actually. I think my mother was right about everything.”

“What?” I ask, chuckling.

“Nothing. I guess Mom and Dad had bets on who we’d end up with, and she was right about both. Anyway, you have my blessing and I’ll help any way I can. Just…be safe and try not to get any more special ops opportunities thrown at you. I’m not sure I can handle any more.”

I laugh, pretty sure I’m not getting in any deeper, and agree. “I promise. Love you, Vivasaurus. And tell that other Thomas I love him too. I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks.”

“Love you too, Ez.”

After I hang up, I practically fall over with excitement and relief. Masterson leans against the wall, grinning ear to ear.

“Congrats, Thomas,” he says. “Now you just have to ask her. Officially, I mean.”

“Yeah. Just one more hurdle, but I’m definitely not doing that by letter.”

He laughs and flicks my cover from my head. “Probably a good plan. Let’s go see if we can get some cookies while everyone else is busy. I only have a few left.”

Masterson and I head back to our barracks in silence, but there’s a sort of understanding between us. We’re going to do this. Try, at least. But no matter what happens, we’re lifelong friends.