Festive Hearts And Kisses (Hope Valley Christmas 2)

8. Jerry

JERRY

“So ... how’s it going with Reed?” Sean asks, relaxing back in his seat like he’s settling in for a long chat.

We’re in the pub for our usual after work meet up—when our shifts align—and while it’s normal for us to fill each other in on how our week’s been, Reed’s lived with me for all of five nights, so I’m not exactly sure what he’s hoping for.

Yeah, right. Because nothing’s happened since he arrived.

My subconscious can fuck off because nothing has happened, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t spent every night imagining what it would be like.

My heart rate kicks up as I think about how close we stood in the hall his first night here—the look in his eyes told me he’d come willingly if I reached out and tugged him to me. Thank god, I’ve been in work early every day this week, because the sleep-rumpled version of Reed I was treated to on Sunday morning was no fucking better.

I run a hand over my face, forcing the images from my head, and mutter, “It’s going fine.”

Sean laughs, of course he does, because he knows me better than anyone else and can read me like a book. “That good, eh?” He leans forward and sets his glass on the table. “I take it that’s not because Reed is a shitty housemate?”

I roll my eyes at that. “You know it’s not.”

He meets my gaze but doesn’t comment, waiting me out. And fuck, if I can’t talk to Sean about it all, who can I talk to? But... “I’m not sure I feel right talking about this when you’re Reed’s friend too.”

He reaches over the table and catches hold of my hand, eyes fierce. “Fuck off with that. We’ve been best mates for years. We tell each other everything.” His expression softens and he sighs. “You know whatever you tell me won’t go any further. I won’t even tell Vic if you don’t want me to, and I definitely won’t be breathing a word of it to Reed.”

“I know all that, but . . .”

“But what?”

I shrug, not exactly sure how to put it into words. “I guess I don’t want anything I say to alter your opinion of Reed.”

His eyes widen, curiosity evident. “Now you definitely have to tell me. And of course it won’t,” he adds quickly when I glare at him. “I can be both of your friends and still be here for you to vent to.” He motions with his hands for me to start talking. “Spill.”

I hesitate, still unsure if this is breaking some sort of code, but fuck it, I need to talk to someone and there’s no one I trust more than Sean. So I tell him everything.

About our almost kisses.

About how the tension between us gets so thick sometimes, it’s like I can’t breathe.

About how I can’t help but imagine what it would be like to do more than kiss.

I hold out my hands. “It’s not even been a week yet. How am I supposed to get through the next few months without begging him to change his mind?”

Sean’s brow furrows. It’s his thinking face. Oh wait, no, it’s his Jerry, you are a fucking idiot face.

I groan. “Spit it out. I know you’re dying to tell me I’ve fucked up somehow.”

“No, but I am curious as to why you can’t just fuck each other?”

It’s my turn to frown. “Did you not listen to everything I said about ten minutes ago?”

“I did.”

“Then you heard me say that we both decided it’d be a bad idea to hook up while Reed’s living with me.” I give him my incredulous duh! look.

He waves me away like what I’ve said doesn’t count. “You’re allowed to change your minds, though.” He holds a finger up when I open my mouth. “Nope. Not finished.”

I sigh but gesture for him to carry on.

“You made that decision before you were in each other’s space all the time. I’m guessing the attraction between you isn’t one-sided?”

“No.” I’d have to be blind to miss the heated way Reed looks at me sometimes. I don’t think he notices half the time, because he doesn’t try and hide it.

“Well, maybe you both underestimated how hard it would be.” He sniggers like a twelve-year-old, and I’m clearly no better because I grin back at him and mutter, “So hard.” Christ we’re as bad as Pete.

“My point is, just because you decided to keep your dicks to yourselves doesn’t mean you have to stick to it. Nothing will happen if you decide that actually, you wouldn’t mind fucking Reed over the back of your sofa.”

He delivers that line as I’m swallowing a mouthful of beer, and I promptly choke, coughing up a storm until I’m red-faced. I point a finger at him. “You fucker.”

“Sorry.” He’s not. “But my point stands. You’re both adults. There’s literally no one stopping you from being together. Except the two of you.”

He makes it sound so simple.

But it can’t be, can it?

“What if it’s awkward afterwards? Reed’s only just moved in. I don’t want him to have to look for somewhere new if we can’t stand to be around each other. And that’s if he wants to go there with me. For all I know, he’s perfectly happy with things the way they are.”

Sean nods. “All valid concerns.” He rests his elbows on the table and lowers his voice as a group of people sit at the table next to us. “But Jerry, you are one of the nicest, laid-back people I know. I can’t imagine a scenario where you would ever make Reed feel awkward if you slept together. If he doesn’t want to, then fine, you’re going to have to find a way to deal with your attraction. But if he’s struggling with this the way you are, then as long as you’re both up front about what it is between you, then I don’t see a problem. Honesty and communication. Those are key to a friends-with-benefits situation.”

That raises my eyebrows. “Isn’t that what you and Vic were supposed to be?” And look how that turned out.

“Yep. But when our feelings changed, we talked about it. And...” He spreads his hands out in a ta-da gesture. “Talk to him, Jer. It’s the only way to clear the air and know where you both stand. Because by the sounds of it, it’s already a little awkward.”

He’s not wrong.

“But what if I bring it up and Reed wants to stay friends?”

“Then you have your answer. And if you do it right, you can then both move on with no hard feelings and clear boundaries. But if he does fancy more of a friends-with-benefits arrangement...”

He lets it hang there, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted. Like I’ve said many times, I like Reed. A lot. But therein lies the problem. I’m pretty sure if I go that route, I’m going to end up like Sean—wanting more. And I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing on Reed’s mind.

Fuck. I run a hand through my hair, feeling more than a little conflicted. It’s a lot to think about and I need time.

Sean’s foot knocks against mine under the table. “Enough about you, though. Let me tell you about the idiots I’ve had to deal with this week.” He talks animatedly as he describes his work week as a National Park Ranger, making me laugh and sympathise in equal measure. It’s exactly what I need to get me out of my head, and I could kiss him for it. I settle for giving him a tight hug when we stand to leave an hour or so later.

Walking towards the door, he nudges me. “How come you didn’t bring Reed with you tonight?”

“He’s staying overnight in Sheffield.”

“Oh yeah, he did tell me. Night out with his new team.”

I nod, smiling when I remember how he was both excited and a little nervous about it. “I like the sound of his new boss. This’ll be a good way for Reed to get to know everyone quicker. Especially since he won’t be in the office all that much.”

Sean snorts. “Ooh you have got it bad. Daddy Cooper.”

“Oh, fuck right off!” I shove him, smirking as he stumbles and curses. “Do not start with that.” I glare at him for good measure. The last thing I need is that nickname sticking. “We’re almost the same age, so it makes no fucking sense anyway.”

Sean taps his temple and grins. “Ahh, but he doesn’t have the old silver-fox thing going for him.”

“Shut up.” His grin is infectious though, and I can’t help but join him. We get outside and the sight of the huge Christmas tree reminds me of something. “I’m getting my tree on Saturday. Pete suggested I bring Reed with me. Can’t decide if that’s a good idea or not.”

We’ve reached my car by this point and Sean hums. “Pete suggested it, did he?”

I frown. “We saw him in the pub last weekend.”

He just stares back at me until it clicks.

“No. He can fuck off.” I love Pete, but he’s the biggest flirt I know, and there’s no way I can sit and watch that happen.

Sean laughs. “Better have that talk soon then.”

I grumble in response, making him laugh more. Then he gives me another hug and heads off to his own car. The whole drive home I run his words over and over in my head. I’m tempted to talk to Reed, like Sean suggests, but what if I scare him off?

I’m used to living on my own, but I can’t deny how nice it’s been to have someone already in the house when I get home. Apart from Jen and Kyla. Not that I thought I’d struggle with sharing my space, but I worried it might take a while to adjust.

As it is, living with Reed is easy. We’ve slipped into a routine like we’ve been doing it for months, and the disappointment is real when I pull onto my drive now and see the house in darkness. Which is ridiculous, considering I already knew he wasn’t going to be there.

It’s made worse by the fact most of the houses on my street have their outside Christmas decorations up. Twinkling fairy lights illuminate roofs, windows, trees, and bushes, and I’m smiling until I look at my own house again.

Dark, dull, boring.

Right.

That’s getting sorted this weekend.

Right after I pick up my Christmas tree from Pete. My lip curls in an almost snarl, which is ridiculous. I like Pete.

But do I still want to take Reed with me when I pick up my tree?

I’ve already asked him, though. Can’t very well turn around and say he can’t come without looking like a twat.

Besides, maybe Reed likes Pete’s flirting. It might make my teeth itch, but that’s my problem, not his.

I’m still sat in my car when I spot two faces at the living room window.

Both probably wondering why I’m still in my car and not inside feeding them. Jen barks as if to hurry me along, and it’s enough to snap me out of whatever this mood is.

It’ll all work out.

We’ll go get the tree, Pete will flirt, what happens after that is none of my business.

It’ll be fine.

“Jerry, Reed!” Pete booms as he looks up and sees us walking towards his makeshift office at the Christmas tree farm. It’s more like a massive shed, but it serves its purpose.

“Pete.”

His gaze sweeps over Reed, more appreciative than I’d like, but then I focus on the hat Reed’s wearing—the one I gave him—and a little smugness creeps in.

“Hey.” Reed smiles at him. “This place is massive.”

Pete beams. “Bigger than you were expecting?”

Is there innuendo in that question? I narrow my eyes, and Pete catches me. His knowing smirk says I’m not subtle and he’s on to me. Thankfully Reed is oblivious to my sudden caveman-like tendencies, and since I want it to stay that way, I force myself to behave.

“Definitely.” Reed is busy looking around, taking it all in.

And I have to grudgingly admit, it is a big place full of every tree you could ever want. Cut your own or ready cut. Tall, short, no-drop trees, and several types of stands to put them in. There’s also a display of wreaths that catches my eye. We’ll definitely be looking at those later.

“Cutting your own or?—”

“Nope.” I stop him, because no way am I faffing about with a fucking hand saw when someone else has already gone to the trouble of doing it for me. I’m about to ask where the trees he mentioned at the weekend are when Reed’s smile widens, as do his eyes.

“You can cut your own Christmas trees down?”

Pete’s delighted grin is huge and his gaze lands on me before switching to Reed. “Yeah. Would you like to have a go?”

Reed automatically looks to me, and I obviously don’t school my expression quickly enough because his face falls and he shoves his hands in his pockets. “Nah, that’s okay.”

Fuck. Now I feel like an arse.

I turn to Pete and give him the full force of my glare, but that only makes him grin wider. Then his gaze flicks back to Reed, and yeah, I’m not encouraging that either. “Pass me that fucking saw.”

He has the nerve to laugh.

“I thought you didn’t want to do that?” Reed’s eyes narrow.

“Only because it’s cold and I know you’re not used to it.” I smirk, and as predicted, Reed rolls his eyes, but his smile is back when Pete hands me the saw. “Cut-your-own trees are through there.” He points, like I haven’t been coming here for the last god knows how many years. “Just shout if you need a hand.” He directs that at Reed with a flirty wink, and I scowl at him behind Reed back, because I’m pretty sure he’s doing that shit on purpose.

“We’ll be fine,” I mutter and steer Reed away. I can hear Pete’s laughter all the way to the start of the trees.

Of which there are loads.

It’s not the first time I’ve cut my own, but it’s been a few years. I just hope I don’t make a tit of myself.

“What sort of size are you after?” Reed asks, and I snort—can’t help it. A dozen dirty remarks on the tip of my tongue.

“Um . . .”

“And what sort of thickness?”

Christ. I remember Sean coming here with Vic last year, before they got together. There’s no wonder they were fucking soon after. He should’ve warned me. I stop and turn to face Reed, unable to hide the big smile I’m sporting.

He stares at me, and I see the minute it clicks, and his cheeks flame, but there’s a sparkle in his eyes too and a slow smirk appears. “Mind out of the gutter, Cooper.”

There’s a rough edge to his voice and it hits me deep in my belly. Sean’s words from earlier in the week pop into my head, and I have to swallow down the urge to just blurt it all out right here. But it’s really not the time or place for that conversation.

“About so high.” I lift my hand to my eye line. “The tree,” I add, like an idiot.

It’s Reed’s turn to smile, and our gazes catch for one long drawn-out second before he turns and points a couple of rows back. “I think we need to start looking over there, then.” He starts off in that direction, but I need a moment before following.

I want him.

That’s the only thought running through my head.

I want to kiss him.

I want to reach for his hand and tug him back, maybe slide our fingers together as we take our time choosing a Christmas tree to put in our house. I mean my house.

Huh.

Apparently, Christmas really does turn me into an old romantic. I let that thought sit for a second and come to the realisation that I’m absolutely okay with that. But maybe it’s something I should probably keep to myself for now.

In the time it’s taken for me to get lost in my head to thoughts of Reed and I together, he’s reached a row of trees about the height I suggested and is waiting patiently, if shivering a little.

I tsk as I come to a stop beside him. “You need to get a warmer coat.”

He rolls his eyes. “Yes, Dad.”

Oh god. It reminds me way too much of Sean’s teasing, and I mentally curse him for putting that thought in my head. I clear my throat, but my voice is still rough when I speak. “I’ve got a spare back at the house you can borrow if you want?” I should have thought of that before we came out.

Reed’s gaze flicks to mine and holds. “Thank you.” He sounds as gravelly as I did, and hope flares to life inside me. Maybe he does feel the same?

Tree now, though. Talking later.

“Right, let’s hurry this up before you freeze.” It takes great effort on my part not to tug him into my side. I’m not that much taller than him, but I’m broader across the shoulders, and he’d fit nicely tucked against me. He’d be warmer too, but I can’t pass that off as just being friendly. So I keep my free hand in my pockets and start walking.

“You can’t rush picking a tree,” Reed pipes up as he falls into step beside me. “It’ll cost enough, so you might as well take your time and get the best one.”

“That’s true.” He’s not wrong, although Pete always gives us locals a discount. I like the rustic look, though. A tree isn’t going to be a uniform shape all over, so I never spend too much time searching for one. There’s a certain charm to a tree that’s not perfect.

We walk in between the trees, giving them all an initial once-over while I ask Reed about his first week at work.

“Yeah, it was good,” he says, walking all the way around the tree we’ve stopped in front of. “I already knew my boss, but it’s been good meeting the rest of the team. They seem like a great bunch.” His breath is visible as he speaks, and it’s a reminder to hurry up.

I don’t care what he says, that coat can’t be doing much to keep him warm.

“What about this one?” He glances up and catches me staring at him rather than the tree.

“Um...” I can blame my flushed cheeks on the cold, right? The tree in question is about my height, maybe an inch or two shorter. It’s not symmetrical, but it’s not far off. The branches are full and nicely spaced, and the ones near the top kind of curl up at the edges, giving it a bit of character. “I like it.”

He narrows his eyes. “Are you just saying that so we’ll be done quicker?”

I laugh, because he’s spot on. “That thought might have crossed my mind, but I actually do like this one.” I walk around it in an attempt to convince him, because he still seems sceptical. “Perfect height, nice width. Not too bushy. And,” I add, pointing to the top, “I like the way those branches curl in. Makes it a bit different.”

Reed’s eyes light up and he smiles. “Same! That’s what I noticed first.” He’s so enthusiastic as he grabs my hand and tugs me back a few paces so we can get a better view.

He doesn’t let go, fingers still wrapped tightly around mine. “It’s lovely, isn’t it?”

Yes.

I know he doesn’t mean us holding hands, but Reed’s grip is firm and sure, and it’s been a long time since I’ve done this with anyone. Warmth fills me, and it’s not until Reed whispers, “Jerry?” That I realise I’m rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand.

He still doesn’t let go, and neither do I.

I set the saw on the ground and turn to face him. His nose is pink, cheeks too, but his eyes are the brightest blue as they stare back at me full of questions.

I’m not sure the answers I have are what he’s looking for, but there’s only one way to find out. I wet my bottom lip, uncharacteristically nervous. When Reed’s gaze dips to my mouth, I think fuck it . “I want to kiss you.” My heart stutters as I watch the words sink in, see the mix of emotions play across his face—surprise, delight, and if I’m not mistaken hunger .

After what seems like an eternity, he steps closer. “I want that too.” Before I’ve processed that sentence, he adds, “But we said it was a bad idea.”

“I know we did.” Somewhere inside my head the sensible part of me is desperately trying to backtrack and get out of this conversation, but it’s easy enough to ignore with Reed so close and looking at me like I’m the most delicious temptation. “I didn’t realise how hard it would be to stick to that.”

His lips curve as he says, “I’ve only been here a week.”

“I know.”

Voices drift across the field, I know we’re not alone out here, but with Reed’s gaze locked on mine it sure feels that way.

He sighs. “What are we doing, Jerry?”

My breath hitches, we’re so close now it’s killing me not to wrap my arms around him, but once again Sean’s words come back to me.

Communication is key.

“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “But maybe we could talk about it when we get back home?”

His eyes are closed, making it hard to tell what he’s thinking, and I hold my breath waiting for his reply.

It seems like years pass before he sucks in a breath that sounds full of purpose and lifts his head to look at me. “Yeah.” It’s only one tiny word, but it has the power to send my pulse racing with everything it promises. “But there’s something I want to do first, and I don’t think I can wait until we get back to do it.”

Oh god, please, please, please be what I think it is.

I’m so full of nervous excitement, I’m surprised I can get the words out to say, “And what’s that?”

“I’d like that kiss you promised me.”

“Fuck, yes !” I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but Reed’s sudden smile is so breathtaking that I’m glad it slipped out.

He reaches up to cradle my jaw in his hands, his fucking cold hands, but they could be blocks of ice for all I care because his lips are soft and warm as he leans in and kisses me.

This is the third kiss we’ve shared, but unlike the first two, I think—hope—that this is going to lead to something more. Not a relationship, because I still don’t think Reed is in a position to want or offer that right now. He’s had a lot of upheaval already in his life and no way do I want to add to it. But a little fun with someone he trusts? That I can do.

I want to do it.

Can I keep my feelings out of it? No. But then I don’t want to. I like sex more when feelings are involved, but I will need to manage my expectations.

Reed tilts his head, deepening our kiss, and that’s enough of a reminder to get out of my head before I give him the impression I’m not enjoying this, because I am. I finally wrap my arms around him and pull him close, trying to keep in mind that we’re in a public place.

I tease his tongue with mine. The quiet groan it pulls from him has me regretfully drawing back when it’s the last thing I want to do. I close my eyes as I catch my breath.

“Why did you stop?” he whispers, still cradling my jaw. His thumbs stroke the stubble along my cheeks, and I open my eyes to find him watching me.

“Because it would be so easy to get caught up kissing you, and I’m not sure I’d remember that we’re not alone. Pretty sure neither of us wants to be arrested for lewd behaviour.”

He grins. “Lewd behaviour? It sounds so dirty when you say it like that.”

I give him a pointed look, raised eyebrows and all, because duh . I guess I should expect the eye roll I get in return, but his grin never wavers.

“Promise me we’ll get up to some lewd behaviour when we get home.”

I love hearing him call my house home . It sends a little thrill through me. I know it’s only short term, but there’s no law that says I can’t enjoy it for now. “I promise,” I say quickly when I realise I haven’t answered. It’s the easiest promise I’ve ever made.

Choosing the tree we’re stood in front of is just as easy, but I’ll tell you what isn’t fucking easy and that’s cutting the thing down.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see several other people cutting down their own trees without any trouble. But either this fucker has the thickest trunk ever for a Christmas tree, or I am in fact useless with a hand saw.

I glance at Reed to see him with a hand over his mouth as he watches. “Are you laughing at me?”

He shakes his head but doesn’t move his hand, so that’s a yes. I narrow my eyes. “Do you want to have a go?”

This time he manages to speak, but he’s smiling around the words. “Nope. I’m enjoying watching you do it.”

I huff. “It’s harder than it looks.”

“I hope that’s not what you’ll be saying later.”

My mouth drops open and that is the thing that sets him off laughing. It’s loud and full of delight, and I’m pretty sure we’re now the focus of at least six pairs of eyes. One of which is unfortunately Pete.

For fuck’s sake.

To his credit, he doesn’t take the piss when he sees me struggling. Maybe it’s because we have a sort of audience and this is his place of work, but his smile is easy as he walks up to us.

“Need a hand?” He gestures to where I’ve barely made it a third of the way through. “It can take a few goes to get the hang of it.”

I could be an arse and insist on finishing it myself, but I’m not too proud to ask for help when I so clearly need it. Besides, it’s cold, and Pete can no doubt cut this tree down in a fraction of the time it would take me and make a far better job of it.

I’d much rather be on my way home with Reed than stuck out here because I didn’t want to look like I don’t know what I’m doing.

That ship sailed about ten minutes ago.

Admitting defeat, I stand and hold the saw out to Pete. He takes it with a chuckle and has the thing done and dusted by the time I’ve stood up and joined Reed.

“Wow,” Reed murmurs. “So that’s how you do it.”

“Shut up.” I elbow him in the side, and he laughs.

Pete stands and hands the saw to Reed. “You carry that back, and me and Jerry’ll bring the tree.”

“We can manage it between us, if you need to get back,” I offer when I catch Pete giving Reed an appreciative glance when he’s not looking.

Pete has a mischievous glint to his eyes as he turns back to me, totally unfazed that I caught him. “I don’t.”

“Wonderful, thank you.” I get the prickly top of the tree while Pete—with his thick work gloves—takes the bottom, and between us, we carry it back to the wrapping station.

While Reed stays in line with the tree, Pete ushers me back to the makeshift office so I can pay for it. “So,” he says when we’re almost there. “You and Reed?”

“What about us?”

He holds his hands up, and maybe I was a little sharper than I intended. “I was just testing the waters. It’s not often we get newcomers to the village that look like him.”

That’s true. And while I appreciate him asking me, it’s not my place to say whether he can or can’t ask Reed out if he wants to. I don’t have that right. The only thing I can do is be honest with him. “I like Reed,” I say, glancing over to make sure he’s not coming our way. “And I’m hoping we might be about to start something between us, but I can’t speak for him, Pete. I can’t and would never presume to tell either of you what to do.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything further and I have to bite my tongue not to do exactly what I just said I wouldn’t.

We walk the rest of the way in silence, and Pete slips behind the counter to get the card machine.

“Can you take for a stand as well,” I ask as I hand him my card. “I managed to break mine last year when I took the tree down. Oh, and one of those wreaths too. Please.”

“No problem.” He rings it up and then disappears to presumably get everything. When he returns, he’s carrying a brand-new stand and a white plastic bag.

“Wreath’s in there.” He nods to the bag as he passes it over. His lips twitch, but before I can ask him about it, Reed appears at my side.

“All done?” He looks between me and Pete. “Ooh what have you bought?” He leans forward to look in the bag, but Pete thrusts the stand at him.

“It’s just a wreath. And this is Jerry’s new stand.”

Reed has no choice but to take the stand and give up on getting a peek at my new wreath. “Trees already at the car.”

Oh, that was quick.

He’s looking at me with intent, blue eyes the colour of stormy seas as he waits for me to get whatever message he’s obviously trying to send.

Ooh .

“Thanks for your help, Pete.”

“My pleasure.”

I give him a nod and reach for Reed’s hand without registering what I’m doing.

His fingers curl around mine, making me smile, and I catch Pete’s wistful sigh as he watches us.

“Bye.” Reed smiles at him. “Maybe we’ll see you in the pub again soon.”

Pete beams back at him. “I’ll look forward to it.”

I don’t even care, because I’m still stuck on the we part of that sentence. My smile rivals Pete’s as we walk back to the car and drop the back seats down to fit the tree in.

I don’t remember when I last felt this happy with life.

I’m struck by a different emotion all together as we get in and Reed says, “Come on, let’s go home. I believe you have a promise to keep.”

Why yes, yes I do.