Fighting With Light (The Coldwell Brothers #2)

24. Aelia

24

Aelia

There are no words. He is the key to my locked up, tight heart, and he just sprung the door wide open. This was not just amazing sex. Liam made love to me and I savored every bit. I am well and truly screwed, and it hurts more than I could have predicted.

His chest rises and falls against me, and I take a deep breath of him. I’ve never wanted to attach myself to someone as much as I want to with him. He made my body sing, but he made my soul roar because I found him.

Or maybe he found me, but I can’t keep him. I can’t keep the one I know I’m safe with. I can’t keep the man that was meant to be mine because the world we live in wouldn’t accept it.

When I told him we would be temporary and it may hurt when we leave, I meant that, but never expected to leave my heart with him. I never considered I’d give a piece of myself that I’ll never get back. Our time isn’t up, but the thought hurts like hell.

Taking a deep breath, I try to push the burning in my nose away. I’ll cry later. But now I want to be with him, memorize him so I never forget the way he looks at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, like he wants to burn down the world around us just to keep me safe. Like I’m the only one for him, like I was meant to be alone until I found him.

No, this doesn’t just hurt; this is torture. All I want to do is suffer more for the sake of knowing him because there is no doubt it will hurt even worse when I have to leave him. I have no other choice.

With my ear pressed to his chest, I listen to his heartbeat, hoping that mine will somehow sync with his. I learned on one of my trips that herds of horses protect each other by syncing their heartbeats, so that if a predator is near them, they will all know something is wrong. I want that to be us, so when we are apart, I’ll know his heart is still beating even if it’s not beating with mine. I want to know he is still walking this Earth, living in spite of everything around us. My eyes close against my will to the soothing movement of his chest and the steady rain outside.

Lips press against my body softly, bringing me back from dreamland. I open my eyes to find Liam kissing every inch of me with methodical attention, as if he’s trying to commit every detail to memory. He’s kissing my breasts, lingering over the sensitive skin. A flicker of heat shoots through me, and need surges back through my veins. Liam lifts his head and looks at me. I reach for his hair and push it back because it’s always falling in his face.

“I need you, princess,” he whispers across my skin, over my heart.

I nod, and he sweeps his lips across mine before claiming me heart and soul.

***

Liam’s alarm goes off and his groan wakes me up. It’s six in the morning and it feels like Groundhog Day because I swear we’ve done this before. My cheek is on his chest and his arm is around my back, with our legs all tangled together. I wish we could stay in this bed because there would be nothing to bother us or tell us that being together is a bad idea. But staying here wouldn’t put either of our fathers away either.

His hand drags up and down my back and I keep my cheek on his chest with his strong heart pumping in my ear.

“Did you sleep okay?” he asks me.

I nod against him. I feel wrung out like a rag. The physical exhaustion is a good thing, the emotional is both good and bad. I know he felt what I did last night. I could see it in his eyes, and the way he whispered French in my ear. I wish I knew what he was saying, but based on his tone, I know I would have liked it even more .

He knows what happened, and he knows that there is nothing we can do about it, and I don’t know what pisses me off more. When he fell asleep again, I untangled myself from him, went to the bathroom and cried. I cried for so long my face puffed up. If he was awake, it’s not something I could hide from him. But I was able to slip back into bed because he was sleeping like the dead.

“Hey, Aelia?” he says and grabs my chin. He lifts his head to look down at me, still on his chest.

“I just don’t want to leave this bed,” I mutter and press my lips to his skin.

He wraps his other arm around me and rolls toward us so he’s on top. Propped up on his elbows, he looks down at me and I wrap my arms around his neck, tugging him down. He tucks his nose into my neck and rolls again so we’re on our side and he’s hugging me to him. In the cocoon of his chest, I take a deep breath and focus on the warmth coming from his body. He kisses my head and sighs. “If I didn’t have a surf competition to win, then we wouldn’t be going anywhere. I’d give you every reason to stay,” he says into my hair.

“I’d just need one,” I mumble.

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I sigh. I know we won’t talk about last night and I don’t think I’m ready. Right now, he needs to focus on surfing and that conversation would only be a distraction.

***

Liam and I are on our way to the beach again. I’ve tried to distract myself by finding the cutest bikini I own and making sure Liam sees it. He did. He stared at me long and hard, as if he was debating on skipping the surfing competition. It still hasn’t relieved the pang in my chest.

Last night won’t stop playing in my head. It was everything I thought it would be and more. It’s the scary kind of more. It’s the I’m rethinking everything in my life and trying to figure out if it can be different—more. I want it to be different. I glance at him, focused on the road ahead of us, and he lifts his hand off the gear and laces his fingers through mine. He doesn’t say a word, but his hand holding mine speaks volumes.

He parks, gets his surfboard, and it feels like we’re leaving even though he’s just going a different direction down the beach. I’ll see him when he’s done, yet my stomach feels queasy with all the butterflies flying around in it. There is such a thing as too many butterflies in your stomach…who knew?

“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit. Go get ’em, surfer boy.” I wink, and turn to go to the spot I’ve been to four times now. Then Liam grabs my wrist and yanks me straight into his chest. With a hand at the front of my neck and the other at my lower back, he slams his lips on mine. I melt into him as his tongue drags across mine and his fingers move to my racing pulse. He grabs my lower lip and pulls before lifting his head away, leaving me utterly breathless and entirely weak in the knees. Not once has a man ever made me weak in the knees.

But that was before you met Liam Coldwell, Aelia.

He looks into my eyes for a moment. “Yeah, I’m ready now,” he mutters.

Still speechless, he releases me, holding my hip while I get my bearings again, and he leans down, grabbing his bag and his board.

He hitches his shoulder up, and reaches for my face, rubbing his thumb across my cheekbone.

“I think I enjoy you speechless, princess. Let’s make it a habit, yeah?” he says, and thick heat blankets me. This man.

I shake my head and he grins before turning towards the check-in tent.

I finally get my feet to move, grab the bag I dropped, and go to my spot on the beach to watch. I’ve seen him surf when he was having fun, but I can’t wait to see the beast of a man he is when there is a title on the line. I smile at the waves as the excitement of watching him makes my lungs tighten in anticipation.

For the time we do have together, I think we’re both going to be breathless.