Filthy Devil (Dark Horse MC #6)

Chapter 23

CHAPTER

TWENTY-THREE

JAMES

I love him.

All of him.

Which is why I’m going to have to leave him.

It’s not because I don’t think I’m good enough or think that he deserves someone better. I know I can be what he needs, and he already is everything I’ve ever imagined. But it’s for the simple fact that I cannot and will not let anything else happen to him or his family.

I think the clubhouse burning to the ground was all I needed to see to solidify that. It’s all my fault. He may not want to believe it, but it is. It’s going to kill me to walk away from him, plus I have zero plans of where I’m going, but as I stare into his eyes, none of that matters.

At this exact moment, I don’t want to move. Being this close to him is all I could ever need.

His fingertips begin to run up and down my back. Lifting my head, I look into his face, searching his eyes. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m afraid that I’m going to press my body against his and then rip his clothes off.

That would be bad.

But I want him one more time before I leave. Before I walk out of that hospital door and never look back. That’s what I’m going to have to do. The more I linger, the less likely I am going to actually leave.

Forcing myself to sit, I look into his eyes for a moment, then begin to chew on my bottom lip. “The clubhouse is gone,” I whisper.

He smirks. “Yeah, I know. Thank fuck I invested in a house, and you got a place to stay.”

The guilt consumes me instantly at his words. I don’t say anything, though. I’m sure it makes me an even bigger asshole by not telling him that I plan on leaving and never coming back. He’ll talk me into staying, which, to be honest, wouldn’t take much convincing anyway at this point.

I’m madly in love with this man, and I don’t want to go anywhere, even if that means it’s exactly what I need to do. Inhaling a deep, trembling breath, I give him a small smile. He opens his mouth to say something else. His eyes are focused on mine as he looks at me like I’m the only person in the whole world.

I wish I were.

I wish he were the only person, too.

Then we could be together. I wouldn’t have ruined everything by signing that stupid contract. Nobody would be coming after him, and his family, destroying his world, and we could live together happily ever after just like a fairy tale.

It’s my dream.

But dreams can’t always be a reality. I know that as much as anyone else. This world is so ugly, and things are getting uglier with every minute that passes. I hate it all, and I wish I could change it—but I can’t.

Before either of us can speak, the door opens, and I watch as King and Bugsy walk back inside the room. My initial reaction is to stand up from the bed, but Nash reaches for my wrist and keeps me where I am sitting against his side.

There is a moment of silence, but then Nash speaks, and King clears his throat when he does. “I want James at my house. She’s my old lady. I want a man on her until this shit is done, until I’m home.”

“Dad,” King growls.

I hold my breath for a moment, then let it out slowly. Bugsy clears his throat, then rocks back on his heels.

“We don’t got anyone. All hands are on deck, Nash.”

Nash doesn’t want to hear this. Shifting my attention to him, I watch as he clenches his jaw. A muscle tics in his cheek before he presses his lips together. Then he clears his throat and smirks.

“Is that so?” Nash asks.

Bugsy jerks his chin, but it’s King who speaks. “I got James’s back,” he announces.

I don’t know what to say, what to do. So, I stay quiet and watch this play out. I have no idea what is going to happen, but something has just gone down right here in front of me. I just don’t know any of these people or their rules well enough to figure it out on my own.

“’Preciate that, son,” Nash says, but he doesn’t look at King when he speaks.

Instead, his focus is on Bugsy. He’s good and pissed the fuck off. I’m not worth all of this, and when I open my mouth to say that, he holds up his hand, his palm facing my face. I don’t know how he even knows that I’ve opened my mouth to speak because he’s not looking at me.

“Take her to Pineville.”

Pineville.

I almost, almost tell him that I’m done. That I’m leaving. But then I realize that he’s going to send me away while he’s in the hospital. “Wait a damn minute,” I snap.

Nash’s attention flicks to me, and I watch as both King and Bugsy’s eyes widen as they shift their attention to me. Three intimidating pairs of eyes are focused on me, but there is only one I give a shit about.

“I’m not leaving you in here,” I whisper. He arches a brow, his lips twitching into a smirk. Lifting my chin slightly, I look at the two men who are still watching me from across the room. “I’ll stay right fucking here until Nash goes home.”

I’ve just screwed up my whole freaking plan. I don’t know how I’m going to leave now. How the hell do I walk out of here when I’m supposed to be staying with him? Why did I just say what I did? I had the perfect opportunity to dip out, and now I’ve screwed myself over.

But I couldn’t just let Nash send me away, and there was no way I could allow him to sit in this room by himself. I don’t know how long he’s going to be here, but I don’t care either. I’ll figure out how to leave later.

Right now, I need to take care of him the way he’s taken care of me. This is all my fault anyway. I should be the one to take care of him.

“The lady has spoken,” King chuckles.

Turning to him, I can’t stop my cheeks from heating. I press my hands to them in an attempt to cool them off so they don’t look as red as they feel. “I can’t leave you here like this, Nash,” I whisper.

He chuckles, rolling his eyes to the ceiling as if I’m exhausting. I feel exhausted. Mostly because I’ve exhausted myself. I’ve been running through half-hatched plans in my head for weeks. None of which have come to fruition.

Maybe I should just forget the whole thing and let everything happen the way it’s supposed to. I have a feeling when it comes to Nash, that’s the way it’s going to have to be.

I’m not going to be able to control even a moment of this between us, no matter how much I plan, no matter how I feel about it, no matter how I try to save him from my mistakes. I won’t be able to.

For this moment, I surrender.

I love him. There is no way around that. And I need to accept that and accept this. Even if I’m scared to death that someone Nash loves is going to get hurt. I’ve already gotten him hurt, complete with surgery and a hospital stay.

This is all my fault.

I know it is, and I hate myself for it.

NASH

There is something rolling around inside of her pretty little head, but I can’t worry about James right now, at least not about what she’s thinking. My focus must be on how to keep her safe and at my side. Then add in how to keep the Dark Horse MC and the men safe as well.

And my family.

Fuck, I need to keep my family safe. They are my world. I would burn the MC to the ground myself if it meant my grandsons were safe. I never understood that before. Love like that. It’s always been the club first, everything else second.

Not anymore.

“Elvis,” I call out.

He takes a step toward me, his eyes finding mine and holding them. James takes a step back to allow us some space. I don’t want her going anywhere, and I’m glad that she doesn’t try to go too far from me. I don’t think I could handle her out of my sight for long.

Not yet, at least. Maybe never.

Probably never.

“I want you to take Shawn and the kids home. Better yet, take them on vacation. My treat. Stay out of this shit.”

“Dad,” he warns.

Shaking my head, I grunt. “I’m fucking serious.”

He reaches out and wraps his fingers around my shoulder with a single shake. “Dad, I don’t abandon family.”

“Elvis,” I grind out. “Fuck them. Fuck them all. Take care of my grandsons. That is all I give a fuck about.”

“Dad,” he says, his voice a bit softer.

“Go on a cruise, go to the beach, the mountains. I couldn’t fucking care less. But I need to know that my grandsons are safe.” Elvis, thankfully, doesn’t argue with me any longer. “Just until this is over,” I state.

He dips his chin and takes a step backward. I don’t know if he’ll listen to me. He probably won’t, but at the same time, I cannot say nothing. This is my family, my blood, and I’m not going to just sit back and let something, anything, happen to them. I will go to the ends of the earth for my grandsons.

Brenden and Chase are my fucking world.

If anything happened to them, I would kill every motherfucker on this whole earth. They would all fucking die. Anyone who even thought about hurting a hair on their heads would fucking die. And I would be the one who’d kill every single one of them.

“I’ll do what I can, Dad. Get some rest, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“On your way out of town?” I ask.

He snorts. “On my way out of town.”

Without another word, I watch as he begins to make his way out of the hospital room. I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow, and I am also sure that if he leaves town after that, it’s going to be so he can go home. And I highly doubt that he will take my demands to leave town seriously.

If nothing else, my son is so fucking much like me that it almost pisses me off. That shit is inherited because I didn’t raise him, and yet he’s my fucking twin when it comes to personality.

That just leaves me, Bugsy, and James in the room. Shifting my attention to him, I jerk my chin. He’s already pissed me off a decent amount by telling me that he couldn't have a man watch James for a few nights.

James takes a step backward and then another. She’s getting out of the way so we can have a discussion, but she doesn’t go so far as to walk out of the room. I don’t know if she realizes that I need her here, or maybe she just needs me, too.

Either way, it doesn’t fucking matter because she’s here with me, and that is all I give a fuck about. As long as I can have eyes on her, that is all I need. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to allow her out of my sight again. Maybe never.

Never is what I would actually prefer. I want James in my sights, at my side, for-fucking-ever. I’ve fallen in love with the woman. But as much as I want to think about that, I can’t. I need to shift my attention to Bugsy and my personal club. Even if I’m wondering right about now if Elvis is right. Maybe I should be moving back to Pineville and let these fucks deal with this shit on their own.

But if I did that, I wouldn’t be the man I am.

“Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on that you couldn’t spare a man to protect your president’s woman.”

Bugsy clears his throat, his gaze flicking to James before it returns to mine. “What I told you was the truth, Nash. The men are all busy. And the ones who aren’t searching for these fucks, they’re trying to figure out how to house the whores. That doesn’t include the fact all of our shit was burned to the fucking ground.”

Instead of arguing with him, I decide to let it go for now. I can’t do a hell of a lot being laid up in bed. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with any part of this situation. In fact, I have a feeling that Bugsy is going to find himself in deep shit here shortly, along with any other man who has decided not to protect my woman.

Because I have made it perfectly clear, more than once, that James is mine. That statement alone makes it fucking assumed that she would have complete protection. I can’t wait to get the hell out of this bed. The hospital has about ten more hours before I bust myself out and take care of my own shit. I am fucking done.