Finding Love in Ivy Falls

Chapter Thirty-One

TESSA

Stupid, Scared And Selfish

All the way to Memorial Springs Hospital, Manny kept his eyes focused on the road as he told me how Billy helped break Silvio’s fall. Everyone in town knew Silvio was getting slower, that he shouldn’t be doing any kind of climbing or lifting, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. I supposed Mrs Vanderpool had been right to convince him to hire Billy.

When we reached the hospital parking lot, I asked Manny to stay in the truck. He gave me a sad smile and agreed. Said he’d be waiting if I needed anything. He was a good man, and I felt horrible that I was dragging him through all my crap.

Once inside the emergency room, I approached the information desk until the sound of two familiar voices stopped me. Silvio and Mrs Vanderpool shuffled out of the waiting area. Just like Manny, Silvio’s shirt was dotted with blood.

‘I’m sorry about all this, Tessa. Greta, I mean, Mrs Vanderpool’ – his cheeks pinked up – ‘she keeps telling me I’m too old to be lifting heavy things, climbing ladders and such, but it was just a box of nails. I thought it was no big deal…’ He broke off, pressing a hand to his lips.

‘It’s all right, Silvio,’ Mrs Vanderpool said, comforting him. ‘In our heads we all think we’re still twenty years old, but our bodies, well, they wouldn’t agree.’

Silvio mumbled a quiet agreement before turning his attention to the information desk. ‘They won’t tell us nothin’ about Billy ’cause we’re not family.’

‘Don’t worry. I’ll go and check on him now. You two can head home. I’ll give you an update later.’

I started to walk away when Silvio reached out his bony hand to stop me.

‘That boy’s been a terror since he could walk. Always thought he was headed for trouble, because it was the only way he could get his folks to pay attention to him.’ He scrubbed a hand over the white whiskers on his chin. ‘But what he did today, how he broke my fall…’ He shook his head sadly. ‘It could have been much worse for me if he wasn’t there. I’m not sayin’ you should forgive him. What he did to you and your sweet girls was all kinds of wrong. But there ain’t a one of us who hasn’t stumbled in this life. I guess that’s a good thing to remember.’

‘The issues between Billy and me run deep,’ I said. ‘And you two, I know you mean well, but…’ I bit my lip, trying to find the right words.

‘But we need to mind our own damn business. We hear you loud and clear, missy,’ Mrs Vanderpool said with a firm but understanding tone.

‘Tell the boy, I appreciate what he did. He can come back to the store full-time when he’s ready.’

‘Thank you, Silvio. That will mean a lot to him.’

He gave a smile and let Mrs Vanderpool shuffle him out the hospital’s automatic doors.

I approached the desk, and a woman with horn-rimmed glasses and a shock of black hair was immersed in something on her computer.

‘I’m looking for Billy Newton. He was brought here by ambulance from Hendrix’s Hardware.’

‘Are you family?’ she said with a snippy voice.

‘Uh, yes. I’m his soon-to-be ex-wife.’

Her lips twitched, and she shot a thumb to a set of double doors down the hall. ‘He’s in Curtain Three. I’ll take you there.’

I followed her through the doors, the soles of her brown clogs thudding against the dingy yellow tile. We wound our way past hospital beds and movable pieces of equipment that beeped and hissed. The raw scent of rubbing alcohol and urine stunk up the narrow, stark white space.

We’d only walked a few feet when she pointed at a closed curtain. ‘He’s there.’

I waited until she was gone before I pushed back the thin cotton material hiding the bed. Billy lay against a stack of pillows, eyes closed, his chest slowly rising and falling. A thick cotton bandage wrapped around the space just above his wrist. In the hazy light he looked so much like the young boy I’d fallen in love with. The kid with a quick wit and a knack for making people laugh.

How had he become this? A deadbeat dad with a wandering eye and zero concern for his own children.

I pulled over a squeaky plastic chair, and he inched open his eyes.

‘Hi, Tessie.’ He shifted in the bed, wincing as he tried to sit up higher against his stack of pillows. ‘Manny said Silvio was okay. Is that true?’

‘He’s fine. A few bumps and bruises, but he’s a tough old guy.’ I tipped my chin to his bandage. ‘Does it hurt?’

‘A little. They tried to give me something for the pain, but I said I’d only take over-the-counter stuff. Trying to be good, you know.’

‘I understand, but if you’re hurting…’

‘Been through worse, but, of course, you already know that,’ he said quietly.

When he drank too much, he liked to pick fights with guys much bigger than him. I thought he’d learn his lesson after several broken fingers and one skull fracture, but he was like a reckless child, always testing the limits and never caring about the consequences.

‘Did they say when you can leave?’

‘I’m supposed to stay here for observation for a few hours to make sure I don’t have a concussion.’ His skin was pale and thin as onion skin. The areas around his cheeks sunken in.

‘When was the last time you ate? Had anything to drink?’

All I got was a shrug.

An angry heat slithered up my throat. He was a twenty-six-year-old man still behaving like a little boy. I jumped up from the chair and poured him a glass of water.

He took a thick swallow and shuttered his eyes. ‘I know that look. You think I’m an idiot.’

I sat back down and clasped my hands together in my lap. ‘You often act like a thoughtless idiot, but not today. What you did for Silvio was brave.’

‘I’d do it again. He’s always been good to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. He was friends with my Gramps if you remember.’ He dipped his chin. ‘I miss him so much. Besides you, he was the only one who ever gave a damn about me.’

We stared at each other for a long beat. If I looked hard enough, maybe I could still see small glimmers of the teenage boy I’d fallen in love with. The kid who carried around a nubby pencil and scraps of paper in his pockets so he could jot down a song lyric that came to him. Who sang quietly under his breath during tests to keep his anxiety at bay. But every time I thought I could somehow locate that part of him, remember our good times together, the cruel, hard side of him would emerge, reminding me that the boy I’d cared about no longer existed.

The curtain shook, and a female doctor appeared. Her white coat sat stiffly across her shoulders. Small tendrils of brown hair escaped her tidy bun.

‘Mr Newton.’ She turned to me. ‘Mrs Newton?’

‘Yes, for now,’ I muttered, which earned me a wide-eyed stare before she glanced at the black tablet in her hand.

‘You got lucky today, sir. If that cut had been a millimeter to the left, you would have hit a major artery in your arm. The stitches will have to come out in a week.’ She returned to the tablet, tapping at the screen a few times. ‘Your CT scan looks normal.’ She approached the bed and checked his eyes. ‘Any headache? Dizziness? Blurred vision?’

‘No,’ he said.

‘I’m going to discharge you, but you need to be under someone’s care for twenty-four hours to watch for symptoms of a concussion.’

‘I live alone,’ he said.

The doctor’s stare shifted to me.

‘We’re getting divorced.’

The words made Billy flinch.

‘Do you have any family nearby, sir?’

His left eye twitched before he released a heavy ‘No.’

‘If you don’t have anywhere to go, then I’ll have to keep you here.’

‘I can’t do that,’ he protested. ‘The cost for the ambulance, just being in this bed, it’s already too much.’

‘You can sign out against doctor’s orders, but the older friend who came in with you said you hit your head pretty hard.’

The doctor’s steady stare moved back to me.

‘Tessie,’ he said on an anguished breath. ‘Please.’

Why was he always doing this to me? Putting me in the most uncomfortable positions? Making it impossible to say no.

‘Fine. You can stay at the house tonight.’

‘Excellent,’ the doctor said. ‘I’ll get the nurses started on his discharge paperwork.’

Once she was gone, he said, ‘Thank you.’

‘It’s the least I can do since you helped Silvio.’

He played with the sheets again. ‘It was nice to hear you say you were Mrs Newton.’

‘It’s only because I want the girls and I to share the same last name.’

‘Don’t you miss it though?’

‘Miss what?’ I huffed.

‘Us? The way we used to push the girls on the swings at the park. Take them for ice cream at the Dairy Dip. Tuck them in at night.’

I couldn’t help my caustic laugh. ‘You mean the few times you decided to be a part of our family? When you weren’t out drinking and partying?’

‘I did my best, Tessie.’ He ran a shaky hand through his cropped hair. ‘When I left, I was so lost. I felt like I had nothing to give you and the girls. That you were better off without me. But my time away, it’s been like this slow-burning hole in my heart. Coming back has extinguished that fire. Made me want to be a better man.’ He let out a slow breath and clutched onto the stiff white sheet. ‘Deep down, you know I love our girls.’

‘That may be true, but your past actions say otherwise. What kind of father runs out on his own children?’ My voice steadily rose. ‘Did you know that Rose sometimes has nightmares? That she wakes up screaming? Her entire little body a sweaty and shaky mess? Since you left, Iris has had stomachaches off and on too. None of that started until you left us. You ran because you are a stupid, scared and selfish man.’

‘Everything you’re saying is true. But can’t a man change? Realize his mistakes?’ He gave me a solid stare. ‘It’s been six months since I’ve had a drink.’ He went back to playing with the stiff white sheet. ‘I wish I could take it all back. Do better by you and Iris and my little Rosie.’

‘I see that you’re trying.’ I let out a weary breath. ‘But it’s going to take time to heal all the damage you’ve caused.’

He gave an understanding nod. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

My head buzzed with all the complications in my life. The failing bookstore. My girls’ uncertainty about their home life. How this was the worst possible time to start a new relationship. One of the things in my life had to give before I had a total meltdown. Sadly, I knew which one it had to be.