Finding Me in the Storm (Sweet Christmas Kisses)

Chapter Seventeen

Elaina

“Yes, I understand,” I finish. “I will be sure to have a final answer in the next forty-eight hours,” I tell the team on the video call.

After a few additional niceties, the call ends.

I lean back into the small office space, feeling like an elephant is sitting in the middle of my chest. I must make a choice, and I’m out of time. New Edge Specialty Medicine seems a good organization, and all the benefits would finally put me in a good position. The issue is the hours, expectations, and growth strategy of the firm would mean even more unbalance in life for the foreseeable future. I would once again be the lowest doctor on the totem pole of hiring.

“I don’t know that I should complain,” I murmur aloud. “Though now I know my mother put in the reference needed to push me ahead of other candidates.”

I growl at the computer. I was never someone who wanted the upper hand simply because of who my parents were, or a phone call put in on my behalf. I want to prove to myself that I’m able to make it on my own. That doesn’t need to be a dealbreaker, but truthfully, it was one of many reasons on a long list of cons.

“There has to be something that makes me feel alive and uses all my skill set,” I mutter, as I type in some things to the internet and browse on the computer in front of me.

I do not want to question the fact that the regional parameters are upstate New York in my search. I can’t stay here in this part of New York, for goodness’ sake, as if I would even find clinical positions needing someone from my educational background. I balk as a search turns up a result.

“Concierge doctor?” I lean in and start to read the information more closely.

I’ve heard of such things in high-income areas such as California or the Hamptons. I guess, until now, I have not given much additional thought to thinking this far outside the box. I know I probably should be dissecting what is truly holding me back from accepting the New Edge Specialty Medicine deal. Instead, I’m reading through this role’s description like a woman taking her first sip of water after escaping a desert.

Before I even know what, I’m thinking, I pick up the cell phone to the right of the computer.

“Dr. Derek Metz,” the man says on the other end of the line. “How can I help?”

“Hi, I’m Dr. Elaina Hawthorne. I’m from Chicago, and I am a guest out at the Mountain Haven Resort.”

“I know Nate Kingsley,” Derek says. “Good guy. Several times, we’ve made calls out there for guests when local services are unavailable or not recommended due to VIP status. The paparazzi and sometimes disgruntled exes don’t care about the snow when chasing someone they are hunting.”

“I would love to hear more about that,” I tell him with a little laugh. “I’m actually Nate’s guest and his younger sister Luna’s best friend,” I reply with a chuckle. “I’m in the middle of trying to make a new career move after finishing residency, and I came across your ad today online.”

“Wow, and you are at the resort now?”

“Yes.”

“How about you give me fifteen minutes, and we can have lunch in the dining room there?” Derek asks.

“Oh, I hate to make you come out here,” I tell him as shock at the sudden change overtakes me.

“I love a good excuse to get out of the office, and I prefer to pitch our program to prospective doctors personally,” he says. “You free in fifteen?”

“I’ll make myself available. See you then.”

“Oh, I’m the tall, dark, and handsome one,” Derek says as I giggle slightly and hang up.

I exhale a deep breath as I just sit staring at the device. “What am I thinking?”

At that moment, my phone vibrates with a message, and I look down to see it is from my mother.

Hope to see you when you are back in town. Let’s have dinner and celebrate the new position.

I don’t respond as I realize she probably has already been told I did the final meeting today. Nothing more to report until I make a choice. I put the laptop I’ve been using away. Glancing down, I take in my casual attire with a grimace. I did put on a nice sweater for the video call, but the bottoms are sweats. Nothing I can do about it now, as making it to Nate’s cabin and back is impossible. If Derek isn’t interested in a concierge doctor with my experience due to sweatpants at a ski lodge, we might have a lot of other things wrong with this role.

“Hey.” Nate pops his head into the room at just that moment.

I panic slightly as I realize I’m not sure how to tell him I can’t do lunch with him. That has become a regular occurrence with us, and if I tell him the reason—well, he might get the wrong idea. I’m moving here, and you are really going to be stuck with me might be his reaction. We haven’t spoken directly about keeping in touch, maybe some sort of relationship down the road—or really anything beyond the day-to-day. I know what my heart and mind want, but maybe we should have had that conversation before now.

“Hi,” I mumble as I turn with a nose in his direction. “I can’t do lunch today.”

“Did you get a better offer?” he asks.

“Maybe?”

His downturned face looks like someone just kicked his puppy. I immediately jump from the chair as if I’m going to hug him—which definitely is my inclination. The need to physically touch this man with tickles, light hand-holding, and hugs is becoming an obsession I didn’t realize could ever afflict me this terribly. I love everything about being close to him, offering comfort, hilarity, and fun in the little moments of our days. As our eyes lock and we stand mere steps from each other, the air hesitates in my lungs.

“I’m meeting with Dr. Derek Metz in the dining room in a few minutes.”

I see his Adam’s apple bounce, and twin patches appear on his cheeks. The silence makes me move slightly as nervous energy zigzags off every nerve ending, I possess. I need him to say something—anything. I’m dying here and afraid he is going to overreact because I’m basically demanding a relationship, he might not be ready for. Worse yet, what if the idea of me mingling in his town might be something he doesn’t want? I’m a horrible person to date and miss so many signs on the few instances I’ve dared to dip my toe in that experience.

“You’re considering staying? What about Doctors Without Borders?”

“I am looking at all options. I have less than two days to decide on New Edge Specialty Medicine, and I just want to seek more information on different options before I do.”

He bobs his head. “The interview this morning was that bad?”

I shake my head. “Great benefits, good team from what I can tell, but the hours are tough. I have weekend, holiday, and on-call coverage to a heavy degree. Of course, it is private and not a public hospital, so I would be able to afford a house and things in short order. I put the offer up against the other tentative ones, and it was fair and the leader of the pack. I just went looking for what else was out there, and this concierge doctor advertisement popped up. I thought it was worth, at a minimum, getting more information.”

“Big decision, to be sure,” he says.

I want to scream at him to say more. What is bouncing around in that gorgeous head? Is he panicking and trying to figure out if he can call Derek and warn him not to hire me? Is he thinking about the potential for the two of us? I’m a strong, independent woman, and yet I can’t bring myself to ask him the question I want answers to more than anything in the world.

“I’ll see you for dinner then?”

“Sure,” I say, trying to hold my body in check from overreacting.

“Break a leg, but don’t fall for Derek during your lunch,” he says with a twinkle in his eyes.

“You do realize he and I would be coworkers, right?”

“I’ve heard so many women gushing about him over the years. I just want to get in that warning,” he says, bending to kiss my cheek before pivoting toward the door.

My hand moves slowly to that spot on my cheek. The skin is sensitized to the touch after that contact, and I am feeling like a gushy, lovestruck girl—again. I really need to figure out a way to stop this reaction to Nate, though maybe he realizes his impact on me and did it to ensure another man didn’t capture my attention.

“You are not fifteen, and that is not the first boy you have had a crush on,” I tell myself in a harsh whisper as I drop my hand.

I swear I can still feel that contact on the cheek, though.

I’m not sure if this job is the best choice, or about to land me in more hot water than I’m prepared to handle.

My mother is sure to lose her mind if I pivot in my career this drastically. For some reason, that is the last consideration on my mind as I head for the dining room. I need to hear Derek out and then make some big choices pretty quickly, with pros and cons in both directions. For the first time, though, my heart might have a lot more say about this decision than I ever thought would be the case.