Finding the Forward, Part One (HockeyVerse)

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jonas

“ I ’d like to borrow your girl for a few moments,” I murmured to Grif as he went into his room and pulled on some boxers.

The three of them had just finished showering. I’d let them shower without me, though I’d thoroughly enjoyed cuddling all three of them on the bed earlier.

She’d kept eyeing my tongue ring and my pierced dick. Had our little alpha ever taken an alpha cock?

Sure, lady alphas weren’t meant for knots, but I didn’t need to knot someone to fuck them into oblivion–and there were ways.

“Why?” Worry wafted off Grif as his forehead furrowed.

I didn’t like that. I never wanted them to worry about me talking with her or being with her.

Regardless of whether or not we were ready, she was ours. I had zero doubt about that now.

It would take a little bit of reminding her, of being patient with her, for her to be what we needed. I wasn’t trying to change her, just help her fully develop into her alpha. Herself. Clearly, she was willing, which was important.

I also understood her better now. Not only from reading her texts and meeting her family but seeing her in bed with them.

“She didn’t do anything wrong. I just want to talk. Alpha stuff. No, really,” I added at his incredulous look.

“Okay. You’re going to talk in here?” Grif looked around the room, which was identical to the other, only didn’t reek of sex.

“Please? Keep Dean occupied?” I asked. Otherwise, he’d be banging on the door, wanting to be included. He didn’t need to be there for this. Not Grif either.

“Okay, I think he wanted to order food, anyway. You know how he likes his post-game midnight snacks.” Grif grabbed a shirt and disappeared into the other room.

A moment later Verity appeared in only the shirt. Her eyes were wide, and I got hints of anxiety in her scent. I closed the door and smirked, waiting for her to ask if she was in trouble. My fingers flexed, wanting to smack that ass if she did.

“Did you like what you saw tonight?” She fidgeted with the hem of Grif’s shirt as she bit her lower lip.

“I did. Thank you for letting me watch–and join in at the end. You tried hard with them both, and I appreciate that. It can be difficult being with two. It’ll take a little time for it to even out. They both enjoyed themselves, I could tell.” I sat down on the bed, only in my boxers.

Taking charge didn’t seem to be her default. Though as an alpha, she was hard-wired to want to give her partner what they needed. Dean needed someone to take charge. Grif often wanted to be in control. This was part of why Dean and Grif worked as a couple, and why I thought Grif and Verity clicked the way they did.

She nodded, still playing with the shirt hem. “It was a bit of a balance, but I enjoyed it. It was what I needed, too.”

“Good.” After that encounter with her parents, I’m sure she did. The delight on her face when she came around Dean, locking him into her, would stay forever in my memory.

I patted the bed beside me. “Lay down.”

“I’m exhausted.” Verity got on the bed beside me and laid back, sighing in bliss.

Oh, that trust. What did I do to deserve it?

“I’m sure you are.” I reached over to the nightstand and pumped some of the massage oil I’d packed into my hand. She’d probably like it warmed, but the oil warmer was at home. Right next to the spanking bench.

I’d love to take a hand to that ass. Maybe tease her clit with my tongue ring. Grif sometimes called her Kitten . What would it take for me to make her mew?

After tonight, I wanted to find out.

Taking her right foot, I rubbed it with the oil, and her eyes widened with surprise.

“If this isn’t okay, tell me. What, did you think I’d spank your ass for every time you gave away your power in the lobby tonight?” I hadn’t meant to swat her in the lobby. But it had the desired effect.

“What if I need it?” she asked as I dug my thumbs into the soles of her foot, making her gasp in a cute little way.

Oh, I could absolutely give that to her. She awakened so many different instincts in me; instincts I’d never had for a lady alpha before.

Alpha-alpha relationships happened a lot. I just never thought I’d want one.

She’d gotten under my skin, quick. I definitely intrigued her. I could see it in her eyes. The way her tongue darted out over her lower lip. The way her head leaned to one side, revealing her neck.

“I’m sure Grif will smack your ass.” I rubbed her foot, trying to work away the fatigue I’d seen tonight. The convention center was large, and she’d probably walked more than usual.

“He would. But... it’s different,” she whispered.

“It is.” I appraised her for a moment. “I thought your parents weren’t coming.”

“So did I. But Grace got Dad here, which meant everything to Mercy. He’s the nicest of the parents.” She sighed.

“It takes a lot to stand up to your parents. I’m proud of you for speaking up for yourself. For protecting Grif and Dean. That’s what I need from you.” Getting some more oil, I worked up her ankle and over her calf in long, smooth strokes.

“I want to try.” She nodded.

“Good. If I scared you the other night in the kitchen, I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry for pushing you.” I kneaded her calf muscles. Fuck, she had muscles. What were they like when she was in peak physical condition?

One dark, perfectly groomed eyebrow rose. “An alpha apologizing? Is the world ending?”

“An alpha should apologize when it’s due. But not needlessly. I don’t want to hear you apologizing for no reason, understood?” I met her gaze as I kept squeezing her leg muscles. When she did that, it reminded me too much of my omega pop, flinching and apologizing to appease my overbearing alpha mother.

“Yes, Alpha Jonas.” Her voice was quiet, but steady.

That’s my girl. But I didn’t have the right to call her that. Yet.

“Good. I also know that contrary to the bullshit our parents told us, alphas do cry. But I don’t want you to waste your tears on people that don’t deserve them. I need you to be strong, confident. To stop giving away your power when you shouldn’t. To hold your head high and not back down. After tonight, it’s clear that you belong to Dean and Grif. You might as well tattoo their names on your ass because you’re not going anywhere. I need to know that you're willing to grow into someone who will protect them. That you will fight for them and this pack. Is that clear? ” I growled.

“Of course. I... I’ll protect them and fight for them.” Her head looked to one side, and she sighed. “That feels good. Isn’t Dean the physical therapist?”

“He is. Did you skip the massage classes in alpha school?” Getting more oil, I paid special attention to her knee.

She laughed derisively. “Do you think they let me go to anything like that?”

That was a power play. Attending classes wouldn’t have harmed her if she never awakened. No. They wanted her weak and pliant. Clearly, they worked hard to keep her down, even after she came into her alpha.

“You only ever purred for your little siblings, didn’t you?” I put her leg on my lap so I could rub it better.

“How did you know?” She peered at me.

“Alpha purrs have different settings. They also take practice. There’s nothing wrong with your purr. You’ve only ever used what I think of as baby mode. It’s considered the hardest, to purr without making much sound so you don’t scare or wake the baby.” An alpha purr was comfort, something they did for their mates–and their children.

She probably hadn’t been purred for since she was little.

“Oh. I... I didn’t know. That makes so much sense. Yeah, I spent a lot of time caring for the littles–my three littlest siblings. Two of them are twins, so we always needed extra arms. Then Hopey came.” She laughed. “For a solid year, Hope only wanted to sleep on a purring chest while in the rocker. I’ll practice more.”

“Dean loves to be purred for after sex. Grif likes it after a hard day. They’ll let you practice all you want.” It was powerful but understated. Like her.

Also, who wouldn’t want to fall asleep in her purring arms?

A smile played on her lips. “I’m sure they will.”

“If you’d like, I can work with you on barks.” I didn’t want her to feel powerless against her alpha parents ever again. Being able to bark–and resist barks–would go far in boosting her confidence.

It also benefited my pack for her to hone her alpha skills.

“Really? I wouldn’t want to be an inconvenience.” Her look went incredulous, like she didn’t expect my help.

I moved up toward that golden, muscular thigh. “It wouldn’t be hard to spend a few moments every morning when we’re both at the rink.”

“Thank you. I’d like that.” Her smile lit up her entire face.

“Don’t defer to me out of fear or habit. Only give it to me if I deserve it. I want to earn your trust,” I added. Your submission. I wanted to teach my little alpha, help her grow into the woman her parents were terrified of her becoming.

An alpha who led with love . With care. Not fear or force.

While I needed AJ at my side, with his shrewdness and forward thinking, I think I needed her, too.

To remind me to love. And that I deserved to be loved in return.

“We’re pro hockey players. Things could go to shit fast. Injuries, bad press, trades. I need to know that you won’t leave when things get hard.” My hands caressed her thigh, rubbing out the tired muscles. She was also naked under that thin T-shirt of Grif’s.

A frown twinged on her lips. “You think I’d run?”

“I can foresee several scenarios where you’d genuinely believe that you leaving would remove the issue. If there’s a problem, we need to talk it out like grownups, not run away. If you don’t know how to talk to them, come to me. That’s what I’m here for. We’ll figure it out like adults, understood?” I told her. Communication solved so many issues. Certainly if my parents had actually talked, life would have been so much better.

I’d gotten a glimpse of the tattoo on her inner thigh–and a very good look at the fairy on her shoulder. Little girly tattoos. I knew never to underestimate the girlies. They would take you out with a stiletto–or an eyelash comb–in an instant.

That’s what I needed. Her to stab me with some tweezers when I was being a knothead.

Alphas didn’t just form packs to please an omega, they did it for support. Some things we could only get from each other–like a beating when we were being alphaholes.

Oh, the things I wanted from her.

“No third act breakup. We talk it out. Understood. That feels good. Maybe I should learn something like this? The online class I’m taking right now doesn’t go into it. I worry that I didn’t snuggle them enough. It’s too bad that I can’t spend the night; I feel like I should.” She sighed again in pleasure as I worked out a knot in her muscles.

I wish she could stay over, because she needed it. Verity wasn’t good at listening to her own needs yet.

“You were good with them. I’ll cuddle them extra for you tonight.” And fuck Dean more, Grif if he asked.

The fact she was taking an online alpha class meant everything.

My hands worked up her thigh as I lifted it toward my shoulder. “This hurts?”

“No, the stretch feels good. I didn’t have time to stretch today. Mmmm.”

Her leg on my shoulder, I continued to work on it. “If you wake up sad, or are angry for no reason, know that it happens sometimes. They don’t talk about alpha drop much in the classes. I’ll have Grif keep his phone near the bed. I’ll try to send them to hug you in the morning before we leave.”

Maybe I’d hug her, too.

“I’d like that,” she whispered.

Dean pounded on the closed door. “What are you doing in there? If it’s each other, I want to watch. Food’s here.”

“We’re just talking. We’ll be out soon.” I wasn’t done. Not with her legs, not with this conversation.

“It’s okay, Dean, we’ll be there in a bit,” she soothed.

I started on her hip. “Dean’s parents are like a fucking fairytale. They’re an alpha-omega couple, no pack. They’re so nice that I spent the first two years wondering when they’d drop the act. But it wasn’t. Old money, giant house. Very accepting and supportive, like ridiculously so.”

They’d love Verity. Her and Dean’s mom would go to the spa, shop at boutiques, take tea in the garden, and shit like that.

“Grif grew up on the other side of town. His parents worked a lot. Sometimes when he was young, there wasn’t enough money for new things. Grif got many of the opportunities he did because of Dean’s parents.” I tapped her leg. “Turn over.”

Like the good girl she was, she flopped onto her stomach. I poured oil on her legs and continued rubbing.

“One thing his family has is a lot of love. They’re welcoming people and will share what they have. As for my parents...” I moved to her other side so I could get the other leg.

My shitty, shitty parents. I empathized with Verity.

“One of my alpha dads moved us around a lot for work. I discovered hockey when we were living in Sweden. My alpha mother is a colossal bitch. Punitive, abusive, degrading. Only Pop, my omega dad, could soothe her. When he died, everything went to shit.” I worked my aggression out on her other hip.

Sure, when your bonded mate died it ripped out part of your soul. But she’d become unhinged.

“What happened?” Verity asked quietly, squeezing my arm.

“One time she went too far. Something in me snapped and rage replaced all my fear. I punched her in the face, then knocked her out. I got my sister, and we left and fled to the only safe place I knew–my hockey coach’s house. By then we were back in Toronto. We stayed with her until we left for university. You’re not the only one with a mom who did time.” It was for the better.

So was going no contact with them. They got none of my money. My sister and I even changed our last name, severing that connection. However, I had a beautiful marker made for Pop and my little brother and helped my sister as much as I could.

“Oh, thank you for sharing.” Verity went quiet as I kneaded her thigh.

“I’m telling you this because I understand where you’re coming from. For years I’d duck my head and round my shoulders, apologizing needlessly, in hopes it would stave off her anger. The thought of turning into her terrifies me. My high school coach worked me hard to harness all that rage so it didn’t rule me. I struggled with it for years, and still do sometimes. I will push you to become your best self, since doing the same saved me.” Otherwise, I might be in jail instead of the PHL.

“Thank you. That’s why I took the blockers that caused my stroke. I was terrified of turning into them. I want to be the alpha he deserves, that they deserve.” Her voice shook a little. “Jonas, this feels amazing.”

“My pleasure.” My hands skated down to her calf. That beautiful, sculpted calf, which ached for a cute little tattoo at the base above her heel. Maybe a little plant. “I need you to put in the work–and be the alpha you were meant to be. Not only for them. But for yourself. If you aren’t willing to try or have any doubts about being with Grif, Dean, or this pack, then you need to tell me now.”

Before we fell too hard for her.

Her eyes met mine, which swam with hints of fear. “It’s so fast. While I fucked around, I never dated much and now you’re talking about how I fit in with your pack.”

“You don’t want a pack?” Not all alphas did. I kneaded her calf. This one was tighter, probably overcompensating for the weaker leg.

“I do. A pack, an omega, a cute house, kids, and a dog. I want it all. It’s so fast. I keep trying to take my time, to let things develop and get to know Grif. I’ve seen what happens when you rush into it. But it’s not happening that way. I mean, it went from being me and Grif, to me and Grif, and Dean, and while I have no issue with that, I’m reeling. I’m powerless to stop being run over by love, but I don’t want to deal with the wreckage if it goes bad.” Her soft admission was raw, brutal, and beautiful.

This was why I wanted time with only her. I wanted to build a place together where she could feel safe as she learned to be comfortable in her own skin.

“I know...” There I went again, almost adding on something I hadn’t earned the privilege of calling her. “Love is scary, Little Alpha. So is trust. Love is also powerful. You deserve it. You deserve us, ” I added, wishing someone would've told me that sooner.

One of my chief obstacles with Dean was admitting that I deserved the love of an omega. A pack. Happiness. Despite my shit childhood. The things I’d done.

Now I had them.

Then she had to walk into our lives, with her pastels, sparkles, and fucking cake pops.

And I wanted her, too.

AJ was still a problem. Once he and Grif settled their shit, hopefully he and Verity would click. That with a lot of patience and a little work, we could have that little fairytale of hers.

Yes, I wanted this for Grif, for Dean, for our pack. I wanted that house and a dog.

Maybe, just maybe, I’d have her, too.