Finding the Forward, Part One (HockeyVerse)

Chapter Thirty-Four

AJ

T he quietness of our place was driving me to distraction. I turned the TV on to have some background noise. I truly regretted not going to see them play. It’s not like I didn’t have vacation time and airline miles.

But they’d be home soon.

Outside, the city below carried on. Sitting on the couch, which smelled funny, I stared at my phone, looking over the pictures my sister had sent me.

I glanced at my laptop on the coffee table, where I’d run Verity’s finances through the software we used for our clients. Okay, so we’d gotten her financials from Jonas’ friend, Charlie-the-black-ops-hacker, who got them from who-knew-where. But we needed to check her out thoroughly, make sure she wasn’t after Grif for his money.

Jonas was right. She’d used nearly all her savings to buy those animals for me. Her investment choices were awful to where even though I didn’t like her, I couldn’t in good conscience allow her to keep them like that.

Also, I’d read over everything Charlie had sent and done a little investigating on my own. Verity seemed like a decent person. It was difficult to dislike someone who’d emptied their savings to make amends.

She’d also sent my sister a pie and a hand-written apology letter. The text of which I’d read over and over.

At the same time, I was used to niceness having an ulterior motive. What was hers?

Well, other than wanting to ride Grif’s cock.

The elevator opened and the three of them piled out. My heart leapt. They’re home.

“You stayed up? You didn’t have to, Pepperjack.” Grif came over to the couch and hugged me, still in his suit.

“I always stay up.” I stood, hugging him back, inhaling his rain scent. It was always so hard when they left for away games, as I remembered what I once had, what could have been. But I was no longer angry at what had happened to me.

Still, I got wistful sometimes.

My family always dismissed hockey as some whim and were so happy I was over it. To them, my career ending was a good thing. That now my life could actually begin. My parents were elated that we would file our pack paperwork soon.

My family had no issue with them being hockey players. Only me.

“Your games were great,” I told him, shutting off the TV, no longer needing it to fill the space.

“We missed you. I wish you would’ve come. I’m going to shower and change.” Grif waved and left for his room.

“I’m hungry and going to make myself something. Anyone want some?” Dean looked at Jonas and me as he kicked off his shoes and tossed his coat onto the shoe bench.

“If you’re not too tired, a homemade late-night snack would be amazing. I’ve been living on takeout. There are some steaks in the freezer I got from a client. Though whatever you were going to make is fine.” I told him. Not that I couldn’t cook.

Cooking for one was lonely.

Dean hustled off, but Jonas stood there, staring at me.

“Did you read everything I sent you on her?” Jonas asked as he put everyone’s shoes away and hung up their coats.

“Yeah. Also, Verity sent my sister a fucking pie.” I ran my hand through my hair. “Like she baked it herself and paid a student to drop it off. With a note. What should I do? I want him to be happy, but... I’m just not sure about her.”

“Read this. It’s from Verity’s phone.” Jonas handed me his phone.

I looked through a bunch of screenshots of what looked like a group chat, where Verity was getting cussed out for...

“She was telling the truth?” I breathed, continuing to read them. There was some crazy ass shit there. “Here, read this.” I handed him my phone, so he could see the apology note she’d written to my sister.

“I met some of Verity’s family in Glitter City. Here I thought my family was fucked up.” Jonas shook his head. “I understand her better now.”

That was quite the statement, considering what I knew about his family.

“How did you get this? Why were you with Verity in Glitter City?” I looked up from Jonas’ phone, frowning. I’d felt hurt that she’d been there while I’d been here working. Even if I’d turned down going.

“From her phone. She was there for the rookie skate smash thing.” Jonas shrugged.

“What? She doesn’t play skate smash. She was some fútbol protegee with asshole teammates.” I frowned as I continued reading. Some of this was harsh, but it backed everything up.

“Her seventeen-year-old sister is a rookie with the Maimers. That’s why she transferred to NYIT and moved to New York. She’s raising her sister because her asshole parents didn’t want Mercy to go pro,” he replied. “The team has a whole bunch of strict rules.”

“Oh. I somehow missed that.” I handed him back his phone. “Verity’s pretty broke. Her investments are small and suck. She could be using him for his money. After all, he took her to fucking Supressa for their date.”

It wasn’t a first date restaurant and set a precedent he shouldn’t.

“I don’t think she’s using him.” Jonas shook his head, then his eyes met mine.

True. Still...

“Yeah, this is moving fast. I know she’s a stranger. We have a duty to be wary. But she likes him. A lot. He likes her. I see the intense connection between them. If it’s what I think it is, then we need to help them make it work, not work against them,” Jonas confessed.

I froze. A what? This was the worst news ever.

“Like an alpha-omega connection? Is it though? I’d think they’d be more obsessed with each other.” I tried to keep my voice calm, though I really just wanted to punch something.

Not that them ‘just’ being in love would be any better news. Either meant she was here to stay.

“Both of them have sabotaged themselves with suppressants. I think that’s a huge part of it. Every day they feel it more. Not to mention Verity doesn’t know he’s not a beta. So, while she’s feeling things, it’s confusing the shit out of her.” Jonas shrugged, pocketing his phone as I gave it back.

“No. She doesn’t get to know his secret. Honestly, she could ruin everything. I don’t understand why he’s not more concerned–why you’re not worried.” My voice rose in volume and sharpness.

There was always a risk. The more people who knew, the more likely it could leak before Grif was ready.

“I am worried. But it’s not our choice to make.” Jonas clapped me on the shoulder.

Yet wasn’t it? It was our pack.

“We’re going to have to prepare for the possibility of this going all the way,” he added. “Which means you and Verity need to get to know each other and be civil. You might even have things in common. If you have a valid objection, I want to hear it. But that comes from getting to know her.” Jonas shoved his hands in his pockets, giving me a measured look.

I scowled. “What do I have in common with a spoiled princess?”

“Verity, spoiled? That’s funny. She’s no more spoiled than you’re a fashionista.” Jonas tugged on my holey T-shirt.

Here I could be myself. For the world, I was someone else. Something else. Armor against the pity.

He had a point. I liked to tell myself that she was spoiled and entitled, but after everything I’d read, that wasn’t true at all.

“We’re about to file the pack paperwork and now you’re talking about adding someone? It’s going to push us back. Sure, Grif is playing great, but until you three have a pack contract, you can’t be confident he won’t get traded away from us,” I pressed, so many emotions warring inside me. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness. Knowing I had no right to dictate who Grif dated but wanting to because he was everything to me.

Sure, Jonas and I had talked about eventually adding another alpha to help balance the pack. But her? Now?

“She’s not ready to join us with her current responsibilities. We’ll file as usual, get the contract, and when and if it’s time, we’ll start the process to add her. Which probably won’t be before the end of the season when her sister turns eighteen and is no longer contractually obligated to have a chaperone. Eventually, Verity will be ready, so we’ll need to be ready for her,” he told me.

“You have no idea what you’re doing,” I challenged, anger wafting off me from him speaking like this was a done deal.

It was a pack, not a dictatorship.

Jonas snarled, moss scent spicy with anger as he took a step closer to me. “You met her once for five seconds. You don’t even know her.”

“She wants Grif. Do I need to know more?” I yelled back.

A smirk spread across Jonas’ face, eyes dancing with laughter. “That’s the actual issue, then. It has nothing to do with the cows or being trustworthy and reliable.”

“Fuck you.” I glowered, fury boiling inside me. “You can’t make decisions like this on your own.”

“I’m not. Which you’d know if you’d stop avoiding her and see her interact with them.” He took another step toward me. His jacket was off, his collarless black button-down rolled up to the elbows.

“Them? There’s a them now?” The ire within me exploded, and it came out in a half-shout.

“Either challenge me for head alpha or handle your shit. They want to keep her.” Jonas met my gaze, dominance pouring out of him, trying to gain my submission, my acquiescence.

A whimper came from the kitchen.

“Please, stop fighting,” Dean pleaded as he defrosted steaks in the microwave.

“Sorry, Dean.” I felt like a heel. The room stank of anger and we’d upset our omega.

Shit. This was a fucking mess.

“I don’t know what’s up with you and Grif. But I know you both love each other. If something’s hurting you, talk to him,” Jonas told me.

“AJ, you need to work this out with Grif before this explodes. I don’t think he has any idea that you’re feeling hurt and threatened by Verity’s presence. Verity doesn’t want to hurt or threaten you. She’s nice. Grif can love you both, you know. Talk to him.” Dean got some spices off the rack.

Sure, alphas shared omegas all the time. It made life easier for everyone. More alphas meant more people to protect and dote on the omega. More to help during a heat.

But I hadn’t even gotten to court him yet and now they wanted me to share?

Unfuckingbelievable.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I snarled. Talking made things real.

I stalked upstairs to our gym, my anger ready to explode. We had weights, a bike and a few machines, but I looked for something else. Picking up my gloves, I started beating the punching bag like it had committed a heinous crime.

How dare she have the audacity to win my Grif? We’d been with each other through so much. Then she had to show up out of nowhere.

“Hey, what’s going on?” a voice said from the doorway.

A growl ripped from my throat as I turned around to see Grif in only some cotton shorts, hair damp from the shower.

“Woah, hey.” Unaffected by my alpha rage, Grif came over and wrapped his arms around me.

His fresh scent comforted me, along with the warmth of his body. I melted into his embrace. Maybe I wasn’t officially his alpha. He didn’t wear my bite on his body. But he was mine.

Grif had never developed the ability to purr, but he soothed my anger all the same.

“I’m right here. What’s wrong, Pepperjack? Tell me what the punching bag did?” he asked, resting his head against mine.

“Getting serious with Verity is a bad idea,” I told him, wrapping my arms around him.

“Why? What did she do? You said you were looking into her more. What did you find?” He buried his face in my neck, beard soft.

“I don’t want you to be with her,” I snarled, my fury coming back to the surface.

He pushed out of my embrace, a combination of hurt and anger on his face. “You don’t get to make choices like that for me. Give me a reason and I’ll take it into consideration.”

“Can’t you tell?” Infuriation built inside me.

He’d gone to Dean and confessed his feelings for her. Built boundaries. Had he talked about her like that with me? No.

“What is your problem with her? She’s a good person. You two have so much in common. Injuries. Parents who didn’t like that you played sports. Interpreter moms. You both speak a bunch of languages. Have sisters you’d protect with your life. You both like to watch fútbol. Give her a chance. Please. If you have an actual reason, tell me. The way she makes me feel scares me and I’m torn between running into it and running away...” His face twisted in confusion. He went over to the punching bag and hit it hard, sending it reeling.

“That’s why. What does she have that I don’t?” I shouted.

He turned, looking at me with puzzlement on his face. I shook my head, regretting even bringing it up.

“Never mind.” I turned to march out the door, trying to separate myself from Grif before I said something I’d regret.

Jonas stood in the doorway, blocking my way with his body and a glower. Anger and dominance wafted off him. “Nope. Not good enough. That’s a bunch of bullshit, and you know it, AJ. We’re adults and you need to fucking talk this out.”

If it came to a physical fight, he’d win, since he was faster. Now.

“Grif, stop being a dumbass,” Jonas added, looking over at him. “You should’ve had this conversation weeks ago. You’re hurting him.”

“I am?” Grif frowned, wrapping his arms around himself, scent souring.

My inner alpha yearned to push him against the wall; to kiss him and reassure him. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t sit back and watch her steal him from me.

“She's not replacing you, AJ. Not with him, not with us. It only feels like it because neither of you are communicating with each other. Now, work this out. You’re long overdue for a talk.” Jonas left, tugging the door closed behind him.

I went after him. Jonas’ get-along bullshit wasn’t something I felt like enduring tonight. Resistance hit me as I attempted to turn the doorknob.

“Are you fucking keeping us in here?” I yelled, hitting the door with my other hand.

“I can hold this knob all night. Now work your shit out like fucking grownups,” he yelled back.

Ugh. Fucking Jonas. Always wanting us to communicate and talk about our feelings and shit. Maybe he should have been a therapist instead of a hockey player.

“Why would you think she’s replacing you?” Grif fired at me, expression puzzled. “Having another alpha in the pack could be a good thing. Sure, she has things you don’t, but that’s what I like about her. She fills in the gaps. Like that seasoning you didn’t know the dish was missing.”

Did he really not get it? But I got no malice off him, only confusion and hurt.

Then again, he had his head smashed into things an awful lot.

“You’re right. I’d probably like her a lot if I gave her a chance. But I’m the one who’s been waiting this entire time. While I desperately want you to be happy, the idea that I couldn’t be the alpha you need cuts a little deep,” I snapped, letting some of my emotions rise to the surface.

“What does having her in my life have to do with you?” He glowered. “Spit it out, AJ. I’m not a mind reader.”

Instead of answering with words, I inhaled the air filled with Jonas’ dominance and Grif’s uncertainty. Pressing Grif’s massive, shirtless body up against the mirror with one hand, I grabbed his bearded chin with the other and kissed him.

That kiss held everything I hadn’t said since his airplane girl ice-bathed her way into our daily lives. The heartbreak. My desire for him to be happy, even at my cost. The love I had for him and how it never faded. My desire.

Breaking it off, I held his gaze, my hand still on his chin. “I love you, Boo-Boo. I always have. It’s why we’re forming a pack. I’ve been waiting, per your request, for you to be ready for me.”

Grif shook his head, forehead furrowing. “Where the fuck did you get the idea that you weren’t the alpha I needed? I’m waiting for you . You told me back in June that we weren’t going to move forward as a couple until we got the pack contract. Do you know how hard it’s been to give you the space you’d asked for?”

We did have that conversation.

Fuck.

He was giving me space? I’d given him a lot of space so he and Dean could have their moment now that they’d finally gotten married.

A sinking sensation coated me. We fucked up.

“I know waiting is smart. I understand that we’re not ready to add to the pack. She blindsided me. I’ve never felt like that with anyone–not even Dean. It’s not a hit against you, just a statement. I don’t regret being with her for one moment, and you don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be with. The rest of the pack likes her,” he grumbled at me.

“ I want to be with you!” I shouted.

“You are with me, you dumbass. If you want to stop waiting and be mushy in public, then fucking say it.” Grif got in my face. “I’m all for it. I can have more than one alpha, you knothead. We can be a couple without me being out. Also, I’ve been feeling so many things lately. Not only about her, but about you and things. I can’t talk about it to anyone, and I need to talk to you. Feel it with you.”

“Then why don’t you?” I shouted, getting closer to him.

This wasn’t how I wanted things to go.

“You’re being an alphahole. Yeah, I care about her. But I don’t have with her what I have with you. I’m not trying to replace you. I love you, you fucking knothead.” Grif crashed into me, pushing me into the mirror. His kisses were hungry, needy.

That lonely, hidden omega who desperately needed to confide in an alpha that understood. Understood him. That person who needed something only I could give him.

That person who needed me.