Finding the Forward, Part One (HockeyVerse)

Chapter Thirty-Five

Grif

I crushed AJ with my kisses. He was mine—and had been for years. Yes, he’d waited patiently for me. Sure, my shit still needed to be worked out. But he was the one who put our relationship on ice over the summer.

AJ’s request made sense. Also, Dean had hogged me all off-season.

But it was AJ who refused to meet Verity.

Maybe I should’ve talked to him about her like I had Dean, so he’d know I wasn’t replacing affections. That I had just found someone who also meant the world to me. Someone who could add to our pack.

No one ever said I was the wordsmith of our bunch.

Still, I’d fucked this up.

We both had.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, AJ. That wasn’t my intention. I planned on talking to you about how she might fit in with us after you met her. That maybe once you met her, you’d understand. I should've tried harder. Let me do that now, Alpha. ” Leaning in, I kissed him again.

I pressed my hardness into him, so he understood I was here and ready. That his distance hurt me, too.

He bundled me into his arms, arousal and need swirling around me. “Don’t replace me? I can’t stand to lose you.”

“Never. I need both of you. She’s an addition, not a replacement. I’ve missed you so much. Your distance cut me, too. She knows you mean a lot to me. There’s enough of me for both of you to love, and I have enough love for the both of you. I’m sorry I bungled this.” I hid my face in his neck.

“Oh.” His breath shuddered in his chest under the soft fabric of his shirt. “I understand. I should’ve talked to you about this sooner. But I didn’t want to believe that it got this serious between you two, this fast. I... I’m sorry.”

“AJ. Pepperjack. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long. There are so many things I need to work through. It always felt easier to ignore them until you bit me. Then I couldn’t ignore them anymore, but I’d have you and the bond to help me work through them,” I confessed, voice raw.

Why couldn’t he understand?

“You don’t need my bite for me to be here for you. I have you. Truly, what does she have that I don’t? I’ve known you for so long.” He held me tight, scent slowly returning to normal.

“It’s her sparkly sunshine to your man of mystery. Pastels to your dark suits with sunglasses. Homemade treats to you knowing all the best places to eat out. Her science to your stocks. Also, she lets me fuck her against a wall with my hand around her neck while I call her my good little cum-dumpster. Something you’d never let me do,” I told him, willing him to stop being a stubborn ass.

“Really?” His eyebrows rose. “Never mind. That makes a whole lot of sense. Fuck, I’m a dipshit.”

“You’re my dipshit.” I kissed him.

I’d been a dipshit, too.

“Look, I’ll talk to her, but I still have my reservations.” He kissed my neck, then trailed hungry, hard kisses down my collarbone.

“I don’t expect you to fuck her. Just try to get along with her.” However, both of us dominating her could be so much fun. What would he think of her blowjobs?

“Okay. I’ll try. You mean so much to me. I’m sorry if I haven’t made myself clear lately. Let’s go back to my room and I’ll show you.” His hand squeezed my ass in promise.

“I love you, too, AJ.” My breath caught in my chest. Yes, I needed a reminder of what we used to have.

Of what we could have once again if we stopped being idiots.

“I’m not always texting her. I... I’ve been working on getting something special for Dean,” I admitted.

Maybe he’d sneak off with me to Boston so I could see the house? The couple accepted my offer. Soon it would be mine. Or rather, Dean’s.

His look softened. “Right. The holidays are coming up fast, aren’t they?”

Taking me by the hand, he led me to the closed door and smacked it with his fist. “Let us out, Jonas. We made up, now we’re going to kiss.”

The door swung open, and Jonas stood there, like the smugfuck he was.

“About fucking time.” Jonas glowered at AJ. “Food is ready, and since you told Dean you wanted a homemade dinner, the two of you will come out and eat the steak he made first. ”

“It smells delicious.” My belly rumbled, and I gave AJ a hungry look. “What do you say, Alpha? Shall we have some dinner?”

AJ cupped my face and kissed me. “Perfect.”

Taking my hand, we went downstairs to the dining room, where Dean had set out a delicious steak dinner with mashed potatoes and steamed green beans.

“Are you two better now?” Dean asked, pouring wine for everyone.

Wine and steak were a lot for a post-game before-bed snack, but it felt celebratory. Homey even.

Right.

“Much.” AJ squeezed my hand as he pulled a chair out for me.

I sat down, feeling more settled than I had in days.

“Good.” Dean took a seat and gave me a coy look.

We’d fucked this up. But we were on the road to making it better. Now, if he and Verity could get along, we’d be set.