Fix You (The Irish Rogues #3)

Chapter Thirty-Two Maeve

A s I stood in one of the preparation rooms of The Cathedral of the Holy Cross in Boston, I fought the urge to pinch myself since everything around me felt like a dream. The first dream-like moment was the fact I was outfitted in a stunning designer wedding dress encrusted with sequins and beading along with a fifteen foot train. Mam had tried to get me to go big or go home by choosing one that was twenty-five feet–the same length as Princess Diana’s.

But I nixed that idea.

Trying to be like a princess did lead into the second dream-like moment with the glittering diamond tiara atop my head that had been borrowed from Cartier. I didn’t even want to know what Rafe had done to make that one happen.

And finally was the fact that I was about to marry the man of my dreams with a guest list of three hundred. Although I would’ve been fine with marrying Rafe that day in Sicily, deep down I wanted a fairy-tale wedding with all my family and friends. I also didn’t want it to seem like we’d eloped because we had something to hide. In the end, I was so thankful we’d waited.

Glancing around the preparation room, I watched the women who had become my tribe put the final touches on their appearance. There was Quinn’s wife, Isla, with her gorgeous waist-length blonde hair and mind-altering curves. Next to her was Drea–the woman I’d once hated because of her stake on Rafe. As she tossed back her glossy black hair, the glittering diamond on her hand from Leo caught the light.

And finally there was Caterina whose silky dress stretched over her ninth-month-belly. I didn’t know how anyone so very pregnant managed to be so very sexy and beautiful. But Caterina certainly did.

When she caught my eye in the mirror, Caterina said with a smile, “You are positively stunning, Maeve. Seriously, the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen, and that dress is to die for.”

I glanced at her reflection in the floor-length mirror. “Thank you.”

“With all this hoopla, I kind of wish I’d had a big church wedding.”

“There’s still time.”

She laughed as she pointed to her belly. “I think any plans are on hold until this girl makes her appearance.”

Clasping my hands together, I sighed. “I can’t wait to hold her in my arms. I’m hoping she might have red hair like me.”

Swirling her hand over her bump, Caterina said, “If it’s the same shade as yours, I’d take it. But I have the feeling that with dark-haired parents, she’s going to come out a brunette.”

Isla gently rubbed Caterina’s belly. “Whatever her coloring, she’s destined to be a knockout considering her parents’ genes.”

As Drea bobbed her head in agreement, pink tinged Caterina’s cheeks. “Thank you.”

The wedding planner interrupted us by poking her head in the door. “It’s time, Ms. Kavanaugh.”

“Okay, thank you.”

It was then I saw the wedding planner wasn’t alone. Callum stood next to her looking as handsome as ever in his tailor made tux. He was going to walk me down the aisle in the absence of my father. Three months ago that fact would’ve made me so happy, but after the incident on the tarmac, our relationship was still somewhat strained.

Mainly it was due to the fact he’d never apologized.

I liked to argue that he really hadn’t had a chance. After going back to Dublin to finish school, I’d been living in New York with Rafe while Callum had been in Boston getting ready for the baby. Whenever we had been together, we’d always been surrounded by other people.

Deep down, I knew if he’d truly wanted to apologize, he could have. Before Caterina, I’d never seen him apologize to anyone other than Mam. I’d come to accept that our relationship might stay fragmented.

Waving her hand, the wedding planner said, “Okay, ladies, it’s time to take your places to go down the aisle.”

After they gathered up their bouquets, my sisters-in-law gave me a final hug before heading out of the room, leaving Callum and I alone.

With a genuine smile, Callum proclaimed, “You’re a right feek in that dress, little sister.”

I smiled at him calling me gorgeous. “You don’t think it’s too much?”

Callum shook his head. “It’s benefitting a princess, and that’s what you are–a Kavanaugh princess.”

Jerking my chin at him, I said, “You clean up nice as well.”

“Thank you.” He smoothed his hands down his lapels. “I got a new one for the occasion considering so many eyes were going to be on me as I walked you down the aisle.”

“How considerate of you,” I mused.

“I thought as much,” he replied with a wink.

Warmth filled my chest that we were carrying on just as we had before. Maybe we were on the path to rebuilding our relationship.

As the procession music started for the bridesmaids, I took my bouquet in my hand and started for the doorway to await the wedding planner’s command. Callum shoved his hands in his pockets as he paced around the entryway.

At the thought of all the people waiting inside and their eyes on me, panic began pricking its way up my spine. I hadn’t had a full-blown panic attack in months. Probably the last one I’d had was on the plane to Sicily when I wondered if I was truly doing the right thing leaving Rafe and disappearing.

But they never went away.

There were the small ones in quiet moments. Sometimes during the day, sometimes in the dark of night. I could be in a group of people or all by myself. Even with Rafe sleeping beside me, my chest would constrict, and I would focus on seeing salty waves before me.

Sometimes it was a smell that set me off. An earthy scent like the one that night in the crypt. Or it was a voice that sounded eerily similar to Oisin’s or my father’s.

And I wasn’t saved from them inside the bedroom either. My second trip to Lust had been a disaster. A full-blown breakdown of sobbing despair that had Rafe scooping me up and taking me through the emergency exit. He was always so patient and caring with me.

With my episodes, there was never really rhyme or reason to their appearances. No day or moment was too sacred not to try to ruin.

Pinching my eyes shut, I pictured the ocean. As I breathed in and out, I imagined the waves around me.

“Maeve?”

When I opened my eyes, Callum was staring at me in concern. “Sorry. Just a slight panic attack.”

His dark brows furrowed at me. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I think I’ve got it under control.”

“Do those happen much anymore?”

Shaking my head, I replied, “Thankfully, no.”

Callum eyed me curiously. “They seemed to stop when Rafe came into your life.”

With a nod, I replied, “That’s why I call him my healer.”

As Callum opened his mouth, the wedding planner popped her head in. “Okay, it’s time for your grand entrance.”

When I started to pick up the hem of my dress, Callum’s arm shot out to stop me. “Wait.”

“What is it?”

“Before you do this, I need to say something I should’ve said a long time ago.”

My heart fell. “Callum, don’t–”

He held his hands up. “I can’t let you walk down that aisle without me apologizing.”

Emotions choked off my voice. “Really?”

He drew in a ragged breath. “I’m so fucking sorry for the way I acted that day at the airport. I’d like to argue that I had an excuse because I was gun-shy from Caterina’s kidnapping, but there was no excuse to say the things I did to you.”

“No, there wasn’t,” I said softly.

As he shifted on his feet, Callum fiddled with his cufflinks. “While I was a total bastard to Rafe, I was even worse to you.” Tears shimmered in his eyes. “Regardless of the costs, I never should’ve tried to keep you and Rafe apart. After everything you’d been through, he brought you so much happiness. But more than that, he helped you heal.”

Now it was my turn to get teary. “You don’t know how much it means for me to hear you say that.”

“I mean every word.”

As a sob tore from my throat, I threw my arms around Callum’s neck. “Thank you, brother mine.”

“You’re welcome, sister mine.”

The wedding planner cleared her throat. “I really hate to interrupt such a heartfelt moment, but it’s really time you got down the aisle.”

With a nod, I extricated myself from Callum. We then hurried as best we could with my massive train to get in place at the aisle. Callum extended his arm to me, and I slipped mine through his.

The string quartet struck up the Bridal March , and Callum began leading me up the aisle. At first, I focused only on the stares boring into me. My stomach clenched, and I fought the urge to bolt.

But then I lifted my eyes up the long aisle to where Rafe stood waiting for me. A beaming smile lit up his handsome face. And although I knew he would be criticized for it, tears streamed down his cheeks. I had to fight the urge to break into a run to close the gap between us.

When we finally reached the altar, I dove straight into his waiting arms. A gasp rang out in the church when Rafe kissed me.

Callum cleared his throat. “Maeve, it’s not that part yet!” he hissed.

Grinning up at Rafe, I replied, “What did anyone ever get from following the rules?”

With a wink, Rafe added, “Certainly not the happy ending we’re getting.”

Rolling his eyes, Callum replied, “I think I’ll take that apology back now.”

“Fine. We’ll behave.” Batting my eyes at Rafe, I said, “Won’t we?”

“Only until the honeymoon.”

“Just because we’re in a church, don’t think I won’t hesitate to belt you one,” Callum growled.

The priest cleared his throat. “May I continue?”

“Yes, please,” I replied as Callum said, “Get on with it.”

The rest of the ceremony went by in a blur. We said our vows, gave and received rings, and then we were pronounced husband and wife. After a semi-chaste kiss, the music started again, and Rafe and I walked down the aisle into our happily ever after.