Fix You (The Irish Rogues #3)

Chapter Thirty-One Maeve

A s the sun’s rays came through the mission’s centuries old windows, I tried to will myself out of bed. It was almost noon, yet I found myself still tangled in my sheets.

I hadn’t been in bed past sunrise since I’d arrived at the Sacred Heart mission three weeks ago. Normally I rose with the sisters and made the walk with them to the church for morning prayers. But this morning I found myself weighed down by sadness and suffering.

Today was Rafe’s wedding day.

With my chest clenching in agony, I turned over and buried my head in my pillow. Just when I thought I didn’t have any tears left to shed, they once again streamed down my cheeks and dripped onto the pillowcase.

When I ran away, I’d wanted to disappear somewhere Rafe wouldn’t think to look for me. Or I suppose I should say where he wouldn’t have Gianni track my digital footprint.

I also didn’t want to go anywhere I would have to see couples in love or happy families. I couldn’t bear the daily reminders of what I didn’t have and perhaps never would.

Just as I had before, I’d gone to Kellan to help me disappear. After the original safe house in Catania, he’d worked it out for me to stay at the Sacred Heart–the missionary religious order that Caterina had been a part of before Callum kidnapped her into marriage.

Considering the state of my love life, I had honestly debated joining up with the sisters. The vows of obedience and poverty would be a piece of cake, and in my present sexless state, I didn’t think the vow of chastity was looking too bad either.

But in the end, I knew my heart would never truly be a nun.

So, I’d spent the last few weeks doing my coursework online. I earned my keep by cleaning the church attached to the mission as well as working in the food pantry. I also volunteered my services to do the bookkeeping for the food outreach program.

Of course, I couldn’t convince Sister Antonia, the Mother Superior, to allow me to integrate a computer for the record keeping. Instead, she wanted to keep the pen and paper method that had been in use for hundreds of years. Sometimes it truly felt like she was as old as the 1800’s building that housed the Sacred Heart.

I managed to keep myself busy during the day, but the nights were pure hell. My thoughts were always with Rafe and the life we could’ve had together. When my emotions got the better of me, I’d sneak in a bottle of wine from the local village and drink my sorrows away.

Last night, I’d downed a bottle and a half after making the mistake of googling Rafe’s name and seeing his and Drea’s rehearsal dinner pictures splashed across Page Six. Being hungover was also keeping me in bed.

A knock came at my door. “Yes?” I called.

Sister Lucia poked her head in the door. She was only in her thirties and much friendlier than Sister Antonia.

At the sight of me disheveled in bed, she frowned. “Are you all right, my dear?”

No, sister, I’m sick in heart and soul. Forcing a smile to my face, I replied, “I’m sorry to have worried you. I have a headache.” Inwardly, I winced since I was lying to a nun. But I hoped God would absolve me today of all days.

“Can I bring you something for it?”

With a shake of my head, I replied, “No, I’ll be fine. But thank you.”

“Sister Antonia wanted me to see if you could clean the church after morning mass, but I’ll tell her you are under the weather.”

“No, no, my headache is better. I’ll be happy to help.”

Sister Lucia once again frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I think the fresh air will be good for me.”

She smiled. “All right then. I’ll let her know.”

Once Sister Lucia left, I threw back the covers. I swept my hair back into a ponytail before I slid on the simple black dress I’d worn the previous day. I didn’t bother trying to conceal the dark circles under my eyes.

Although Sister Antonia would’ve frowned disapprovingly at me, I put my earbuds in as I crunched along the gravel path from the mission to the church. When I arrived, it was empty from the morning mass.

As I started sweeping, my playlist switched over to the soundtrack for the broadway musical Aida . After enjoying the opera, I watched the musical on Youtube during my flight back to Dublin. At the opening to Written in the Stars , my broom froze in mid-sweep.

I'm here to tell you we can never meet again.

Pain ricocheted through my chest as my fingers gripped the broom’s handle tighter.

Every moment of my life from now until I die, I will think, or dream of you.

A hiccupped sob tore from my chest at the lyrics that spoke of Rafe’s and my love.

In which we’regiven paradise, but only for a day.

I tore the AirPods from my ears and hurled them to the floor. At the thought of how I would’ve chastised Rafe for such an action, a maniacal laugh bubbled from my lips.

Swiping my eyes, I shook my head. “Guess music is out for the rest of the day,” I mumbled, as I swiped the AirPods off the ground.

I managed to push my thoughts of Rafe out of my head to finish sweeping and mopping the floors. After a quick dusting of the benches, I put the cleaning supplies back into the closet.

As I went back out into the church, my footsteps echoed on the stone floor. Instead of going back to my room to sulk, I knelt on the church’s kneelers.

Reaching into the pocket of my dress, I took out the St. Maria necklace Rafe had given me. After I’d initially refused it, I’d asked him if I could have it again. Now I often used it as a very expensive rosary.

Bowing my head, I tried to lose myself in prayers.

But in the end, all I could think of was Rafe.

It was his face I saw when I closed my eyes. The sexy smirk he’d give me when he was about to devour me. The pure maleness of his scent that filled my nose. The feel of his hard muscles under my fingers. The weight of his body on mine as his hips pumped his cock deep inside me.

“Maeve.”’

Tears pricked my eyelids at the voice. My mind was haunting me a step further by making me think I heard him calling my name. His scent grew even stronger until it overwhelmed me.

“Maeve?” the voice repeated.

My eyes popped open as I jerked my head to the aisle. At the sight of Rafe standing before me, I collapsed back on the kneeler. Shock reverberated through me the same as if I’d seen a ghost. For a few moments, I could only stare at him in disbelief.

When I finally found my voice, I asked, “W-What are you doing h-here?”

“I came to see you.”

“But you’re supposed to be getting married today,” I protested.

“That’s not happening.”

“What? You know what is at stake. How can you be so selfish?”

“Leo stepped in for me.”

Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more surprises, Rafe hit me with another one. “ Leo married Drea?”

“Yeah, he did.”

Oh my God. Was this really happening? Rafe wasn’t married. He was free. I hadn’t even allowed myself to dream of such a scenario. “Why would he do that?”

Rafe winced slightly. “Partly because he’s a stand-up guy of honor and the other part was because Edoardo was going to kill me.”

I shrieked in horror. “What?”

With an apathetic shrug, Rafe replied, “He grazed me with one bullet, but he was going to end me if I tried to walk away.”

“He shot you? At your wedding?”

“Yeah, but like I said, it just grazed me.”

I brought my hand to my forehead to stop the spinning of the room at the thought of Rafe being shot or being killed. “How could you risk that?”

“I told you. I couldn’t live without you.”

Staring at him in disbelief, I pulled myself to my feet. As Rafe started to draw me to him, I smacked his chest hard.

His eyes darkened. “What the fuck was that for?”

“For basically saying you’d kill yourself without me.”

“It’s the truth.”

I shook my head. “Your brothers and Caterina need you too much to do that.” As a sob choked off in my throat, I replied, “I don’t want to imagine a world without you in it, even if you couldn’t have been mine.”

When Rafe tried drawing me to him again, I let him this time. “Hey now, don’t cry. I’m okay, and it all worked out.”

“I can’t believe Edoardo let Leo take your place. Not to knock Leo, but you’re the capo.”

“He wasn’t happy about it, but the five million I’m paying him smoothed things over.”

My eyes bulged at the outrageous figure. “But why would you do that?”

“Because it ensured I could be with you.”

Oh God. This was all too much. The world around me once again spun in a dizzying flurry.

Rafe was in Sicily.

Nothing bad was going to happen to our families if we were together.

We were free.

Frowning, I replied, “I’m not going to wake up and find out this has all been a dream, am I?”

“No. It’s very real.”

“Thank God,” I murmured.

As I slammed my lips against his, Rafe’s arms came around me, pressing me tight against him. I kissed the hell out of him until we were both breathless. Rafe’s hand slid down my back to cup my ass.

“Ms. Kavanaugh!” Sister Antonia screeched.

At the sound of her voice, I jerked away from Rafe. Heat warmed my cheeks at her accusatory glare. “Have you and your guest forgotten that this is our Lord’s house?”

“I’m so very, very sorry, Sister Antonia.”

Rafe bit back his smile. “We’ll be sure to say many Act of Contritions tonight, won’t we, Maeve?”

After shooting him a glare, I nodded at Sister Antonia. “Yes, we certainly will.”

“I would hope so.” She then waved a wrinkled hand at us to exit the church. “Unless you plan on seeking that contrition at this moment, I would suggest the two of you take your conversation outside.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Taking Rafe by the hand, I then led him down the church’s aisle and into the sunshine.

“Go get your things.”

“But I have to say goodbye. They’ve been so good to me.”

“A very quick goodbye. I want you back stateside with me.”

I swept my hands to my hips. “Stateside? I think you forget my life has been in Dublin.”

“Then we’ll stop in on the way there and pack you up.”

“But it’s not that simple. My classes won’t be finished for another month, and I’m tired of taking them online. I want to be back in the classroom with my professors and my classmates.”

Rafe’s expression darkened slightly. “I’m serious, Maeve. I don’t intend for you to be out of my sight ever again.”

Although I should’ve been touched by his words, my temper flared that he didn’t seem to be listening to me. Jabbing my finger at him, I said, “Now let’s get one thing straight. Just because we’re together, it doesn’t mean I’m going to let you boss me around. I’m also not trading my brothers’ rule for yours.”

Rafe’s neck jerked back like I’d slapped him. “I don’t want to rule over you. It’s just I thought I was going to have to spend the rest of my life without you, now that I know I don’t have to, I don’t want to waste a minute.”

“That I can live with. But I also know how many men in my world view marriage and how relationships change once a ring is on a woman’s finger and she loses her last name.”

Crossing his arms over his broad chest, Rafe countered, “Aren’t you putting the cart before the horse? I mean, I haven’t even asked you to marry me.”

Mortification rocketed through me, heating my cheeks. “Uh, well, you’re right. You haven’t.”

An impish glint burned in Rafe’s eyes. “Maeve Kavanaugh, how can you possibly think I don’t want to marry you?”

“Like you said, you haven’t asked me,” I countered in a huff.

“Then let me remedy that.”

Elation and disbelief overwhelmed me as Rafe dropped to his knees before me. After reaching into his suit pocket, he produced a Tiffany box. “I made a pitstop in New York on the way out of the country to stop for a ring. Even though they had a Tiffany’s in Philly, I didn’t want anything that came out of that city on your finger.”

A nervous giggle bubbled from my lips as I stared down at him. When he cracked open the teal box, my hands flew to my face. An enormous diamond glittered up at me. “Oh, Rafe, it’s stunning.”

“As it should be since it’s going to be on the hand of a stunning woman.”

After removing the ring from the box, Rafe then took my hand in his. As he put it on my left ring finger, he said, “Maeve, marry me and make my life complete, but more than that, marry me and let me spend the rest of my days making you happy.”

A sob tore loose from my throat as I threw my arms around him. I could barely find the words to express my overwhelming happiness. Nodding, I replied, “Yes.”

Rafe brought his lips to mine as his arms wrapped tighter around me. “I love you,” he murmured against my mouth.

“I love you so very much,” I replied as I peppered his cheeks with kisses.

As he spun me around in his arms, Rafe grinned at my squeal. “Come on and let me take you somewhere I can bury myself inside of you.”

“I’d like that a lot.”