For the Love of the Broken Man (Love & Cowboys #3)

17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

“You’re a stubborn goddamn fool for not coming with us.” Mickey had chastised Danny over the phone for not going to Jase’s graduation.

Feeling like a fool wasn’t a strange emotion to Danny, but he still believed he’d been right. He’d done the hardest thing he’d ever set out to do, send Jason Langston off into a better life than Danny could ever provide for him. He’d kept tabs through the family, and he was proud of Jason, graduating in three years. Nobody could take that away from Jase.

“You tell me, Mick. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? He’s too damn special to be stuck here in Holloway with me or in Dillwyn with you shovelin’ horseshit. He has so much potential, he needs to move on with his life,” Danny had argued and ended the call.

Danny felt Kayley standing next to him with the beer he’d asked her to bring as he remembered the conversation they’d had the previous Sunday. It was Jason’s graduation day, and Danny wanted to be there more than anything, but Jason wasn’t his anymore.

Dan had no right to the man’s time or attention, but he could imagine how the ceremony would go without having to be there to witness it. He’d been to his own high school graduation, and the ceremony when he’d graduated from boot camp, so he knew the progression and activities involved in ceremonies of the sort. It was enough knowledge to feed the fantasy in his mind.

“Here, Dad. You know, we could have gone with Mickey and Jon if you weren’t so hardheaded. You’re thinkin’ about Jase, aren’t you?” Kayley sounded far wiser than her eight years. He knew she’d missed Jase after Dan had sent him away, but he’d forbidden her to contact him.

Danny was sure she’d heard about him from Meggie over the years when the families got together, but she seemed to know he didn’t want to hear what Jase was up to, so she’d kept quiet. Obviously, she’d heard the argument between him and Mickey over the phone the weekend before when Mickey asked him to go with them to the graduation. He’d thanked his friend for the invitation but declined just the same…in words that weren’t kind.

He refused to presume the hurt he’d imposed on Jason at the tender age of eighteen could ever be forgiven. There hadn’t been anyone else for Dan, but he supposed that wasn’t a surprise to anyone who really knew him. Phil and Javie tried to set him up on dates, but Danny had refused every one of them. He was determined to be fine on his own.

Dan looked at Kayley who had so much concern in her beautiful eyes…his sister’s eyes…and he hugged her. The adoption had gone through easily, and instead of doing as Jon and Mickey had urged… calling Jase to tell him… Danny had kept his mouth shut, closing the chapter of Jason Langston in his heart.

“You got any homework, Sweet Pea? I’ll be there on Wednesday for Field Day, and I’ll go to the store tomorrow and buy the oranges. I’ll get Sophia to cut ‘em up in slices, or whatever they’re supposed to be. You want pizza for a treat?” he asked the girl, thinking about the upcoming end-of-school activities.

There were two hard raps on the front door before it opened, revealing Tim Moran and Matt Collins. They were alone, and Dan wasn’t sure what his bosses were doing at his home that evening. He started to get up, but he felt the familiar dizziness that accompanied the welcomed numbness when his heart could get a break from aching, so he sat back down in the leather recliner.

Matt walked over to Kayley and smiled. “How’re you doing, powerhouse? You hungry?”

Danny noticed Matt whisked her away pretty quickly, leaving Tim to stare at him. Tim picked up the fresh beer Kayley had given him and took it out the back door to dump it in the yard. When he came back inside, he seemed to be upset, and Danny wasn’t sure why.

“Tim, whassss wrong?” Danny heard himself slurring a little.

“I could kick your ass, Dan. You—no. We didn’t lie to Jason so you could become a fucking drunk. This is an intervention. If Sophia wasn’t here taking care of Kayley, we’d have done it sooner, but we kept hoping and praying you’d come to your senses. Unfortunately, you didn’t, so we’re going to take matters into our own hands. You’re going to go along with us and not bitch about it for one minute.

“Yes, you’ve made certain Kayley was cared for, but really, Danny? Do you think it’s been healthy for her to see you drink yourself into oblivion damn near every night for three years because you broke your own heart?” Tim snarled at him, which wasn’t the norm.

Dan sure wasn’t prepared for the hostility. “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

“I’m takin’ Kayley back to the ranch with us, babe. Can you bring her some clothes when you come home?” Matt asked as he took Kayley out the front door. Danny didn’t have the strength to even object.

“Yeah. I’m gonna sober him up and bring him along in a little bit. Mickey call?” Tim asked.

Danny smiled a drunken smile. “Oh, Mick! How’s my old friend, Mick?”

Tim grabbed Danny’s arm and pulled him up, his strength a surprise. “Mickey’s the smartest of all of us, I’ll tell you that. Come on, jackass. Time to wash the stink off ya.” Tim half-carried Danny to the bathroom and shoved him into the shower, clothes and all.

When the cold water hit him at full blast, Danny laughed. It had been a hot day, and sipping Jack Daniel’s all afternoon to get through it only made the temperature hotter. It was a newer habit, drinking during the workday, that he wasn’t proud of, but it helped the time go faster.

Danny’s path to hell started with a few beers and tears in the evenings after he’d put Kayley to bed. He’d been stupid enough to reject Jason Langston. Dan continued to tell himself it was for the best to cut the relationship off cold turkey, and he’d stuck by that decision, even when he’d heard the words the heartbroken young man had offered.

“Sure, Danny. I understand about it. Um, can we…I mean, can I call you? Can we keep emailing? I won’t bother you too much, but I love you, Danny.”

Those words were loud in his aching head every morning. The more Danny drank during the day, the quieter they became until they were completely silent in the evening. It was a relief when Dan stopped hearing the pain in Jase’s voice.

Of course, Kayley would make him something to eat as he sat in the chair. She even learned to do the laundry from Sophia, the woman he’d hired to take care of her. Sophia and Danny didn’t like each other much, but they both cared about Kayley.

Dan started taking off his clothes in the shower because he knew he stank from the hot day and the work he’d done, likely more from the pint of whiskey he’d drank that afternoon as he was out fixing fence at the ranch by himself, rejecting any help offered by the other hands.

He vaguely remembered running into the machine shed when he drove back up to park the Gator, but it was a tough vehicle. It could take the jolt. And just like that, Danny’s memories took one as well.

“What’s all this?” Dan asked. Jase was standing in the hallway with Kayley behind him toting a bag from Target.

She pushed her blonde hair out of her face and smiled a glowing smile at him. “Jase and me are gonna make my room as pretty as Meggie’s. You can help us if you wanna.”

“Pink and spring green.” Danny chuckled at the memory as he continued to shower. Jase had taken her shopping after he got paid, and he and Danny had spent the weekend fixing up her room. She still loved it.

“It’s for you, Dan,” Jase told him as he handed him a wrapped box with a bow. Danny wasn’t one who accepted gifts easily because it wasn’t his style.

He opened it, seeing a thin chain with small letters hanging from it. A J and a D. “I’m not one for jewelry, Jase.” Danny’s words were cold as he put it back in the box and returned it to the younger man.

“Oh! Shit. I’m sorry.” Jase took the box and put it in his pocket.

Dan had seen Jase wear the necklace once when he and Kayley had visited Wonderland, and he felt guilty for being such a prick about it, but he didn’t say anything. He was embarrassed for his stupidity at rejecting a gift the younger man had obviously offered with love.

“Hey, dumbass, wake up. You’re like a popsicle. How much did you have to drink?” Dan felt very powerful arms haul him out of the shower. He looked up to see his friend, Phil, from the flower shop.

“Hey, Phil. Whatta ya doin’ here?” Dan felt a slap across his face, which fucking stung, and then he was wrapped in a towel.

Phil turned to Tim. “Go home and take care of Kayley and your sons. Javier and I can handle this. Javie can be a mean bastard when he has to, trust me. He brought me back from the edge Dan’s about to jump off.”

Danny had no idea why the man had slapped him, but he wasn’t going to hold a grudge. Obviously, Danny had said something to piss off his buddy, and he would apologize when— if he remembered what he’d said.

“I’m sorry, Jase, but this isn’t gonna work out between us. If the social worker finds out… well, you know from livin’ with Jon and Mickey, and you know from Matt and Tim. It’s best if we don’t see each other anymore. I got a call from the woman that she’s gonna come in the morning to speak to Kayley and me, so I had Adam go to the house and pack your stuff so you can stay at the Katydid tonight. If he missed anything, I’ll send it to ya at Mick and Jon’s. I’m sorry, but Kayley’s my responsibility. I gotta look out for her because I’m all she’s got.”

“Sure, Danny. I understand about it. Um, can we… I mean, can I call you? Can we keep emailing? I won’t bother you too much, but I love you, Danny.”

“You don’t know what love is, Jason. Son, you’re eighteen years old, and we’ve only known each other for about three months. Your life is just startin’, and I’ve got responsibilities you’re too young to comprehend. You should be in college, getting a fake ID to slip into bars and hangin’ out with friends. You don’t need to worry about how kindergarten is gonna be for some older guy’s kid.”

Danny sat bolt upright, feeling the sweat-soaked bed under him. He looked around, not recognizing his surroundings at all, but his body ached, and his bladder was full. He slowly stood on shaky legs to make his way to a bedroom door, looking down to see he was still in his shorts. He found the bathroom and drained his bladder, trying to understand what had happened to him.

He remembered getting home from work before the bus dropped off Kayley from school on Monday, and then everything seemed to be a little fuzzy. After he finished his bathroom business, including brushing his teeth with a toothbrush he found on the counter, he walked out to the hallway and followed it until he found a kitchen where his friends, Javier and Felipe, were sitting.

“Ah, he rises,” Javie stated with a smirk. He got up from the table and poured a cup of coffee for Danny, pulling out a chair for him to sit.

“What day is it?” Dan wasn’t sure about anything.

All he remembered were the horrible nightmares that plagued him. The churning of his gut and the time spent on the bathroom floor that had seemed to be endless. The tremors he couldn’t control. The words that haunted him…

“It’s Thursday,” Felipe announced.

“Shit, I missed Field Day.” The guilt of the disappointment Danny was certain Kayley had experienced when he hadn’t shown up as promised sunk into him. He should have never adopted her. She deserved much better than him.

“Field Day was covered, I promise you. There were treats, and Kayley won the hundred-yard-dash, along with the two-legged sack race. She partnered with a boy named Miles. She has two trophies to show you… once we get you straightened out.” Felipe sat down across from Danny in a vinyl and chrome, retro-style, kitchen chair.

“I’m never gonna be straight, Phil,” Danny teased, hoping to lighten the mood in hopes of getting home soon.

Javier laughed, which surprised him because Dan didn’t know the man was in the room. “That’s a good one, Dan. Deflection is a great tool for an alcoholic.”

Danny felt the jolt to his soul. “Deflection? Alcoholic? Y’all are looney. I need to get home, so…” he began his protest.

“Actually, Matt Collins said you can’t come back to work until you get sober and agree to go to AA. You’ve got a problem, Dan, and we care too much about you to let you mess up your life. You’re only thirty-one and you’ve got a beautiful daughter. You have a whole fucking lot to lose, mi amigo. Before you say no, let me tell you a story.” Felipe wasn’t joking around.

Danny knew protesting would be futile, so he decided to endure whatever the man had to say, agreeing to the sentence they’d predetermined he’d serve before he could leave. He’d gather Kayley and their things, and they’d move somewhere else. He could control his drinking. He’d forget Jason and move on with his life, but he’d humor them and let them vent their bullshit at him for now. He could play the game. He’d done it in the Army, after all.

“Sure.” Dan took a sip of some damn good coffee.

“I was assigned to a duty station outside Fallujah. I was out on patrol with my unit when we came up to a market. There were a lot of people there… it was a Saturday. We were laughing about how cool it was, watching the people carry on business, and we had a guy in our unit who understood the language, so he was translating the arguments we saw between the people selling the goods and the people buying them. It was entertaining to watch.

“A little boy of about seven stumbled upon us, and based on the way he was walking, I could tell he was blind. One of my buddies, Beau, picked him up before he fell. He said, ‘Hey, little man, where’s your momma?’ Next thing I knew I woke up in a hospital in Landstuhl.”

Dan felt the jolt of Felipe’s words to his soul. He’d seen and heard things of the sort, and they left an indelible mark.

Felipe continued. “I was missing a leg and had burns over forty percent of my body. My buddy, Beau, was pink mist, as was the little boy he’d picked up because some sick bastard had put a bomb on that child and proceeded to blow him up. The American soldiers thought they were helping a little boy who got separated from his mother at a busy market. Instead, they got fucked over. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

“While I was in the hospital, I made a plan to kill myself because here I was a big ol’ queer who was never gonna have a family. It was a travesty of justice that I was still alive, while Beauregard LaCroix had a pregnant girlfriend back home about to have his little boy. Fortunately for me, I was under so many doctors’ care. I couldn’t get a minute to myself to carry out my plans, so I waited. Once I was sent stateside, I did as they told me for as long as it took me to get out of rehab.”

“You didn’t really wanna—”

Felipe held up his hand and continued telling his story. “I got myself an apartment near Walter Reed, and I started making plans again. Then, after the government fitted me with a new titanium leg, it felt like I owed ‘em something. They’d given me a new leg, after all.

“I determined killing myself, outright, felt like I betrayed the good taxpayers of the United States who paid for my new leg, so I couched the idea of killing myself quickly. I decided to take the slow train out, so I sat and drank in my apartment as much as I could handle every day.”

Danny felt a pang of guilt because he’d done something similar, slowly drinking himself to death. And he had a daughter. What the fuck was wrong with him?

“Of course, I had to be sober enough to go to therapy and stop at the store on my way home because nobody would go get me liquor, but one day, when I was walking to the liquor store down the street, this gorgeous man came rushing out of a flower shop and knocked me down. He was carrying a small Ficus tree, so I didn’t blame him because he couldn’t see around it. He was so goddamn good looking, I forgot to be mad as he helped me up.” Danny saw Felipe look at Javie and smile as he held his hand and kissed it.

Javier looked at Dan and laughed. “After I knocked that chip off his shoulder, got him sobered up, and showed him how beautiful the world could be, he took to it, and here we are. Together for nine years with a flourishing business. He has a knack for arrangements, and he’s not too hard on the eyes, so I kept him around,” the older man gushed, bringing a soft kiss from Felipe to Javie’s cheek.

Danny was confused. “How’d you know anything about a drunk?” He directed his attention to Javier.

“Oh, I grew up in— Well, it’s too damn depressing to even tell the story, Daniel. Let’s just say I was a hardcore drug addict until I met a nice drag queen who took me in off the streets and got me clean. Roz set me on my path and helped me go to college where I studied botany. I’ve always loved flowers. My motto is ‘take time to stop and smell the flowers’,” Javier told Danny before he sipped his coffee.

Danny returned their smiles, happy for their joy. “Glad for both of ya. Where are my pants?”

Both men chuckled before Felipe spoke up. “You ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

His expression was serious, and Danny could see the man meant it. One leg or not, he was a big bastard, and Danny wasn’t inclined to tangle with him.

“Okay, where’s Kayley?” Danny was finally sober to ask about his daughter. He hated that he hadn’t been aware enough to ask about her earlier.

“She’s fine. She’s with people who love her very much, so don’t worry about her at all. Now, we’re all going to a meeting this afternoon. You don’t have to speak, okay? You just have to listen.” Obviously, Felipe was serious.

What could Danny do? He nodded in agreement and later that afternoon when he sat in that church basement listening to all the sad stories the other attendees had to tell, he nodded and agreed they needed to make some changes.

Of course, he didn’t need to make changes in his own life because he didn’t have a problem, but none of them seemed to understand, so he complied with their wishes. He wasn’t sure how long he’d have to nod and go along, but Dan knew not playing along wouldn’t get him home.

Danny Johnson resolved he’d become the model of a recovering alcoholic, just as his friends expected. He had to play the game with them, and after they went back to meddling in someone else’s life, he’d be on his way out of Virginia and the Circle C. Yes, he’d learned to play the game a long time ago, and he could find a job anywhere there were cattle. He had things under control.