For the Love of the Broken Man (Love & Cowboys #3)

20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

“I’m sending you the fix, Kenneth. It should take care of the circular glitch, okay? I’ve run it through a simulation a few times, and it seems to work, but you let me know if it doesn’t.” Jase sent the email with an attachment regarding a security issue his coworker had discovered on a clients’ server.

“Got it, Jase. I’ll call you if there’s a problem.”

After ending the call, Jase pulled off the headset and turned off his computer. It was eight o’clock on Thursday night. He’d worked a very long day because the company he worked for had an office on the West Coast with issues. He didn’t get paid for overtime—salary work was hell.

Jase walked down the hallway of the three-bedroom house he’d rented after he’d relocated to Holloway. If anyone had told him he’d live in a rinky-dink, redneck town because he was in love with a cowboy, he’d have laughed at them when he was eighteen, but the curves, spirals, and slopes his life had taken weren’t anything he’d ever expected.

Grabbing a bottle of peach tea from the fridge, Jase chugged half of it. He was hungry, so he reached into the fridge again to retrieve the sandwich Kayley had made him earlier in the day when she got off the bus at his house.

Jase didn’t work between three and six so he could give Kayley all his attention. Danny went to meetings every day, and Jase was supportive of it because he wanted the man to have a decent shot at battling his demons.

Dan was trying his damnedest to be the best dad he could and balance the other things in his life—his job and his sobriety—and Jase applauded his efforts and accepted his place at the bottom of the list. Oh, he wanted whatever he could have of Danny because he’d been without him once and that hadn’t gone well at all, but he wouldn’t make demands that Danny wasn’t prepared to meet.

They had dinner together on Saturday nights, and they alternated between Danny’s place and Jase’s. Kayley seemed to be doing well with the sharing arrangement, and that was all they wanted. Her well-being was of the utmost importance to them both.

A knock on the door surprised him. He walked down the hallway to find Ethan Sachs on his porch. They’d worked together, briefly, at the Circle C and the Katydid. The last he’d heard about the guy, he was going to UT-Austin, which was a school Jase had declined.

“Oh, hey! How are you doing, Ethan? Come on in.” Jase wasn’t quite sure what the guy was doing at his door. It was the weekend before Halloween, and Jase thought he’d heard from Katie that the kid was a senior in college. He should be partying his ass off, just as Jase had done when he was in school in Georgia.

The two of them went into the house and ended up in the kitchen. Jase felt it was safer because the light was brighter, and Ethan was damn good looking. Jase couldn’t remember the last time he’d had any physical contact with anyone, but the good-looking guy in front of him was making him do the math in his head.

“How’s Texas? I hated living down there,” Jase said as they sat down at the table.

“I like it well enough. How the hell did you lap me in college and get out before me?” Ethan asked as he pulled out a round container of Copenhagen smokeless tobacco, holding it up to Jase.

Jase knew the look on his face far too well. “Look, I get grossed out by guys who do that so if you need to, this will be a short visit, okay? I’m still in love with Danny, and we’re taking things slow. If you’re looking to get fucked or to fuck? I’m not your guy, Ethan. I can be your friend, but that’s it.” Jase made quick work of the rejection. Nobody liked it, and he didn’t like doing it.

He watched as Ethan picked up one of the napkins in the holder and cleaned out the chew in his jaw. Jase was grateful because it made him sick to his stomach to see anyone use it.

Jase rose from the chair to offer Ethan a bottle of water and pointed to the sink for him to rinse his mouth. After the handsome young man sat down at the table, Ethan seemed to settle into something he needed to get off his chest.

“How’d so many of us queers end up at that ranch?” Ethan pulled a ring off his finger and spun it around, not looking at Jase.

“Well, I was only there for about an hour, total, but if you’re asking about how we all ended up in the family, I’d say it’s by God’s grace. Many people believe we’re Satan’s spawn, and I can’t say there weren’t times when I wondered about it myself, but nobody likes a self-hating queer. However, I’ve been going to church at Good Shepherd and the pastor is great and not a homophobe.

“The way he explains things is kind of beautiful. The Old Testament of the Bible has verses in Leviticus many people interpret to mean all of us homos are on the bullet train to hell, but that’s only one, very misguided interpretation of the verses.”

Jase studied Ethan to see if anything he’d said gave the guy any reassurance. Ethan was definitely thinking about something.

“You busy on Sunday morning? I can pick you up for church, and we can go to the diner for breakfast after?” Jase added, “This isn’t a date. We’re just becoming friends, okay? I mean, if your boyfriend would be okay with it.”

He saw Ethan’s face flush and a slow smile finally appear. “God, I wish he’d come home with me for the weekend. He’s gorgeous, and he hates that I dip, so I’ve been tryin’ to quit, but I was nervous about comin’ here because I needed someone to talk to about some shit.

“My guy’s name is Troy, and his birthday is this weekend. I invited him to come home with me to meet my parents, and I told him we’d celebrate his birthday here with friends, but he said no. He doesn’t want to meet my parents because he’s decided we’re in a relationship right now because it’s convenient for me. He believes when I graduate, I’ll leave him behind without lookin’ back.”

Ah, insecurity. Jase knew that feeling. “What’s he doing since he turned you down?”

“He stayed in Austin to party with his friends, and I’m havin’ a hard time not bein’ pissed he wouldn’t have rather spent his birthday with me. He’s acting like a spoiled brat, even though he’s turnin’ twenty. I don’t know what the fuck to do. Pretty stupid of me to come here, I guess.” Ethan slid the ring back on his finger.

Jase chuckled. “Now, stop it. Tell me why you were attracted to him in the first place.”

Ethan Sachs ended up being a pretty deep guy, much to Jase’s surprise. He was taking philosophy classes as well as business classes, and the two men sat together in the living room of Jase’s house until three o’clock in the morning, discussing their college experiences.

Jase learned Ethan had enjoyed a bit of the herb over his time, but he was finished with it, as well, because he was ready to grow up and take his future seriously. Jase had been up front with Ethan regarding how much he loved Danny and how hard it was for the two of them to try to figure things out because Danny had struggles Jase had never experienced.

Jase glanced at his phone and saw it was late. “You might as well stay. I’ve got a spare room if you don’t mind sleeping on Kayley’s pink and green bedding.”

Ethan laughed. “I don’t mind at all, Jase. I’d like to give that church a chance on Sunday if you don’t mind. I’d like to hear this preacher. Mom and Dad were Baptists till they found out they had a queer son, so they switched to the Lutheran church, but it’s not exactly gay-friendly, if ya know what I mean.”

“Sure. Ready to go to bed? I’m exhausted.” Jase suddenly felt dead on his feet.

Ethan nodded and they went down the hallway of the ranch-style house toward the bedrooms. Jase directed Ethan into Kayley’s room, smiling as he looked around. They were her favorite colors, and Jase was a sucker for anything Kayley wanted.

He told Ethan where he could find towels and a toothbrush in the bathroom before he went to his room and collapsed in bed. He’d pulled the covers back, but he fell asleep in his cargo shorts and T-shirt. It had been a long day.

The doorbell was ringing incessantly Friday morning as Jase was finishing another fix for the same client from the previous day. He hurried down the hallway to open the door to see Danny seething as he stood at the door, his hands balled into tight fists. Something was wrong, for sure.

“Come in, babe. What’s up? It’s great to see you.” Jase tried to calm the man, leaning forward to kiss him. When Danny pushed him away, he swallowed. It was ups and downs, as Pastor Stu had told him, and he was trying to be patient. Of course, sometimes, it was hard.

“So, you and Ethan? You can’t wait until we try to… I mean, I shouldn’t even ask because I have no right.” Danny was shaking. Jase took his hand and led him to the kitchen, pushing him to sit at the table. Jase poured the man a cup of coffee and took a seat at the table across from him.

“Who do you have spying on me, Dan? You know I love you, and Ethan came here because he’s having some adjustment issues with a boyfriend, but it’s not me.

“I’m waiting, patiently, for you to decide if we’re going to be best friends or if we’re going to move this into something more serious. I mean, hell, my balls ache at night after I spend time with you. The only person I’ve been having sex with is him.” Jase held up his right hand.

He continued. “I know, trust me, you need time to work through your shit and—Hell, Danny, I’ve never had intercourse with anybody because you’re the only guy I’d ever consider having it with. I love you, Danny. I have since we met years ago, and I haven’t stopped.”

Jase saw the expression on Dan’s face, and there was an unexpected tear. It was damn sure time to move forward to something more. He didn’t know how Danny found out about Ethan spending the night, but it wasn’t important. Danny, however, was.

He took Dan’s hand to lead him down the hallway into his bedroom where he closed the door and turned to the man he loved. “See that bed? See these clothes? I fell asleep by myself, fully dressed, Daniel. The first things I ever did with a man was with you, and while I did a few things in college with other guys, it was never serious. I’ve only ever seen myself making love with you, okay? I love you too much to be with anyone else, do you understand?”

When Danny pulled Jase closer and wrapped his arms around Jase’s neck, the whole world changed in a flash. Jase kissed him and stripped him, taking his time because it had been far too long since they were naked together. He kissed and touched every inch of Danny’s body, relishing in the memories of their first time naked together.

After Danny returned the favor and they were both undressed, Jase stopped the man before he could venture too much further down his body. “For clarities sake, are you a top or bottom?”

Danny’s amber eyes met Jase’s blue ones, and he gave the taller man a sheepish smile. “You first?”

Jase chuckled. “No idea. I wouldn’t mind trying both.”

“I, uh, I’m a bottom, Jase. I can try to top if you want, but I enjoy bein’ on the bottom,” Dan explained quietly, his gorgeous face turning strawberry red.

Jase smiled and kissed the man gently. “I think this could be a beautiful relationship.” Jase went down on Danny, taking him into his mouth as he’d done before. Starting at a familiar place seemed like the best idea.

While Jase had never had intercourse, he’d made it a research project in college, watching all the porn he could get his hands on. He knew how to ready his partner, and he knew he wasn’t exactly slim when it came to girth in the junk area. He was about seven inches when erect, but the circumference had been a problem with blow jobs in the past.

After using all the tricks he’d learned regarding the preparation of one’s partner with some pretty fantastic results from Dan regarding how much he seemed to enjoy the loosening process, Jase checked that the condom was firmly in place before he slowly entered Danny, staring into those beautiful, golden-amber eyes.

“I love you, Daniel. Never again will you send me away, you hear?” Jase stilled himself before he shot off like a rocket. It was his first time in the position, and he didn’t want to make a poor showing, so looking into Danny’s beautiful eyes seemed to be a good way to steady himself.

“I’m sorry I did it in the first place. We’re in a better place now. Jason ! Move!”

Jase leaned forward to kiss his lover, feeling the softness of his lips before the two of them did the dance lovers the world over did when they reached the point where they couldn’t stay away from each other. As Danny and Jase enjoyed their connection with thrusting, kissing, and a little biting, they looked into each other’s eyes and grinned. Gratification delayed didn’t have to be gratification denied.

“How about I pick up chicken tonight and you come over for dinner? Kayley has somethin’ she wants to talk to you about. It’s a Girl Scout thing, and she thinks I’m too dumb to get it.” Danny laughed as he got dressed. It was Friday afternoon, and the morning and early afternoon had been amazing.

Jase hopped up from bed in all his naked glory. They’d had intercourse several times, and it had been the most incredible experience of Jason’s life. His first time out of the chute was more remarkable than he could have dreamed.

Love had been made and returned. It was too unbelievable for him to give voice, but Jase knew for sure he loved the man who had been the object of too many lust-filled fantasies during his college years.

He pulled Danny into his arms, sorry for the clothes his cowhand had put on. Feeling Dan’s skin against his had been so fucking amazing, it was hard not to crave it, but they both had other obligations, and they had Kayley. Besides, Danny also had a meeting to attend.

“Sure, I’ll come over. You want me to pick up Kayley? I can bring her to your house after her soccer practice. Are you going to a meeting?”

“Yeah. Um, do you mind if Javie and Phil come over too? I’ve been wanting all of us to get together, and I wanna make sure there are no hard feelin’s between you and them. They were friends of mine after we… after I broke up with ya, and they kept me goin’.

“I want you to get to know ‘em, okay?” Danny asked as Jase finished putting on clothes. They wandered down the hallway, seeing it was just after two. Thankfully, Ethan was long gone before Danny had showed up that morning.

“I’ve kind of started getting to know them, but that sounds great. I need to get online and do a little work, but I’ll pick up Kayley. How’re things at the ranch?” Jase made the two of them coffee.

After they’d made love the first time that morning, they’d slept a little before they made love again. Danny was limping a bit, but Jase was loath to point it out. Jase hoped their activities hadn’t added to Dan’s discomfort. It had been rainy lately, so he wrote it off as maybe just an ache associated with an old injury.

Dan laughed. “Things at the ranch will be goin’ a little slow because of that can between your legs I had shoved up my ass a few times, but I’ll get by. I’ll call Javie and Phil about tonight. They’ll be happy to spend time with us, I swear.” Dan leaned forward and kissed Jase on the lips, pulling away with a “hmmm.”

He gave Jase the up and down before he walked… slowly… out of the house to his truck. Jase watched him leave and smiled. Things were getting better between them. Life was set to be good once they smoothed out the rough patches.

Jase needed to speak with Ethan so the guy never showed up at his place unannounced again. If that was the worst thing that happened, Jase’s life was going to be pretty damn sweet.