Forbidden Obsessions (Deviant Desires of Bennington University #2)

Chapter Five

Tomas

I ’ve been pacing the length of this porch so much that it’s going to wear out the wood. What is taking them so fucking long? I check the grill for the hundredth time, lifting the lid to test the temperature. Fucking hell. The steaks are going to burn soon.

Is one night too much to ask for? Just one single night to go perfectly for her. Her world is about to be uprooted tomorrow. The least I can do is make tonight unforgettable.

I pivot at the sound of the French door. My breath catches in my throat. Olivia’s mouth falls agape, her eyes sweeping across the hanging twinkle lights, the candles flickering on the table draped in white linens, then finally coming to rest on me.

“Hi,” she says softly, dragging her gaze over me. I feel myself flushing underneath her piercing eyes. My breath catches in my throat. I’ve never seen anyone or anything as beautiful in my life.

Mia happily took the reins when I asked for her help. She chose a stunning floor-length pale pink dress, accentuating Olivia’s rosy hue and curves, that looks like it was made for her. Loose curls frame her heart-shaped face.

“Tomas, this is stunning.” The dress swooshes at her legs as she twirls like a poised ballerina.

“Not as stunning as you. God, Olivia,” I say, giving her my arm to escort her to the table.

The wraparound porch sits off of the living room with French doors leading to the hot tub and a dining room. Between the scenery, the dozens of candles, Olivia’s best friends, and some elbow grease, this place looks like a five-star resort. The air still smells earthy, like the rain that has pattered on the windows most of the day. A soft breeze filters in from the mountains. The fireplace burns steadily in the corner. I couldn’t ask for anything cozier.

“Cold?” Her lips chatter as she nods. Without hesitation, I wrap my suit jacket over her shoulders. Two sizes too big for her, she pulls it closer, studying me lazily.

“What are you doing?” I connect my phone to the Bluetooth speaker.

“My grandmother’s favorite,” I croak through an unexpected swell of emotion as Etta James serenades us. Her mother’s mortality has me thinking about my own.

“What are we celebrating?” she asks.

“Us,” I say, taking my seat across from her.

“Us,” she repeats with a scowl, filling her plate with the garden salad.

“You could use some celebration and relaxation in your life, Olivia.”

She looks around. Twilight hour here is something incredible.

“This certainly helps. Thank you for getting my friends here and for all the work you’ve done for this dinner. I needed this. I love this place, Tomas. The city has its perks, but this cabin is magical.”

I squeeze her hand. “While I agree with you, Olivia, this place is only magical because you’re here. I don’t think you realize how much happiness and comfort you bring to the people in your life.”

Olivia shakes her head. “No, Tomas, you do. You do so much for me, for everybody, and you don’t even realize. I don’t do enough for you.”

“That is the furthest thing from the truth. Can you pass the dressing, please?” Olivia hands it over, glancing quickly at my phone, then away. And just like that, she’s pissed, even if she’s pretending she’s not.

“Please tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, Olivia.” My palms dig into the table, bracing myself for the showdown we’ve been curtailing.

“You and Dad are keeping something from me.”

I blink, momentarily off-kilter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, reaching for my glass of wine. James swore up and down he would tell Olivia sooner rather than later. Lying to her doesn’t make me feel good.

“You know, Julian lied to me throughout that terrible excuse of a relationship, Tomas. That was only the tip of the iceberg of the horrid shit he did to me. You know I don’t trust easily, and if there’s something I should know that the two of you are keeping from me, it’s going to be a hell of a lot more painful coming from you.”

I should say something. There’s no way I can deny it, though. If I deny it now, she’ll know I lied. She can see it on my face now.

Olivia flinches as I abruptly push my chair back. “Dance with me,” I say, extending my arm to her. Several beats of silence pass as she alternates between looking at my face and my hand, still outstretched.

“You’re deflecting,” she says through pursed lips, pointing her index finger in clear accusation.

My jaw ticks. “Maybe so. Dance with me, anyway.” After an intense stare down, she sighs, reluctantly stands, and takes my hand.

“I don’t really dance,” she says with a scowl.

“I don’t care. You do now.”

I won’t be the one to tell her about Maura. It’s not my news to tell. She settles her head against my chest. “So, are you going to tell me what you two are hiding or not?” I don’t know how or why she’s so perceptive and hell bent on this right now.

“Six months isn’t a long time, but I feel like I’ve known you for a lifetime, Olivia.” She looks up at me, blinking.

“What does that have to do with you and my dad?” she asks, clearly trying to call out my deflection.

“You’ll understand on Sunday,” I tell her with finality.

“Very helpful,” she murmurs.

“In the interim, I have a question for you,” I say as I kneel, trying to pretend panic isn’t etched all over her beautiful face.“I know it seems sudden, Olivia, but I’ve loved you for six months, and I’ll love you for six thousand more. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?” The ring and the box I’ve had in my pocket all day tremble in my grip.

Earth itself stops. The crickets stop chirping. The trees and leaves stop blowing in the wind. Everything hangs in the balance, waiting on her response.

“Tomas, what the fuck?” She shoves me. I’m frozen, unable to move. Unable to breathe. Unable to think. She has every right to say no, and really, she should.

She’s young. I’m not. There’s an entire world out there to see. She’s not obligated to see it with me, even though I want to be the one to experience it all with her. Dreams of cliff diving on the Amalfi coast. Skinny dipping in Greece. Soccer games on Saturdays. Dance recitals in June. Everything with her by my side.

“How?” Olivia doesn’t elaborate.

“How, what?” I swallow. My life feels like it’s crumbling, yet this was supposed to be mostly for her. I’ve known I was going to do it since my drive home the afternoon James told me the news.

“How do you know I can make you happy forever? How do you know I’ll always be enough?” she asks, her voice wavering. A wave of careful optimism washes over me.

“There’s never been a question of if you can. You will, and I’m sorry Julian led you to believe you couldn’t be another person’s entire world, Olivia. You’ve been my sunrise and my sunset since I’ve met you. There hasn’t been a single moment where you haven’t owned every inch of me. From the first time you opened your sarcastic mouth to flirt with me in French to the time you went skinny dipping in Cape Cod, I have been obsessed with the taste of you. I imagined what you felt like tangled in my bed sheets on a rainy day. The scent of vanilla in your hair. You thought you were playing the offensive, and in a way, you were, but fuck. I couldn’t stay away, let alone look away. I was prepared to just let you be. Let you be some forbidden obsession that I could harbor in secret and watch you live your life from afar.”

“And how do you feel now?” I need to be close to her, need to feel her in my hands, in case this is it. She’s rightfully spooked. She might run. The deer-in-headlights look on her face isn’t exactly comforting.

I crawl to her feet. “And instead, you let me in, Olivia. You let me in, despite your hurt and fear and broken trust. I made a promise to both of us that, once you did, I would show you what it means to be loved, to have someone love you unconditionally. I’ve been doing a damn good job at it, Olivia. Now please, please let me have forever,” I plead.

She chews on her lip in stunned silence, looking at me sheepishly. “I don’t know what to say,” she squeaks, averting her eyes to the floor.

“I hope you say yes, but this is a decision you make for yourself,” I tell her gently.

“I’m sorry, Tomas,” she says, squeezing my hands before turning on her heel. She shuts the door softly, leaving me alone on the floor with my erratic thoughts.

Yes, I’m disappointed, but I can’t say I didn’t expect this. It was foolish of me to even think that this was a rational question to ask. I should have waited for James to tell her about Maura. With no chance of salvaging the night, I clean up.

What if she leaves me over this? How could I be so fucking stupid? I considered her saying no, but I never stopped and wondered how we could continue as a couple if she did. Do I go after her? Do I give her space?

As I’m about to bring the remaining items in from the failed dinner, my phone vibrates. After a glance at the screen, I huff a breath and answer.

“Hey, James.” I keep my voice soft, unsure of where Olivia is. I don’t think she’s nearby. As suspicious as she is, I don’t want to take any chances, though.

“Sorry, Tomas. I know it’s late and a weekend,” James says hesitantly.

“No worries. What’s up?” I walk to the edge of the patio, appreciating what little is left of the view.

“I was wondering if you could swing by. Maura had her port placed a couple days ago. We think it may be infected.”

They’re practically family, I remind myself.

“Did you call her oncologist?”

James sighs. “No, and the ER has a three-hour wait. We were hoping you could come look.”

It looks like Olivia may get some space, after all.

“I’ll be there in an hour and a half,” I confirm. James hangs on the line.

“Is Olivia with you? We want to tell her in person.”

“Yes, but Mia and Alexandria are with her, so she’s occupied. I’ll see you soon.” I loathe being an accomplice in this.

“Okay, see you soon.” The line goes silent.