Forbidden Obsessions (Deviant Desires of Bennington University #2)

Chapter Six

Olivia

T he sound of faint moans stops me dead in my tracks. I tiptoe into the living room. My hand flies to my mouth to stifle a gasp at the sight of Mia on all fours, with Lex so tongue deep in her that I can’t tell which hole.

That poor pool table needs the name and number of a good therapist. I could and should make a run for the bedroom before they realize I’m standing here watching them like a fucking creep.

Despite what’s transpired tonight, I need to tell Tomas. Tiptoeing back to the porch, I stop at the ajar door, the sound of Tomas’ quiet tone giving me pause.

“She’s occupied. I’ll see you soon,” he says.

Occupied? Who the fuck is he going to see? Logically, there has to be an explanation. Tomas wouldn’t randomly ask me to marry him, then have some illicit affair after I told him no ten minutes ago. There’s no way. You likely just shattered his heart into a million shards, Olivia. Of course he would.

Luckily, as I sneak back in, Mia and Lex are exactly as I left them. I sprint to the bedroom like my life depends on it, shutting the door softly, when all I want to do is slam it and rip it from its hinges.

The audacity that motherfucker has. The rational part of my mind pleads with me. Be an adult. Confront him. It’s a misunderstanding, it says over and over again. My anxiety? Oh, that bitch is having a field day with this. What if he’s changed his mind about me and he’s going to Vanessa’s? What if he’s been with her the whole time and asked me to marry him out of guilt?

They say if a woman wants someone as mature as her, she needs to date a man seven years older. Tomas has always been the calm, steady anchor compared to me and my tornado of moods. I thought I had finally gotten it right with this one. Evidently not.

His footsteps descend the hall, followed by two surprised squeals and laughter. I dive under the covers in a frenzy, pulling the blankets up and hoping he doesn’t come in here, questioning the fact that I’m sleeping in a goddamn gown.

Soft light filters in from the hallway. I want to open my eyes, yell, and lose my shit. Instead, I try to slow my breathing and give the illusion of sleep. Tomas pads through the room. I feel his piercing eyes burning a hole in my face.

“I know you aren’t asleep, Olivia, so stop pretending.” Show time, I guess.

Begrudgingly, I give in, and meet his dark brown eyes, assessing me.“Fine. I’m not asleep,” I admit, bitterly.

He gives a small chuckle. “Yes, the gown gave it away, Cinderella. Anyway, guess what I walked into your friends doing?” He smirks, his brow raised. Does he even give a fuck that I said no to marrying him?

“Old news, Professor,” I say, yawning before flipping to my other side.

“Do you want to talk about it yet?” The mattress dips under his weight as he sits beside me. His hand subtly brushes my leg before he pulls it away.

“No. Just leave,” I challenge. He’s so still for a moment I think he’s changed his mind and is going to lie beside me. He gets up, plants a kiss on my temple, and walks out. The saying all dressed up and nowhere to go runs through my mind.

I could go out to cry and scream to Mia and Lex. That’s what they’re here for, right? I don’t want to dampen the high the two of them are seemingly riding on, so I do what I know and retreat within myself.

Fuck this dress , I seethe. Before I can think twice, I stomp to the porch and throw the dress into the fire. The flames engulf it as I stand and watch, not feeling any better than I did.

The one thing this place doesn’t have is a gym, and that’s what I need at the moment. I need to punch and kick. I’ve never claimed to be emotionally regulated. I’ve always been a slave to what other people want from me until it’s too late and I’ve reached my breaking point.

It’s so secluded up here I don’t bother to get dressed, nor do I give a fuck about shoes, before I take advantage of the waning light. Fuck you for making me doubt everybody’s intentions, Julian . I heave a rock off the edge of the mountain. Fuck you for making me doubt what we have, Tomas. Another stone plunges into the darkness below. And fuck you for making me doubt Tomas, Vanessa. A guttural scream tears from my throat as I launch another from my hand.

Soft footsteps patter behind me. I turn to find Mia and Lex standing next to one another, assessing me with careful neutrality. “Sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the night,” I stammer quietly. My anger quickly gives way to sorrow, the gravity of my response to Tomas and the question he asked barreling into me like a freight train.

Dammit, I hate crying in front of others. Lex envelops me in a hug, shaking right along with me. Mia follows suit, wrapping her arms around Lex and me both. There’s no awkwardness, no lingering questions about the line the two of them crossed earlier, just concern for me. Without doubt, these two are girl’s girls, and I’d do anything for them.

They quickly guide me back into the cabin. Lex finds clothes and dresses me for the second time today, albeit in a much more somber mood. “You wanna talk about it, babe?” Mia asks, letting me rest my head on her shoulder.

“Tomas proposed.” Both become slack-jawed at the admission.

“What?” they ask in unison. I nod, taking a deep breath to compose myself.

“I said no, obviously. He left, if you didn’t know. Before that, I overheard him on the phone. I think he’s hiding something from me,” I continue.

Mia and Lex look at each other, then back at me. “You think he’s cheating on you? Because I’ll drive back to Cambridge and break both of his fucking kneecaps tonight. Say the word, girlie,” Mia says nonchalantly, with a shrug.

“I don’t know. It’s a possibility. He’s been talking to my dad a lot. He won’t tell me why, though. Just says it’s work stuff. I’m guessing it was about proposing, but I don’t know what to think. The proposal was just so… sudden. Did he propose out of guilt?” I ask, trying to make heads or tails of his erratic behavior.

“I can’t see Tomas doing any of that to you. Every time I’m around you two, you light up the whole goddamn city,” Lex sighs.

“Did I make a mistake?” I can’t help but feel guilt for hurting him. Even despite my second guesses about his character and whether he would cheat, the thought of hurting him, even knowing I’ve disappointed him, makes my palms sweat.

“No,” Mia says so harshly that I startle. “If your gut initially said no, it’s for a reason. You two haven’t been together that long, and I know I gave you shit, but he’s almost an actual geriatric, Liv. Maybe you and Tomas have the same overarching goal of marriage, but it doesn’t mean you need to prescribe to it right now and so abruptly. Your relationship has deepened and materialized more than either of you could guess over the past six months. Maybe he’s just caught up in that rush. I agree with Lex. I don’t believe Tomas would cheat, especially when he’s been so vehemently against Vanessa’s existence, and especially if you know he’s been talking to your dad,” Mia says. Where the fuck does she get this wisdom from, when she and Matt are such messes?

“Are you always right about everything?” I marvel.

“I just call it like I see it, babe. Take tonight and think about how you feel. Now that this is on the table, if you stay with Tomas, you have to consider whether you eventually want to marry him.”

A week ago, I was ready to rent a truck and move all of my stuff in. Today, I’m not sure about that. One foot in front of the other, I remind myself. If Tomas wants to rush, I need to be the one to stay levelheaded.

“I know,” I grumble to Mia. I don’t want to think about this any more tonight. I need to sleep this off and hopefully wake up with a clear path ahead. I’m not even sure Tomas wants to continue dating. So many things hang in the balance, and I hate it.

“Goodnight,” I yawn as I head to bed, certain that I’m in for a long night of staring at the ceiling.